Moments In Time - Part 4, Season 7
by AliyahNCIS
Summary: An AU version of the series, following canon until the S9 finale after which we'll branch off into my own story. Tony and Ziva got married the summer before S4 and manage to keep it a secret through the years. This is what their life could have looked like. If you're starting here you've missed a lot, please check out the other parts of the story first.
1. 7x2 Reunion Part 1

_A/N: Hello all you wonderful people! Welcome to Ch 1 of __**Moments In Time - Part 4, Season 7.**__ This one promises to be a bit of a crazy ride, as Z's healing will stretch through most of the season and we slowly see her return to herself. Also, because I'm working in more characters and details than in the other parts, the chapters are likely to be fairly long and taking place over several days instead of just one or two moments here and there. So settle back and get ready, because here we go! ~Aliyah_

**Monday, October 12 - Ziva home 3 weeks**

Tony sat down on the edge of the bed and brushed his knuckles over his wife's cheek. "I'm sorry to wake you babe, but we've got a few things to talk about before I leave."

Ziva's eyelids fluttered and she slowly pushed herself up. "I did not sleep very well."

"I know." He handed her the hot mug of tea in his hand and she smiled, taking a cautious sip.

"Thank you."

Tony drew the letters 'ILY' on the back of her hand. "You were pretty restless. Any particular reason why?" She'd tossed and turned for half the night and only dozed the rest of the time.

Ziva shook her head. "No nightmares, if that is what you mean. But I am dreading today, so I'm sure that did not help."

Leaning forward, he shot her a quick grin. "Can I get my good morning now?"

Smiling, she set the mug aside and lay her palms on his cheeks. Ziva's lips touched his and Tony immediately deepened the kiss, taking as much of her as she allowed. His thumb caressed her bottom lip and the look in his eyes could only be described as tender. "Thanks. That helps start my day off right."

Ziva was beginning to wish another way of starting their day off right was an option, because so much of what she was dealing with having sex would help ease, and yet she was nowhere near physically or emotionally ready to explore that area of her marriage. For the time being she hid her thoughts from him and settled back with her tea. "What do we need to talk about?"

Tony took her hand. "Well, to start with, I'm not thrilled about leaving without you."

She squeezed his fingers. "We went over this last night Tony. I need to speak with Gibbs first."

He made a face. "I haven't really been...without you in two weeks. And now there's no Aunt Nettie to leave you with."

Ziva sighed. "I have to learn how to be alone sometime. I need to be okay with myself. Today will be a trial run."

"And what about work?" Tony continued. "Are we back to the pretending game? Because I just...don't want to leave you facing it all alone."

She tilted her head. "For now it is necessary to pretend, I hope that is not always the case. It would be good to have my position at NCIS and my citizenship taken care of before we think about sharing our secret with the others." Ziva put her hand on his chest. "You will be by my side ahava, and I will know what they do not."

Tony's shoulders sagged. "That's just not enough."

Unable to think of words that would bring him peace, she scooted closer and kissed him again, just long enough to get his attention. "I'm going to take a shower."

He blinked, her words taking a little bit longer to sink in. Tony cleared his throat. "Uh, right. I'll have breakfast waiting."

Ziva was out of the shower and covered in a green silk dressing gown before she thought of what she should have told him. Opening the bathroom door, she stuck her head out. "Thank you for the offer Tony, but I think I am too nervous for breakfast." Her stomach was all twisted in knots and food held no appeal.

Tony smiled from his place at the counter and turned around. "I figured you might be." He held up a tall glass. "How's a smoothie sound?"

Her eyes lit up. "Perfect." She decided to finish getting ready later and came out to sample the drink. It was just the right thickness and Ziva sucked on the straw eagerly. She saw Tony watching her and lifted an eyebrow. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. I just like that look on you."

Ziva glanced down at herself. "I am hardly wearing anything."

Tony's lips quirked up. "Yeah, I know." Catching his meaning, she blushed and went back to the smoothie, but he considered it progress that she didn't leave the room or ask him not to make comments like that.

Checking his watch, Tony sighed. "I better not be late. Even if Gibbs isn't there, he'll still have my head."

Her eyes ran over him as he reached for his backpack and Ziva saw the glint on his left hand. "Tony, your ring."

He stopped short, turning it around. "Yeah." Sliding it off, he looked at the gold circle and put it back on. "Just when I was getting used to wearing it."

Ziva stood and walked over, using one finger to trace the thin chain under his collar. "At least you are not without a reminder."

Tony pressed her hand flat over his heart. "It's not like I'm going to forget. I just really liked not having to hide the fact I'm married to you."

She took his hand gently in hers, working the ring over his knuckle. "You can put it back on tonight." He rubbed the empty spot on his finger, already feeling the loss. That was the longest he'd worn his wedding band in three years, not counting when he thought she was dead. Ziva took her own rings off and frowned at the lack of weight. Then something occurred to her. "Tony, where is my anniversary ring? I would like to wear it to work."

His expression dropped and he looked away. "Oh, uh, I had to put it away."

He was withdrawing from her hard and she had no idea why. "Tony? What did I say?"

Tony backed up and sat on the arm of the chair, swallowing painfully. "When I got back from Israel after we left you there, I went into the bathroom and saw your ring lying on the counter. You'd tossed it there like it didn't mean anything. And I knew that was my proof that you wanted out, and maybe you'd never come back." He rubbed his face. "The only other time I cried like that was when Gibbs told me you were dead."

His confession ripped a hole in her heart. "Tony..." She closed her eyes. "I am sorry that is what you thought. That is not how it happened." The defeat was back in his posture and he raised tired eyes to hers. Ziva moved closer. "When I was in the bathroom that morning I packed nothing, believing I was coming back no matter how far away from you I felt. I almost forgot about my ring and I stood there for a long time trying to decide if I could wear it and not get caught. But I concluded that it was not wise, so it was left behind. I never-" she choked on the emotion. "I did not mean to hurt you with that decision."

He seemed afraid to hope that he'd read things wrong. "Promise?"

She nodded. "I promise. I never stopped loving you Tony, even when I was angry and hurt and feeling betrayed. Somehow...somehow my heart always knew the truth, but I was afraid to trust it until it was too late."

Tony stood and engulfed his wife in his arms. "I love you Ziva. I love you more than anything else in the world. Please-please help me hold on."

Ziva gave herself completely to comforting her husband and hugged him as tightly as she could without hurting herself. "I love you too Tony. I will not let you forget."

He blew out a breath, burying his face in her hair. "I might be clingy for awhile."

She played her finger over the short hairs on his neck. "I think I can handle that." She pulled away. "May I have my ring back?"

Tony let go reluctantly and went to the office, opening a drawer in his desk and taking out a small music box that had been his mother's, where he kept very important things. He fished through it for the rose gold emerald ring that had been Ziva's second anniversary present. After looking at it for a long time, he returned to the livingroom where she stood and held out his hand for hers. Ziva willingly gave her right hand and Tony pushed it carefully over her knuckle, trying not to react to the now-poor fit, her weight gain not yet what he hoped - less than ten pounds since she came back. He pressed a kiss to her finger and worked hard to smile.

"There. Back where it belongs."

She twisted it around. "Yes." Her eyes fell on the clock. "You should go. You wanted to be early, remember?"

He did, but was still loathe to be away from her. "Okay. Will you be in today?"

Ziva shrugged. "It depends on what Gibbs says. I will...text you..." She trailed off and looked around with a frown. "What happened to my phone?"

Tony opened the drawer where their phone books were kept and got it out. "It should be fully charged. I plugged it in the other day when you and Nettie were outside and forgot about it until last night."

She accepted the palm sized device. "Thank you."

He shuffled his feet, stealing a kiss on her cheek and grabbing his bag. "I'll try to be home early. Be safe. I love you." Then Tony left before he could give himself another reason to stay.

Ziva watched him go and touched her cheek, smiling slightly. She finished her smoothie then turned towards their bedroom. It was time to bring back Mossad Ziva, or at least the part of her that would get Tony's Ziva through what promised to be a very difficult day. If only for a few hours, she had to believe she could do this.

**NCIS**

Tony met McGee in the parking lot and jogged to catch up to him. "Tim, hey."

McGee stopped and looked at his co-worker. "Tony. I'm surprised to see you all in one piece. I heard Ziva was staying with you. You two weren't exactly on speaking terms before...y'know."

Tony sighed. "No, we weren't. It's slow but, uh, we're working things out."

Tim smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. How's she doing?'

He stopped walking. "Really hurt. For someone who's never been broken to finally break..." Tony shook his head. "It's hard. And Ziva's lost, and sometimes...I just can't help."

McGee's brow furrowed. "I've never seen Ziva broken."

"It sucks," Tony muttered, then changed the subject. "Look, I should've said it sooner, but thank you for coming. For having my back. For helping me get her out of there. Just...thanks."

McGee held out his hand. "Someone had to make sure you didn't do anything stupid. I did that for Ziva, but I'm glad you've got your partner back Tony."

"I sure hope so," the other man agreed. "Now come on. Don't want to be late on the first day back."

McGee snorted. "Speak for yourself DiNozzo. I've been up to my elbows in paperwork these last two weeks while we've been off active duty and two men down. Now it's your turn."

Tony winced and followed his friend inside. "Oh joy."

They got upstairs in time for the director assigned temporary replacement to shove an eight page resignation letter at them and storm out in a huff. Tony tossed it on Gibbs' desk without a second look and McGee glanced at the now empty desk. "Ziva's coming back, right?"

Tony stared extra hard at the desk across from his and made a mental note to grab the box of Ziva's stuff from the evidence locker where he'd stashed it behind a decade's old case after she chose to stay in Israel. It wouldn't be found easily and he'd hoped it would be needed again. Now it finally was. "I think that's what she's about to find out."

**NCIS**

Ziva took a deep breath and slowly walked down the stairs to her former boss's basement, offering in hand. It had taken a long time to sort through the mementos she had from Mossad missions and find the gift she now held. Gibbs stood in the basement with a measuring tape and Ziva gathered her courage to speak. "Hello Gibbs."

He looked up and studied her carefully. "Ziver. How are you?"

She closed her eyes briefly, hating the oft-heard question. "I am fine."

Gibbs grunted. "Rule seven."

A smile touched her lips. "It was not convincing?"

His head shake was brief. "Not even close."

"Oh." Ziva took a moment to think about how she was feeling. "I suppose I should say that I am...coping." She frowned at the word but could come up with nothing better.

"DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked.

Ziva swallowed. "We are working through things. I think I will...stay for awhile. He is not a bad host and I do not...want to be alone yet." The misdirection came easily after three years of practice. She shrugged. "And it will be helpful for carpooling until Ducky says I can drive again." She glanced up at him. "That is, if I am still wanted."

He set the tape measure aside. "Need to hear you say it."

She sighed and pushed the gift into his hand. "I should have said this when you brought me home but...thank you." Ziva rubbed her arm, the one that still ached at times while the bones slowly mended together. "Which hardly seems sufficient, considering." Gibbs pulled the string and unwrapped it. "It is called, um..."

Gibbs gave his impression of a smile. "It's an old Buck Mortise chisel. This is a nice tool Ziva."

Ziva shrugged. "I got it from an old...friend. Of all people, I knew you would appreciate it." She looked away, then made herself meet his eyes. "When you left me in Israel I...I felt betrayed. But I..." she turned and paced towards the wall. "I had a long time to think about things." Ziva paused, remembering hours and days alone in the dark, suffocating cell before she shook it away. "A very, very, very long time. And I...understand why you did it. I had forgotten who I was, who I could trust. For that I am sorry." She swallowed hard, getting to the most important part. "We were a team Gibbs, and I would like that again."

Gibbs nodded. "You need to talk to the director."

Her eyes grew shiny when he tried to put her off. "It is your blessing I came for."

His phone rang at that moment and Gibbs grabbed it off his belt. "Go talk to Leon Vance Ziver, I already told him to expect you."

Gibbs answered the call on his way upstairs and Ziva let out a breath. That was not when she expected or hoped for, but at least it was a start.

**NCIS**

As per usual, Tony and Tim were arguing when the elevator doors opened, but stopped mid-sentence when she appeared. "Hi," Tony managed, taken aback. He hadn't expected to see her like that - in black, hair straight and pulled up, wearing dark make up. She was so different than the soft version he left at home that morning, but he also recognized that she needed the mask to pretend for everyone who would see her, to have the strength to deal with what was coming.

"Hello," Ziva responded cooly.

Playing along, he forced a polite smile. "So, what are you doing here?"

Before she could speak, Vance walked by. "David, with me."

Tony's stomach clenched, knowing this was it. "I guess that answers my question."

Ziva excused herself. "I have to go."

If McGee hadn't been there, Tony would've clasped her hand. As it was, they had to leave and all he had time for was a quick backward glance.

Up in his office, Vance wasted no time. "Agent Gibbs already briefed me. You want back, is this right?"

"That is correct."

He leaned forward in his chair. "Have you discussed this with your father?"

Her brow furrowed. "I am not sure how his opinion is relevant."

Director Vance tapped his pen on the desk. "We rescued you, not Mossad and not your father. I think it would be very relevant."

Ziva's expression showed incredulity. "Have I not been a valuable asset to NCIS?"

"Without question," he answered immediately.

"Then what is the problem?" she demanded.

"David, you were never an agent," Leon explained. "You were the Mossad Liaison officer. Which, by definition, requires you to have a relationship with Mossad." By her body language he could tell she didn't like where the conversation was going. "Have you even spoken to your father?"

She shook her head. "No."

Vance folded his fingers together. "You're damaged goods. How damaged I need to know before I can even begin to figure out what to do with you." He considered the woman in front of him and nodded. "You pass a psyche evaluation battery and we'll talk."

Ziva was stunned by the blow he'd dealt and barely managed to conceal the hurt behind a time tested blank mask. She nearly missed what he said next, but found it in herself to say, "Thank you." She started to leave but the director called her back with another nail in the coffin.

"David, no promises."

She nodded once and left in a daze of hurt and confusion. How she ever managed to get on the right bus to go home she wasn't sure, because all Ziva could hear over and over in her head was, _Damaged goods. You're damaged goods David, no good for anything. Damaged goods. That's all you'll ever be._

**NCIS**

His first day back on the job passed slowly, with no new case and nothing but the paperwork McGee predicted to help pass the time. Tony's gaze must've strayed to his partner's empty desk a thousand times before Gibbs walked by and headslapped him, barking that he was not getting paid to daydream and the files weren't sitting there for his health. Point taken, however, that still didn't stop the senior field agent from checking his phone every two minutes, hoping to hear from his wife. But the hours passed and Ziva's promised text never came, and Tony got incredibly worried about her silence.

He was the first one out of the bullpen when Gibbs called time and put them out of their misery at five pm. Tony ran downstairs, jumped in the car, and drove home at a pace only slightly less than what would earn him a ticket. There wasn't time for that, something was wrong. Under fifteen minutes later he burst into the house and found Ziva sitting on the floor by the chair, a notepad on her lap and papers strewn all around, scribbling the same words over and over, so absorbed in her task that she never even heard the door.

"Zi?" Tony asked, his concern tripling when her pen continued to scratch across the page and she didn't look up. He crouched down and reached for one of the loose papers, his eyes widening when he read what was written there._ Damaged goods, damaged goods _- repeated again and again like some stupid echo. He gathered the rest of the sheets and each one was more of the same. Finally he got close enough to touch her knee and Ziva jerked away, the pen and pad dropping to the carpet.

"Sweetheart, what is going on?"

She looked up with eyes too bright to be fully in this reality. "That is what he called me," Ziva muttered, wrapping thin arms around her pulled up knees and rocking back and forth. "That is what he said."

Tony's fingers clenched and the papers crumpled. "Who?" he demanded. There were only two 'hes' that she could've seen today and that either would dare to label her like that when she was three weeks out of hell made his blood boil. "Who said it?"

"Vance," she mumbled and his annoyance skyrocketed.

"That pompous, toothpick chewing jerk!" Tony seethed, grabbing his badge from his belt and tossing it to the floor. "I'm going over there right now to give him a piece of my mind! No one gets to treat my wife like that, I don't care what the name on his office says."

He was reaching for the door handle when Ziva suddenly held her hand out to him. "No, don't!" Tony frowned and she scrambled to her feet, grabbing onto his arm. "Do not," she repeated and he wondered how she got from on the verge of losing it to sane and rational in a heartbeat. She touched his cheek. "He does not know that I am your wife Tony, but even if he did it would make no difference. Please just leave it alone."

His fingers curled around her wrists. "How can I Zi? Look what his careless words did to you."

Ziva glanced around at the mess and sighed. "The truth is a bitter pill to chew, I suppose."

"Swallow," he corrected automatically. "That's not the truth honey, not by a long shot."

She stared at a button on his shirt. "What is?"

Tony slid his fingers along her cheeks and into her hair, making sure he had her attention. "That you were hurt very badly and some of the scars still show. But you are also healing and making progress and Zi, we have hope now that we didn't a week ago." He drew her close. "Cut yourself some slack. Better doesn't happen in a day or even three weeks of days. But it will happen."

"Promise?" Ziva whispered, but her question was swallowed by the pressure of her husband's mouth on hers and Ziva melted into the kiss, letting his touch reassure, calm, and ground her. When he pulled away she already missed the connection. "Again," she whispered and Tony gladly joined their lips a second time, taking as much of her as Ziva was willing to give. She fell into his arms when they parted and Tony hugged her tightly, his hand cupping the back of her neck.

Finally she stepped back and gave him her best imitation of a smile. "How was your day?"

Tony wasn't done being close to her and kept his arm around her waist, one thumb running gently over her bottom lip. "Long, boring, and utterly miserable without you." He pulled at the elastic keeping her ponytail in and freed the smooth curtain of dark hair from its prison, running his fingers through it. Ziva smiled, knowing he loved when her hair was down, and Tony leaned his forehead on hers. "How'd it go with Gibbs?"

She shrugged. "He had more to say than usual, but less than I would have liked."

He rubbed tiny circles into her neck. "You never texted me."

Ziva's expression was contrite. "Sorry. I was not thinking very well after I left NCIS."

Tony's jaw clenched. "The toothpick say anything helpful?" He glared at the floor. "Like he would be just fine and dandy if someone had dropped him in that pit where we found you and left him there for four months."

She used her fingers to smooth the lines on his forehead and ease the tension from his cheeks. "I have to pass the psychological evaluations first."

He closed his eyes. That was not going to be easy. She hadn't even talked about it with him yet and now she was expected to share the experience with a shrink she'd never met? "You gonna be okay?"

Ziva sighed. "That is difficult to tell." She fiddled with his tie. "I know how to pass them Tony, but I have to be honest enough to make them think I am not lying about the rest. It will be fine line between what they want to know and what I need to hide. The doctor will not believe it when I say I am fine, but if they are thinking about giving my gun back I am not allowed to fall apart either."

"Wish I could go with you," Tony lamented.

Her eyebrows rose. "What would you do?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. But at least I'd be able to hold your hand."

Ziva swallowed. "Then I wish you could come also." His support meant more than anyone else's.

"Promise you won't leave the Yard without saying goodbye?" he pleaded. "I need to know that you'll be okay until I get home."

She laid her palm over his heart. "My appointment is at eleven, they usually take two hours for something like this. If you are in the office, meet me behind the stairs at one oh five." Ziva bit her lip. "I will probably be needing you by then."

Tony kissed her fingertips. "You got it." He cleared his throat and looked around. "So, we ordering pizza tonight?"

Ziva bit her lip but declined the offer. "No, I don't think so. I am going to try to make something, but I do not remember everything I used to cook. I will have to go through my binder." She turned towards the kitchen, then looked back at him. "Coming?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh...no, not yet. I think I'll...head to the gym for a bit. Unless you need me?"

The tone of his voice hoped that she did not, so Ziva shook her head. "No, that is fine. Can you be back in an hour?"

"Sure." Tony was suddenly anxious to get out of that house and away from the papers on the floor that he wanted to burn. He grabbed his keys and closed the door, knowing that his gym bag was in the trunk. Sixty minutes and the clock was ticking. Tony wished he had said the shooting range instead - what he wouldn't give to have a picture of Leon Vance to use as a target. As it was, the words he'd said to Ziva were all he could hear in his head, and it would take more than a little bit of physical exertion to even begin to drown them out.

**NCIS**

Ziva had finally settled on a chicken and vegetable casserole when she started to get a strange feeling in her stomach. She glanced back at the door her husband had left through, and checked her newly found watch for the time. Twenty minutes, and something was off. Biting her lip, she stared at the yellow recipe card and tapped her fingernails on the counter. Tony needed to leave, she understood that, and she knew what was driving him to go to the gym and wear himself out fighting against the punching bag, but it did not seem right that he should be alone, even if he thought he should be. Several more moments passed before she made a decision, and pulled the red leather address book from the drawer near their phone.

Flipping through the pages, she got to the Rs and found the entry she was looking form. Picking up the phone, Ziva took a deep breath and dialed the number. It was answered after two rings. "Reece residence, Cassie speaking."

Ziva swallowed. "Hello Cassie, this is Ziva...DiNozzo." Despite what her legal name was going to be, when she introduced herself to people outside of work, she wanted to be known by Tony's name.

"Ziva! What a surprise! How are you?" Cassie asked brightly, then paused. "I'm sorry, that's probably a stupid question."

"It isn't," Ziva hastened to reassure her. "At the moment though I am concerned about my husband. Is Mark there?"

"Tony?" the other woman worried. "What happened? Something at work?"

"In a manner of speaking," Ziva agreed. "But he is not injured, if that is what you are thinking." She let out a breath. "I had a meeting with the director today about returning to NCIS. Something he said about me made Tony very angry. He has gone to the gym on M street, I think he could use a friend."

"Mark should be on his way home right now, he doesn't usually work past six," Cassie explained. "I'll redirect him."

Ziva hesitated. "I do not want to take him away from your family."

"Mark and Tony are like brothers Ziva. Trust me, he'll want to help." Cassie hesitated. "Are you okay by yourself Ziva? The kids and I could come, if you need us."

Ziva shook her head. "Thank you, but I am fine."

"Tony told us you only say that when you're hiding something," Cassie confided. "We're here for you too."

"I am just about to start making supper. I really am alright," she insisted. "We will get together soon, I promise."

"Okay, as long as you're sure."

"I am," Ziva said firmly.

"Then I'll call Mark. And I don't know if it means anything to you, but we're praying for you guys."

Ziva was surprised. She hadn't known the Reece's long enough to see that their lives revolved around their faith. "I was raised to believe in God," she told the other woman. "So thank you. Knowing that you would take the time means a lot."

"You and Tony are never far from our hearts," Cassie said softly. "We'll talk to you later. Good night Ziva." She hung up and immediately dialed her husband.

"Mark? Ziva just called. Tony needs you."

**NCIS**

Mark strolled into the gym fifteen minutes later, nodded at the owner (who was a previous employer), and scanned the floor area, spotting his friend in the corner working over a punching bag. He walked that way and grabbed the bag when it swung on a particularly vicious hit. "Your form stinks buddy," Mark commented as Tony lashed out again. He was breathing hard and sweating like a pig, but seemed more wound up, not less, after over half an hour of exertion.

"I don't give a flying fink about my form," Tony grunted, firing off a couple quick jabs.

After that Mark kept quiet, steadying the bag and watching Tony beat the stuffing out of it while his frustration level continued to grow. When the minutes finally trickled past an hour, he put a stop to it. Clapping a firm hand on Tony's shoulder, he steered him towards the door. "That's it D, you're done."

Tony whirled on him. "Like heck I am."

Mark crossed his arms and surveyed his friend. "You wanna take me on DiNozzo? Try it. I can still put you on the ground."

Tony glared at his friend for almost thirty seconds before tearing open the velcro straps, flinging his gloves to the floor, and turning away in disgust. Mark followed him outside and planted himself against the driver's side door of Tony's car. "Not sending you home like that."

He braced his hands on the hood and blew out a hard breath. "What do you want from me Mark?"

"Armchair shrink, remember? Talk to me D."

Tony sighed. "The director called Ziva damaged goods, can you believe that?! After everything she's been through he throws that in her face." He ran agitated fingers through his hair. "She can't handle stuff like that yet, can't just let it roll off her back like before. It nearly sent her over the edge." Tony slammed his hand on the car. "I am so done losing her to the desert man. I don't know how much more I can take."

"Well you better figure it out in a hurry," Mark said pointedly. "Ziva's worried about you."

He looked up in surprise. "She called you?"

Mark shook his head. "Called Cassie and Cass called me."

"That's a pretty big step for her, reaching out," Tony mused.

"How'd you think I got here?"

He shrugged. "Sixth sense brother thing?"

Mark snorted. "Yeah, right." He studied his friend. "You good?"

Tony went to slip his hands into his pockets only to realize he was still in workout clothes. "Will be, eventually."

"Good. Now shower and get home to your wife, she's making supper."

Tony's lips quirked up and he held out a hand. "Thanks."

Mark nodded. "We'll call this a bonus session. You still have to phone me or come over this week. I gotta make sure you don't self-destruct before basketball practice." He turned to go, then looked back. "Watch your words tomorrow. It won't help anything if you get fired for lipping off to your boss."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," Tony scoffed, even though he'd spent the last hour envisioning scenarios where he stormed into Vance's office and tore a strip off him for being a jerk. "Good night Mark. Tell Cassie thanks."

The other man left and Tony squared his shoulders before heading back inside. He needed to be presentable when he got home.

**NCIS**

Tony walked in the house just as Ziva shut off the stove. She heard the door close and spun around, seconds later he had her in his arms. He hugged his wife, then pulled back and cupped her face, kissing her gently. "I'm sorry for leaving."

She ran her hands over his chest. "Are you okay?"

He sighed. "And I'm sorry for making this about me when you were the one who was hurt."

Ziva shrugged. "It is good for me to focus on someone other than myself." He hadn't answered her question. "Are you okay?"

Tony rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm really angry. You're home now, I'm supposed to be able to protect you from getting hurt, and this one happened right under my nose." His fingers curled into fists. "I hate that he would be so callous. You deserve more compassion and understanding than that."

"Thank you," Ziva said softly. "But home is one thing and work is another. They will not coddle me at NCIS just because I am..." she searched for the right word, "...recovering. It is a man's world. Women are expected to be tough, to persevere, to survive. I cannot expect everyone to be careful so their words do not take me somewhere I am not willing to do."

He pushed her ponytail over her shoulder. "I wish I could make this better for you. I wish love was enough to heal the hurts and make everything right again. I'm just so sorry this happened to you Zi."

"Rule Six," Ziva quoted, tired of apologies and empty words. She searched his eyes. "Did Mark find you?"

Tony forced a chuckle. "Just about had to knock some sense into me, but yeah, he came."

She leaned into him. "Is it going to get easier?"

He rubbed her back. "I hope so sweetheart, I really hope so."

_A/N2: As I'm sure you are all now aware, Cote is leaving NCIS. I am absolutely devastated by this news, but I want to assure you that changes in the show in no way impact what I am doing here. I will continue this series, I will do my best to post 2x/week as long as I have enough written, and I plan to complete all the 7 parts. I am undecided yet if the news will affect any of my future Tiva story ideas, but MIT, at least, will be here. According to my rough calculations, I may very well be working on it for the next year and it could possibly be next summer before everything is wrapped up. I hope, like with Jibbs fans who continue writing stories even after a character is gone, that the writers here on FF will continue telling T&Z's story, even if it's something we now won't see on the show. Thank you again for all the support, I love you all dearly. Thank you for being such great friends. ~Aliyah_

_Replies:_

_Emma (A15) - Thanks, I'm glad you liked it :) I think by the time we get to that part of season 8 where Eli is starting to regret what he's lost, Z's going to have long since decided that she wants nothing more to do with him ever (kind of like 'you had your chance and you lost it big time'). Their conversation will turn out slightly differently. It'll be a couple years before Eli gets another chance with his daughter. Thanks for reviewing!_

_ncisfan (A15) - I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I can't promise anything regarding the intimacy issue. This is an entirely different story and the effects of rape, not just once but being violated for an extended period of time, don't change just because it's getting old. Things will be different this time around because they're married and they've already had sex, it's not the first time in more than one way like it was in SMH, and it'll actually be months before Z's even healthy enough for that kind of physical activity. I need to stay true to the story and the characters and the keeping it real that I'm aiming for. The research I've done on the subject is hard to forget and I don't want to cheapen what she's been through by rushing it so no one gets bored. I hope you decide to keep reading, if not, thanks for giving it a chance. ~Aliyah_

_Sarah (A13) - you're welcome! I was so glad to hear from you! I always get nervous when my FF people disappear for awhile, so I'm glad you're okay and it was only an internet issue and not something more serious. Thanks, I'm glad you picked up on that. I was trying to make the chapter lighter, to show T&Z able to have fun together (hence the card scene) and slowly moving forward. I hope there will be more moments like that, instead of the dark ones, tho unfortunately they will intrude at random intervals just because they can. AN helping Z feel like a woman again was a huge thing, hopefully she'll be able to remember that more easily, and see what T sees next time she looks in the mirror. Thanks so much for reviewing, I hope you had a great first couple weeks of summer :) ~Aliyah_

_Sarah (A14) - Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. And I'm glad you liked that line, I was afraid it would come across as too cheesy. The guys are fun and they will definitely be around more in Part 4, as will Cody. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Sarah (A15) - haha...thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed Nettie's attempt to set him straight. Unfortunately it didn't do any good, but he'll have plenty of time to ponder his mistakes between his sister shutting him out and it being 3 years (minus the few moments in the Enemies eps) before he really gets to talk to his daughter again. Thank you for reviewing, I always appreciate them! :) ~Aliyah_


	2. 7x2 Reunion Part 2

_A/N: PLEASE READ! I love you guys to pieces, but this is the very last time I'm answering this question. No matter what hints anyone thinks are being given, T&Z's marriage will not under any circumstance come to light until after the end of S9 when we get to Part 7 and my AU version of what happened post-explosion. Thank you, ~Aliyah_

**Tuesday, October 13 - Ziva's first psyche eval**

Tony had to leave her at home again on Tuesday, but he kissed her long and slow before walking out the door. "Good luck today honey, I believe in you."

"One oh five," she reminded him. "Please do not forget."

"Are you kidding me?" he asked. "I'll be counting the minutes."

Tony didn't expect to see her again until after her appointment, but then Ziva showed up in the squadroom, attired the same as yesterday, and he just stared. Once Tim beat a hasty retreat to the lab, both Tony and Ziva relaxed marginally. "You okay?"

She twisted her fingers together. "I am dreading this."

He longed to reach out and touch her, but that was forbidden where others could see. "Survive the bus?" That was his least favourite part of this current arrangement.

Ziva's dark eyes were troubled. "Too many people to watch. I was getting claustrophobic."

Tony sighed. "Take a cab home babe, it'll be worth the cost to save you some stress."

She glanced around to make sure the endearment hadn't been overheard and he realized being careful was going to be harder than ever. The phone rang before any more could be said and Ziva suffered through Abby's tirade downstairs, unable to defend any of her actions because the black-haired girl was right on every count, and was on the verge of tears before she even got to the psychiatrist's office. She opened the door tentatively and was directed to the correct room.

Janice smiled when she walked in. "Hello Ziva, welcome." The doctor waited until her patient sat, then folded her hands and leaned forward. "This isn't going to be easy. I don't pretend to understand what you went through this summer even though I've read the files, but I do want to help you get your life back. So take a deep breath, try to relax and we'll get started."

Closing her eyes Ziva breathed in and waited, knowing she was going to hate every second of what came next.

**NCIS**

Tony rushed down the stairs, cursing his boss's stubborn, demanding nature. Because of that he was ten minutes late meeting Ziva and the sight at the bottom of the stairwell tore his heart open. Ziva stood against the wall, arms wrapped around herself and silent tears streaming down her cheeks. "Oh honey," he whispered, gathering her into a tight embrace. Ziva hung on his neck, the tears becoming sobs as soon as he could be her safe place. Hating every second that saw her so broken, Tony sheltered his wife with his body and let her get it out.

Finally the storm passed and Ziva stepped back, wiping her eyes and nose with a tattered tissue, making Tony wish he carried a handkerchief. "I thought you weren't coming."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry Zi, getting away from Gibbs was harder than I expected." Tony studied her eyes. "I guess asking if you're okay would be a really dumb question?"

Ziva stared at the floor. "I can separate facts from emotion, it is what I was trained to do, but psychiatrists want both and the details became...overwhelming." She slid her arms around her waist. "I wish there was only one. When I think of facing two more mornings like this I just want to run away."

"I'll come with you," Tony volunteered immediately. "But if we run away it has to be somewhere cool, like the Amazon rainforest or the pyramids in Egypt. Are we allowed to climb those?"

She shook her head, "No." But a smile was beginning to tug at her lips.

"Bummer," he pouted. "Okay, so maybe the Grand Canyon or those big stones in England."

"Stonehenge," Ziva put in.

"There's always the West Coast too," Tony continued his list. "I've always wanted to learn how to surf."

Her nose wrinkled. "You are making fun of me."

"Only in the most loving way possible," he explained, intertwining their fingers. "I'll run away with you Zi, if that's what you want. But if you want to stay and fight for our life together here, that's okay too. I'll be right by your side wherever the adventure takes us."

Ziva nodded. "Thank you."

Tony pulled her close and bent his head to take possession of her lips, making the kiss memorable enough to drive at least some of the session from her mind. "I love you more than anything, got it?"

She pulled him down and molded her mouth to his again. "And I you," Ziva told her husband softly. Reluctantly she released him. "You better go. This has been a very long bathroom break."

"Coffee break actually," he corrected, then got out his wallet and handed her a couple bills. "I'll call you a cab."

Ziva stopped him. "No, I have to see Ducky first. It did not happen yesterday."

Tony blinked. "Oh yeah. Guess we got a little distracted. I'm surprised he didn't call."

"He did, while you were out. I rescheduled."

He touched her face. "It's good to see some of your confidence coming back." Her brow furrowed and Tony continued. "Calling Cassie, making decisions without me - that's something you wouldn't've done two weeks ago."

Ziva absorbed the information and squeezed his hand. "I am glad you can see it." With one last glance she slipped away and Tony began slowly climbing stairs back to the fifth floor. They still had a long way to go.

**NCIS**

Ziva didn't like having time on her hands. After her check up with Ducky, which revealed what she expected - that healing was happening ever so slowly and it would likely be months before her body was back to any sort of normal - she stood outside NCIS and decided it was a waste of money to call a cab when she was perfectly capable of walking. So Ziva set off in the direction of home. It would've been a good idea, except that she had only been home for three weeks and she was in no way prepared to walk that far.

Walking was typically supposed to take five times as long as driving, but three and a half hours later she still hadn't made it back and even with stopping multiple times to rest and catch her breath, she was exhausted. It was going on four hours after leaving NCIS that Ziva finally dragged herself in the front door and collapsed on the couch, completely and utterly worn out.

Because of the case they were now working, Tony was forced to stay until after seven that night. Ordinarily that wouldn't've been a problem, when his partner and wife sat across the bullpen, smiling at him now and again and occasionally teasing him with hints about the activities they could engage in once home. But tonight, when Ziva was not somewhere he could see her and he knew she'd been alone for several hours, the minutes passed excruciatingly slowly and he barely even took time to say goodnight after Gibbs released them before he rushed to the car and drove the familiar route as quickly as possible.

When he got home and found Ziva sleeping on the couch, he was immediately alarmed. Tony walked over and knelt beside her, rubbing her arm. "Zi? Ziva? Come on beautiful, wake up so I can see those gorgeous brown eyes I love." Ziva stirred and moaned, nestling her head deeper into her arms. He brushed a finger across her cheek. "I'm home Zi, it's time to wake up."

Her return to wakefulness was slow and finally Ziva opened her eyes, frowning at the concern in his expression. "Tony?"

"Hey," he smiled. "You know we have a bed, right?"

Her eyebrows drew together. "Is that a trap question?"

"Trick. And no, but it kinda makes me wonder why you're flaked out here on the couch when there's a nice, comfortable queen size bed in our room."

Ziva shrugged and made no effort to move. "This is as far as I got."

Now it was Tony's turn to be confused. "When?"

"After I got home."

He ran his fingers through her hair. "Geez, did the session wipe you out that badly? It's been over six hours since I talked to you."

"Oh." Ziva made a point not to look at him. "I did not get back until..." she tried to remember, "sometime after five, I guess."

His eyebrow rose. "Why? What were you doing?"

She circled one finger around one of the wrinkles in the cushion. "Walking."

Tony closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please tell me you didn't walk home from NCIS." Not wanting to lie to him, Ziva kept quiet and he stared fiercely at her. "What part of take it easy don't you get? When Ducky says you have to go slow and work back up to your old strength, somehow that translates to you walking the ten miles between our house and work?"

Ziva pushed herself up and crossed her arms. "I did not know what to do with myself, all that time and nothing to fill it. This, at least, kept me busy."

"This could set you back a lot," Tony pointed out grumpily. "The most you've walked in three weeks is up and down the streets, six blocks at the very most."

"Then I suppose this was good practice."

She wasn't going to admit she was wrong, that much he could see, so Tony stood. "You know what? Fine. You want to mess with your recovery, I can't stop you." He headed for the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower."

Ziva listened to the door click shut and her shoulders sagged. He was hiding again, and this time it really was her fault. She got up and wandered to their bedroom to change into pyjamas. Then she came out and went to the kitchen, dishing up leftovers for Tony and putting in toast for herself, since she really wasn't hungry after being lectured. Finally, because she'd always found that Aunt Nettie's way of handling stress worked, Ziva made some tea and as an afterthought coffee for Tony, and walked to the bathroom. Gathering her courage, she opened the door and walked in. Her husband was still in the shower, so Ziva leaned against the counter and waited for him to be done.

Usually Tony sang in the shower, so it was a good indicator of his mood that he was completely silent, save for the muttered exclamations when he dropped the soap or got shampoo in his eyes. From long experience she knew that he would reach out the door, grab his towel, and partially dry off before stepping onto the rug in front of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist. Tonight was no exception, the only change was her. And Tony was definitely surprised to see his wife waiting when he got out.

He stopped still, watching her drink from the mug in her hands. Ziva indicated another one on the counter. "That is for you."

Tony slowly made his way towards her and took a swallow of the hot liquid. "Thanks."

She tilted her head, letting her now unbound hair spill over her shoulders. She knew he liked it down, so that kind of felt like a bribe. "Are you mad?"

"Mad as in crazy or mad as in upset?" he tried to joke, but she knew him too well.

"Tony."

He sighed. "Maybe frustrated is a better word." Taking her mug away, he wrapped his hands around hers and looked into her eyes. "I love you Ziva, more than anything or anyone else in the whole entire world. You're it for me. You're the most important part of my world and my life. What you don't seem to get is that I've only had you back for three weeks, and I've only really had you with me for a week and a half, because before that we weren't getting anything right. So yeah, I'm a little sensitive to you doing things that are going to hurt you, or make it harder for you to get healthy and back to your life. When you don't take care of yourself I get angry, because it'll be a long time before I'm not worrying about losing you."

Ziva pulled her hands from his grasp so she could place her palms on his chest. "I am not trying to take me away from you ahava. And I am sorry to make you worry. But I am so tired of being this when I just want to be me again."

Tony tipped her chin up, joining their lips in an expression of forgiveness and his own apology for the harsh words earlier. "I guess all of this is just going to take time Ziva. Hang in there with me, okay? We'll get you back. I promise we'll get you back."

She rested her forehead on his collarbone and let Tony envelop her in his arms, his damp warm skin a comfort. Sometimes words were just not enough.

**NCIS**

When a nightmare came that night, three hours after they'd gone to bed, Tony was expecting it. One doesn't just start talking about four months of the worst kind of abuse and feel no repercussions. Ziva woke on her own this time, sitting up and gasping for air like she was afraid the next breath might not be there, and he suddenly had an image in his head of her being waterboarded, strapped down and unable to move, no time to breathe or answer the questions being hurled at her before they dunked her again. He rubbed his forehead as if to erase it, but the seed was planted and visions of all the things they could've done to torture her haunted the back of his mind like dark, evil shadows, ready to pounce at the first sign of weakness.

After a minute had gone by and they'd both had time to process their initial thoughts, Tony eased his hand over hers and lifted it to kiss the emerald ring. "What's your pleasure tonight Mrs. DiNozzo? I've got Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Celine Dion - take your pick."

Ziva glanced over her shoulder at him, clearly forcing the smile on her lips. "You would sing Celine Dion for me?"

He angled his head. "I would sing Miley Cyrus if that's what worked, but I'm kind of hoping you won't make me go that far."

The tiniest hint of humour in her uneasy gaze was real and she shook her head. "No, I will not ask that of you."

Tony waited a beat. "So, what'll it be?"

Ziva scrolled through the songs she could recall at that moment and suddenly one came to her. "Let Me Call You Sweetheart."

The familiar half-grin slowly claimed Tony's lips. "Good choice." He lay back down, his wife cradled in his embrace, and began to croon the words softly in her ear. "Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you/Let me hear you whisper that you love me too/Keep the love light shining in your eyes so blue/Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you."

"My eyes are brown," she informed him sleepily, already being lulled into safety by the sound of his voice.

To humour her, he reworded that part of the chorus next time, changing it to, "Keep the love light shining in your chocolate eyes," which drew an actual smile from her.

"That does not rhyme."

Tony sat partway up and looked down at her with a huff. "It's one o'clock in the morning. My creativity level doesn't peak until noon."

Ziva considered this logic. "Hmm...that's too bad. I seem to remember liking spontaneity."

Just to prove her wrong, on the next run through he improvised with, "Keep the love light shining in your heart so true/Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you."

She turned her head and pressed her lips to the inside of his elbow, since she was using his bicep as a pillow. "Thank you," she whispered.

Tony nuzzled her neck and got as close as possible while they both were wearing pyjamas. "For you Zi, anything."

Ziva fell asleep to that promise, knowing from personal experience that every word was the truth.

**NCIS**

**Wednesday, October 14 - Ziva's second psyche eval**

After a breakfast of omelettes and fruit, Tony went into the office and came back with an envelope, setting it in front of her on the table. "The insurance money from your apartment came through in July. I didn't even want to think about it then, so I just deposited the cheque and forgot about it." He tapped the envelope. "This is the account information and your debit card. I want you to be able to have cash with you, or a way to get things you need when I'm not around. Granted," he gave her a half-grin, "I hope you're back at the desk facing mine within the week. But until then you should be able to have some of your independence back." He leaned down to kiss her, keeping it short and sweet. Tony headed for the door, then looked back. "Ziva? Take a cab today."

She couldn't hide her embarrassment for the events of yesterday, but a smile still found her lips. "Yes, I think that is a far better idea."

"Love you," he made a point to say before the door clicked closed.

Ziva watched him walk to the car and get in, her eyes drifting to her own, unused Mini. Driving was not on her Ducky-approved list of activities, not yet anyway. With a sigh of disappointment, because she deeply missed that part of being healthy and capable, she got up and began to get ready for her appointment. It was earlier today as the doctor had a lunch meeting she couldn't get out of, and she needed to prepare herself before walking through that door.

**NCIS**

To say the session had unsettled her would be putting it mildly. Ziva was on edge as she left the psychiatrist's office, emotional, drained, and yearning for a moment alone with her husband so he could somehow bring sense into the shattered world where she was currently living. She happened to get off the elevator just as his back disappeared into the men's washroom. Ziva waited in the shadows between the elevator and the bullpen, both to make sure he wasn't followed and to give anyone else the chance to clear out, for several moments until she deemed it safe, then slipped into the room, scanned the stalls, and locked them in.

Tony was washing his hands and saw her in the mirror, offering a smile. "Hey, how'd it go?"

She shook her head. "I do not want to think about it."

He dried the water with a paper towel and surveyed her carefully. She seemed to be on a mission of some sort. "What do you want?"

Her lips parted and she floundered for words briefly, then resolve entered her gaze and she squared her shoulders. "I want you to kiss me. Not gently, not carefully, but in the way you would have if that had been an option the first moment you saw me in the camp. When I was alive after you'd spent weeks thinking I was dead." Ziva stared up at him, a desperate need in her eyes to feel something more than the anguish of the memories. "Take my breath away Tony," she whispered, but was still unprepared when his mouth came crashing down on hers.

Tony took her at her word, holding her face in his hands, his fingers sliding possessively into her hair, and his lips seeking hers with a fervency she was sometimes afraid she'd only imagined. It didn't stop there. While one hand rested on her neck, the other one went to her hip, dragging her into him so their bodies were flush against each other. Ziva was having a difficult time processing all the conflicting sensations - his hot mouth making contact with hers over and over, breaking away for the briefest of seconds to draw in a quick breath and then coming back for more, the way his hands lay claim to all of her that he could reach, and the overwhelming essence of him taking over every cell. Her instincts kicked in much faster than her brain, and Ziva found herself responding to his arduous kisses, tentatively at first, and then with a growing passion that sent fire racing through both their veins. She gripped his jacket in her fists to start with, but that wasn't enough when she needed to be touching him, so her hands migrated to his chest, then his neck, feeling his pulse beating rapidly under the flushed skin.

Finally, just as Ziva was beginning to realize how far they had traveled from a simple kiss, Tony broke away, breathing hard. He fixed his eyes on the floor, trying to get himself back under control. At last he looked up and licked his lips, savouring the lingering taste of his wife. He had to clear his throat before he could speak. "Was that what you had in mind?"

Ziva was left feeling a bit light headed and she leaned back against the wall for support. "That was..." She shook her head. "I had forgotten it could feel like that. You are..." she felt the colour rising to her cheeks and stared resolutely at the flecks of soap on the bathroom sink., "...very good."

Tony inched towards her and she caught the movement in the mirror. "I should be," he told her in a husky voice, "I've had three fabulous years of practice with you."

She held up a hand to keep him from getting any closer, she was on sensory overload at the moment and didn't need anything more to confuse her indecisive emotions. It took several moments, but her eyes finally met his. "I should go."

His heart flipped over and he reached out to caress her cheek. "Ziva..."

Ziva was literally backed into a corner and didn't like the reminder of being trapped. She stumbled away from him, towards the door, and Tony watched how fear quickly replaced the desire that had settled in her gaze just long enough for him to recognize it. "No! No," she repeated. "I should not...I should not have let you do that." Her chest heaved as her breathing sped up and Tony hated himself for how his attention was drawn to her softness and curves when she was on the brink of a panic attack.

He kept his distance, hoping to stop her from bolting. "Don't ask me to kiss you and then take it back Zi, please. I won't...come any closer, just don't run away from me, from this, from us. I know being close scares you, I know even the idea of intimacy sometimes makes you sick, but that kiss was my whole heart Ziva. If you let me, I could help you remember how good we were together. The kissing, the touching, the world taken over by everything that is us - I've missed that so much honey and even if you can't say it, I know you have too, or you wouldn't've asked me in the first place."

Her hand was on the knob, all her body language indicating that she was ready to make a break for it, but when his confession finally trickled through the warnings her self-preservation was screaming at her, Ziva's shoulders slumped and she sagged against the door. She covered her face with her hands. "Tony, I'm so confused."

Tony had to make himself hold still when all he wanted was to go to her. "I know babe. I know your head is telling you one thing while your heart wants another. I know your body remembers hurt and humiliation and fears to feel that pain again. But the way you just touched me and...you kissed me back Zi, so I know you're not really afraid, you just think you should be."

"That's where you're wrong." Two contractions in one sentence, he really was rubbing off on her. Ziva's hands dropped. "I am afraid. Sometimes I am terrified to let you even as close as you are when we are sleeping. But all that is battling against my deep need for you, how I yearn for your love, the safety and security of your arms, the way you try to soothe my nightmares away. And I don't...I feel like I am two people Tony. I am your wife who loves you, and I am the woman you brought back from Somalia. I do not know how to reconcile the two. These women inside me want such different things and it is only in moments like this, when your touch takes over everything, that I can drown them out and just try to be me. But I do not know who me is yet either and that is why nothing is the same twice."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "This sharing thing is going to do me in. I hate talking like this, all the hurtful, deep, heart-level stuff, but I'm so glad you trust me enough to tell me, that you're sharing, because I'd never know any of it just by looking into your eyes." Tony held out his hand. "Do you trust me?"

A scene from _Aladdin_ flashed through her head and she looked at him with sincerity shining out of her coffee coloured irises, setting her palm against his. "Yes."

That answer told him a lot, and Tony drew her close and turned her around, hugging her from behind. He wrapped his arms around her and swayed back and forth, humming a gentle melody, Carefully he spun her out and then back in, letting hands and arms fall into familiar positions as they danced around the men's bathroom. They moved slower and slower and finally stopped, staring into each other's eyes. "This is our marriage Ziva - give and take, back and forth, going around in circles sometimes, but always linked by these," he folded his fingers between hers, "and this," he rested their joined hands over his heart. "You have to trust someone to dance with them, really dance with them and follow their lead, read the cues, anticipate their next moves. We're going to do that Zi, but always together. Promise me. Promise me again, because I am done letting you go."

Tears gathered in her eyes and Ziva swallowed, releasing his hand to place hers on his face, and leaned up to press her lips to his cheek for a long, poignant moment. "I love you Anthony DiNozzo," she whispered. "And I will dance with you forever, you have my promise." Then, before the tears could fall, she turned around and walked out, needing some space to process everything that had just happened. Tony watched her go and rested his hand on the wall. Two steps forward, three back, and then a tiny nudge in the right direction. Somehow, he thought, they must be getting a handle on their new normal, because this time when she left he didn't have a single doubt at all that she'd be coming back.

**NCIS**

Shortly after one in the afternoon Ziva sat on a bench outside NCIS, sufficiently decompressed from the emotionally charged time spend with her husband, watching her target approach the coffee stand. He stood in line, smile amiably at the other patrons, and chatted casually with the girl who handed him a paper cup. Paying with exact change, he took the first sip and his eyes lit on her familiar form. "Ziva, hey!"

She stood and offered her hand. "Good afternoon McGee."

The probie looked at her and shook his head. "I've known you too long for a handshake Ziva. How about a hug?" Ziva hesitated, but then told herself not to be silly because this was only McGee and of anyone who came to mind, he was the least of a threat. She went into his arms, relaxing into the hug after a moment, and he put his mouth by her ear. "I am so glad you're alive. We thought..." He swallowed and shook his head, pulling back. "Gosh Ziva, this was the longest summer of my life."

Her eyes shadowed. "Mine too."

His mouth fell open, and he had that familiar duck-in-the-headlights look that Tony and Gibbs were so adept at causing. "Oh my gosh...I am so sorry Ziva. I shouldn't've-"

She pressed a finger to his lips. "It is fine McGee. You have not done anything wrong. In fact," Ziva sat and held his hand between hers. "I have been wanting for a long time to say thank you. What you and Tony and Gibbs did...I did not expect anyone to find me...to save me. You did not have to come and-" she sighed. "Thank you does not seem like enough for my life."

Tim tipped her chin up. "Trust me Ziva, thank you is more than enough. Having you back...that's something we never thought we'd get." He glanced towards the building and back at her. "You are coming back, right?"

Ziva shrugged. "I am not sure yet. I hope to, but I must pass the psychological evaluations first."

He made a face. "Oh yeah, that."

"Yes."

Tim had some more coffee. "How's it going?"

She fiddled with her fingers. "I have just finished the second one. There is a final session tomorrow."

He nodded. "Do you need anything?"

Ziva smiled and shook her head. "No, thank you Tim. Tony has been...a very good friend these past few weeks. I am alright."

McGee's eyebrows rose. "So you have talked to Tony?"

She closed her eyes briefly. "Sometimes I feel that is all we have done during this time, talk. But I suppose...there was too much left unsaid between us before." Ziva didn't want to get into any more and stood. "I am anxious for things to get back to normal."

He took her cue. "You and me both." Tim squeezed her hand. "Take care Ziva. You know my number, if you ever change your mind."

She nodded and watched him go, breathing a sigh of relief for one more person off her list. The next would not be so easy. Her heart was still so close to being broken and if he gave her the wrong answers, this could be the end. The last thing she needed was to lose the third most important person in her life at a time when she needed him the most. Come tomorrow morning she was going to get some answers.

**NCIS**

**Thursday, October 15 - Ziva's final psyche evaluation**

Deciding to confront Gibbs after another night of sleep broken by nightmares that chilled her blood was probably not Ziva's wisest choice, but nonetheless it had to be done. She rose early, before Tony was even up, and left him a note on her pillow with one of the last fading blooms from their flower garden. She called a cab and gave the man inside the yellow car Gibbs' address, something she still knew off by heart. The door was open as she'd come to expect, and Ziva silently made her way downstairs.

She turned in a slow circle, unable to keep her eyes from being drawn to the almost completely faded stain where her brother's blood had pooled on the cement floor. She breathed in the customary scent of sawdust and bourbon and leaned her back against one wall, waiting. She knew it wouldn't be long - Gibbs would be back from his morning run any minute, and he always came downstairs with his coffee to help kickstart the day before taking a shower and getting ready for work. These habits she'd learned during her initial recon for Ari and the details had stuck.

The sound of the door slamming confirmed what she expected and Ziva heard his steps into the kitchen, could imagine a mug being taken from the cupboard and the thick, black, Marine coffee poured into it. Then he clattered down the basement steps in a fresh Marine Corps sweatshirt and Ziva leveled a firm gaze at him. "We need to talk."

Somehow he wasn't surprised to see her and without a word he pulled up a stool for his guest and grabbed one of the sawhorses for himself. "Sit down."

She did, gingerly. This was not a conversation she wanted to have, even though it was necessary. "When I cam to see you and said I wanted back, you told me I had to speak with the director. But I sensed your hesitation." Ziva studied the man she knew so well. "I sense it now. Even though I thought I made myself clear. I understand what you did in Israel and I do not-"

He lifted his chin. "Your brother Ari."

Her brow furrowed. "You know what happened that night." She indicated the floor. "It was there that his body fell."

Gibbs wasn't satisfied. "I want to hear it from you." He paused, dredging up the information Leon had given him after they'd left Ziva in Israel. "You had orders to kill your brother to earn my trust?" Ziva's mouth opened and closed. That was the last thing she'd expected to hear. He grunted. "The truth Ziva."

She swallowed and had difficulty meeting his eyes. "Yes."

He crossed his arms. "That's a problem."

Ziva shook her head. "No, you do not understand."

Gibbs voice rose as she tried to explain. "You're darn right I don't understand." He stood up, towering over her in a way that made her uncomfortable.

"When I volunteered for that mission-"

He cut her off, yelling now. "You killed your own brother Ziva!"

At that Ziva jumped up, the passion in her tone unmistakable. "It was because I hoped my father was wrong about Ari! And I did not want someone else blindly following orders. I volunteered to protect him Gibbs."

Even if he hadn't wanted to believe her, the truth was shining clearly out of her dark eyes. Still, some things had to be cleared up. "You lied to me."

"No." Ziva was adamant. "When I told you Ari was innocent, I believed it." Her eyebrows drew together. "But yes, I would have lied to you. He was...my brother, and you were nothing." She swallowed and tried to get her emotions under control. "But I was wrong about Ari. And you. When I pulled the trigger to safe your life, I was not following orders. I mean, how could you even think..." She blinked back the tears. "He was my brother. Now Eli is all but dead to me, and the closest thing I have to a father is accusing me of-"

Gibbs was never good with crying women. Not with Shannon or Abby, and certainly not with Kelly. At this moment Ziva reminded him more of his daughter than ever before and he dropped the hard mask. "Okay." He held out his arms, relieved when she fell into them because he knew he'd almost pushed her too hard to satisfy his own question. "Okay Ziver, I believe you." She reveled in the security his embrace offered and tried not to cry, but the tears leaked out anyway and got all over his shirt. Ziva pulled back, embarrassed, and Gibbs used one of his rough thumbs to brush away the remaining moisture. "I should've said it before, but welcome home kid."

She managed a small smile. "It is good to be back." One more thing was left to be resolved and she stood there trying to find the nerve, finally fixing her gaze on him. "I meant it when I said you are the closest thing I have to a father. You have shown me more love and support in four years than Eli did for my entire life." Ziva felt again like the child begging for the affection she needed so badly. "Will you...be my Abba Gibbs?" She bit her lip and waited, feeling as if everything hung in the balance in that moment.

Gibbs absorbed her request and his eyes flickered for the briefest of moments to his last picture of the girls pinned above his workbench. In Kelly's smile he found his answer, and could almost hear her sweet voice. _"It's okay Daddy, she needs you too. I love you Daddy."_ He cleared his throat, then clasped her hand gently. "I'd be honoured Ziver." He let go and stepped back, not used to all this emotion. "But don't think that means any special treatment. At work you're my agent. You need anything after hours, I'll be here."

Ziva's smile was worth every extra word he'd used and she stepped close to hug him once more. "Thank you Gibbs." She hesitated, then kissed his cheek. "I love you," she whispered, leaving in a hurry.

He watched her run up the stairs and almost smiled. "Yeah, I love you too kid." He'd seen too much evil in the world to believe that happiness could last, but right now he had his family back, and today that was all that mattered.

**NCIS**

Ziva was curled up in the corner of the couch staring intently into her tea when Tony got home that night. Knowing the conversation she'd been planning to have with their boss that morning, and having been unable to discern anything from the team leader's demeanor during the day, he'd resolved to tread carefully. Toeing off his shoes, Tony set his backpack down and approached her slowly, sinking onto the middle cushion - far enough away to give her space, but close enough to touch her if she was willing.

"Well?"

Her head came up at the sound of his voice. "Shalom."

He chewed on the inside of his lip. Hebrew. Hard to tell if that was a good thing or now. Flipping through his mental phrasebook, Tony chose something simple. "Beseder at?" _You okay?_

His use of her language brought out Ziva's smile. "Ken."

Tony's forehead wrinkled. As far as simple conversation went, he only knew so much and he pieced together a few words to get the question he wanted. "Ma karah tov ze?" _What happened this morning? _he asked, pretty sure he'd butchered the sentence structure.

She tilted her head. "Your Hebrew is getting better."

He snorted. "Somehow I doubt that. Are you going to tell me?"

"Please?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Bevakasha?"

Ziva's smile slowly faded and she looked down at the drink in her hands. "I talked to Gibbs about Ari. I do not regret saving his life, but what kind of person kills her own brother to save a stranger?"

His hands covered hers. "A person who is stronger than anyone else I ever met." Tony leaned down to kiss her fingers. "You saw what he had become, you heard his confession of what he did, and you made a choice that affected all our lives, but yours greatest of all. That kind of sacrifice...Zi, I don't know if we ever said thank you."

An unexpected tear dripped into her tea and Ziva met his eyes. "I still miss him." She swallowed. "Sometimes at night I stare into the darkness at the picture you found, and I remember Ari as he was when we were children, and even into our adult years. I was his handler, but he always looked out for me. He made sure I was never alone, never unprotected. If Ari could not be at my side during our missions, Michael was, whether assigned or not. I know it is hard for you to understand when you only saw the worst of them, but my brothers...they were good men once Tony, and I will always regret that the evil they fought against managed to steal their souls. I noticed too late to save either one. I miss them both."

Her mug found a place on the end table and Tony gathered her into his arms. "I'm sorry baby. No one should ever lose as much family as you have." He would never really be able to feel sympathy for Ari, the man who killed Kate, but he could care about how much his wife hurt because her brother was dead.

She traced the buttons on his shirt. "But I have gained a family here too." Ziva sighed. "When we can tell them, when we are no longer hiding the truth from our friends, the relationships will become more clear. The team is our family Tony. Abby our little sister, Tim the easy to tease younger brother. Ducky our grandfather and Jimmy..." She tried to find a place for the Autopsy Gremlin and bit her lip. "He is a cousin, maybe? Goofy and a little awkward, but we would not be the same without him. And Gibbs."

Tony picked up where she left off. "Not that he'll ever admit it out loud, but Gibbs is our dad. He barks and he growls and sometimes he bites, but he'd fight tooth and nail for us if that's what it took." He thought back to a rainy spring evening. "The night Kate died was the first time I really knew he cared. He was concerned about Tim and I, out gathering evidence in the rain. It was eery, but in a way it felt good too. Abby will always be the favourite and Jimmy will probably always be afraid of him. Ducky keeps him accountable and you," he lifted her chin, "you keep him honest Ziva."

Her lips curved up slightly. "Perhaps." She paused. "He is my father now too. I have given him Eli's place and he accepted. Nothing will change at work, but it means something I cannot even describe to know I have a father now who will not leave, and one who loves me." Ziva wiped her runny nose with a kleenex. "I was ten the last time Eli said those words and meant them. It was right before my mother left him and took us away. But Gibbs said them today and I do not have to question his motives." She sighed. "It is a good thing."

Tony kissed her temple and breathed in the scent of her shampoo. "Being loved is always a good thing Zi. It's my goal to make sure you never have to wonder about that again."

**NCIS**

**Friday, October 16 - the decision**

A cream coloured folder holding Dr. Braco's notes on all three of her sessions with Ziva sat on Leon Vance's desk, and the patient herself stood before him, hands behind her back, waiting for judgement. He regarded her seriously for some time, but knew she had too much training to be easily intimidated. Finally the director sighed. "You can stay." Her eyes lit briefly and he held up one hand. "Temporarily. There's still the issue of you technically being employed by Mossad, which I expect you to clear up ASAP. And then there's your physical condition. According to Dr. Mallard you have a great many injuries that have yet to fully heal, so if I decide to reinstate you, you're on desk duty until further notice. You got all that?"

She nodded once. "Yes sir."

Vance opened the top drawer of his desk and handed Ziva a visitor's badge. "You're to wear this at all times. And before I start the process to take you on as an agent David, you better be one hundred percent certain this is what you want. After this, there's no going back."

Ziva slipped the lanyard over her head. "I understand Director."

He tapped his pen on the desk. "Dismissed."

She said 'thank you' so quietly she wasn't sure he heard, and left the office, breathing easily for the first time all week. Ziva checked her watch and found it just before starting time. Leaning her arms on the railing, she stared down into the bullpen that had been her home away from home for four years. The elevator dinged and she hurried down the stairs, wanting to be at her desk when her team came in. Her team. Two words she once thought she'd never know again. Ziva overheard Tony trying to get information on Tim's date the night before, then McGee saw her leather bag, which she'd dropped hastily on her desk before going upstairs earlier that morning. He stopped dead in his tracks.

"Ziva's here."

Tony looked up automatically at her name, and Ziva came in right on cute. She smiled at both of them and sat down, beginning to type about nothing in particular. The guys both stared at her, then slowly moved to their own desks, like they weren't quite sure this was for real. Tim and Tony sat down, keeping their focus on their former teammate, and Ziva glanced up, meeting first one's eyes, then the other's. Of course, the gaze she directed at Tony said much more than anyone would ever be able to interpret, and he suddenly got this satisfied smile on his face. Both of them got to work, basking in how normal it felt to be here together and for that moment all was right in Team Gibbs' little world. Ziva stopped typing and looked around, unable to keep her smile in check. It was so good to be home.

_A/N2: So here's what to expect in this part. There will be random time jumps. There will also be re-arranging of episodes. Many dates have been changed both to accommodate the storyline that is being carried over from Aftermath and also to stretch the season out until the end of the summer in story time, because I dislike gaps between seasons. Chapters will generally be labeled with episode numbers, but the chapter will not revolve around the episodes any more. Events from the episode will be touched on at some point in the chapter, however, given that I am working in so many other people and there is so much else going on, the episode itself will not be a priority. Any questions (other than if T&Z will tell anyone that they are married) please feel free to ask. Next update will hopefully be Sunday, if all goes well. Thank you for reading, ~Aliyah_

_Replies:_

_Emma - Thank you :) I'm glad to hear this. Mmm...I don't think I started sooner. I said I was going to take a couple weeks off after Aftermath and I did. Mark and Cassie will make another appearance in Ch 3 or 4, along with the rest of the guys. It will be good for T&Z to cultivate friendships outside of work for now. I don't think Z will necessarily become observant again, but I think the traditions of her faith will help ground her a bit. I know I am always so thankful to have God to rely on when things in my life are tumultuous, but I'm also glad He's there when things are going great too :) I guess we could just look at it that V probably didn't realize how insensitive he sounded until it was too late to take it back. He was pretty hard on Z during Good Cop. But I'm glad you think it worked into the story okay. You're handling it better than I am. I won't be able to watch the show without her, it's just too sad. I wish they'd just make S11 the last season and wrap it all up with the cast still together. It hurts to have them apart. I wish Cote the best too, but it doesn't stop me from disliking her decision. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Guest - I'm glad you enjoyed it. Yes, T&Z need more people than just the team in their lives. I'm going for realistic so Z's healing will be in baby steps. Her going back to work won't really solve anything, but it does give her something else to hold onto. I know :( I'm trying really hard not to think about it. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	3. 7x3 Inside Man Part 1

_PS. Sorry about the multiple chapter alerts guys, I had a couple kinks to work out. ~Aliyah_

**Friday, October 16 continued**

Ziva's first day back ended on a quiet note. Only one call came in but the FBI usurped their jurisdiction before the guys got any further than strapping on their guns and badges. Tony seemed a bit deflated, but Ziva was relieved not to be left behind yet. Gibbs dismissed them at five pm without even looking up from the file he was reading. Tim packed up his things, sent Ziva a special smile, and headed downstairs to pick Abby up for their weekly dinner out. Tony gathered his backpack and coat and stood at the squadroom entrance waiting for Ziva.

She glanced at their boss before leaving. "Goodnight Gibbs."

He grunted his reply, pretending to ignore the couple as they walked to the elevator. Gibbs did, however, bring his head up at just the right time to see Tony's hand hover lightly over Ziva's lower back as he guided her onto the elevator. That, though, was a conversation for another time.

As soon as the doors slid closed Tony's hand dropped to Ziva's and their fingers intertwined. A satisfied grin claimed his face and he stared at the numbers slowly counting down. "I really missed this."

She tilted her head. "Taking advantage of a camera-less elevator?"

Tony chuckled. "No. Well, yes, but more just this." He gestured between them. "You, here, right by my side, the way things are supposed to be. I guess what I needed all along was just to have my partner back."

Ziva leaned into him and sighed. "I have missed us also."

The elevator dinged and they stepped out, Tony leading the way to the car. "So, what do you want to do tonight? We really should celebrate, since it's your first day back."

She let him take her bag and turned slightly. "Oh...we already have plans."

His eyebrows rose. "We do?"

Ziva bit her lip. "Yes."

Tony closed the back door and helped her in, leaning against the frame. "Are they secret plans?"

She shook her head. "No. We are having dinner with Mark and Cassie tonight." Tony's eyebrows climbed even higher and Ziva shifted in her seat. "Cassie told me their children always spend Friday nights with her father. Usually she and Mark go out but we did promise to get together..." She trailed off and her brow furrowed. "Are you upset?"

"No." Tony bent down. "I'm so proud of you." He leaned in to kiss her softly and pulled away with a smile. "Every day you amaze me Ziva David. That's reason number six hundred and twelve why I love you."

Contentment settled in her chocolate gaze. "Okay."

He got in on his side and looked her up and down. "You need to change?"

Ziva checked her attire. "No, I am presentable for going out."

Tony lifted her hand and kissed her wrist. "More than just presentable Zi, you're always stunning to me."

She arched one eyebrow suspiciously. "You are slathering me up."

He choked on a laugh. "It's 'buttering me up', and no, I'm not." The engine roared to life. "What time did you tell Cassie?"

She checked her watch. "Six. I was not sure what time we would be leaving."

Tony backed out of the spot and headed for the exit. "I've been friends with them long enough to know that showing up early will not be an imposition."

Ziva accepted his offered hand once they were on the road and savoured the warmth of his skin against hers. "I know how you and Mark became friends, but how did you meet Cassie?"

He leaned his head back and gave her a small smile. "One Sunday in April of our first year Mark dragged us all to this church barbeque. There was food and games and lots of people, so four college kids blended in easily. About halfway through the afternoon a girl came around handing out bottles of water. She had this great smile, long curly blonde hair, and shorts that-" Tony glanced at his wife and cleared his throat, rethinking his wording. "Uh, let's just say she made a simple t-shirt and shorts combination look real good."

The memory was a good one and he continued. "We were nineteen year old guys and instantly in love, but one look at Mark's face put a damper on our hopes, because you could see right away that for him she was something special. So, according to the bro code he saw her first and we backed off. Darien, who even then preferred sports to girls, talked Jordan into finding out if she went to our school and how to find her after that day. We managed to accidentally-on-purpose run into her enough times that she learned our names and eventually agreed to go out for drinks with us. When she stuck to Shirley Temples and ice water, we knew she was Mark's kind of girl."

Tony made a couple lane changes to get to the right exit and finished answering Ziva's question. "By the time school was out we'd rented a house and spent all summer hanging out with Cassie when we weren't slaving away at whatever jobs we'd managed to snag. She was a regular at our house for the whole next year. Cassie taught us a lot of lessons about how to act around girls, what to say and what not to say, and became our cooking instructor as well. We all benefitted from having her around, but Mark didn't ask her out until September of our junior year. Cassie said yes right away like she'd just been waiting for him to find the nerve, and the rest is history. Here we are fifteen years later, they've been married thirteen years and have two great kids. Theirs is a love story for the fairy tale books."

Ziva reached over to trace the chain around his neck. "What book would ours be in?"

Tony stopped at a red light and looked at her seriously. "Our love story gets its own book Zi. Action/adventure, intrigue and mystery, passion, romance, tragedy. Even with the heartbreaking chapters it's still the best one I've ever read."

She nodded slowly. "I will keep that in mind."

Not too many minutes later they pulled into Mark and Cassie's driveway and Tony walked around the car to open Ziva's door. "Ready?"

Ziva wrapped her fingers tightly around his and took a deep breath. "Yes."

The couple didn't even make it all the way up the steps before the door swung open and Mark's smiling face greeted them. "Come on in guys, welcome."

Tony let Ziva go ahead of him and Cassie came from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. "Ziva! Tony! We're so glad you could make it." She threw her arms around Tony's neck, then turned to Ziva with a hopeful expression. "Is it okay if I hug you too?" She nodded bravely, accepting a brief hug from the woman, then Cassie led the way into the house and gestured to the table. "Take a seat, supper is almost ready. It's nothing fancy, just beef stew, mashed potatoes and vegetables, and fresh bread."

Tony breathed in deeply. "Smells wonderful Cass. Thanks for having us." He saw his wife seated and walked over to lean on the island. "How can I help?"

Cassie glanced over her shoulder at Ziva. "Can he slice bread?"

Ziva tried not to smile. "Perhaps Tony can set the table and I could slice bread."

Tony was prepared to be offended at the unspoken insinuation of his lack of bread slicing skills, but then he shrugged and slipped his hands in his pockets. "There's a reason they sell it already sliced Smurfette."

Cassie rolled her eyes and pointed. "Dishes are in the far left cupboard, silverware in the drawer below. Ziva, there's a bread knife in the block on the counter. Mark, can you get her a cutting board please?"

They all worked around each other fairly well and after plates, bowls, knifes, forks, and spoons were positioned just so on the table, Tony came up behind his wife, looking over her shoulder. "You okay?" he asked in barely a whisper.

She leaned back into him a fraction. "Fresh bread is easy to cut." If it was something tougher her wrist and fingers might protest, but bread was not a problem.

Mark finished with the mashed potatoes and Cassie got out glasses and asked about drinks. Everything was brought to the table and finally they all sat down. Mark said a quick blessing and out of respect both Tony and Ziva closed their eyes, then it was time to eat. Mark held out his hand. "Guests first."

Tony reached for Ziva's dish and checked with her about portion sizes, then got his own. Seeing the amount she'd ended up with Mark and Cassie exchanged concerned glances, but decided to say nothing. Ziva was probably feeling self-conscious enough without having the difference pointed out. Cassie let them have a couple bites before leaning her head on her hand and swirling a fork through her mashed potatoes.

"So, how did things go this week? I've been on pins and needles ever since I talked to Ziva on Monday."

Ziva set her fork down. "I have had some very difficult conversations over the last few days. In addition to the NCIS mandated visits to a psychiatrist..." she trailed off.

Tony rubbed his hand across her shoulders. "It's made for a rough week."

Compassion filled Cassie's eyes. "Bad dreams?"

The other woman nodded. "I am glad Tony is there when I wake up."

Mark shot a grin at his friend. "Yeah, well, Big D's good for lots of things."

Ziva glanced at her husband. "Yes, I am finding that out."

After that eating resumed and the conversation drifted to less serious topics as Mark and Cassie related some of the tales and mishaps their children had been involved in over the past several days. When they were finished, Mark and Tony volunteered to do dishes while Cassie took Ziva down to their finished basement to see her craft room. They sank into comfortable chairs and Cassie played with her wedding ring.

"I don't mean to pry...well, actually, I do. Tony has been a close friend since before there was a Mark and I and we want him to be happy, we want the two of you to find the same joy in marriage that we do. Are you guys...doing okay? Mark told me things were pretty rough for awhile."

Ziva pulled her feet up and sat crosslegged. "I will be honest with you Cassie, there have been many struggles since I came home. But we have both had some help and though not everything has been mended, we are working closer to that every day."

"Good," Cassie smiled, then turned the tables with her next breath. "Does he make you happy Ziva? Tony is a great guy but he is also a man and sometimes they say the wrong things when you're hurting."

Ziva folded her hands. "We have both said many wrong things Cassie and too often we have hurt each other. But Tony loves me in a way I cannot describe, with a tenderness that still brings tears to my eyes at times. He has been faithful even when I have not, he has kept promises that I tried to break, and he is...hakol sheli."

Cassie shook her head. "What does that mean?"

"It is Hebrew for 'my everything'."

"You love him," Cassie observed with pleasure.

"Yes." Ziva blinked back tears. "I love him very much. In three years we have fought through and survived more than most couples see in all their decades together. I hope now it will only get easier and better for us."

Cassie chuckled. "I wouldn't count on easier, but it will definitely get better every year as you learn more and love more and grow closer through each rough patch and all the sunny days too. You guys have been tested, but so far I think you're passing with flying colours."

The basement door opened and Mark called down. "Dessert is served ladies. Hurry and get some before Tony eats it all. You know how he loves your Mississippi Mud Cass."

Ziva's brow furrowed. "Mud for dessert?"

Cassie's laughter tinkled. "Chocolate pudding and oreo cookie crumbs, with whipped cream and gummy worms and some other stuff in between. Much better than it sounds, I promise." She led the way upstairs, but paused before the top. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable Ziva, but I saw how much you didn't eat at dinner. Call it the mom in me, but I'm concerned."

She leaned against the wall. "I do not know how much Mark or Tony told you, but part of what I went through this summer included being held captive and starved. It takes a long time to return to eating normally after your body goes through that."

Cassie covered her mouth. "Ziva, I'm so sorry."

Ziva held up her hand. "Please do not. I want no one's pity. What happened, happened and now it is over. I just want to get back to my life and forget everything else."

"However long that takes, please know you have a whole group of friends that will do anything to help, because just like Tony, you're family. Okay?"

On impulse Ziva hugged Cassie and whispered 'thank you', then they rejoined their husbands. In the end, despite anything Ziva had been thinking or expecting, it was a very good night.

**NCIS**

**Saturday, October 17**

Tony had come to expect that nightmares followed Ziva's sessions with the shrink, so it was with great surprise that he woke up Saturday morning and Ziva was still peacefully asleep on her side of the bed, arms wrapped around her pillow. He leaned down and brushed his lips over the exposed skin of her neck, then got up and pulled on a hoody - it was time to spoil his wife.

Sometime later Ziva stirred and stretched, rolling over to cuddle with her husband. But only cold sheets met her touch and she sat up, gazing around. Her eyes fell on Moses and she reached for him. "Do you know where my husband is ha-chaver yashan?" The bear's solemn brown eyes stared back at her and Ziva sighed. "You would be a very good spy, all your secrets hidden away where no one can see." She kissed his nose. "I suppose I will have to go see for myself."

Pushing back the warm covers, Ziva got out of bed and dug through Tony's bottom dresser drawer for the ratty old OSU hoody she favoured. It swallowed her slight frame and fell to the top of her thighs. She lifted the neck and breathed in her husband's familiar, comforting scent. Running a hand through her unruly curls, Ziva opened the door and padded out in her slippers. Tony was going back and forth between the kitchen and table, positioning dishes and setting out silverware. The dried roses she kept in a vase on her desk now adorned the table as a centerpiece and Ziva had to smile.

"Boker tov yakiri."

Tony looked up quickly as if caught and grinned self-consciously. "Hi."

She walked over and slid her arms around his waist. He bent his head and met her mouth with his, indulging in the much anticipated morning kiss. Ziva, feeling secure after a good night's rest, practically melted into her husband, offering more in the caress than she usually was able to. Tony took everything he could get and pulled back to smile at her, rubbing his thumb across her cheek. "Good morning."

Ziva leaned into his touch and glanced towards the table. "What is this Mr. DiNozzo?"

He took her hand and led her to a chair. "This, Mrs. DiNozzo, is my attempt at copying your aunt's Israeli breakfast spread."

She took in the chopped salad, sliced cheese, buttered toast, fried eggs, and glasses of juice and smiled. "It is wonderful, thank you ahava."

Tony dropped a kiss on her hair and sat down beside her. "Enjoy babe."

An hour later they were leaning back in their chairs and savouring the mugs of hot tea and coffee cradled in their hands. Tony turned to his wife. "So, what do you want to do today?"

Ziva tilted her head and consider the question. "Can we go to Maryland? I would like to see Jules."

"I think we can manage that."

She set her tea down. "We should call Aunt Nettie today as well. I'm surprised she hasn't tried yet."

Tony put his hand over hers. "She's probably just giving us some time to settle in. What time would be good?"

Ziva tried to do the math. "I think three o'clock would be the latest. She is usually in bed by eleven."

"We'll aim for that then." He stood and began clearing dishes. Ziva finished the last bit of her tea and helped, packing away leftovers and snitching an extra mouthful of salad before it got put in the fridge. They dressed warmly in comfortable clothes, with Ziva adding a few layers to combat the chilly air and her body's still unregulated temperature. The drive to Maryland was relatively quiet, both halves of the couple lost in their own thoughts. Finally Tony looked over at his wife.

"You and Cass seemed to hit it off pretty well last night," he commented. "You came upstairs smiling like you'd been sharing secrets."

Ziva angled her body to face him. "I think Cassie is very sweet. She and Mark are much alike in their desire to help us."

"They're some of the most caring, giving people I've ever met," Tony agreed. "I always feel lucky to have ended up with this group of friends." He kissed her fingers. "It would be nice for you to have some girlfriends too." The one drawback of their arrangement was that cultivating really close friendships with their work colleagues was, for the moment, not a good idea. They didn't want to lie to any of their friends, so arm's length was the key until everything came out.

"I like Cassie," Ziva decided, "and your fraternity brothers. For now that is enough."

He nodded. "Okay."

The smell of the barn was welcome to Ziva, the week and a half since she'd last been there seeming the equivalent of a lifetime ago. She slowly approached the stall of what she considered her horse. "Hello Jules," she said softly. The filly's head came up and she whinnied, walking over to blow in Ziva's face. The woman chuckled and stroked Jules' velvety muzzle. "Yes bat yafa, I have missed you too." She opened the stall door and let herself inside, running her hands slowly over the horse's body before getting a comb to work the tangles out of Jules' mane.

Tony joined her a few minutes later and leaned against the wall. "Someone has Jax out, so you may have to share."

Ziva looked over Jules' back at him. "I am very good at sharing."

He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Is that a fact? I'll keep that in mind for later."

The way her husband's eyes twinkled made Ziva wonder if she should be curious or concerned, but then he grabbed a brush and curry comb and got to work and her question was soon forgotten. When Jules was as groomed as she could get, Ziva rested folded arms on the horse's side. "I want to ride her."

Tony eyed her skeptically. "Last time you got tired just sitting on her back Zi. Plus, it would be too cold for you out on the trails today."

She ran through her options. "If we go to one of the indoor rings, I could just walk Jules around."

He made a face. "Tell you what. How about you just sit on her back and I'll lead you both around?"

His protectiveness was an annoyance when she was so desperate to do something normal by herself, but Ziva didn't let that show. "Very well."

Tony clipped a lead rope onto Jules' halter and with Ziva walking beside her, took the horse to the nearest indoor riding ring. He tied her to a post and helped Ziva mount. Once she was comfortable and holding onto Jules' mane, Tony took the rope again and began walking at a slow pace around the ring. Ziva concentrated on each of Jules' movements, adjusting her position to the way the horse's muscles stretched and flexed, and found after a couple rounds that her legs ached from gripping Jules' body between her knees. By the middle of the third circle her strength was gone and Ziva wanted to cry.

"Tony stop, please." He halted immediately, turning to look at his wife. She leaned over to rest her head on Jules' neck. "I cannot do any more."

His heart squeezed, knowing how she hated to admit to any weakness. "It's okay honey. For your first time back in the saddle, so to speak, I think you did great." Tony gave her a moment and rubbed Jules' neck and shoulder. "You're a good girl Jules. Thanks for being gentle with her. She loves you a lot and she's very important to me."

Ziva moved to slide off but lost her balance. Tony noticed in just enough time to grab her and they both landed in an ungraceful heap on the ground. Jules snorted and walked a few paces away while Tony lay back and laughed. "Guess we have to work on your dismount."

Ziva, draped over his chest, blushed and buried her face in his sweater, muffling the next words. "That was embarrassing." She lifted her head. "Did I hurt you?"

Tony took stock and leaned up on his elbows. "A bruised rear end maybe, but nothing serious. I'm glad I was here to break your fall."

She sighed. "I guess I am not back up to putt yet."

"Par," he chuckled. "Putting is a way to get the ball in the hole." Ziva frowned and he shook his head. "Golf terminology, never mind." He got up. "Well, shall we do lunch?"

Ziva accepted his hands to pull her to her feet and she took careful steps towards Jules, speaking quietly to her as she got ahold of the rope. "I am sorry yafi, for startling you. That was not your fault."

Tony stood behind her, his hands resting on her hips. "You'll get back to normal eventually sweetheart, but you're gonna have to be patient. One day at a time, remember?"

She let him take her weight. "I remember, but I am tired of waiting."

Thinking it best not to tell her how much waiting was probably in her future - for her strength to return, for her body to heal, for her job to be sorted out, for her nightmares to go away - Tony merely kissed the back of her head and took the rope, sliding his fingers between hers. "Come on babe, I know this great little fifties diner about five minutes from the house. I'll buy you a chocolate malt, which I guarantee will give you something to smile about, we can share a burger and fries, then laze away the rest of the afternoon watching _The Wonder Twins_ and _Xena_. What do you say?"

Ziva smiled and leaned into him and they slowly led Jules back to her stall. "It is a deal."

**NCIS**

True to his prediction, Ziva loved the chocolate malt, drinking her own and part of Tony's - which he gladly relinquished just to watch her enjoyment. That left her with only room for a few bites of burger, but it was one of the best she could recall having, and while Tony ate she was kept busy looking around, absorbing the atmosphere and flipping through the songs available on the jukebox. Observing her comfort level in the little restaurant, Tony made a silent promise that it would be their new special place to go together and decided someday to bring her back late at night when they were almost the only ones around, and dance with her to whatever love songs he could find to play.

Back at home Ziva went straight for the couch and lay down, so Tony took the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over her. He made some popcorn, though he didn't think she'd be interested, and sat with her feet in his lap. Ziva smiled as he rubbed them through her thick socks, then sat up and bit and shook her head, holding out her hand. "Too far away." He grinned at that pronouncement and nudged her over so he could slip in behind her. Ziva sighed contentedly when he draped his arm over her waist and nuzzled her neck. "I love you."

Tony slid his palm across her cheek and brushed his lips over hers. "I really could get used to that."

She smiled slightly. "I hope you do."

They made it through half of one episode before Tony wrinkled his nose. "We smell like horse. Better shower before the couch is contaminated."

Ziva rolled her eyes, then sniffed her own clothes. "Hmm, yes, I suppose we do. And barn." She tucked her hands under her head and closed her eyes. "You can go first." Tony got up and stood behind the couch, staring down at her. Finally her eyebrows drew together and she looked up. "What?"

He pursed his lips like he was thinking very hard about something. "Take a shower with me," he blurted.

She sat up completely and blinked at him, wondering if she'd heard wrong. "Pardon?"

Tony sighed and sat on the coffee table in front of her. "You said earlier today that you're good at sharing, and I really would like you to share some of you with me. Please Zi, come and shower with me."

Ziva swallowed and her eyes flickered around the room, searching for a way out. But there was none and she shook her head. "I'm sorry Tony, I cannot. Not yet."

He pushed himself up and paced a few steps away. "Gosh Ziva, what are you afraid of? What do you think I'm going to do? I just want to be close to you!" He had the sudden urge to put his fist through the wall, but that was more collateral damage than he wanted to deal with in that moment.

She pulled her knees up and hugged them to her chest. "I do not know," she whispered. "I do not know. I only know that I am afraid and...I am not ready to be that close to you."

Tony leaned his forehead again the wall and sighed. There weren't even any words to describe the impact of what she'd just said.

Ziva rested her chin on her knees. "I am tired of saying it, but I truly am sorry that so many of my answers hurt you." She waited for him to move, to speak, something, but he just stayed where he was and she wished for Moses, she wished for privacy to cry, for her aunt's hug, and her mother's touch, none of which she could have in this moment. "Are you angry?"

He turned around and slid down to sit on the floor, staring at his hands. "No." But that wasn't really true. "A little. But mostly I'm disappointed. I get to sleep beside you every night, and as long as I'm careful, to put my hands on you. But you're always fully clothed Ziva. I miss running my fingers over your skin, following that path with my lips, getting to hold you in bed with nothing between us but the sheets and the air. I just wanted to hold you like that again."

The things he remembered brought images to Ziva's mind that she was not ready to let in. She twisted part of the blanket around her fingers. "I don't like to be naked any more Tony," she shared softly. "I do not find freedom or confidence in my unclothed form. It makes me tense and anxious, because when I am covered in layers I am safe, and it would be much harder to get at me. Without the protection of clothes I feel...vulnerable and I never want to feel like that again."

Her confession was like nails in the coffin for any hope of them that he harboured and Tony covered his face with his hands, wanting to weep at the pain inside. "Does that mean you'll never-" He couldn't even finish the sentence, but it felt like a lifetime now stretched out before them where he'd always deeply yearn for intimacy she could not or would not give. That burden was almost worse than the first.

Silence filled the space between them for too long, then he sensed more than heard her presence in front of him. Ziva lowered herself to the floor, holding the box containing her engagement and wedding rings in both hands. "The ketubah says a husband and wife promise each other emotional, physical, and spiritual fulfillment." She met his eyes. "You have come with me to Temple, you have supported me through everything this last month has thrown at us."

Ziva sighed. "You have always been there for me Tony and I made the same promises to you. I am not saying that...sex is off the table forever. I would not deprive you of that connection for the rest of our days together. And I know I do not...understand intimacy the same way a man does, so I cannot imagine what it is like to need something you cannot get. But I need time Tony. A lot of time, perhaps, to heal."

She rubbed her thumb over the rings. "If I am not fit for field duty, then I am not fit for any kind of physical activity. That is my measuring stick. I know waiting is not easy for you, but please give me that, please." The box snapped shut and she clutched it in one hand, closing her eyes tightly. "I wish I could just forget, but it does not work that way."

Tony tipped his head back until it hit the wall. He didn't know what he'd been expecting, but this wasn't it. Months. They would be waiting months until her body healed enough to for Ducky to declare her fit for duty. It wasn't like he couldn't survive without sex, he'd gone four months already since the last time they'd been together that way, which was no different than the other summer they'd been separated. But having that connection with her, the chance to be fully wrapped and enveloped in her love in the most tangible way possible...that was like living without water when there was a well within arm's reach.

"Say something," Ziva found herself begging when more than a few minutes had slipped by.

He shook his head. "I don't know what to say. You can't be fully clothed and have sex Zi, so at some point you're going to have to move beyond trusting me in your head to trusting me in your heart. Making love is vulnerable honey. You're opening yourself up to someone, inviting them into your body, believing that they will not take advantage of that." Tony didn't trust himself to touch her right now. "And I hope you know somewhere in your heart that I would never do that."

"I do not know how to separate what I know from what was done. Everything was taken Tony, every security I ever held onto, every truth I ever believed. To have that all shattered is a loss I do not know how to come back from. I know you would never hurt me, but the past four months have taught me that all promises can be broken, that all men have evil inside them, that every touch brings pain. To re-learn how to trust is like learning how to walk again and I don't know how long it will take to find my footing."

Tony moved to sit knee to knee with her, his hand resting delicately on her leg. "We'll find it together Zi, one step at a time. But I can't always be strong for you. Sometimes it just hurts, knowing what's ahead, seeing the shadows of what's been left behind. I'm not shutting you out, but I need some space." He stood. "I'm going for a walk. I have my cell. I'll be back before supper. I love you." Then he walked out the door and Ziva buried her face in her arms and cried. She was right the first day - dying would have been so much easier than learning how to heal.

**NCIS**

An hour later she finally picked herself up off the floor and went to the office, dialing Aunt Nettie on Skype and feeling incredibly despondent. The old woman picked up on the last ring and was smiling when the picture stabilized. "Shalom my darling! I am so glad you called!" But one look at her face and Nettie knew something was wrong. "What happened?"

Ziva shrugged one shoulder. "I do not know what to call it."

Nettie frowned. "You and Anthony are not getting along?"

She flopped back in the desk chair. "We get along fine until I have to tell him something he does not want to hear. As long as we do not go past the surface level or dig into what hurts. I have spent my life around men. I have been married for three years. I know that sex is important to him, but I cannot change anything about being unable to offer it now!"

"Is he pressuring you?" That did not sound like the Tony she knew.

"No," Ziva admitted. "But he is always trying to find ways to get a little closer. Today he wanted us to shower together, that is what brought everything up again. But I am not ready to be in that position Doda and he does not understand."

"I am sure he is trying Zivaleh." Nettie studied her niece. "What are your thoughts about intimacy now, after a month?"

She frowned. "Physically unable. So much still needs to heal, my body still hurts. I feel very fragile and breakable, I could not tolerate that kind of touch."

"Anthony is not asking for what you cannot give my love, he is asking for what you can give," Nettie pointed out practically. "You may not be capable of giving yourself to him yet, but you can stand in the shower with your husband and let him look at you, let him touch you in a way that does not make you uncomfortable."

"Why are you on his side?" Ziva demanded.

Nettie shook her head. "Little bird, I choose no sides. You do not have the ability to see from a neutral perspective, but I do. I am merely telling you things you already know but do not want to pay attention to."

"I don't like the thought of either of us being naked," she mumbled after a bit.

"Then perhaps that is the next step of things to work on, getting yourself comfortable in less clothing until you can be in only your skin and know that no harm will come to you." Her expression became more stern. "Washington DC is not Somalia tatelah, and Tony would neither let anyone hurt you nor cause the hurt himself that you fear. That is something to work into your thinking every day."

Ziva's nose wrinkled. "You give a lot of advice for a woman with no husband."

Nettie laughed. "I have had sixty years to observe the relationships and marriages around me. I have read many books and learned many things. And I have spent time with you and Anthony, both together and separately. I know you Zivi, in some ways better than he does. Since your birth I have loved and doted on you, and I carry all your secrets, both painful and lovely, inside my heart. Often I can tell which truths you need to hear. The ones your head already knows but that you are avoiding accepting because they will not be easy to live out. But you have never backed down from a fight bat sheli, and I expect that you will put your all into this one as well. The battle for your marriage will be the most important one you ever take a stand in. Please find the strength to see it through." _My girl._

"I will try." Then she shook her head, disgusted with herself. "Gibbs would say there is no such thing as 'try', you either do it or you don't." She sighed. "So I will, somehow."

"Good," Nettie nodded. "Now, where is my nephew? I would like to say hello."

Ziva's posture wilted. "He went for a walk. He cannot just stay when everything feels heavy and hard. He said he would be back."

"Neither one of you has a very good way to release stress at the moment. I am glad he is using that outlet rather than getting angry and smashing things the way Eli used to. Perhaps he still does, I do not know."

"Have you talked to him?"

Deep sadness was evident on Nettie's countenance. "I tried little one, but his heart is too hard. He will listen to no one now but himself. In time he will realize what he has lost. But I fear by then it will be too late for him to get any of it back."

"It is already too late," Ziva scoffed. "Ima, Tali, and Ari are dead, so am I, in a way. I have asked Gibbs to take my Abba's place. Even though he does not often say it in words, I know he loves me. I cannot say the same for Eli."

"That is a great tragedy," Nettie lamented. "If only you could remember the way he was when you were a baby, when you toddled around using his fingers to steady yourself. He-"

"No," Ziva cut her off. "I do not want to hear any good memories Doda. It hurts too much to know that he cared once and then somehow stopped. All I have to hold onto from my life with him is two hands full of broken promises. I have tried too many times to make him love me, now I am done. I am sure he will be happier alone, with only himself to worry about." She let out a breath. "Tell me Doda, how are you?"

Nettie gave up on the early years of her brother and niece that she longed to share, because once he had known what it meant to love his daughter, and once Ziva was the cherished princess in her father's eyes, but now neither could breach the wall between them, and the saddest part was that they did not want to. She pasted on a smile and began to fill her niece in on her weekly activities, but behind the smile her heart ached for all the years that would be forever lost.

**NCIS**

Ziva got a text at five pm from Tony saying that he'd be late and not to wait up for him. Deflated, she spent a couple hours in the office poring over her journal entries for all the resolves and lists and promises she'd made two weeks ago. The time that was left in her night was spent opening her heart onto the creamy white pages, a tear marring the words here and there. Eventually she was done waiting and took a shower alone, got ready for bed, then curled up on her side with Moses in her arms, wishing she had something alive to hug instead.

Much later than he'd originally planned, because he just couldn't seem to stop walking and the weight in his heart was barely eased let alone gone, Tony arrived home. Somewhere along the way he'd stopped at the gym for a few rounds with the punching bag and took a shower in a small cubicle all by himself, trying not to picture what it would be like to share the space with his wife. He thought he would've cherished that first night so much more if he'd known that was the only time he would be allowed the privilege. The lights were all off and a strange coldness gripped the house, making Tony shiver. He shed his clothes outside the bedroom and pulled on a t-shirt and pyjama pants as quietly as he could once inside. Seeing Ziva laying with Moses held in a firm grip, he sighed.

Walking over to her side, he sat down and gently tugged the bear from her grasp. "Sorry buddy, but we have a deal."

She wouldn't look at him. "He was my only option."

"I know." Tony pushed some hair away from her face. "Are we okay?"

"No," Ziva told him quietly. "We are broken and it hurts. I wish we could skip forward to okay, but the world is not about to let it be so simple."

"What do you need honey?" He didn't know what else to say.

She sat up and beat on his chest with both fists. "I need you to stop running away! If I have to stay, you have to stay! I do not like this any more than you do, but I do not have a choice. This is what life looks like today, tomorrow, and for many days after that. I do not want to be left alone because there is too much in your head! There is always too much in mine but I have nowhere to go!"

Tony opened his mouth to say something but realized he had no defense and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry sweetheart. You're right. I get to leave and you have to stay, that's not fair. I'm sorry."

Her fierce expression dropped and she was in his arms the next instant. "If I have to promise not to leave, so do you. Promise me Tony. I love you and I do not want to lose you to this."

He hugged her tightly and breathed in the fresh scent of her hair. "I promise Zi, I promise. You're not going to lose me and I won't lose you. We'll work it out. Somehow we're going to get through this."

Ziva blinked wet lashes against his cheek, her lips grazing the stubble there. He let go only long enough to crawl under the covers, forcing her to move more onto his side in order to make room. She tried very hard to smile. "That is my side."

Tony gathered her against his chest, tangling their legs together. "I know. Tonight you have to share. My side is too far away."

She bit her lip. "Maybe I lied when I said I was good at sharing. But I am going to learn now."

He kissed her nose. "That's good enough for me. I love you babe. I'm here."

And here, Ziva decided as his warmth seeped through her pyjamas, was her favourite place to be.

**A/N: So it's come out that Cote isn't leaving because she wanted to, but because of a financial dispute with the network. For me that makes this news even worse because I can't imagine them not wanting to pay her anything to stay for their #1 show. But anyhow, I think it's time we showed CBS we aren't going down without a fight. **

**Inspired by another avid Tiva lover and a loyal reader/reviewer, I'm posting here the link to an online petition to get Cote back that already has over 10,000 signatures. I think we can double that, don't you? It's slowed down in the last couple days and that won't do. We need to let CBS know their bad decisions will affect their ratings. (Just replace the words I've put where dots and slashes go).**

**www dot change dot org slash en-AU/petitions/cbs-television-studios-bring-cote- de-pablo-back-to-ncis?utm_campaign=share_button_action_box&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition**

**Here also is a link to the comment form on CBS as well as an address to mail letters to CBS and to Cote. **

**www dot cbs dot com slash feedback/**

**Cote de Pablo**

**c/o NCIS**

**26030 Avenue Hall**

**Box 4**

**Valencia, CA 91355**

**/**

**CBS Headquarters**

**51 W. 52nd Street**

**New York, NY 10019-6188**

**1-212-975-4321**

**And last an email address for CBS's Executive Vice President: nina . tassler at CBS . com**

**Let's show her some support and drown the network in our passion and enthusiasm to bring Ziva back home. Don't be rude, don't try to tick anyone off, but from the bottom of your heart tell them how you feel about the news, what Ziva means to you, the impact she has had on us as viewers, how we can't imagine the show without her, and how much we appreciate the amazing actress who plays her, Cote de Pablo. I know we can do it guys, we can make a difference. Please take ten minutes to sign the petition, fill in the comment form, and write a short note to drop in the mail to CBS. Send them pictures of your favourite moments or screencaps, lists of your favourite Ziva quotes and Ziva-isms, and any applicable Gibbs' Rules like #5 - We don't waste good. Like Ziva said in the final episode of S10, "This is about my family!" This is about our love for this family. We have nine weeks until the premier, let's make it happen!**

_Replies:_

_Sarah (MIT1) - you're welcome :) I know, it sucks to see all the fics with Z leaving because I'm not okay with that and I'm sad for the authors who have given up - there's still too many stories to tell for that. Vance is a real pain sometimes, I just have to remember that often he's been on Team Gibbs' side and I can mostly overlook his issues for that. It almost would've been funny if T did try to take M on and M had to put him on the ground. Either way he still would've gotten hauled outside to cool off. I'm glad it didn't go that far. Mark's a good friend._

_Devastated is kind of the word for that news, huh? I'm trying not to think about it, maybe if I pretend it never happened it won't be as bad? You were one of the first ones to report that it was about money and that makes this situation even worse. I hope the backlash for CBS is much worse than they anticipated, and enough to make them think twice before they kill their cash cow and #1 show. I think it's stupid too and I, for one, won't watch NCIS without Z. I'm really glad you said something about fans fighting for Cote because I checked out the blog of another avid NCIS and Tiva fan and she had all the information about how to contact CBS, which is where I copied and pasted everything from. I hear the petition is starting to slow down but I'm hoping FF will give it the boost is needs. I'm all for filling out the feedback form and writing letters, at least it will hopefully show the network we're not going down without a fight. If enough people say something we could totally make a difference. Thanks for the info and for reviewing Sarah, I always appreciate it! :)_

_Emma - Thanks :) Yeah, he's a little bit rough on the language just like I am, but he's trying. Thanks. Anyone who knows me from my previous series RofS or my Jibbs series knows that I hate writing psychiatrist scenes, but those are the ones readers seem to really enjoy. I don't know Dr. Braco at all and I had no intention of going into detail, but at least they got a mention. I know what you mean. I won't be watching NCIS without her either. I don't even want to know how they try to kick her out of the show, but until the bitter end I will fight with everyone else to get her back. I think fans will feel so cheated if we finally get a kiss after all these years and then she's just gone. What a rip off. I know I don't know anything about the business, but I feel that the amount of money they made per episode is ridiculous and wonder why it isn't good enough. Couldn't she stay just for us? But anyhow, I can't argue and I'm sure it takes a lot to think about walking away from something you've worked so hard on. _

_Sarah (MIT2) - Thank you :) Unfortunately with Z's training a psych eval must be very difficult because she's on the line of truth and fiction, honesty and telling them what they want to hear, knowing how to pass and knowing that she can't pass too well and still be believable. Yeah, that walk must've sucked big time. It only should've taken her an hour and a half, so this is a major setback. But keep in mind that she's only been home for a month and she's not eating very well yet and she only weighs about a hundred pounds, so her stamina is shot as well. A cab would've been the easy way of doing things, but since when has Ziva David ever done things the easy way? haha...glad you pulled that line out about T singing Miley. I thought it was kind of funny. I definitely had to tweak the G/Z convo because I just could not stand how cold he was to her between Reunion and the end of Good Cop. G thinking of Kelly is always a selling point, it helps to be reminded that he was a daddy once before. lol...I know. I actually forgot about the age differences for a minute but you're right, she acts older. And A&M really do play the parts of younger siblings, regardless of actual age. I'm glad she's home at NCIS too, but there's still so much ahead and it's going to be a long road. Thanks so much for the review and don't worry at all, you totally inspired me and for that I am grateful. Thank you :) ~Aliyah_


	4. 7x3 Inside Man Part 2

_A/N: Hi guys! Sorry this is late. I didn't remember until I was already in bed last night that I'd forgotten to post the chapter, but when I did the editing this morning I found a note reminding me to add a scene and I didn't have time before work. It's taken me all afternoon to finally get around to it and I think I have everything this time. Also just a head's up - I plan to be away this weekend so next week's updates may be a little off schedule, but there will still be two chapters posted at some point between Mon and Sat. I think that's all for now folks, I hope you enjoy this chapter and that the one section which glosses over a week and a half doesn't confuse anyone too much. Thanks for all the reviews, you guys are fabulous! :) ~Aliyah_

**Sunday October 18**

Sunday afternoon Ziva got out of the car at the park and Cody nearly ran her over, barking excitedly, his tail wagging so hard she thought it might fall off. Laughing, Ziva knelt to pet him and received several enthusiastic kisses for her efforts. Off to the side Brent whistled to get his dog's attention. "Enough Code, lay off. At least let her join the group before you maul her like that."

Ziva stood and went over to give him a hug, much more at ease with the process this time. "Hello Brent. I am sorry to steal your dog's attention."

Brent shrugged. "Don't worry about it. He needs his girl time as much as any other guy, I guess."

Jordan, talking with the rest of the group, broke away and jogged over, pulling with him a very pretty blue eyed blonde. "Hi Ziva, glad you could make it. You remember Allie, right? My fiancee?"

Allie blushed and held out her hand when Ziva inquired about her ring. "It's something I admired last year while flipping through a catalogue." She leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Jordan has a great memory for details."

"Being engaged is still a novelty I see," Ziva commented. "How are the plans coming?"

Jordan slipped away then and Ziva and Allie drifted over to sit beneath the tree. Cody was plastered to Ziva's side as before, occasionally lifting his head to encourage a pet or two from Allie, taking all the spoiling he could get. The guys played a hard and fast game of three on three, challenged each other to ultimate HORSE, and had a free throw competition, ending with one final game where the teams were switched up. They were breathing hard, sweaty and content when they came off the court to grab towels and drinks.

Before they joined the girls, Tony pulled Brent aside. "Hey Swish, what would the possibility be of me and Ziva borrowing Cody some time?" He gestured to his wife. "It's nice to see her so peaceful. I don't get that so much at home. The stress gets pretty heavy, especially after she's had a nightmare."

Brent hemmed and hawed. "I'm awfully attached to my dog D."

Tony sighed and crossed his arms. "Okay, what's the deal breaker?"

Brent grinned. "Come help me with a demonstration for my after school team and we'll call it even."

Tony held out his hand. "Deal. And thanks."

"We want to see her get better too," his friend said seriously. "If Cody can help with that, I'm more than happy to lend him. As long as I get him back."

"Maybe you can find yourself a girl while you're flying solo," Tony teased.

Brent shoved his shoulder and they joined the others. Allie was telling Ziva about the decorations for the reception hall and Jordan sat close by her side, an adoring expression on his face. Tony lowered himself beside his wife and took her hand, shooting her a quick smile while they listened. Darien was volunteered next to tell his most recent game story, Brent related an incident from the week before where Cody helped a little girl with her ice cream, there was an 'aww' moment when Adrian talked about a photoshoot he did with two week old twins a couple days ago, and of course Mark always had new kid antics to share.

He flopped back on the grass at the end. "I don't know where they come up with this stuff! Ken wanting to glue poor, helpless fireflies to her walls to use in place of a nightlight is definitely a new one."

"At least Alec never tied a red blanket around his neck and jumped off a storage shed claiming he could fly!" Jordan interjected, dodging the empty water bottle that came flying at his head.

"Some of the things you know about my childhood do not get shared with my children," Mark warned, closing his eyes. "Cassie would have my head."

Finally, amid a lot of laughter and good natured ribbing, the group dispersed. Ziva bent to press her lips to Cody's nose. "Goodbye. Thank you for keeping me company." He whined and his tongue darted out, catching her chin. Ziva smiled and waved to Brent as he tugged his dog away and Tony slid his arm around her waist. "Did you enjoy yourself?"

She let him lead her to the car and nodded. "Yes. Allie is very sweet. It is nice to watch other couples so in love."

Tony frowned. "You're making it sound like something we don't have."

Ziva flattened her palm on his chest. "That is not what I meant." She sighed and looked back towards the tree. "It is just that Jordan and Allie's love is still innocent and untainted. There have been few hardships and no trials by fire. It has not broken and been put back together. It has not seen darkness, tragedy, or betrayal." Ziva examined the wedding rings she wore only for the weekend. "Perhaps we were never meant for a love that was easy, a love like that. But just once I would have liked to know it."

He found it hard to come up with any words that would help, finally giving up and pulling her into a hug, tucking her head under his chin and holding her close. "I'm sorry Ziva, for the innocence we never had."

Ziva leaned into him, always glad for his strong arms enveloping her. "Yes, so am I."

**NCIS**

**Monday October 19**

Monday morning found Tony out on a beverage run and Ziva alone in the bullpen. Gibbs came around the corner with his customary paper cup in hand and stopped in front of her desk, staring hard at her. Ziva looked up from the cold case file she was reviewing and waited. "Saw you and DiNozzo Friday night," he began gruffly.

Ziva's brow furrowed as she tried to think back three nights. "Saw us what?" she asked at last, unable to pinpoint something that would raise suspicion.

Gibbs took a sip of coffee. "Way he looks at you. Way he touches you. Rule Twelve Ziver."

So now, three years into a marriage he was not aware of, the lecture came at last. Some things never changed. She jumped in right away and held up one hand, preparing to allay his fears. "Trust me Gibbs, Tony and I are not even close to breaking Rule Twelve." It had, in fact, been broken so long ago that the statute of limitations must've run out by now. She sighed and glanced over at his empty desk. "Tony is my partner. In the past he has been my best friend and we are working towards that again. I am staying at his place until I get on my feet but I assure you Abba," she stressed the word in a teasing tone, "you have nothing to be concerned about."

"Good enough," he grunted and walked away, leaving Ziva feeling like she'd just lied to her father. But she hadn't, even if every word had been intended as a misdirection. She fiddled with her anniversary ring and pulled it off to read the inscription again - _You will always be my love_. If she just kept telling herself their secret was worth the cover, maybe she'd finally be able to believe it.

**NCIS**

**Tuesday October 20**

The team was rushing out of the bullpen on the way to their latest case when Ziva stood and cleared her throat. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Gibbs handed her a sticky note. "Find me everything on that guy. I want to know what we're dealing with."

She nodded and exchanged brief glances with Tony, then sat down to type. It wasn't much, but she would take her part very seriously.

Gibbs' phone rang before he stepped on the elevator and he gestured for Tim and Tony to leave without him and take the stairs while he rode down to Autopsy to answer Ducky's summons. He walked in, impatient as always. "Got a case Duck, what do you want?"

Ducky closed the folder on his desk. "I wanted to check up on Ziva." He shook his head. "I've been reading her medical file, and the report from Dr. Braco." He sighed. "She went through far more than we suspected Jethro. Have you tried to draw her out about it? Has she said anything to you?"

"Not to me," Gibbs confirmed. "DiNozzo maybe." He clapped the older man on the shoulder. "Don't worry Duck, she'll talk when she's ready."

He breezed out and the ME looked after him. "I hope you're right." Somehow he didn't think it would be that easy.

**NCIS**

When he was going over details of the case, Tony commented that fraternization in the workplace was never a good idea. So later, when the couple stood close in Observation - Tony leaning one shoulder against the wall and Ziva with crossed arms right next to him - she tilted her head and looked at her husband. "Fraternization in the workplace is never a good idea?"

He grinned and twirled some of her hair around his finger. "It's rarely a good idea."

She raised an eyebrow. "I see."

Tony leaned close, his voice dropping to a whisper. "However, fraternization outside of the workplace can be highly rewarding and is greatly encouraged."

A smile tugged at Ziva's lips. "Is that so, Agent DiNozzo?"

"Absolutely," he confirmed. "Tonight, for instance, there is a Bond marathon at that little theater downtown. Would you care to accompany me, Very Special Almost Agent David?"

"Hopeful Agent David, you mean," she corrected, wishing she knew what the right answer was when it came to her job. "But yes, I would be happy to watch Bond with you tonight."

Tony glanced over at the technician in the corner who had long ago learned to keep his own counsel regarding DiNozzo and David, and kissed her cheek softly. "I look forward to it, Mrs. DiNozzo." The last part was breathed in her ear so quietly that not even the most sensitive of mikes would've picked it up. She smiled and left, folder in hand, to see if she could be of use somewhere else. Sharing those little moments with her husband was something she was very glad to have back.

**NCIS**

**Wednesday October 21**

Wednesday morning Ziva woke up to find a bouquet of yellow roses laying on her husband's side so she'd see them first thing. The card pinned to the outside simply said, 'I'm glad you're back', and Ziva caressed the soft petals before getting out of bed so she could put them in water. Tony met her at the door to their room with a paper cup of tea and a cinnamon scone from the bakery four blocks away.

She broke off a piece of pastry and eyed him skeptically. "And why am I being spoiled?"

Tony gave her a half-grin. "Do I need a reason?"

Ziva shook her head. "No. But you usually have one."

He lifted her chin and covered her mouth with his, always his favourite way to say good morning. She tasted sweet, traces of cinnamon and sugar on her tongue, and Tony took his time pulling away.

She licked her lips, her gaze flickering between him and the floor. "I do not remember saying you could kiss me like that." It was unnerving how easily he could throw off her concentration, making her focus only on them, on the way he tasted toothpaste fresh, the heat from his body, and his hand on her face setting her nerves to tingling.

"You didn't say I couldn't either," he countered, taking a step back. "And you're right, I do have a reason." Ziva just waited and he showed her his watch. "It's the twenty-first, exactly a month since your rescue." The news was unexpected and dark clouds threatened at the edge of her mind. Tony could see it happening and captured her lips again, stealing her breath with his intensity. "Sorry, distraction technique," he explained, rubbing his thumb across her bottom lip. "Don't think about the camp Zi, think about being home. With me. Safe. Please. This is supposed to be a good thing."

Her hand landed on his chest and she swallowed, stifling the cough that wanted to come. "It is ahava, but often I find it hard to separate one thing from another."

Tony took her hand and led her into the kitchen. "Then I'll remind you every chance I get, because you being home is still my greatest gift. I love you Zi."

She echoed the sentiment and found a vase for her flowers. One month down and too many to go before anything about their life became easy again.

**NCIS**

It seemed Tony was not the only one keeping a close eye on the calendar, because at lunch Abby made the trek upstairs and proudly presented Ziva with a white ribbon festooned box. "Chocaholic's Choise, for old times' sake," she explained, then bent to wrap her arms carefully around the slender Israeli. "I'm really happy you're alive Ziva. We'd never be the same without you." Then she hurried away before Ziva even had a chance to say thank you.

Tony, watching the exchange from his desk, sidled over and perched on the edge of hers. "So it's not just me."

She pushed the box towards him. "You can have the first bite."

He shook his head. "No way, it's your cupcake." He waited until she broke off a chunk and eagerly claimed his own piece. "I will, however, take the honour of second bite."

Ziva didn't get to say anything else before Gibbs walked in and barked at Tony and McGee to go check out Burns' car in the impound lot, and it wasn't until a few hours later that Ziva learned they'd actually been arrested for breaking in. She waited anxiously for their return and looked her husband over from head to toe to make sure he was in one piece. Tony looked a little worse for wear but otherwise seemed fine. Determining that, Ziva crossed her arms.

"And how did this happen?"

Tony groaned and leaned over on his desk. "It's all G-" he looked up suddenly to be sure the bossman wasn't there, "uh, McGee's fault. Too bad his paint ball poop pellets don't work on guard dogs." He rubbed his face. "We really need to learn to run faster. They should teach fence climbing escape tactics at FLET-C.

Her expression softened and she leaned her hip against his desk, but moved away quickly. There wasn't enough padding between skin and bone yet to make the position comfortable. "Was it awful?"

Tony sat up. "Well, they were kind enough to give us our own cell and not throw us in with the general population, but some of the things said I could've done without. Not to mention I was stuck with McGee's incessant freaking out over the fate of our careers now that we'd become criminals." He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, loads of fun that one."

Ziva retrieved the white box from her desk and presented him with the remaining two bites of cupcake. "Perhaps this will help."

He gobbled it down and smiled. "Much better."

She chuckled, scanned the area carefully for witnesses, and kissed away a smear of icing at the corner of his mouth. "Good." Then, leaving him practically shell-shocked, she returned to the theory she was working on. When Gibbs came back, she wanted to have something good.

**NCIS**

**Thursday October 22**

The sun had long since set and only the dim glow of Ziva's desk light illuminated the deserted squadroom. She sat there, staring at a blank email and trying to gather her courage. She'd just lifted her fingers to type when Abby appeared. The window was quickly minimized and Ziva smiled hesitantly.

Abby looked around. "What are you doing here all alone? You solved the case! Come on, let's go celebrate!"

Ziva sighed and shook her head. "I'm sorry Abby, I cannot go tonight. There is something I must do."

The forensic scientist scrutinized her face and finally gave in. "Okay. But soon, right?"

Ziva forced a smile. "Yes. Soon. Goodnight Abby. Thank you for the cupcake."

The pigtailed girl grinned. "My pleasure. Don't stay too late." She hopped in the elevator and shifted impatiently from foot to foot as the numbers counted down. The door slid open and Abby looked at McGee, Tony, Ducky, and Jimmy. "Ziva's busy, so we'll have to go without her." She took McGee's arm. "Alright folks, the party is this way!"

Tony hung at the back of the group and slipped away, taking the stairs two at a time and returning to their floor to see what was going on with his wife. She was sitting at her desk staring at the computer screen in great concentration as her fingers moved slowly over the keys.

Ziva typed the salutation and erased it three times before she was satisfied. The rest of the email came out and it was very short, but in light of the situation there was nothing more to say. She took a deep breath and read it over slowly. _Director David: Please consider this my official resignation from Mossad. I will not be coming back and I wish to have no further contact with you. Sincerely, Ziva David_. For a brief, foolish moment she considered signing it 'DiNozzo' just to see how he would react, but the momentary satisfaction she would feel was not be worth the fallout such a move would bring.

Hitting send before she could change her mind about any of it, Ziva sighed, then jumped, startled by a voice from the shadows. "Is it over?"

She turned as Tony came into the light and leaned his arms on top of the partition. "Yes," she answered quietly, looking down."

"You okay?"

One shoulder lifted and dropped while she studied her fingernails. "I don't know. I regret that any of this is necessary, but I need to be free of that life to move forward at all in this one." Ziva finally met his eyes. "It is hard to know who I am now, without that identity. I have been Mossad since I was seventeen, though it was not official until I returned from the IDF at twenty. It has been..." her brow furrowed as she counted, "...eight years, but it feels like a lifetime."

Tony moved to kneel in front of her. "You're Ziva David, my beautiful, sassy partner, my strong, amazing wife, and the love of my life. For the first time since you were a kid you get to choose who you want to be. So take your time, it's an important decision."

Ziva wanted to fall into his arms, but for the sake of any people who might appear, she settled for placing her palm on his cheek. "Thank you Tony. You will never know how grateful I am to have you in my life."

He stood and brought her with him, brushing his lips over her temple. "I love you," he whispered so only she could hear. "Let's go home."

Ziva switched off her light and computer, grabbed her bag and coat, and followed him out. Home. That was something she'd wanted for so long and now it was hers, along with his heart. She would have to be very careful to cherish both as long as she could, because Ziva had learned from a young age that security was very fleeting.

**NCIS**

**Friday October 23**

Their friends from Metro PD came to visit the next day and after a bit of negotiation, Gibbs got Detective Sportelli to drop the charges against Agents' McGee and DiNozzo. While that conversation was going on, Ziva listened to Tony's attempts at flirting with the lady detective. She knew he was only doing it because that's what people expected of a DiNozzo, but he was overworking it, trying to hard and she almost smirked at how out of practice he was being the womanizing playboy she'd met over a conversation about phone sex.

When the bullpen cleared out, Ziva rubbed clammy palms on her pants and stood, clutching a single piece of paper in her hands. She approached Gibbs with a hammering heart, even if outwardly she was the picture of calm. Ziva stood in front of his desk and began. "Being stuck at a desk all week has given me time to think. Being a visitor here is wrong."

He finally looked up. "What does that mean Ziva?"

She lay the paper in front of him. "I need your signature on this. I want to become an agent."

The team leader scanned the sheet and shook his head. "I don't even know if that's possible. You'd have to resign from Mossad."

"I already have," Ziva cut in. "I sent my-Eli an email." She had to remind herself he was no longer her father.

Gibbs grunted. "What's he think about that?"

She shrugged. "It does not matter. This is my life and my decision. I do not need his approval or permission."

Impressed, Gibbs picked up a pen and set it on the bottom line, scrawling his name in a barely legible fashion and jotting the date next to it. He capped the pen and handed her the paper with the barest hint of a smile. "Go get 'em Ziver."

She stared at his signature and smiled, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "Thank you." Then she turned and made her way upstairs, planning to submit her application to the director in person. He needed to know she was serious about staying.

**NCIS**

Brent had the whistle between his lips, ready to start his Friday after school basketball practice, when a young woman with fiery red curly hair tied up in a high ponytail came running over, pulling her son by the hand. He smiled at them and blew the whistle at his seven to nine year old players. "Okay team, grab a ball and a partner. I want you to work on those passing drills we learned last week. If there's uneven numbers, make a group of three." Two short whistle blasts scattered the kids in several directions and Brent turned to the newcomers, holding out his hand first to the mom, then the boy.

"Hi guys, I'm Coach Brent." He smiled easily at the boy. "You can call me Coach, moms and dads get to call me Brent."

"I don't have a dad," the boy volunteered and his mom seemed a bit embarrassed, resting her hands on his shoulders.

"This is Ryan, he's seven. I'm CJ. Sorry we're late. His favourite basketball shorts went missing and you know how important that is."

Brent bent eye level with Ryan and ruffled his hair. "I don't think I could even play without my favourite basketball shorts." He guided the boy towards the court. "Tell you what, for now you can be my partner. In a couple minutes when I go check on everyone else, you can join Breanna and Wes and they'll show you what you missed."

He glanced back at CJ. "Practice is an hour, so you can hang around and watch or go get a coffee. We'll see you after." He hoped the dismissal didn't sound abrupt. He'd always been better with kids than parents.

CJ waved at her son. "Have fun Ry."

"Bye Mom," the boy called, eager to join the group.

Brent set them up at the corner of the court and tossed the ball to his partner. Ryan fired it right back and Brent's eyebrows rose. "Do you play a lot Ryan?"

He scuffed the toe of his tennis shoe on the floor and shrugged. "Some. Grampa shows me stuff, when he has time."

They passed the ball back and forth a couple times, then Brent did a once over of the rest of the kids and saw a few things that needed correcting. "You're going to fit in great buddy. Here, I'll introduce you to Breanna and Wes and then we'll get ready to start."

As they moved from passing drills to dribbling rules, in the back of his mind Brent was thinking about CJ and how Ryan didn't have a dad and she wasn't wearing a ring. He couldn't help but remember what Tony said a couple weeks ago and wondered if this was his chance.

**NCIS**

**Friday October 30**

The following week Ryan and CJ weren't just on time, they were early. So Brent gave Ryan a ball, showed him the proper way to shoot, and let him practice. He turned to CJ. "So, are you guys new around here?"

CJ tore her eyes away from her son. "Yes. Well, no. I mean, I grew up here, but I moved away for college. Then I had Ryan and spent a couple years job hopping. I've been back in school since Ryan started full day kindergarten, graduated in the middle of the summer, and just got a new job. I hated uprooting him at the beginning of the year but...there was no other choice." She tugged her sweatshirt sleeves over her hands. "Listen to me ramble, I'm sorry."

Brent shook his head. "Don't be. I don't mind."

She smiled in his direction. "All I've heard all week is Mr. Brent this and Mr. Brent that and Coach said..." CJ chuckled. "You really made an impression, a good one. Thank you. My son doesn't have many men in his life."

"My pleasure." Other kids started to trickle in and do their own thing on the court while they waited. Breanna and Wes arrived and ran over to greet their new friend, something Brent watched with pride. He tried to foster kindness and friendship and caring and acceptance among his players and students. To see it in action was rewarding. He stuck his hands in his pockets. "What do the initials stand for?"

CJ laughed and shook her head. "Normally I'd have to know you much longer than a week before answering that question, but Ryan likes you so I guess you're okay." She lifted one eyebrow. "Just remember that it's CJ. Only my enemies call me Christa Jean."

Brent did his best to hold back a smile and nodded seriously. "I'll keep that in mind. I wouldn't want to end up in the enemies column, CJ."

She tilted her head. "I guess we'll see."

At that point the kids needed corralling and he slipped into coach mode, getting their attention, splitting them into two teams, and handing out loose fitting blue pinnies to half so they could learn how to cover each other. He didn't notice until partway through that CJ had slipped away and by the time he drew things to a close after some free throws, she was back with tea for herself and white hot chocolate for Ryan.

CJ caught him watching as she gave the small take out cup to her son. "It was always my favourite treat when I was young, now it's his turn.

Brent spun the ball in his hands. "My vice of choice is chocolate milkshakes, but don't tell anyone. That's confidential information."

Her eyes twinkled. "Our lips are sealed." Ryan got his stuff and she took his hand. "Let's go monkey, you've got homework to finish."

"Bye Mr. Brent," Ryan called as they left and Brent smiled. So far, so good. There was no need to rush what could end up being something great. And as far as CJ was concerned, he hoped he'd have the opportunity to find out.

**NCIS**

**Tuesday, October 20-Saturday October 31**

On her first week back to work, thanks to her compromised immune system and her first prolonged exposure to a crowd of people, Ziva caught a cold. It started on Tuesday with a tickle in the back of her throat that she was determiend to ignore, but by the end of Wednesday was a full blown cough that kept her, and by extension Tony, up part of the night. Thursday she was running a fever but insisted on coming in, where Gibbs took one look at her flushed face and glazed eyes and promptly ordered her to see Ducky. Being the stubborn Israeli she was, Ziva refused, stating that she was already following his directions to see Ducky once a week and that was enough. If she was still on the weather come Monday, he could see her then. There was no arguing with her and Gibbs could see it. He also had a feeling that admitting she was actually sick was something the newly appointed probationary agent was not prepared to do. Something she proved that night by staying late to send a final email to her father.

Friday Tony brought Ziva chicken noodle soup for lunch, and her eyes teared up because there were no matzo balls. Questioning if he'd ever really seen her sick during their entire relationship, and realizing he probably hadn't and therefore had no idea how she reacted to her body rebelling against her, he promised she could have matzo balls in soup for supper. He would later bring her tea, and though Ziva only finished a third of her non-matzo ball soup, she did have three more cups of tea that afternoon, which seemed to fortify her spirits enough to approach Gibbs with her agent application.

Saturday was a challenge because although Tony had hoped it would be a day of rest for his wife, their team was on call and of course when she wasn't feeling well they caught a case. That meant Ziva was left alone at the office for hours to do the deskwork, since Gibbs refused to let her out of the building in her weakened condition. Her fever was higher that day and the coughing worsened, which had an impact on her concentration. As bad as she sounded Tony was surprised Gibbs didn't drag Ziva to the elevator and take her to see their resident doctor himself. But as he watched the almost concerned glances their boss shot his newest agent all day, Tony wondered if this was one of those tough love situations. And if so, who would break first? The most stubborn man he'd ever met, or the most stubborn woman?

They got Sunday off which seemed to help and Ziva slept almost twelve hours Saturday night, and was in bed and on the couch all day Saturday. Considering she had to force herself to move when the bathroom became necessary but refused to budge for anything other than that, Tony texted Mark and stayed home from basketball practice. They watched movies - though Ziva slept through a lot of them, he read to her - something she could only tolerate for so long before the words didn't make sense in her head, and he let her use his lap as a pillow while he ran his fingers through her soft hair over and over - something that put her to sleep even faster than the cold medication he'd begun insisting she take.

Racking his brain for the kinds of foods his mom had given him when he was sick, Tony stuck to chicken noodle soup with the required matzo balls (of where there were still some in the freezer, thankfully), and toast. He offered applesauce but Ziva made a face and called it baby food. She refused any kind of fruit because it hurt her throat to swallow, but surprisingly took a liking to Kraft Dinner (but only the spiral kind) - which Tony assumed had something to do with the fact that she was stuffed up and really couldn't taste it.

Her fever broke during the night and the congestion began to ease, but the cough stubbornly held on and as soon as they walked in Monday morning Gibbs pointed them back to the elevator. He didn't even need to say 'Autopsy' to get his point across. Ducky, fretting over the fact that she'd suffered all weekend and nobody told him, gave Ziva a thorough check up, inquired after her supplement intake, and asked Tony how much she'd been eating. Few of the answers impressed him and he prescribed herbal tea and Echinacea with plenty of rests and fluids, as well as advising Tony to keep a humidifier running in their room at night, if one was available.

It wasn't until they got in the elevator that the couple looked at each other and realized what the older man had just said. Their room. As if he was completely expecting them to be sharing the same room. Both husband and wife automatically checked their ring fingers to make sure wedding bands hadn't accidentally been left on, though if that was the case Gibbs would've noticed half a second after their arrival. Eyebrows rose as a serious silent conversation was conducted, and Tony and Ziva agreed that not clarifying was in their best interest. And assuming it was only a slip of the tongue because the whole team knew Ziva was staying in Tony's apartment while she got on her feet made them feel slightly better about the situation. Still, it was a bit unnerving to wonder if they were really so transparent about their relationship that Ducky could tell something was different after spending only a few minutes with them together. That encounter only gave them more reasons to be cautious when it came to their dealings with each other.

Tuesday and Wednesday were much the same - Tony keeping Ziva supplied with chamomile tea and Ziva almost glad to be confined to desk work because her energy would have afforded her nothing else. Thursday, finally, the space between coughing fits were beginning to ease and by Friday it was only an occasional occurrence. Saturday found them at work for the second weekend in a row and finishing up case reports. But Sunday, at long last, Ziva woke up feeling like herself again. Which was a good thing, because it was just in time for them to see their friends.

**NCIS**

**Saturday October 31**

After a relatively quiet week marred only by two nightmares and Ziva's cold, they arrived at the weekend of Halloween, which was also the date for their monthly group dinner, always held on the last Saturday. Started over the summer in an attempt to better keep up with what was going on in each other's lives, they were now much anticipated, both by the adults who enjoyed spending time together, and Mark and Cassie's kids, who never got enough of their honorary uncles and aunts. Because of everything that happened, Tony and Ziva had missed several, but both were looking forward to this one.

This month was Mark and Cassie's turn to host. When they arrived the door was flung open by two nearly unrecognizable children. "Aunt Ziva!" McKenna squealed at the same time Alec yelled, "Uncle Tony!"

Ziva raised her eyebrow. "Who are these people Tony? I do not see Alec or McKenna anywhere."

"We're right here!" the kids insisted.

Tony shook his head. "No, you're right Zi, I don't know these guys." He tugged on the black wig that had been made from material scraps out of Cassie's sewing closet. "Though this one does bear a striking resemblance to Captain Jack Sparrow."

Alec thrust his fists in the air, one clutching a wooden sword which had once upon a time been the souvenir from a Celtic festival. "Yes! See Ken, I told you!"

The young girl rolled her eyes and looked hopefully at Ziva. "And I think I have an Indian princess here." She smiled indulgently at the child and her fingers delicately brushed the feather attached to a leather strap around McKenna's head. "I did not know this was a costume dinner motek. May we still come in?"

"Of course!" McKenna agreed, grabbing her hand and tugging her in. The siblings delivered Tony and Ziva to their parents and ran back to the door to await and accost the next arrivals.

Tony glanced between Mark and Cassie and breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh good, we're coming as grown ups. For a minute there I thought I forgot my costume."

Mark chuckled. "We spent all our creativity on the kids I'm afraid. Next year we'll have to plan further in advance." He eyed his friend's wife with a bit of concern. He and Tony had only spoken once the previous week and the man had been unable to hide his worry for her health. "How are you feeling Ziva?"

She forced herself not to roll her eyes. Tony had been asking her that for the last week and a half and the question was beginning to drive her nuts. "Much better, thank you." She chuckled. "Tony makes a good nurse."

Tony crossed his arms and gave her a lazy smile. "Just one of my many talents."

Ziva scanned the well-laden island and found a way to change the subject. "Can I help with anything Cassie?"

"Nope." Cassie shook her head and slid a pile of napkins into the holder. "We are all set as soon as the others get here."

Just then Jordan and Allie were dragged in, laughing at Alec and McKenna's determination. They looked at Mark and he shrugged. "What can I say? They've been planning this all day."

What happened the next time the door opened was unexpected. Darien and Brent came in, each carrying a giggling kid over their shoulder or under one arm. "We caught a couple creatures," Darien announced. "Should we keep them?"

"Nah, throw 'em back," Mark answered, amid indignant whines of 'Daddy!'

Brent and Darien set the kids down and proceeded to chase them around the family room until Cassie commanded attention by banging a wooden spoon against a pot lid. Everyone froze and she put her hands on her hips. "Mess up my costumes boys and you'll be doing the sewing next year."

Eyes wide, the men backed away slowly with hands raised in surrender and Adrian strolled around the corner. "Did I miss all the fun?"

Alec and McKenna raced over to tackle him with hugs. "Hi Uncle Zip!"

"Zip?" Ziva mouthed to Cassie and the other woman chuckled, moving around the island to be closer.

"Everyone in this group has a nickname. The guys call Adrian 'Zippy' because he's easily excitable and always rushing here and there and only has the attention span of a six year old on a sugar high. I voted for Energizer Adrian once I was officially part of the gang, but they liked theirs better."

"What is yours?" Ziva asked curiously and Cassie sighed.

"That's a longer story. It's Smurfette now because Mark is Papa Smurf unless they're calling him Reece from the days when they were all on a team together. But before we were an item I was tagged with Goldilocks." She tossed her long, curly blonde hair. "I'm never sure if the change is an improvement or not." Scanning the room for her children, she smiled. "The kids are Hugs and Tugs after the Carebear babies. It fits pretty well considering the amount of mischief they get into together."

"I've got Pollyanna," Allie put in, coming in on the end of the conversation. "Now they're going to have to come up with something for you Ziva."

Ziva eyed her husband, laughing and joking with his friends. "If Tony has anything to do with it, I think I know what it will be."

Right on cue Tony walked over and held out his hand. "Come on ninja, the fun's over here."

The women laughed at her prediction come true and they all took their seats so Mark could say a quick prayer of thanks for the food, then everyone lined up along the island, passed plates to each other, and supper was dished out buffet style. Since this was only Ziva's third time meeting Mark and Cassie's children, she asked as many questions as she could think of and Alec and McKenna delighted in telling her everything that was going on in their lives.

Finally, after a dessert of pumpkin pie and rhubarb tarts, dusk began to fall and a very anxious pirate and princess congregated in front of their parents, jack-o-lantern shaped pails clutched in their hands. "Please, please, please can we go trick or treating now?" McKenna begged.

"We were really good," Alec pointed out a little more diplomatically.

Mark grinned and glanced around the group. "Well ladies and gents, everyone up for a stroll down the street? I don't think the monsters can wait any longer."

Tony jumped up dramatically. "Finally! I thought you would never ask." He held out his hands to the kids. "Let's go Hugs and Tugs, I've been waiting for this all week!"

"Us too!" they responded enthusiastically.

Tony shot a look over his shoulder at Ziva and slid his feet into shoes. "You are sharing some of this candy, right? I'm partial to M&Ms."

McKenna hung back as her brother left with Tony and wrapped her fingers around Ziva's. "What's your favourite kind Aunt Ziva?"

Ziva bent and touched the tip of McKenna's nose. "Gummy bears."

The girl's brow furrowed and she nodded solemnly. "I don't remember getting any last year, but there's a whole bag in my snack box you can have." The kids each had a box in the pantry where junk food collected. They got to choose something from it each Friday night when the family did a movie night together.

Ziva smiled. "Thank you motek, you are very generous. But you do not have to share your candy with me."

McKenna made a face. "What's moe-tec?"

She chuckled. "It is how we say sweetheart where I grew up. Now hurry, Uncle Tony and Alec are already outside."

The seven year old raced down the front steps and when she caught up to her brother they debated over which direction to go first. From nearly every house on the block children began trickling out, followed by a parent or older sibling. Mark kissed his wife at the door. "Have fun handing out treats. Save some for me."

"Only one bucket each Mark," she warned. "You didn't bring any extra bags this year, did you?"

He pulled his pockets out. "I'm clean Officer, honest."

Cassie laughed and pushed him away. "Go play."

"Yes ma'am," he winked, catching up with his kids in several long strides.

"Come on baby bears, we've got a lot of houses to visit."

The rest of the group trailed behind them at a leisurely pace, the couples gravitating to each other while the unattached trio stayed close to the action, following Alec and McKenna right up to the doors and sometimes begging for candy too. Tony and Ziva fell to the back and she slipped her hand into his. Tony squeezed her fingers. "Is it a good night Mrs. DiNozzo?"

Ziva leaned her head on his shoulder. "Yes. I like your friends Tony."

He dropped a kiss on her dark hair. "They like you too."

She watched the thrill on the kids' faces as they ran up to show their dad a favourite treat and smiled wistfully. It was far too easy to imagine a little boy with sandy brown hair and eyes to match, or a girl with ringlets and green eyes, holding up their most recent treasures. She was going to miss not sharing that part of life with her husband. Seeing the way he was with Mark's children, she knew Tony would've made a great dad. When he threaded his fingers between hers and touched her rings, Ziva had a feeling he was thinking the same things and she again regretted a decision made before she knew this kind of love was possible.

_Replies:_

_Nemisses - I appreciate the information. I guess the thing is none of us will know for sure what the truth is until something official comes out. I apologize for making it sound like the financial aspect was a fact because I don't know that. I'm just very, very...put out by this entire process. Anyhow, thanks so much for reviewing, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter :)_

_Sarah - you're welcome :) Well, I wanted to do something. I just hope that together we can make a difference. You and me both, because I can't imagine NCIS without our Ziva David. Thanks :) Yes, I think Cassie and the rest of the gang will be good for Z. It'll be nice watching their friendship grow. You're right, things seems to keep getting in the way of the healing they're trying to do. AN is maybe the only one who can get through to Z, so at least she gives good advice. But listening and following are two very different ideas. I agree. The running away thing needed to stop, though it was a pretty painful night as far as difficult conversations went. And unfortunately it will still be awhile before the road smooths out for them. But they'll get there eventually. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	5. 7x4 Good Cop, Bad Cop Part 1

_A/N: Well, I'm back almost on time. Let's just say the weekend didn't turn out exactly the way I'd planned. But sometimes that's not a bad thing. And here we are, at one of Season 7's pivotal episodes. It's going to be long, hard, and painful, but it is necessary. Trying something new here so flashbacks will not be in italics, but they should be obvious to anyone who is familiar with the episode. Hope it doesn't get too confusing. Hang on for Good Cop, Bad Cop Part 1 of 3!_

**Tuesday November 3**

Tuesday was a tired morning after a nightmare that struck without any trigger at two am. Tony had spent more than an hour trying to get Ziva back to sleep and even then their remaining rest was fitful. Add to that the beginning of Ziva's second week waiting to hear about the status of her application and it made for pretty high levels of stress and frustration. Then McGee checked the application for her in exchange for help with paperwork, only to find out she'd been flagged.

"Uh oh, Code Blue."

Ziva leaned over his shoulder and stared a the word in red - REJECTED. "Why?"

Before McGee could look into it, Vance came to the rail and requested Ziva's presence up in the conference room. She exchanged startled glances with Tony and slowly made her way up the stairs. She followed Vance inside once at the top and glanced at the folder the director dropped on the table. He looked her over seriously. "Seems we have a problem."

"Yes," Ziva acknowledged, standing near the door with hands clasped in front of her, "you red-flagged my application."

"There are inconsistencies that need to be addressed," Vance replied, still being annoyingly vague.

Although in her heart she knew it had something to do with the body found off the coast of Tanzania and the fear that she'd felt when Tim first mentioned Gibbs and Vance were meeting about it, she tried her best to come up with a more innocuous reason first. "My psyche evaluation."

The director sat. "Yes."

Ziva moved a bit closer and indicated the file. "Inconsistencies in my psychological profile."

"Somewhat troubling," he shared, "but expected. You were held in a prison camp for months." She took a breath, willing the images to stay locked away in the back of her mind. "But you survived it, didn't you?" There was no reply so he continued. "You hardly talked about that with Dr. Braco."

"So now I'm going to...talk about it...with you?" The disbelief in her tone was clear.

Leon folded his hands together and leaned back. "You've been in the service of two masters for too long. Your loyalty to your father and Mossad pre-dates anything else."

Ziva's reaction was immediate and defensive. "Eli is not an issue."

"Okay," Vance took her at her word, "you want to stay here at NCIS, let's talk. That's the price of admission." He gestured to the chair facing him and with great trepidation, Ziva sat down. "Let's start with the events that led you to the camp." Her eye contact shifted to the grain of the wood in the table and he started out by stating a fact. "Your father offered you the vacant slot on the Kidon unit previously held by Michael Rivkin."

Offered wasn't exactly the word. More like insisted. Guilted. In a manner of speaking, forced her to take it to prove herself to him. But now as not the time to get into all that. Eli was a far bigger can of fish than she was prepared to open. "That is correct."

The director sat forward. "Director David had intel that could be used to track the terrorist Saleem Ulman, responsible for the deaths of Americans and Israelis, including a Mossad agent."

Ire rose up Ziva's back and her words came out more forceful than necessary. "I cannot comment on Mossad operations."

Vance continued as if she hadn't spoken. "I know this to be true because I'm the one who provided Eli with the intel." Now there was a piece of information she didn't know. "And Ms. David, you are no longer in the employ of Mossad."

Years of training and conditioning made her react as if he was asking her to betray the very essence of her being. "That does not change anything."

"That's what concerns me." Ziva blinked, wondering if she'd already jeopardized everything she was prepared to work and fight for. He flipped over a page in the folder. "Alright, let's stick to geography. You crossed the Israeli border at Eilat. You booked passage somehow on a cargo ship out of Aqaba. You set out through the Red Sea towards the coast of Somalia. But the Damocles never made it to port."

She shook her head slightly. "No, it did not."

Vance looked her in the eyes. "Which brings me to the first question I actually need an answer to. We recovered a body from the Damocles wrapped in plastic. He was already dead before the ship went down."

"The question," Ziva prompted.

"Can you explain that?"

The explanation came to her as natural as breathing. "Occasionally people die on board on a ship in transit. In most cases the corpse is wrapped and then stored in a freezer." She was satisfied that she had not lied and neither had she given away anything to do with her mission.

Leon was not impressed by her evasive answer. "This body had a bullet hole in it." Ziva's eyes drifted again, a tell-tale sign that there was much more to the story. She was not usually so transparent. "I want to know how Staff Sergeant Daniel Cryer died."

The silence that fell was practically deafening. She stared at him for a long time, her expression indicating that she was trying and failing to come up with anything that was safe to say. After a couple agonizing minutes passed of the director staring straight at her and waiting, Ziva shook her head. "That was a Mossad mission Director. I am not...permitted to divulge any details."

"Normally I would respect that confidentiality that Mossad demands. But I've got the bones of a dead Marine en route and those in charge are expecting answers. This time, your answer is not good enough," Vance told her bluntly, rising and taking his folder with him. "I'll give you until tomorrow to decide where your loyalty lies David. You only get one shot at this. Don't blow it."

He exited the conference room and left Ziva sitting in her chair, desperately trying to find an escape.

**NCIS**

Down in the squadroom McGee stared at the image on the plasma while Tony paced back and forth, worrying about what was happening between Vance and Ziva. Finally McGee sighed. "Tony, focus."

He snapped to attention and opened a folder. "We've got Ziva on a ship that went down somewhere it wasn't supposed to be, and a body bag filled with goo from a dead Marine who wasn't supposed to be there."

Tim nodded. "That pretty much sums it up." He stared at his teammate's desk. "Ziva hasn't been Ziva since we brought her home. Something happened to her out there."

_More than you will ever know Probie. Maybe even more than I will ever know_, Tony thought bitterly, still on the outside when he wanted more than anything to stand with his wife in the midst of her suffering. To camouflage the things running through his mind, Tony began to relate their current situation to a movie and Tim, having heard more than enough of those references over the years, headed down to the lab to see everyone's favourite forensic scientist. But unfortunately, Abby's news wasn't any better than the information they were already working with. Slowly but surely everything was combining to make Ziva look like the guilty party. And much like his best friend, McGee didn't like it one little bit.

**NCIS**

Their day ended with the news that the Damocles had been found, with eighteen bodies stashed in a cargo space. The entire crew, executed. Ziva could feel the weight of all their judgements and question as she packed her things to leave for the day. Tony, loyal to a fault, refused to allow even a hint of censure in his gaze as he led her to the elevator. She remained subdued and nearly silent as they drove home. Vance had kept her up in the conference room for over an hour and after that Gibbs sent her down to the evidence garage with a box of cold case files to review, keeping her away from the investigation but also letting her stay busy.

She knew from the way he was looking at her that he wondered what on earth she'd gotten herself into, but if the truth was going to come out, she would tell the director first and allow him to inform Gibbs of her actions. And she still wasn't entirely sure that spilling the entire story to Leon Vance was her best course of action. Ziva spent eight hours in the cool, relatively quiet evidence garage. Eight hours to think about the body that had been found, who it belonged to, and how it got there, and to remember the events leading up to the demise of the Damocles and her crew.

At one point she dropped her head into her hands, questioning again if there was any way she could've stopped what happened. Deep down Ziva had a feeling that Malachi's original plan had always included taking out the crew and sinking the ship so there would be no witnesses to the purpose of their mission. But she'd been too late to see it and a good man had died. Just like the captain and his men, Staff Sergeant Daniel Cryer had also been collateral damage.

A brief flash came of his lips on hers, one arm holding her close as hers went around his neck. Roughly she shook the image away, but her heart clenched and knots began to form in her stomach as Ziva slowly came to grips with the fact that somewhere in the next couple of day she would have to tell her husband at least one part of the story, and as with so many other times, this one would cause nothing but pain.

So lost was she in her thoughts that Ziva jumped when Tony's hand brushed hers and she had to fight with herself not to recoil from his touch. He noticed and frowned. "You're awfully far away tonight."

She shrank into the corner of her seat. "There are some...things I have not told you Tony. One of them...may affect my application to become an agent."

Tony did not like the way that sounded. "So now what?"

Ziva pulled the elastic from her ponytail and ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't know. I am not even certain I will be able to get citizenship after what they find on that ship."

"You're scaring me Zi," he told her, pulling over to the side of the road and reaching for her hand.

She shook her head. "You may not want to be so close Tony. You only get hurt that way."

Her attitude was baffling, the resignation in her tone concerning, and Tony didn't know what to make of it. "Honey talk to me, please."

Ziva let go of his hand. "We should go home."

That was the last she spoke to him for the remainder of the evening, withdrawing deep inside herself to a place he couldn't reach. She had maybe a few bites of supper if that, pushing the rest listlessly around on her plate. Afterwards she shut herself in the office and left Tony out in the livingroom, staring unseeing at the TV and worrying about the meaning of her warning. Of course he knew there was a lot she hadn't told him, but what could provoke this kind of reaction in her?

Bedtime came and Ziva curled up on her own side, sending a very clear message for him to leave her alone. But when their night was broken again by a dark dream in which Ziva did more than just flirt with the idea of a rendevous with Daniel Shalev, Tony wouldn't let her push him away and gathered her close, singing something softly that she didn't recognize, sheltering her with his body. Ziva cried because he shouldn't care so much, because she was going to break his heart tomorrow when she told him the truth - if they didn't put her on a deportation plane back to Israel -, and because all she really wanted to do was be here in his arms, but he wouldn't even be able to look at her after he heard what she did. Again, again - it was just one more in a string of betrayals her husband never should have had to endure.

**NCIS**

**Wednesday November 4**

The next morning Tony held his wife's hand in the elevator on their way up, practically the only touch she'd allowed since waking up and fleeing his embrace for the privacy of the shower. He was relieved to note that her skin was finally starting to feel warm again, which was a sign of progress they desperately needed when everything else was falling apart. But then, as soon as the doors slid open, an agent walked over. "Officer David?" Her eyes darkened at the unwelcome title but he continued regardless. "Follow me please. The director would like to see you."

Because people were watching Tony couldn't do anything and Ziva didn't look back as she trailed the man to the hallway where their interrogation rooms were. He led her to door number one and left her there in the stark room. It was only a few minutes before she felt like the walls were closing in and began to pace across the carpet - counting steps, measuring distance, anything to keep her mind off what was coming next.

Behind the glass Ducky and Gibbs watched her agitation grow and the ME turned to his friend. "Isn't this punishing her? I mean, you're not concerned she might lie to you?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Ah, maybe it's tough love."

Ducky smiled slightly. "You do know there are other kinds."

"This is the one she knows. It's time for the secrets to stop Duck."

"You're putting her through too much too soon Jethro," the doctor fretted.

Gibbs put his hand on the older man's shoulder ."Don't worry, I've got her back."

With a heavy heart Dr. Mallard left to attend to his newest guests, leaving Gibbs to stare through the window and wait to see how Director Vance was going to handle his girl.

**NCIS**

The door to Interrogation 1 swung open and Ziva stared at the man who would be her boss. "Why am I here?"

He didn't respond to her weighted words. "Have a seat." Clearly biting her tongue to keep from saying something she would regret, Ziva pulled out the chair and slowly, deliberately seated herself, placing both palms flat on the table. Vance sat down across from her. "Have you made your decision?"

Warring factions in her head and her heart caused a hesitation. She'd spent most of the night pretending to sleep while her husband lay on the other side of the bed, oblivious to her internal struggle. At least she'd come to the acceptance that, much like all the other times in her life when duty was pitted again loyalty, she had no other choice. Defeat settled on her shoulders and she sighed. "What do you want to know?"

The director didn't waste any time. "The same thing I wanted to know yesterday, how Staff Sergeant Daniel Cryer died." He paused for effect. "Take me to the Damocles."

Ziva's gaze drifted over his right shoulder and unbidden the memories returned. Daniel Shalev bargaining with the captain to get their team on board the ship. Settling in while her team went to eat. When she didn't join them, Malachi returned to the bunkroom to check on her. "Your behaviour is concerning Ziva."

She pushed away from the wall. "Have you ever seen a snake shed its skin and then try to crawl back into it? It is not natural."

"You don't need your old skin, it is who you are inside. Just relax, let it grow back." He was adamant in his misguided belief that she had not changed. "The American's left you Ziva, your family never has."

Malachi left her then to think about what he'd said. And heaven help her, in that moment she was sure his words were the truth. Abandoned, broken, cast aside. It was all wrong, but she had nowhere else to go. Throwing her bag on the top bunk, Ziva stared at the picture of her siblings that was taped to the wall. Lifting her hand, she traced their faces with gentle fingers. "I wish you were here with me Ari. You were always so sure what to do." Her eyes lingered on the face of her sister, turned away because a kitten scampering down the street had caught her attention. "Tali, my little light. What I would not give to hear your words once more." She sighed. "I am sorry that I am not strong enough to get out of this life little sister, it is all I have ever known."

Left with no choice but to follow Malachi's lead, Ziva eventually found her team. But she could not relax, just as she had not been able to quiet her mind or her body since the plane to DC took off without her. She found herself hyper alert all the time, trying to make sure she hadn't lost her edge, fighting to make the others believe it too. When Daniel Shalev got up from the table, Ziva followed him on Malachi's silent request. She did not fully trust the man either, but so far he had held up his end of the bargain.

She stayed behind him, far enough away to not be noticed, relying on her hearing to guide her to his footsteps. Then a crew member caught him snooping and she rounded the corner in time to see the man push Daniel back against the door and hold a gun to his head. "You say you are going to Somalia? Why?"

Daniel looked at him evenly. "I don't know."

The man would not be appeased. "No one goes to Somalia without a reason. Very few go with a reason."

Ziva approached cautiously, one hand on the gun tucked in the waistband of her pants. Then, deciding that method would only make a volatile situation worse, she came to Daniel's defense. "He tells the truth. He does not know, he just works for me."

"He opens doors he should not be opening. I would like to shoot him!"

Changing tactics because things were spiraling out of control, Ziva jumped in. "I would rather you did not." She softened her stance, tilted her head, and gave him a look that any man would understand. "I asked him to find us some...privacy."

That got his attention fast. He let go of Daniel and slowly withdrew his gun. "Oh. He works for you."

Ziva smiled as if they shared a secret. "Yes."

She walked towards Daniel and right into him, initiating the kiss. Having caught onto her plan, he responded as if they'd done this a hundred times - one of his arms around her back, pulling her tighter against him, the other cupping her neck as he angled his head and deepened the caress. Her arm went around his neck as their lips melded in the give and take, then slipped down his chest.

The crew member looked back, uttering a good night. Ziva vaguely heard the words, but for a brief second she allowed herself to be lost in the moment. It was hot and sticky in the humid corridor, her skin was shiny with sweat and her shirt stuck to her back and stomach. Under normal circumstances it was not a comfortable condition in which to be making out. But the situation was far from normal. Ziva, having deprived herself of any sort of touch or human connection for the past few weeks, savoured the feeling of being wanted, of indulging in a physical comfort, of one moment when she did not have to think of the mess her life had become.

But it was over before a handful of seconds had passed and as soon as the other man was out of sight she broke away, despite Daniel's clear desire to keep her right where she was. Regrettably, any fleeting emotions were gone and Ziva lamented her inability to feel anything. All business once again, she glared at their guide. "You should not be snooping around."

He was blase about the whole thing. "It's how I make my living."

"Not if you do anything to jeopardize this mission," she countered. "I will kill you myself." With that parting shot, she walked away, returning to her room and trying to process everything that had just happened.

**NCIS**

Her night was restless, her dreams plastered with the devastation in Tony's eyes when she walked away in Israel, only now it was in reaction to what she had done. Heart treason, another breaking of that which was supposed to be an unbreakable covenant. A cup being set down harshly on the side table wrenched her out of the troubled sleep with a gasp, and in a flash her gun was out from under her pillow and pointed in the direction of the intruder. Ziva kept it aimed at him for a few seconds longer than necessary, even after recognition settled in. Then she returned the gun to its hiding place, sat up, and pulled on a sweater.

"What are you doing here?"

"The others are, uh, up at the breakfast buffet. Malachi wanted you to get some rest."

Her team leader's indulgence was troubling. She wanted to be shown no special consideration, as if she couldn't handle her part in the mission. To earn his confidence again she would do anything. "The past couple of weeks have been...trying." Her mind flashed again to Tony sitting in the courtyard as she walked away from his last 'I love you'. Pushing it away, she walked towards him. "Who are you exactly Mr. Shalev?" Ziva flipped on the light, then moved back to face him. "Your Hebrew name does not fit."

"Who am I? Anyone really like answering that question?" He turned and Ziva circled to keep from putting her back to him, which gave him the opportunity to back her against the lockers. "How do you define yourself? You are what you say." For a passing moment her eyes dropped to his lips and she remembered the firm pressure of his mouth on hers only hours before. "You are what you eat. You are what you do."

Ziva's gaze strayed to his lips again. "You are reckless."

By now he was definitely in her personal space, and the look he was giving her suggested that he wanted to kiss her again. And then a moment happened when she wondered what would happen if she let him. If she let him touch her, if she let his lips meet hers again, if she gave him the freedom with her body that only one man was supposed to have. All that was over now, every good thing she'd ever experienced with her husband, all that they'd built together shattered in the wake of too many lies and too little truth. So Ziva considered something that normally wouldn't've crossed her mind - a rendevous. Would it do something to shake the sadness inside? The burden of everything she had lost? But he was talking again and she strove to focus on his words and not the dark space in her head.

"You mean last night with that psycho Namas?" Daniel tilting his head this way and that like he was teasing her, angling for a kiss as if he could read the traitorous thoughts the hovered on the edge of her mind. "I've talked my way out of worse situations."

Her tone was softer than she would've preferred, almost intimate, hinting at something she wasn't sure she was ready to give. "I am sure you have."

He looked down at her necklace and lifted his hand to touch it but Z made a noise and held up her hand, so he stopped. "You don't want to give yourself away, lose the jewellery."

"I would sooner die than take this necklace off." She pulled the chain for his dog tags out of his shirt. "You ought to know." Ziva touched his face and rested her thumb on his lips, but her decision was made the moment she wouldn't let him touch her again, and she walked away before he could make a move. She was not proud of herself, but at least she had not given in. That had to count for something, right?

**NCIS**

With the news that Malachi Ben-Gidon was in the building, Tony knew the situation had irrevocably taken a turn for the worst and made his way to Observation to inform Gibbs, who was listening to Ziva defend Daniel Cryer with both a sinking heart and a mixture of pride because she had learned her lessons well. "Boss, we've got a problem."

He took his senior field agent at his word and followed him to the elevator, where McGee was pinning a visitor's badge on a very unwelcome party. "What can we do for you, Officer Ben-Gidon?"

The Israeli man got right to the point. "I've come for Ziva David." The first thing that came to Tony's mind was, _Over our dead bodies_. And how the heck did he find out they even had Ziva? Nice of the director to sell them out without any warning. "You are holding a member of my team hostage in there."

_Your team? As if_, Tony snorted inwardly, but he should've had more faith in Gibbs.

"I think you already missed your chance to rescue Ziva."

His response was surprising. "Then I hope I've arrived in time to rescue her from you." The last people Ziva needed protecting from was them. It was Mossad that had left her to die in the first place. And in no way, shape, or form was Tony about to let them rake her over the coals twice. No matter what he had to do, Malachi was not getting Ziva.

At first it seemed to be working, Vance wanted to talk to Malachi alone and Tony delivered him to Interrogation 2, wishing he could stick around to see the show. Malachi looked around. "Where is she?"

"You worried we buried her in a deep dark hole someplace and left her to rot? That's not our style."

"You've had adequate time for debriefing. Cease your interrogation and return her immediately." If that didn't sound like a quote straight from the lips of Eli David, Vance didn't know what was. And it was confirmed in the next breath. "These are Director David's instructions."

"And you're just the messenger." Vance wasn't backing down that easily. "I respect Director David's intentions but I've got a dead Marine downstairs. I can't release her until I find out what happened on that ship." Not that he planned on releasing her at all, but that didn't need to be said out loud.

Malachi's smile might just as well have been a smirk. He thought they were all playing right into the plan he'd been ordered to execute. "I was there too. I tell you what happened, and Ziva goes free."

It would've been an impassioned plea if Leon didn't have reasons to suspect his motivations. He indicated the chair and both men sat. Then the story began and it was very well rehearsed. According to Malachi he believed that they had been compromised, sold out by the captain. He gave Ziva just enough information to put her on the fence, and then reminded her of her father's final instructions, that the mission was to be completed by any means necessary. Her next contact with Daniel Shalev only reinforced the impression that something was not right. When she reported back to her commanding officer, he became adamant that the plan had to be changed.

Three of them were in the hall together when the shooting began and Ziva shoved Malachi out of the way on instinct. Aviv was shot moments into chaos breaking loose and the two of them fled to their room to arm themselves with bigger, more efficient weapons. She followed his lead just as she had been trained to do - sneaking and peeking and firing at anything that moved, anyone that looked like a threat. They covered each other down the hall, machine guns at the ready. When their ammo supply was exhausted, the weapons were cast aside and smaller ones from the small of their backs exchanged so fluidly it seemed to have all happened in one motion. Ziva cornered the captain in the cargo hold and had yet to decide about her next action when a door opened behind him and Daniel Shalev, a man she now had ample reason to distrust, shot him in the back.

"It became a standoff," the Israeli reported. "And Ziva fired first."

Just like that he'd sealed her coffin, because if Ziva David had killed a US Marine, she was done in the agency and in the country. And not even Gibbs would have enough pull to make her stay.

**NCIS**

Since she was currently a suspect in an active murder investigation, Ziva now required an escort if she was moving around the building. Unsurprisingly, Tony volunteered himself and Gibbs said nothing. He held her hand as they rode the elevator down to Autopsy and just before the doors opened, flipped the switch. Ziva looked into her husband's eyes and saw only love and concern. Tony leaned against the wall and drew her to him, feeling the slight resistance before she gave up and leaned against his chest. He sighed into her hair.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Ziva shook her head slowly. "Depending on what they decide is the truth, I may not have to make a choice."

He pressed his lips to her temple. "What choice?"

She seemed to be trying to melt into his body, soaking up all the comfort she could because it would be gone after tonight. "If I even want to come back to NCIS," Ziva whispered. "Maybe I was not ready for this."

Tony's heart stumbled. Out of everything he'd wondered about over the past weeks, her return had not been one of them. That he'd taken for granted. He nudged her back so he could read her gaze. "What would you do?"

She shrugged one shoulder. It all depended on if they would even let her stay, should the verdict not be decided in her favour. "Perhaps I will just be your wife. Maybe that is enough for now."

Tony laced their fingers together. "I'm behind you no matter what you choose. You will always be my partner, one way or the other."

Knowing she shouldn't, Ziva let him lift her chin so he could join their lips and savoured the few sweet seconds of solace she drew from their connection before stepping away and setting the elevator in motion again. Ducky was standing right outside when it dinged and spilled them out onto Basement Level Two. He looked up from his clipboard. "Ah Ziva. Uh, I am in need of clarification that perhaps you could provide. Anthony, if you wouldn't mind..."

"Believe me Ducky, I wouldn't mind."

But Ziva was quick to shake her head and hold up one hand. "Oh, Director Vance will not permit me to be without an escort."

The answer only set him back for a moment. "Oh, well, uh, in that case...after you, my dear." Ziva looked back at Tony but he motioned for her to go ahead. As she stepped into the darkened autopsy room, Ducky stopped Tony at the doors and sealed them in, cutting of his obligatory but rather weak show of protest.

Ziva stared at him and he chuckled a bit. "Complex situations often call for creative solutions." He turned on a few lights and she scanned the skeleton laden tables. "The crew of the Damocles," Ducky announced unnecessarily, "removed from their watery graves." He pulled out a stool. "Sit down." Ziva did, slowly, unable to tear her eyes away from the destruction she had caused. "I do not know what games they are playing upstairs, but I have had enough. First and foremost you are our friend. I want to be your friend Ziva." Her eyes slowly lifted to his, but the beaten down expression there did not give him much hope. He started reading names off a list and she cut him off after only a few, closing her eyes.

"I do not need to know their names."

"And yet you carry the weight of their deaths around with you, and there's no need to." She wouldn't make eye contact with him as he got closer. "Trust us, as we trust you. Let them go."

Her struggle for control was just below the surface. "There is only one name."

"Staff Sergeant Daniel Cryer. Yes, that's him there."

Her wide eyes shifted to take in the bones. "I knew him as Daniel Shalev."

She was still being evasive. "The truth, Ziva, may set you free."

Ziva would never be able to believe that again. "And it may not."

Ducky leaned forward. "Ziva...some bodies are not meant to stay buried." She appeared to be softening and he pressed on. "What happened to him?"

Her recollection was unfortunately flawless and she remembered the moment Daniel Shalev fell dead at her feet. But she would not go back there. She would not let it replay again. Responsible, that was what she was. One way or another, Daniel had died because of her. Ziva swallowed back the emotion and steeled herself for whatever came next. "You should keep your distance Ducky. The ones who get too close always end up dead." How true that had been for her entire life. A pattern, it seemed, that would repeat until Death itself released her from the burdens she was destined to bear.

Ducky stopped her before you left. "Ziva, I have to ask you one more thing. Not case-related," he hastened to assure her when he saw the way she nearly cringed. He waited until she made eye contact with him again. "What is Tony to you?"

Wariness entered her expression and she unconsciously backed up a step. "Why do you want to know?"

He tilted his head and considered her. "Something has changed."

Ziva sighed. "Everything has changed."

"Between you and Tony," Ducky clarified.

She glanced briefly towards the doors where her husband stood with hands shoved in his pockets, trying not to look through the window and pry into what was going on. "We are partners Ducky, or at least, we were once."

"And will be again."

Ziva shrugged listlessly. "That is not certain." She moved towards the doors again. "I must go."

Ducky didn't detain her any further, but one thing he was certain of was that the same old lines were wearing very thin.

**NCIS**

Tony, hating every moment of separation from her, meshed their fingers again as soon as the elevator doors slid closed. "Well?" Even if for her own protection, he hated staying on the outside.

She contemplated keeping him out, but that required more effort than she had energy for at the moment. Her straight posture wilted a bit. "Ducky knows there is something between us." As if his slip of the tongue last week hadn't already confirmed that.

His eyebrows lifted. Not what he'd expected to hear. "What does he think it is?"

Ziva shook her head. "I did not let him ask enough questions, he did not say what he suspected. Perhaps it is better that way. Without the details he will not have to lie to Gibbs."

Tony stepped forward and flicked the switch again. The car shuddered to a stop. He turned to look in her eyes. "Malachi is here." Because he was touching her Tony could feel the way she stiffened. He sighed. "He's in Interrogation." The call had come while he was waiting for Ducky to finish. "I'm supposed to take you there now."It went against every one of his instincts to let his still-fragile wife anywhere near the man who reminded him of every bad thing that had happened to her, but orders were orders and what had begun now had to play out. However, that didn't stop him from feeling like a Judas, selling out the one he loved.

Ziva threw the switch and swallowed. "I need this to be over."

He kissed her temple. "You and me both. Just remember that I love you, and I'm so proud of you."

She did not deserve any of his praise. The ding came and Tony guided her down the hall with his hand just ghosting her lower back. They made eye contact for only a second when he opened the door to let her in and Tony wished he could say something to make what was coming next easier, but there was nothing. The flash of emotion in Ziva's gaze gave him hope that she'd read his intentions and appreciated the effort, and then it was gone and he had to leave her. She walked slowly into Interrogation 1 for the second time that day, hardly sparing a glance for the man at the table.

He didn't look at her either. "Say nothing Ziva, I am handling this."

It was an order she no longer had any obligation to obey. She forced her voice to be neutral. "I have nothing to say to you." Malachi stared as she crossed the room and stood with her back against the mirror, crossing her arms and waiting.

**NCIS**

Tony climbed the steps to the upper level where McGee was. "Just dropped Ziva in the lion's den. Any second that door's going to open and Gibbs is going to ask us what do we got. So what do we got?"

"Abby and I are drowning in ballistics we have no time to process, but we were able to nail the location of the final battle and ID the players. We can confirm what Malachi told Vance."

Tony didn't like the sound of that. "Including the part where he says Ziva killed a Marine? We need something else." It was hard to be calm when his wife is in the line of fire, again.

Ducky appeared as if in answer to his plea, but with news that did not get them any closer to helping Ziva. "All I have is cause of death forms. Daniel Cryer was killed with a single, large caliber gunshot wound to the head."

Tony was hopeful. "You find the slug?"

Regretfully McGee shook his head. "I hate these words - lost at sea."

Not good. "How many .45 slugs do we have?"

Abby chose that moment to join the party and was slightly out of breath from running upstairs. "Three. But they're all smushed."

Ducky turned to her. "Abby, any organic matter on them? Residue of human tissue or blood?"

"Negative," she reported.

All eyes swung back to Tony. "Then they were misses," Ducky said, as if a great revelation had come to him.

"Total misses," McGee added.

Tony finished the thought. "At close range."

Abby's expression was triumphant. "Doesn't sound like the Ziva I know."

Not to Tony either. He'd never know her to miss. Close range, far away, sniper rifle, or side arm it didn't matter. Her shots were accurate to the millimeter, a trait ingrained in her for too many years to suddenly be cast aside.

"Does it sound like Ben-Gidon?" McGee asked, bringing their focus back.

Tony was thinking very hard. "Not unless something threw his shot off." He looked at Abby. "How quick can you get me an unsmushed .45 slug?"

Catching onto his plan with the kind of speed he would expect from Team Gibbs, Abby flew down to the Ballistics Lab, fired one shot, and pulled it out to give to McGee. Tim then ran it up to Tony who was waiting in the squadroom, and when Gibbs came down the hallway towards Interrogation, he was leaning against the wall with the small evidence jar in his hand. "Hey Boss."

"What do you got?" Tony tossed him the slug and hightailed it to Observation, where Vance was also waiting in anticipation of the promised Gibbs showdown.

"Let the games begin."

**NCIS**

Gibbs burst into the room like a man on a mission. "We are going to leave now," Malachi announced.

The older man made his way to the head of the table. "You're half-right, you're half-wrong."

Malachi started to stand. "My patience is-"

Gibbs shoved him back into his chair. "Shut up." When he grimaced and his breathing became laboured from a single touch, Gibbs got interested. "There something wrong with your shoulder?"

"Broken clavicle." Gibbs hit him again. "Slow to heal."

He looked up at Ziva. "You too, sit down." She obeyed, but was clearly not pleased. Gibbs glanced at Malachi first, then back to Ziva. "He says that you killed Cryer." The incredulity in her expression was his answer.

"Of course she is going to deny it," Malachi put in smugly.

"Shut up!" Gibbs barked in his I'm-not-going-to-tell-you-again tone. "Both of you are done telling stories. It's my turn." Then he proceeded to lay out events as Tony, McGee, Abby, and Ducky had determined them.

Ziva and Daniel stood with guns pointed at each other's heads. "Put it down," she commanded but he would have none of it.

"You put it down."

Ziva moved closer. "I do not want to kill you."

Daniel smiled, though it was a bit forced. "Oh, that's good, 'cause I do not want to die."

They were facing each other, circling like caged animals, never letting their guns drop, and Ziva wondered if this was one of those worse situations he claimed to have talked himself out of. She did not need the distraction. "Did you betray us?"

"If I had, what would stop me from pulling the trigger right now?"

She stared at him, trying to decide if he was telling the truth. Before she could settle it in her mind, four shots rang out from the walkway above her and Ziva immediately swivelled her gun in that direction. Malachi let his left hand holding his weapon drop. Ziva stared at him in shock, then slowly lowered her gun, and looked down at Daniel's body bleeding on the floor.

Malachi almost laughed when Gibbs finished. "This is your story?"

"No, it's the truth. Those are your misses on the wall." Ziva's gaze wafted between her boss and her former commanding officer, sensing intuitively that something was up. She knew the way this team operated. Gibbs continued. "That gives you the smoking gun." He held up the evidence jar. "This is the killshot. The slug you put in United States Marine Daniel Cryer." Malachi shifted his eyes to Ziva and she just looked back at him. Gibbs' voice got softer. "This the way your boss operates? Sends you to try to burn her?"

"She's on my team," Malachi practically sneered.

Gibbs jostled his shoulder once more. "Didn't say you were happy about it."

Ziva finally started to understand what Gibbs was getting at. Her mask wavered and she blinked as she tried to get the words out. "Are you following orders?" Her eyes met his again and she swallowed, hoping somehow that he would tell her Eli father hadn't gone that far.

Malachi didn't answer and Gibbs stepped in. "Your father Ziva, he's not a good guy. He's dirty."

Realization struck and she stared down the man across the table. "You could not say no to him, not a second time."

Gibbs glared at Malachi. "Go, get out of here, run." Tony, who had anticipated that outcome, opened the door to escort the man out. "You tell Eli David to stay away, she's off limits!"

Before leaving, Malachi looked back. "I failed you Ziva, I'm sorry."

There was steel in her dark eyes. "Never apologize, it is a sign of weakness."

Gibbs could see the weight of it all came crashing down on Ziva so he looked in the mirror and glanced at the camera. In Observation, Vance ordered the tech to shut everything down and left the room, opening a fresh toothpick. He had a feeling the night wasn't over yet. Gibbs sat down across from Ziva and tapped table. "We're not done. Finish it."

Ziva kept her focus on her fingers. "You know everything that happened."

He still wanted her to say it. She had to stop dragging the weight of failure around with her. "After the ship, after you scuttled it, made it to land."

"We had a mission." Her gaze came up. "He wanted it done."

"Eli."

"At any cost." When the cost had been her, it was a very hard truth to accept. For Gibbs as well, because what kind of father did not love his only remaining child enough to keep her safe?

He touched her hand, rubbing her finger light. "Don't bury it Ziva."

She remembered being on a dock in Somalia and listening to the end of Malachi's conversation. "Understood Director."

Ziva began climbing up the ramp. "What did my father say?"

Malachi had on a crude sling supporting his injured arm. "To proceed." He headed after her, breathing heavily. "We are to follow the courier to Saleem and kill him."

"Did you tell him Aviv is dead and you two are wounded?"

They got to the top and faced each other. "He thinks this is the best chance we have."

"Then we have nothing." She still felt the need to know if Daniel truly had to die. "Who was Shalev calling?"

"It doesn't matter," Malachi insisted even though he could see she didn't agree. "He was a leak that needed to be plugged. No one could know we were coming."

"And no one does." Ziva squared her shoulders. "I will go alone."

Malachi dismissed her words immediately. "Forget it."

She tried to convince him. "Look, we cannot disobey a direct order."

"Ziva it is suicide!"

"It is what it is!" she yelled back. They stared at each other and she smiled slightly. "Goodbye." She turned and walked away, raising an arm in farewell. And Malachi did nothing to stop her.

"It was..." Ziva swallowed, "...my choice." But oh what a difficult thing that was to live with! Gibbs waited for the rest. "I killed the courier and his gunman after I forced them to take me to Saleem's camp. I fought my way through his defenses. I got within a fingernail of Saleem before I was...overpowered." She was ashamed of that fact and it showed in her downcast gaze. There was a pause while she collected her thoughts. "I had nothing but death in my heart."

Gibbs saw it a bit differently. "You never had a choice. He didn't give you a choice. He raised you to be a ruthless, soulless killer."

"I did not mean to live through it."

That was a bit of a punch to the gut coming from the young woman he'd claimed as his daughter only a month before. "You didn't. That part of you died out there."

Ziva struggled with her next confession. "I am...sorry...Gibbs."

She was apologizing for everything that had happened since Rivkin, every time she thought she'd let him down, and that just wouldn't do. He hated seeing her broken. Gibbs stood up and walked over to her, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "Don't be. You're mine now." He saw her smile and barely kissed the side of her head, leaving her to figure out how to believe his words.

Ziva's chin trembled and she nodded, trying very hard not to cry but also aware that very few seconds remained before she would lose that battle.

**NCIS**

Tony had returned to Observation as soon as Malachi was safely away and after he'd repeated in no uncertain terms that Israel was to stay the heck away from Ziva. He made it there just before Director Vance left and saw something in the man's face. The agent was pretty sure Vance at least suspected that he and Ziva were in a relationship, but to the man's credit he hadn't breathed a word to anyone else as far as Tony could tell.

He watched Gibbs and Ziva intently, interpreting body language and guessing at gestures. Even with no sound, Tony was still getting the gist of the conversation. Years ago when he'd first started at NCIS, he and Abby would come in and spy on random interrogations with the sound turned off, so she could teach him the basics of reading lips. Tony had honed his skill with hours of practice and was now fairly capable, not that anyone else would know that. He couldn't see Ziva's side of the conversation, but reading Gibbs' lips gave him an idea of what she was saying.

When their boss left and Tony saw Ziva's shoulders shake, he pulled the blind in Observation and slipped into the room, locking the door behind him. "Zi," he said gently, and she was in his arms almost before he finished the word. Tony surrounded her body with his arms and sagged into the corner, supporting her weight as the sobs wracked her too skinny frame and tears soaked his shirt. He ran a hand soothingly over her hair and whispered to her words of comfort and love that neither would remember later.

Ziva needed him desperately in that moment and even though she knew she shouldn't get his hopes up, she let him do whatever he thought would help. Finally she lifted her head and looked at him with watery eyes. "He believed me."

"Of course he did sweetheart." Tony kissed her long and slow, then rested his forehead on hers. "We're always on your side." He laid one palm against her cheek. "I love you so much. You know that, right?" She nodded even though she wanted to tell him to stop being so nice to her, he still didn't know what she'd done. "This is where you belong, here with our family." For a long time Tony simply held her, then slid an arm around her waist and led her to the nearest elevator. It was over. Thank God it was finally over.

**NCIS**

Up in his office Leon Vance was on the phone with an irate Eli David. "I'm not happy about it either Eli."

His words came clearly through the phone. "Self-serving, manipulative-"

Vance tried to keep a straight face. "Gibbs is an awful son of a gun. You might think he's a thorn in your side, but he's a pain in my neck."

"He is a thief!" Eli accused. "Stealing my daughter. How dare he?" _Your daughter?_ came Nettie's voice clearly, as if she was in the room with him. He resisted looking behind himself to check. _So now, now that she has found somewhere to call home, now you want to claim her? You have no right to her now Eli. You gave all of that up and for what? An empty home and a black heart. You are alone, and you deserve nothing less. _He pushed the thoughts aside to focus on the conversation.

"I know, I know you're upset," Leon tried to placate his sometimes friend, sometimes ally. Their dealings were a necessary evil and he had to keep the peace. "I know she's your daughter."

"Yes, my flesh and blood," Eli continued. In his head Netta snorted._ Since when Eli? Since you left her to die in the desert? Or since someone who cared went to rescue her and now you have lost your best weapon? Shame on you little brother! Look what you have done to her. _The Israeli man rubbed his face. He'd been hearing his sister's voice for weeks now, on and off but with increasing frequency. She haunted his days, disrupted his nights, made him question every truth he believed. And all that when she wasn't even speaking to him. That was Ziva's fault too, somehow. She had turned his own sister against him. _No_, Nettie argued. _You have done that yourself_. Then Vance was talking again and Eli tried to remember what they were saying.

"I will continue to deal with it, but you have to believe I am your ally here."

"Then show me," he demanded.

"I will deal with Gibbs," the NCIS director assured him. "but she has chosen to deal with him too."

That got him wondering just what kind of relationship the surly agent had with his daughter. Something was not right here. "We'll let the issue rest for the moment. This is not the last conversation we will have on the subject."

Vance was ready to be done talking. "Shalom Eli." It didn't surprise him when the other man hung up on him.

From across the desk Gibbs almost smiled. "Not bad."

Glad to finally have everything wrapped up, Vance nodded. "Not bad at all." He handed Gibbs a piece of paper, watching as he scanned the page. It was a letter to Ziva, with 'Approved' stamped in blue near the top. He grunted in satisfaction and decided it was high time to go home. This had been a very long day.

_Replies:_

_MJ - Thanks :) Glad you liked it. lol, yup, I'm Canadian. I guess the extra 'u's didn't give it away? :P That's funny. I never would've known that. I'm assuming we call it Kraft Dinner because that's the brand name. I'd call it mac and cheese if my mom made the from scratch version. It's crazy how our countries are so close together but the people are so very different. It's always fascinating to learn this stuff. Thanks! :)_


	6. 7x4 Good Cop, Bad Cop Part 2

**Wednesday, November 4 continued...**

The closer they got to home, the more dread built in Ziva's heart. By the time Tony was making the final turn onto their street, she could feel perspiration dampening her shirt under the arms and at the nape of her neck. She curled her fingers tightly into her palms and took shallow breaths. This next conversation would make all the others of the past two days look like a walk at a picnic.

Tony appeared at her door before she even realized he'd stopped the car. "Ready to go in partner?" Ziva tried to smile but failed and couldn't meet his eyes, so she nodded once. His brow furrowed at the change between Interrogation and home. This was the Ziva of ast night who had retreated and refused to let him in, but Tony wasn't about to settle for a repeat. When they walked in the door he grabbed her wrist and wouldn't let go. "We're not doing this again Ziva. You can't keep pushing me away."

She twisted in his hold. "Tony, please!"

He couldn't give into her begging, not this time. "I'm serious Zi. You need to tell me what's going on in your head, because you won't even look at me long enough to figure it out on my own."

Determined, Ziva pried his fingers off her arm and he let her. "Sit there," she ordered, pointing to the armchair beside the couch. "I need to think." But really, thinking was the last thing she wanted to do. Tony took off his jacket and draped it over the back of the couch, undid his watch and set it on the coffeetable, and loosened his tie while Ziva took measured steps between the door and the kitchen table. Finally she stopped, her head came up, and she fixed her eyes over his left shoulder. "I kissed him," she blurted out. "On the ship."

A lead weight dropped on Tony's heart. "Malachi?"

Her eyes widened. "Malachi? No. Not since we were teenagers. Then Michael punched him and it didn't happen again."

The tangent wasn't enough to throw him off. "Who then?"

Ziva's gaze faltered and the pattern on the floor suddenly became greatly absorbing. "Daniel," she said in a whisper.

Tony sighed and dragged a hand down his face, dropping into the chair. She could see the hurt swamping him and knew she was the cause, the only one to blame. Ziva walked over and leaned against the door. "One of the crew members caught him poking around and I passed us off as lovers to keep him from getting shot."

The words were jagged against his throat. "Were you?" He wasn't sure how much more he could take. Adultery was the only acceptable reason for leaving, but even if that was the case Tony didn't know if he could ever cut ties with her completely. He loved Ziva David from the bottom of his soul and nothing could ever take that away. Pain pooled in her chocolate irises at his question, but Tony didn't feel like she had a right to it.

"No," she answered quietly. "We did not have sex, and I did not let him kiss me after that even though he wanted to. But," Ziva stared at her hands, "there were a few moments when I wondered 'what if'. If I slept with him would it make me feel anything? If he touched me could he make me forget? If I kissed him again would it drown out everything I had lost?" She pushed past the lump in her throat. "I betrayed you with a kiss, in thought if not by deed. That I even considered doing anything with Daniel-" Ziva shook her head, disgusted with herself and the weakness displayed on the ship. "I deserve whatever you are thinking about me."

Tony was silent so long she wondered if he was going to speak at all. At last he stood. "I told you I wouldn't leave when everything gets too much, so I won't. But I'm going outside and I want to be alone." He walked across the floor with an air of despair clinging to every step, shut the office door, and made his way into their dark, cold backyard.

Ziva heard the sliding door click shut and sank to the floor, burying her face in her hands. She was losing him and she couldn't even cry. Perhaps this was what he had felt when she closed him out after Michael died. This was the night she had dreaded and it was all her worst fears come true. She had no one to blame but herself. She never should have let him get so close. Ziva David had always been poison to everyone she tried to love.

**NCIS**

Tony sat on the steps of their deck, elbows digging into his knees and fingers steepled, going over and over it in his head. What really bothered him was that Ziva kept getting into situations where their vows were tested, pushed, and almost broken. That the idea of an affair had even crossed her mind was the lowest blow. In the three years they had been married he'd never so much as looked at another woman that way.

_Oh really?_ his subconscious butted in. _What about Jeanne?_

Tony frowned. _That was different, I was undercover. And we never-_

_But you almost went too far once, almost got too involved in the physical stuff. And you know the things you were thinking around her weren't always mission related._

_I never cheated on my wife!_ he insisted to himself.

_And Ziva never cheated on you. A thought only becomes a sin if it is acted on. _That sounded more like Aunt Nettie than anything he would come up with.

"Not helping," Tony muttered to himself.

It was twenty minutes later when the sound of the door moving along the tracks broke through his brooding. Ziva stayed where she was by the house and cleared her throat. "There is something I forgot to tell you."

He didn't bother turning around. "What?"

"That I am sorry. I am sorry for what I thought and for what I did. I am sorry for leaving when I should have stayed. That I regret every time there was another man's hands on my body when that right belongs to you alone." She swallowed back tears. "I would not...blame you if there is a limit to what you can forgive, but Tony please..." she faltered and the tears came anyways. "Please do not make me live without your love. I'm sorry ahava, I'm so sorry."

He couldn't handle the anguish in her voice and stood, going over to catch her tears on his fingers, his decision already made. "There is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you Ziva." Tony tried to let go of the agony her confession had caused, but it was so hard. "For all intents and purposes you were undercover on that ship, just like you were in Israel with Issac." That was the only way he could keep breathing, if he believed that. He sighed. "Do you remember what I told you when you came home that first summer?" Confusion washed her expression and she gave a minute headshake. Tony played with a lock of hair. "Do you love me?"

Her brow furrowed. "Of course I do."

"Say it."

Ziva tentatively placed her hand on his chest as if she was afraid of being pushed away. "I love you Tony. Ani ohev otach. Tamid." _Always._

He slid his hands along her neck and leaned forward to rest their foreheads together. "Then I will forgive you for anything."

She shook her head, unable to accept what she needed most. "But you should not have to. It is only me, always me. I do not know what is wrong inside me that I keep putting what we have in jeopardy. You should not have to forgive me again, not when you haven't-"

His finger landed on her lips. "How much did you forgive when I was with Jeanne?"

"That is not the same," Ziva tried to argue, but Tony was done letting her be a martyr.

"I know I never slept with her Zi, but there was kissing and touching involved, too much sometimes. And I won't ever stop wishing I'd never put you through that." He sighed and burrowed his hands into her hair. "But you have to know how much it hurts that you thought about having an affair." Tony closed his eyes. "And I don't know what to do about it."

Ziva's shoulders sagged. "You wish that love could fix what is broken. I wish that it could heal all the hurts you have felt because of me." She lifted her face, her top lip brushing his bottom one and Tony jerked back.

"No honey, not right now. This isn't the part where we kiss and make up. I can't...not yet. Not when it's so close."

The force of her betrayal and the ripples that followed hit home for Ziva and she cried, sobs shaking her slender form. Tony wrapped her in his arms and held on tight, resting his cheek on her hair and letting some of his own sorrow bleed out in silent tears that rolled down and soaked into the thick brown waves. Their shared grief was eventually spent for the moment and she stepped away, wiping her wet cheeks.

"I would offer myself to you now if that was possible, but I know even sex cannot make up for what I did. Perhaps it would only make you feel worse tonight." She drew a shuddering breath. "Because I am not able to give that, there is another option." Ziva still wasn't sure if she could look at him, because if he rejected her again it would be weeks before she would be able to gain the confidence to try again. "In October you asked if I would shower with you and I said no. But tonight I will say yes, if that is still something you want."

Tony was caught off guard by the suggestion and his eyes narrowed. "This can't be because you feel guilty about Daniel."

Ziva's dark eyes flickered to his. "It is not. I spoke to Aunt Nettie that day and she told me I need to give what I can of myself, when physical intimacy itself is not in our cards." She played with her wedding ring, retrieved from the box in her nightstand drawer while he was thinking. "I am not afraid of you, but I would ask that you wear shorts. I will feel safer if you are covered."

Tony blew out a harsh breath, wrestling with the decision. "Why now? Why tonight?"

Only honesty and genuine care shone out of her heavy gaze. "Because we need this Tony. You have said before that you struggle with feeling connected to me when we cannot make love. But I can give this, if you will let me." She was almost desperate for him to say yes at this point. They would only get further away if the answer was no.

He stared at her for several moments, then nodded. "Okay."

They undressed separately, Tony in the bedroom and Ziva in the bathroom. She made a point to avoid all contact with the mirror and stepped under the steady spray as soon as the water warmed up. Tony came into the room wearing black board shorts splashed with colour like paint splatter and paused outside the shower, taking time to try and sort out the muddle of emotions in his head. Then he pulled the door open and joined his wife.

She stood with her back to him and Tony ran his hand down the length of her spine, where the vertebrae continued to stand out too boldly for his liking. She tensed, so he did it again, stopping just shy of her derriere, missing the dimples that used to sit just above. When Ziva didn't move away, Tony slid his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Will you let me touch you?" She swallowed and closed her eyes, nodding slightly. Taking her at her word, he rubbed his hands slowly down her arms and up her ribs, wishing they weren't so easy to count. Then he pressed in close and laid his hands carefully on her breasts.

The instant panic was evident in the way her pulse jumped. "Tony-" The uncertainty was clear and a tremor gripped her.

He put his mouth by her ear. "Shh Zi, it's just me. It's okay. Please let me do this."

Her hands found their way up to cover his. "I wish I was not afraid," she confessed, wanting to find comfort in his touch but unable to.

Tony stroked his thumbs gently over the tops of her breasts. "Tell me why babe. What about this scares you?"

She shook her head. "I don't know."

That wasn't true and he knew it. "Yes you do. Come on honey, please. It's only us here, you're safe. I don't want tonight to be the only time we're together this way. Why?"

"Because," Ziva choked out, "it always started with touching - one man's hands here, another's somewhere else - and it never stopped at that. They tied me up, they made sure I couldn't fight back, and then-" her voice broke and fell to a whisper, "-then they took turns."

That was the most she'd told him in a month and Tony almost regretted asking. He turned her around and guided her head to his shoulder, letting her cry. "Sometime times I hate being a guy," he muttered, and Ziva pushed away, her expression fierce.

"They were not men Tony. They were animals, monsters without souls. Do not compare yourself to them."

He wiped the water out of his face. "I won't if you won't."

Her forehead creased. "I don't understand."

Tony stared into her eyes. "Do I look like them Ziva?"

The frown morphed into confusion. "No."

He let a hand fall from her face down to her hip. "Do my hands feel like theirs?"

Ziva shook her head slowly. "No."

Tony folded her into an embrace. "Did they ever hold you this way?"

Her voice got softer with each answer. "No."

He pulled back to look into her face. "Please try and remember that when you're afraid. Because I would never hurt you Zi, and it kills me when you're scared that I will."

The water cooled a bit as he waited for her answer and Tony nudged the temperature back up. "I do not know what to say."

He reached for the shampoo. "Don't say anything honey, just keep what I said in your heart. I need you to be sure of what is truth."

It was their first time in the shower together in six weeks and Tony planned to take full advantage of that. Once Ziva was clean and she'd hesitantly returned the favour by washing his chest and back with slow, careful strokes, he began planting a row of kisses down her neck, dropping one on her shoulder, then in the space between her breasts, a gesture which caused her to shiver involuntarily. He crouched to press his mouth to her stomach, relieved to note that the fifteen pounds she'd gained since her return were making a slight difference, but she was still twenty-four pounds short of the healthy weight she'd been before.

Finally Tony stood back up and cupped her face in his hands, kissing her eyelids with featherlight touches. He leaned his forehead on hers and breathed the next words out in a whisper. "I love you Ziva. I forgive you." Then he captured her lips in a tender caress. Ziva broke away only because she could not cry and keep contact with him at the same time. She forced back a sob and sought his mouth again, drinking in every ounce of love he was pouring out.

"I love you," she professed desperately. "I love you. I'm sorry."

Tony angled his head to get even closer, rubbing his tongue over hers in an attempt to touch Ziva as much as possible. Hard to believe that an hour before he'd thought about withholding this type of affection for awhile, but it already felt like days since he'd kissed his wife, even though their last encounter had been that every evening. Not doing this would be as much a punishment for him as for her.

With their bodies tightly pressed together, Ziva could tell the moment his desire for her became evident and she took a step back, looking down. Tony sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. His body felt on fire from experiencing her nearness after so long without and he swallowed hard, unable to look at her as they rested against separate walls, barely more than two feet apart in the corner shower.

The hot water began to run out and lukewarm water streamed down on them. Tony pushed his fingers through his soaking wet hair and sighed. "Time to get out, I guess."

Ziva flipped the handle to off and took a step forward, catching his bottom lip lightly between hers, and let her hand linger on his cheek before she opened the door and reached for her favourite towel, so long it covered from chest to below her knees. Tony took an extra few minutes to get himself under control, then followed suit. When they were both dried and dressed, Tony set his back against the counter and reached for her hands.

"I'm not going to apologize for wanting you, but I hope that didn't make you too uncomfortable."

Ziva's palm found his chest. "Oh Tony, it is not about being uncomfortable. I am your wife, I love you. That was a natural reaction to being close and I am..." she searched for a word, "...relieved, I suppose, that you can still respond to me that way despite all that lies between us." Ziva faltered and looked away, defeated. "I only wish that everything we both want wasn't still so far away."

"We?" his eyebrows rose hopefully.

Meeting her husband's eyes was a challenge. "I know that if I could actually let you in, your love and touch would go such a long way to healing the broken places inside me. And I..." she pressed her lips together, closing her eyes, "...I want that again Tony, to express our love that way. I know you probably cannot believe me when I spend so much time pushing you away, but I miss being with you."

Ziva shook her head. "There is so much trauma layered over my feelings about intimacy, so I try not to think about it. But you deserve to know that you are not alone in your desire. Mine is still only barely a flicker, yet it is there. I remember how you were with me when I returned from Israel the first time and that...that is what I want again, someday."

"Wow." Tony was stunned by her confession. "I never would've guessed that." He lifted her hand and kissed the pad of each finger. "So now what?"

She shrugged. "We go to bed. And keep moments like that at a minimum until we have the ability to act on them."

He pulled her into a hug, feeling like they'd passed some sort of test by coming out of this night in one piece and still together. So far they were proving, no matter what the odds, that they could survive anything as long as they did it side by side.

**NCIS**

**Thursday November 5**

The little bit of sleep Tony and Ziva tried to get was torn apart by a nightmare for the third night in a row, and at four-thirty in the morning Ziva stated in no uncertain terms that she would not get back in bed and she was going for a run. Tony pushed himself up on one elbow. "No, you're not."

She turned on him, eyes blazing. "Will you stop me?"

"Yes," he declared firmly. "I don't know what it looks like inside your head Zi, but I won't let you hurt yourself in an attempt to get the images out."

Ziva's fingers curled into fists. "Fine," she ground out. "Then I am making bread." Tony sighed and got up, causing her to frown. "Where are you going?"

He slipped a sweatshirt over his head. "With you." At her arched eyebrow he shrugged. "I've gotta make sure you don't break your hand when you punch the dough down."

She rolled her eyes, grabbed an elastic off the dresser and gathered her hair into a messy bun, then stalked into the kitchen. Two hours and two piping hot, golden brown loaves of bread later, Tony rested his hip on the counter and yawned. "We should get ready for work."

Ziva slid a small plate with a fresh piece of buttered bread towards him. "Breakfast first. At least we do not have to shower."

He stared pointedly at his wife. "Where's yours?"

She began wiping the counter with a damp cloth. "I'm not hungry."

Tony pushed the plate back. "I'm not eating unless you eat."

Her exasperated sigh cut the quiet. "Tony-"

"No. I'm serious Zi. You won't get better if you don't gain weight, and you can't gain weight if you don't eat." Tony gestured to the bread. "So have a bite sweetheart, or we both go to work hungry."

It was an unfair play because Tony knew she wouldn't let him suffer for her stubbornness, but he was at his wit's end with her lack of interest in food and he'd do whatever it took. Glaring darkly at him Ziva snatched up the bread and took a large bite, muttering, "Ata meshage'ah li et hasechel." _You drive me crazy._

Tony frowned because the translation for that one escaped him, but the way she said it made him think the phrase wasn't exactly complimentary. Once he was satisfied that Ziva would eat at least one slice, Tony got two more for himself, poured glasses of juice for both of them, and set the pills she was supposed to take beside hers. She'd finished her final dose of antibiotics their first day back, but Ducky still wanted her on the iron and vitamin supplements to boost her immune system and blood until further notice.

Ziva swallowed the pills without complaint and left to get dressed. Tony soon followed and they made it to work just in time. Soon after they arrived McGee confronted him with a pile of folders, determined that he'd cheated, and demanded Tony do his work. Tony, on the other hand, was certain of his victory and held up his own pile of reports. In the end neither won and the entire stack was dropped on Ziva's desk while Tony and McGee parted ways and went to separate corners for awhile to sulk about a plan gone wrong.

Then Gibbs breezed by and dropped a piece of paper on the folders. "Get to work...Probie," he said. She picked up the paper and started reading, a smile growing on her face with each line that all culminated to inform her of her acceptance as a probationary agent, if the blue word stamped at the top hadn't already proclaimed that fact in living colour.

Probie. Never had any word sounded so good. She received enthusiastic hugs and high fives from the guys, then stood staring at the typed sheet in her hands. She was approved, wanted, valuable. Ziva's lips trembled and she quickly excused herself to the restroom where she looked at her reflection in the mirror and blinked back grateful tears. A pair of arms slid around her waist before she realized she wasn't alone and Tony kissed her neck.

"I'm so proud of you honey."

Ziva glanced back at him. "Gibbs will suspect."

Tony shook his head. "Nah, he sent me to get you. Guess he knows we don't care too much about boundaries. Director wants to see you."

She straightened her spine and wiped her eyes. "Alright."

He stopped her before she walked out. "Hey, congratulations."

Ziva smiled and squeezed his fingers. "Thank you."

She climbed the stairs to the upper level slowly and waited in the outer office while his assistant announced her arrival. She hung up the phone and nodded. "You can go in now Agent David."

Ziva's eyebrows rose in surprise as she savoured the new title. Agent. She was an agent of NCIS. Turning the handle, she pushed the door opened smoothly and prepared to face the man who was now her only superior besides Gibbs. "Agent David," he greeted her.

"Director."

"Please, have a seat." For once not stating her preference for standing, she sank down on one of the chairs and waited. Leon Vance set down the file he was reading and smiled. "Congratulations on your new status."

She folded her hands together. "Thank you."

He leaned back in his chair. "I'm happy to have you with us David, but there are a few wrinkles that need to be ironed out." Ziva's brow furrowed but she remained silent. "First, from the phone call I had with your father last night I gather you took care of that little employment problem we talked about."

"Yes sir," she confirmed.

He looked her over solemnly. "Any regrets?"

She had many regrets. Not the least of which was that so much of her life had been wasted on a man who knew nothing of what it meant to be part of a family. "No," Ziva answered confidently.

"Good." Vance tapped a folder beside his computer, "then we come to the issue of citizenship. You can't become an official agent until you are an American citizen."

"That is something I am prepared to do." Not only had she promised Tony and herself that this would happen one day, but it was simply time for a change.

"Giving up Israel?" he pressed.

She shrugged. "There is nothing left for me there. Here is where I want to belong."

"Very well." Leon handed her the folder. "Here's everything you need to get started. The official forms have already been filled out and just need your signature. NCIS will help however we can, but it will still be several months before anything happens. In the meantime I suggest you get your hands on as many study materials as you can and begin preparing for the test you must pass."

Ziva weighed the information he'd given her. "Thank you sir, I will."

Vance rubbed his chin. "And last but not least is your role on Gibbs' team."

She frowned. "I thought that had been decided."

"You're a probationary agent David, but one who has several current limitations. I can't partner you with Agent DiNozzo again until you are cleared for duty by Dr. Mallard and have passed all of your requalification exams." Her mouth opened and closed and he held up one hand to forestall any argument. "For the time being you are assigned to desk duty. You can do research and help in the lab, but I don't want you going out to any crime scenes."

Ziva's face fell and he continued. "That being said, I don't need Agent Gibbs up here five minutes from now ranting about how I'm trying to micromanage his team. So, despite my feelings on the subject, you may go out on calls with the MCRT if you follow these rules." She swallowed and tried to remind herself how lucky she was just to be here, let alone as an active agent.

"You will stay in the car until the scene has been cleared. You will not follow, apprehend, or otherwise engage suspects. You may take pictures, sketch, take witness statements, and collect evidence. You may do interrogations but only with another member of your team present. You may also go out on interviews, but if anything goes wrong you are to stand down Agent David. Do I make myself clear?" She nodded. "I refuse to have you hurt again on my watch. If even one of these conditions are broken, you will be back here riding a desk until you are fit for duty whether Gibbs likes it or not. Am I understood?"

Ziva's head was swimming with all the restrictions but she managed to square her shoulders and take it. "Yes sir."

"Good." He pulled his top desk drawer open and reached inside for her badge and ID. "I think you can take the visitor's badge off now. You'll be issued a weapon once you are cleared for duty. Dismissed." She stood to leave but his voice called her back before she opened the door. "And David, it's good to have you back."

Her smile was small. "Thank you Director. It is good to be here."

Ziva walked out and back downstairs, taking a moment alone in the alcove to process the meeting. Gibbs appeared at her side, making her jump. She handed him the first sheet from the folder, a repeat of everything the director had just told her regarding procedure. Gibbs scanned it and gave a gruff, "Good."

She hadn't expected that. "Gibbs?"

He looked up. "Want you well Ziver. We'll be as careful as we have to be to make that happen."

A smile touched her lips. "I thought at work there was no special treatment?"

"Never been much good at Rule #10," he admitted, then pointed towards her desk. "You've got reports to review. Get at it."

"Yes Boss," she teased and Gibbs rolled his eyes, turning away. Some things would never change.

**NCIS**

At six pm sharp Abby rushed into the squadroom. "Put those papers away ladies and gents. We are going out to celebrate!" Gibbs stood to object and she pointed at him. "You too my silver haired fox. Ducky and Jimmy are already waiting downstairs." She ran over and enveloped Ziva in a hug. "Congratulations Agent David. You deserve it." No one moved and Abby tapped her spiky black collar wrapped wrist. "Get a move on people, reservations are for seven."

All eyes shifted to Gibbs, who had fixed Abby with his famous stare, to which she was immune. Finally he gave up. "Grab your gear." Abby squealed in delight and danced over to plant a bright red sparkly kiss on his cheek while the others quickly packed up. They followed Abby to the elevator, where she claimed McGee's arm and began chattering about nothing in particular. Tim smiled and nodded like every word was important and Tony wondered when his friend would get the guts to tell her how he felt.

The group met Ducky and Jimmy in the parking lot and left in pairs except for Gibbs, who wanted the means for a quick escape if necessary. Ducky took Jimmy so he'd have a captive audience for his stories, McGee went with Abby because he planned to be her designated driver, and Tony and Ziva went together since they were returning to the same home afterwards. They tailed Abby to a restaurant slightly more her style than anyone else's and on first walking in Tony instantly began assessing the situation - dim light, loud music, and lots of people.

Taking that into consideration he stayed close by Ziva's side, his fingers lightly pressing into the small of her back to ground her. Seconds later Ziva's hand snuck over to fit into his, just long enough to tell him she got the message. Thankfully Abby had the foresight to request a booth in the back corner, a little removed from the noise and congestion in the rest of the room. Once the waitress led them to their table there was no shuffling for seats, everyone just flowed in like the moment had been choreographed - Abby and McGee in the middle with Jimmy, Ducky, and Gibbs on his side and Ziva and Tony on hers, Tony still doing his level best to act as a buffer for his wife on this first time out with people other than family.

She smiled at him gratefully, briefly leaning into him but moving an appropriate distance away before Gibbs could notice. One lecture on Rule 12 was enough for her. If he asked again she might very well blurt out the truth just so she could relax with her husband and not have to think so hard about every action. Luckily there was always the cover of the table, which disguised Tony's hand resting on her thigh and her own fingers tracing the familiar contours. It brought to mind the saying about knowing something like the back of your hand, and Ziva pondered if she and Tony really did know each other that intimately, like a part or an extension of their own body. She concluded quite quickly that if they didn't they were well on their way, and her point was proven when an iced tea appeared in front of her, ordered by Tony while she was lost in thought.

As soon as everyone had their drinks, Abby lifted her glass and aimed a bright smile at their Israeli teammate. "To Ziva - always our friend and sister, but now also an official agent of NCIS and member of Team Gibbs!"

They all clinked glasses. "Here, here," Ducky agreed. "We are so happy to have you with us once again my dear. Do try to stay this time."

Ziva intertwined her fingers with Tony's under the table. "Believe me Ducky, I have every reason to stay. This is my home, as you all are. Thank you."

Gibbs nodded at her, signaling silent approval, and Ziva bit back a smile as she tasted her drink. How good it was to finally be where she belonged.

_Reply:_

_Sarah - Thanks :) Yeah, that was one of the things I dreaded walking into when going back to her Damocles memories. And no, not an easy conversation at all. But I too am glad she didn't let it go any further. That wouldn't happen in one of my stories. I like them married before any of that stuff happens ;) Well, her words are running through his mind on repeat, but it doesn't mean he's learned anything yet. I was a little confused too when I heard the latest news from CBS but I've read some stuff by other hardcore Cote fans and until we actually hear something from her, we're just going to assume the network is trying to shut us up, so that means we need to keep fighting. Obviously the petition and the letters and emails etc are making an impression. A lady on livejournal who's doing some serious campaigning for Operation Bring Back Cote said we might have to keep making ourself heard even after the season starts, but if enough of us do we can make a difference. I like that thought. Here's hoping! Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_


	7. 7x4 Good Cop, Bad Cop Part 3

_A/N: So I'm going to do something I don't normally do. Originally this chapter ended up being over 10,000 words and that seemed like quite a mouthful, so I broke it up. Instead of being 3 parts the 'Good Cop' segment will now be 4 parts. A lot of the reason is that I'm short on pre-written chapters and this gives me an extra week to get some work done so I won't actually have to take a whole week off from posting. Also a reminder that just because a chapter is labeled with the title of an episode does not mean the episode will be the focus. This part is revolving more around what happens out of the office than what happens in the office. Thanks for everything guys, you're all fabulous! :) ~Aliyah_

**Thursday November 5 (end of)/Friday November 6 (beginning of)**

Hours later Tony and Ziva finally dragged in the door of their house, thoroughly worn out from the extended time out with their friends. The burden of the secret became greater and ever harder to hide outside the office, requiring extra energy and concentration. Between that and the way Tony was constantly and subtly stealing bites off her plate so the others wouldn't see how much she wasn't eating, and the one time he was sure Gibbs caught onto the little touches the couple were continually sneaking when the table covered their actions, it made for a challenging evening.

Tony dropped his backpack, coat, and jacket on the floor and rubbed his face. "Boy am I bushed."

Ziva's forehead wrinkled as she tried to equate shrubbery with the tiredness she knew he felt, but she could not make the connection and gathered her hair to the side. "I am tired as well. Let us just go to bed Tony."

He gave a slight smile. "You know those are some of my favourite words, right?"

She rolled her eyes. "To sleep Anthony." But there was no bite behind the words and he resolved to continue making comments like that on a regular basis until they reached a point where indulging in physical pleasure was more in the realm of reality rather than fantasy.

With a quick change of clothes and abbreviated teeth brushing, the couple fell into bed sometime after eleven. Ziva slept heavily for a few hours, but then grew restless as grainy images began snaking into her subconscious. She tossed and turned when she found herself standing on a hill above the camp, watching three guards beat a young woman with their feet and guns. She wanted to cry out, to stop them, but then the woman rolled over and in horror Ziva stared at her own bloody face and ugly, bruised body. Slowly, ever so slowly, blood began to trickle from her wounds, and as it seeped into the coarse sand she felt the life inside her drain away. Just before Ziva fell to the ground and closed her eyes in death, a hand grabbed her shoulder and her eyes flew open, a gagging, gasping sound tearing from her throat.

She reached blindly towards the nightstand for Moses, and the lamp, fumbling so badly that the alarm clock was knocked to the floor and her cellphone fell between the night stand and bed. Two strong arms closed around her and a warm, solid body mirrored the position of hers. "Hey, hey, hey, Zi, it's okay. It's over honey, it's over. Shh...you're okay."

Ziva trembled violently. "The light...I-I need the light."

He nodded. "Okay babe." Rolling over, Tony touched the lamp on his side and a soft glow burst into the darkness. He quickly returned to his previous place, watching as Ziva fought to keep her eyes open, to see the light and the familiar deep, ocean blue walls of their bedroom instead of the desert. But the nightmare was so close and she whimpered, again stretching her arm out for Moses. Tony stopped her and shook his head. "No Zi, not him. I'm right here. If you need someone to cry on, use me."

She turned to her other side after a moment of thought and grabbed a handful of his t-shirt. Tony tucked her body against him securely, one hand cupping the back of her head, the other one firmly around her back and waist. Stormy tears soaked his shirt and he ached for feeling so utterly helpless to offer her any comfort. After awhile, broken whispered words reached his ears. "I should have died."

Tony took hold of her upper arms and pushed her back. "No Ziva," he declared vehemently, "no. Don't you ever say that again. Don't wish yourself out of my life. I'd walk through healing with you a thousand times if that meant I got to have you back alive." His tone softened at her tear washed eyes and he sighed. "I'm sorry honey, I just can't stand the thought of being without you. Please don't ask me to live like that again."

"I'm sorry," she managed hoarsely. "But you only see it from the outside. You have no idea what it looks like on the inside."

The words 'tell me' hovered on the tip of his tongue, but Tony didn't want to fight with her at three in the morning. His thumb rubbed gently over her bottom lip. "What can I do?"

Ziva moved away and sat up, looking around the room. "I don't know. Maybe nothing." She searched for an escape but reality was a cruel master, keeping her shackled to a past she wanted no part of. "I think I am going to do...something," she said at last. "Go back to sleep Tony." Ziva stood and tied a robe around herself, then shuffled out the door.

Tony got partially dressed and leaned against the doorframe, watching as she puttered around the livingroom, drifted in and out of the office, refolded dishtowels, washed the few dishes in the sink and dried them with meticulous attention to detail, rearranged the fridge, alphabetized all the letters on the Scrabble board sitting on the coffee table, and lined up shoes neatly by the door, all without realizing he was there.

When she started organizing the boxes in their cupboard from tallest to shortest, Tony finally stepped in. He pulled her hand away. "No Ziva, no more. Come on." He walked backwards towards their room. "Come back to bed."

Ziva balked but he continue to lead her, talking softly the whole time. She reluctantly joined him in bed and was asleep before he got to a hundred sheep. Tony, however, lay awake another hour, searching for things that might help. When an idea finally came to him he smiled and closed his eyes, getting two and a half hours before his cell rang. It was McGee, nervously inquiring if they were coming in because Gibbs had been starting daggers at his senior field agent's desk for about fifteen minutes and it was starting to creep him out.

Sitting bolt upright Tony looked for the clock only to remember that it was on the floor somewhere and groaned. "On our way. Be there as soon as we can."

He closed the phone and leaned over to touch his wife's shoulder. "Hey, wake up Zi. Come on babe, we missed the alarm." It had probably gotten shut off when the clock fell.

Ziva blinked sluggishly and Tony repeated the words. As soon as they filtered through the haze of exhaustion, she was up and out of bed, gathering her hair into a ponytail and grabbing the first clean clothes she could see. Tony went for jeans and a deep red dress shirt, more casual than he'd dressed in a couple years. While Ziva got her things together, Tony grabbed them each a piece of fruit and two slices of bread, buttered and stuck together. He had his doubts whether Ziva would even finish one since she would likely start with the fruit first, but at least he was giving her the opportunity to have more.

By the time they made it into the office the couple was almost a whole hour late and Gibbs was glowering. "Sorry Boss, alarm clock issue. Won't happen again," he rattled off the excuse, trying to keep Ziva's nightmares out of it and also hoping to avoid a direct question of why they were in the same bed and relying on the same alarm clock.

Ziva did nothing but offer her boss a morose attempt at a smile, and from her eyes he could see that something wasn't right. But he wouldn't ask where the others could hear, he might even wait and let her come to him. The team was buried in paperwork for the day and not having anything active to do made it even harder for the sleep-deprived partners to focus. In early afternoon Tony escaped to the alcove to put his plan for helping into action. Dialing a number, he leaned back on the wall and yawned, waiting for his friend to pick up.

"Coach MacKay," Brent answered on the third ring.

Tony forced a grin. "Hey Swish." It was the gym teacher's planning period, so he knew he wasn't interrupting class.

Brent dropped his pen and smiled. "Big D, what brings you to my office?"

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. "Need a favour bro, for Ziva."

"Anything," his friend promised immediately.

He sighed. "She's having a really rough week, lots of nightmares. Remember when I asked if we could borrow Cody sometime? Well, I'm cashing that in now."

"Done," Brent agreed. "I'll bring him by tonight. What time?"

Tony felt like crying in relief. "Probably about five-thirty." On a day filled with folders and old case files, Gibbs wasn't likely to keep them past normal quitting time. "I'll text you if we're going to be late."

"No problem." He twisted the phone cord around his fingers. "Want me to spread the word D? We all care and...you know how Cassie and Mark feel about prayers."

"Right now we'll take all the help we can get," Tony stated. "Sure, tell them. And Swish? Thanks."

"We do whatever it takes for brothers," Brent reminded him. "Don't ever think you can't ask."

With that he hung up and Tony closed his eyes. They really needed to catch a break.

**NCIS**

Tony and Ziva had just walked in the door when there came a knock. On his way to the bathroom, Tony asked Ziva if she could get it. She did, and was surprised by who she found. "Brent, Cody, hello."

Brent gave her an easy smile. "Hey Ziva. Cody wanted to come by and say hi."

Ziva knelt to receive the dog's overjoyed greeting and kissed the top of his head. "You are always welcome, both of you."

"Thanks." The two companions stepped in and Brent kept the leash tight so Cody couldn't wander around sniffing the whole place. "Tony here?"

He came out of the bathroom and grinned. "Hey guys."

Ziva looked between the men. "Would you like to stay for supper Brent? I am not sure what we are having yet, but I can make enough for three."

Brent hesitated. Any other time he would've said yes. "Uh, I wish I could Ziva, but I have basketball practice in twenty minutes. I really just came by to-"

Tony took over from there. "I asked him to come honey."

Her eyebrows drew together. "Why?"

"Brent's letting us borrow Cody for a couple days. I thought it might help. You know, with the nightmares."

Ziva turned away, embarrassed, but at that point Brent let Cody go and moments later a nose poked the back of her knee. When she didn't look, Cody pawed her leg. Unable to resist the animal for long, she sank into a crouch and fondled his ears. "Shalom ha-chaver sheli. Are you here to help?"

"Please don't feel like you have to hide the hard parts from us Ziva," Brent implored. "You've got nothing to be embarrassed about."

Her eyes finally rose to meet his. "Thank you Brent. I think..." she ran her hand down Cody's back, "I think he will be good for me."

"Me too." He walked over to ruffled his dog's fur. "You be a good boy Code, I'll see you soon." Brent looked up at Tony. "Though with Ziva around I sincerely doubt he's going to miss me." He nodded towards the door. "Help me with his stuff?"

"Sure." Outside Brent dug a folded piece of paper from his pocket. "That's instructions on caring for Cody. His food and toys are in the trunk."

Tony accepted a basket of things and set it down to shake Brent's hand. "Really man, thanks."

"Hope it works," were Brent's parting words. "See you Sunday Big D."

Tony waved and headed back inside, talking to himself as the car drove away. "I hope this works too. Because after this I am all out of ideas."

**NCIS**

Brent showed up five minutes before practice and found fifteen second and third graders staring at him. "Coach, you're late," a brave kid in the back piped up.

Late only meant that he had never not been there before them. Brent grinned and draped the whistle around his neck. "Sorry gang, but Cody had a date so I stopped to drop him off." Giggles drifted through the group - almost two months after the team had formed they were all well used to the Cody stories he shared at every practice. One eyebrow rose as he scanned his players. "But, you all standing there like frogs on a log is not what I should see even if I am late." He crossed his arms. "Anyone want to sell me what I should see?"

Ryan tentatively raised a hand. "Practice?"

Brent nodded. "Exactly. Now hop to it." As if it had been planned, they all started hopping towards the rack of balls like little bunny rabbits. He rolled his eyes. "Very funny. Warm up drill, line sprints." The kids groaned but spread out across the court behind the black line that bordered the gym and took off at the blowing of the whistle. He put them through it for three minutes and then relented, pointing to the boxes of green and blue pinnies. "Nathan and Alysha, you guys did awesome helping me clean up last week, so you get to be team captains. Grab pinnies and choose your teams. Last four are my pick and if there's an odd man or woman out, they get to be my shadow. Let's go!"

Two sharp blasts got things moving and soon a high energy game was in the works. Brent paced along the sidelines calling out encouragement and guidance to both sides. Jessica, the youngest girl, followed him doggedly, holding a clipboard and marking down whatever he told her - mostly notes for who needed to work on what, but also things the kids were doing right too. A few times he even let her blow the whistle for fouls, knowing it would make her feel important.

By the end of the hour almost every kid's energy was spent and he gave them a standing ovation as they came off the court. "Great job everyone, you all did fantastic. I was seeing some really great teamwork out there. Do I have two volunteers for putting balls and pinnies away?"

Several hands flew up and he chose Ryan and Breanna who, along with Wes, had become fast friends over the last three weeks between basketball practice and school. Brent was gathering his things together when CJ walked up and held out a cup of coffee, dropping three sugar packets on the bench beside his bag. "I figured a guy whose favourite drink is a chocolate milkshake probably likes extra sugar."

He accepted it with a grin. "You guessed right, and thanks. What do I owe you?" Brent never liked to expect anything from the parents, and even his friends had to fight to treat him.

CJ shook her head, eyes seeking out her son as he helped Breanna chase down the balls, laughing when she tossed a green pinny at him. "This one I owed you Brent. Thank you." She swallowed. "Ryan has never been this happy before. You helped him fit in and now he's got friends." CJ blinked a few times. "It's a really beautiful thing to watch."

Brent kept an eye on the kids leaving and waved at a couple parents. "My pleasure CJ. You have a great kid there. He works hard and does a good job." He blew on the coffee. "Ryan mentioned his grandpa plays basketball with him?"

CJ nodded. "My dad, bless his heart, has tried his hardest to fill the dad sized hole in Ryan's heart. It's not the same and he's often busy with work, but they adore each other."

Fidgeting with his whistle, Brent took a chance. "Can I ask, about Ryan's dad?"

She looked at him sharply, but realized the question was a natural one in the context of their conversation. Chewing on the inside of her lip, she finally shook her head. "No, not yet. Maybe...after we've known each other awhile." It was not a part of her story she owned proudly, even if she had gotten a pretty great kid out of the deal.

Brent accepted the answer, forcing himself to remember it had only been three weeks since they met and they'd probably spent less than an hour together all told. "Fair enough. And CJ," she turned back from going to get her son, "I look forward to getting to know both of you." Shy suddenly, her gaze fell and she barely nodded before catching Ryan's attention.

"Come on monkey, Gran promised dessert tonight if you did a good job."

Ryan looked hopefully at Brent. "Did I Coach?"

Brent grinned. "Absolutely buddy. Have a good night. Enjoy dessert, you earned it."

He beamed and waved, "Thanks," then ran to follow his mom.

Watching them go, Brent felt a tug on his heart. He could really get used to being the man in Ryan Taylor's life, and maybe one day, in CJ's too.

**NCIS**

Once Brent left Tony stood staring between Cody and the list from his owner. "Well, this should be interesting." He hadn't really thought any further ahead than getting the dog.

Ziva rolled her eyes and ran her hand over Cody's head. "We will be fine Tony." She headed for the kitchen and Cody stayed on her heels. She opened the fridge and cupboard doors and slowly turned pages in her recipe book. "What do you think about macaroni and cheese? It will take about an hour and a half."

Tony shrugged. "Works for me. Need an assistant?"

Ziva's eyes twinkled. "It will go faster if I have one."

He was at her side in two strides. "Put me to work." Cody pushed in between them, keeping his place by Ziva, and Tony's eyebrows rose. "Oh buddy, you're going to have a fight on your hands if you do that all weekend."

She bent to kiss Cody's muzzle. "He did not mean that." The look she gave Tony strongly suggested that he not. Ziva gave him a knife and an onion. "Here, chop this finely please."

Tony did as he was told and Ziva started water for the pasta. She also got him to mix ingredients for the sauce while she searched the freezer for bread crumbs. Finally it was in the oven and they both fell onto the couch with Cody collapsing happily at Ziva's feet. Tony reached for their rings in a little dish on the end table and pushed his on. Ziva held out her hand and Tony kissed the spot first before sliding them into place. "What do you think babe? Movie?"

It felt like so long since they'd done something as simple as sit and watch a movie, so she nodded. "Yes please."

He went to the bookcases and his eyebrows rose in question. "Thinking of one in particular?"

Ziva reached up to toy with her necklace and her face fell when all she encountered was the fabric of her top. Averting her eyes and hoping he hadn't noticed, she slipped her hands between her knees and searched her memory for movies they had seen together. "Save The Last Dance?"

That surprised Tony but he found it quickly on her shelf. "Good choice." The selection also made him think. Ziva was nowhere near ready to dance, not when just walking still tired her out, but one day she would be strong again and when that day came he was going to start encouraging all her deepest dreams.

During the hour their supper was cooking Tony and Ziva slowly got closer together until she was leaning back against his chest, one hand resting casually on his leg. Tony turned his face to breath in her hair and smiled, because nothing topped a moment like this. He was the one who got up to dish out supper, bringing utensils, salt and pepper, and ketchup with him on the first trip, and two shallow bowls of pasta on the second. Ziva set hers on her lap and looked at it so long he thought maybe she'd changed her mind. Then she stabbed one crescent shaped noodle and brought it to her mouth, chewing slowly. That seemed to pique her interest and for twenty minutes she slowly ate pieces of macaroni one at a time.

She didn't finish the whole thing, but enough to make Tony happy, then set the bowl aside and got comfortable on the floor with Cody, who was in his glory at having her undivided attention. Once the movie was over, Tony stretched out on the couch and put his face close to Ziva's, blowing on her neck. "Now what?"

Ziva's head lolled back on the cushion. "Bed."

He chuckled. "The lack of sleep is catching up to you, huh?"

Her eyes shadowed and she studied his face. "It is getting you too."

Tony shrugged. "I'm a cop Zi, I can handle it." Catching a glimpse of the crumpled list on the coffee table, he got to his feet. "Ready to go out boy?"

At the word 'out' Cody leapt up, tongue hanging out and tail wagging excitedly. Ziva smiled. "I guess that is a yes." She was having trouble keeping her eyes open. "I would come..."

"But you need to be in bed," he finished. "S'okay. Cody and I can handle ourselves." That being said, it was a new neighbourhood and Cody felt compelled to sniff every pole and bush and fire hydrant, making his territory extensively until Tony was sure he had to be on empty. When he tugged at the leash for the tenth time the dog finally settled down to business, but it was almost nine before they made it home.

Tony let Cody inside, unclipped the leash, and Cody searched the house for Ziva, snuffling unhappily when she was nowhere to be found. Seeing the closed bedroom door, Tony made an educated guess about her whereabouts, brushed his teeth, locked them in for the night, and switched off the lamp by the couch. He kept hold of Cody's collar when they entered the darkened room where his wife was already sleeping and ordered the dog to lay down on her side.

Giving Tony a look like he'd taken away all Cody's fun by not letting him greet Ziva, the well trained golden retriever still obediently circled a spot on the floor three times and curled into a ball. Tony shed his clothes, donned pyjamas, and crawled carefully under the covers. Ziva never even stirred, but after the week they'd had he couldn't help but wonder how long her sleep would last.

**NCIS**

The question was, unfortunately, answered around midnight when Cody's whines alerted Tony that something wasn't right. Groggily he turned over and saw Ziva gripping the sheets tightly, a sheen of sweat on her face and neck, her expression one of pain. He couldn't bear to see her that way and shook her shoulder. "Ziva." The nightmare had her hard and she shrank away. Tony sighed and called her name louder. "Ziva!"

Tears were already streaming down her cheeks when she came out of it and Cody pressed in as close as he could get without jumping on the bed, lapping up the salty drops and whining at her obvious distress. Feeling his soft tongue on her skin, Ziva rolled over and buried her face in Cody's fur, her fingers twining into his coat. From right behind her Tony watched his wife's body shake with the nearly soundless sobs and he shifted over to wrap his arms around her, the only comfort he could offer. Words were meaningless at times like this.

She fell asleep like that, cuddled by both of the 'men' who loved her, and Tony eventually reached out to pet Cody, who sat with his muzzle resting on the bed inches from Ziva's face, watching her with dark, concerned eyes. "Thanks boy," he whispered hoarsely. "It may not seem like it, but I know you make this better for her." If only he could do the same. Tucking his head into the space between Ziva's neck and shoulder, Tony kissed the skin and prayed for a peaceful sleep.

**NCIS**

**Saturday November 7**

Tony and Ziva didn't get out of bed the next morning. At Cody's insistence Tony had taken him out earlier for a couple minute and got him some food, but ever since then neither man nor dog had moved. Finally Ziva rolled over and in doing so discovered that her husband was awake and watching her. She closed her eyes again and stretched. "I feel as if I could sleep forever."

He twirled a lock of hair around his finger. "I would suggest bed, all day, but you have a rule about that."

Ziva cuddled up to him, her fingers circling lazily across his chest. "I am rethinking that rule." A yawn cut her off and she sighed. "But just for today."

Tony adjusted his position a bit, rubbing her arm. "I could get behind that. But there is the small matter of food."

One eye peeked open. "There is no rule against breakfast in bed."

He chuckled. "Or lunch. Or dinner. However, in that case one of us does have to get up."

She flattened her palm over his heart, changing the subject and mood completely. "I am sorry."

Tony looked down to find her uncertain gaze fixed on him. "For what?"

Ziva didn't want to say it out loud. Once was enough. "Thursday," she murmured.

He dragged a hand over his face. "Oh." A minute passed before he thought of something to say. "Already covered that Zi."

She got a little distance from him. "But you have been nice to me. And everything so normal since we woke up on Friday. But it cannot be so easy. There must be more punishment for my sins than just your reaction that night."

Tony turned on his side to face her. "I think you've been punished enough honey. After four months it really needs to be over."

Ziva's tone was coloured with disbelief. "Just like that?"

He shrugged. "What else do you want me to do? Getting mad isn't going to help either of us heal. Ignoring you won't do anything for our marriage." Tony touched her rings. "The hurt is still there Ziva, very close to the surface, but I'm doing my best not to let it be a focus."

"I do not deserve you," came her wistful words.

"If we're being honest, I don't deserve you either. But we have each other, for better or worse. So now it's time to move forward." He stared into her chocolate eyes. "I don't want there to be anything between us."

Ziva's hand ghosted over his cheek. "I love you."

Tony kissed her palm. "Me too. Come on." He sat up. "I think we should go work on that breakfast thing."

As soon as they stirred Cody was on his feet, eager for attention. Ziva slid her legs out from under the covers and bent to pet her new friend. "Boker tov motek. Is it time to eat?"

Cody's tail wagged excitedly and Tony shook his head. "Uh-uhn. Nice try wise guy, but you've already been fed. Don't let that innocent face fool you Zi, he's lying."

She chuckled and led the way to the kitchen with Cody on her heels. "Perhaps we will find you a treat instead, yes?"

Tony swallowed down the urge to laugh. Ziva David had never been mush, but give her one fluffy, fun-loving golden retriever and there it was - proof that not even former assassins could resist big brown puppy dog eyes.

**NCIS**

Saturday was a lazy day - a lot of watching movies and old TV shows and hanging out on the couch in their pjs, with Cody snuggled up beside Ziva, his head in her lap and her fingers continually running over his silky ears, getting totally spoiled. But when Tony saw how much more relaxed she was with the animal around, he didn't even mind that he'd be vacuuming dog hair off the cushions later.

However, despite them being exhausted from both the emotional and physical effects of the whole week, Tony and Ziva eventually showered and dressed, looked up the nearest dog park, and took Cody for a walk. The social animal was in his glory with all the other pets - running around and yipping excitedly. Then, while Ziva sat on a bench with her book, Tony tossed an orange tennis ball over and over for Cody to chase. All in all it was a peaceful afternoon.

She was quieter when they got home, more locked inside herself until he found her waiting when he came out of the bathroom. "I am going to call Aunt Nettie and I need to talk to her alone, but would you like to come say hello?"

"Sure," Tony grinned, following his wife into the office. He pulled his chair over from the desk behind herself and they waited for the familiar face to appear on Ziva's screen.

The call was answered by Nettie, sipping her evening cup of tea. "Shalom dear ones, it is so good to see you."

"Hey Doda," Tony greeted her. "How're things?"

"Very well, thank you," the old woman replied. "And how are the two of you?" Before either could answer Cody, feeling left out, propped his front paws on Tony's chair, stood up, and barked. Nettie's eyebrows rose. "You have a kelev?"

He pushed Cody down. "Sit already." The dog planted his rump on the ground and gave Tony a petulant look. "No Doda," Tony chuckled, "he belongs to a friend of mine. Zi and I are just borrowing him for a few days."

Nettie's gaze shifted to her niece and a frown creased her brow. "What is it motek? You look very sad."

Tony stood and kissed his wife's head. "That's my cue. I'll be watching _Strangers On a Train _when you're done. I love you."

Ziva waited until the door clicked shut and dropped her hand to Cody's head. "I told Tony about Daniel." She closed her eyes. "Doda I feel as if I have cheated on him, as if I willingly gave my body to another man, and yet...he still forgives me."

"And you have no idea how that depth of love exists when the man who raised you after Rebecca's death taught you it was never okay to make a mistake. And if you did, judgement was swift and painful, your error dealt with but your guilt never absolved." Nettie sighed heavily. "I wish I could tell you something that made sense out of all this Zivi, but all I can say is how sorry I am for my brother's actions and their deep, far reaching consequences."

"You are not responsible for him," Ziva replied darkly. "Ani lo yada'at how you and Dod Asher could be so different from him." Her uncle had been a big, gentle man who loved his family and doted on his animals. She never so much as heard him raise his voice to anyone in all the years she knew him. Eli was all fire and passion, as Nettie was, but leaning towards darkness rather than light. Cody rested his head on her leg and Ziva sighed. "I know nothing from our three years of marriage that will tell me how to make this up to Tony." _I don't know._

Nettie drank the rest of her tea and thought on this. "Sometimes there is no making up for things, sometimes there is only accepting forgiveness we do not deserve and start over. "Serious grey eyes studied her niece. "Instead of trying to fix your mistakes my love, learn from them and move forward." Her words echoed Tony's earlier. She flapped her hand. "Away with you now. I am going to bed. Talk to your husband little bird. I promise he is worth your trouble."

"Yes," Ziva contemplated as the screen went blank, "but am I worth his?"

She sat there several moments longer, calming herself by petting Cody. The rhythmic, repetitive motion soothed her spirit and the dog was in heaven from all the attention. Eventually she stood and left the room, her shadow tagging along. Tony was right when he said he'd be - on the couch watching _Strangers On a Train_. When she joined him, he paused the movie. "That was quick."

Ziva's nose wrinkled. "I got a lecture. But a good one," she assured him. Twisting her fingers together, she took a deep breath. "Do you know the word beshert?"

Sensing this was important, Tony turned towards her, giving his wife his full attention. "No, I can't say as it rings any bells." He paused. "What's it mean?"

"The concept comes from the Talmud. Before a child is even conceived, heaven has already declared who their true match will be. Beshert is life partner, soulmate, lover, best friend, other half." Ziva leaned over to kiss his cheek. "I just want you to know ahava, that you are mine."

Tony sat back and blinked. "Wow, I'm honoured." He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I already knew I was all those things for you, because you're the same for me, but I'm really glad to hear you say it. Thank you honey."

She nodded and left to start supper. He watched closely while she gathered ingredients and began cooking, noting that the only time Ziva smiled was when she looked at Cody, who spent the entire time glued to her left leg. Tony decided right then and there that they really needed to get a dog.

_Replies:_

_Emma - I'm glad to hear it :) No worries, I'm just glad to hear from people whenever they get the chance. Scuba diving sounds like fun. Only tried it once as part of gym class. I thought the air tasted weird. Well, it's still Z's voice even if she's reacting differently than on the show. I hear her voice in my head when I write. I'm glad you think I did well. Thanks for the offer, but I do all my own editing. For better or worse I need to be able to be good at it. And I like the chapters to be a surprise for everyone. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Sarah (MIT4) - you're welcome. I hope we see a favourable outcome to this campaign. Unfortunately now we're just at the wait and see time, and patience has never been one of my strengths. Thanks, I'm glad you liked the chapter :) haha...yeah, Eli's reaction, if he was even able to speak for being so angry, would be interesting. But we really don't need to go there when everything else is such a mess. I'm glad you liked the part with the kids. I used to go trick or treating when I was younger, but I'm not really into the whole Halloween scene. Aside from a few cavities, I'm not sure you missed much :P lol. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! No worries, I hope you had a great time at camp! :)_

_Sarah (MIT6) - You're welcome. And as you can see there's another one on this chapter for you too. I copied and pasted it into the wrong document, it should've been in MIT5 or 6, my apologies. I think that's what's really getting all of us now, is that Cote isn't saying anything about how or why this happened. CBS is spouting all this stuff that's trying to make them look good, but all we want is the truth. I watched the interview on YT, thanks for that. I only wish it was for this year's season premier :( That's all I've ever seen, even on her live chat in April, that Cote loves her job and her character and her cast-mates, so this just doesn't make any sense. Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. Well, I suppose if important people kept dying and getting hurt around me, I'd feel something similar to Z, but that's got to be a hard truth to believe. That was very hard for T and they're not really done with the issue yet, but I applaud the effort he is making to forgive her for the hurt. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_


	8. 7x4 Good Cop, Bad Cop Part 4

**Sunday November 8**

A five am nightmare pretty much wrecked whatever was left of their night and so Ziva and Tony were up long before dawn, bundled in thick sweaters with blankets over their legs, sitting on the back porch drinking coffee and tea because Ziva found her peace when open space surrounded her. Cody lay flaked out between them, lifting his head and thumping his tail whenever either of them moved. "I wish we did not have to go today," she commented eventually. "I don't feel like facing any people."

He curled his fingers around hers. "Any other time we could just stay home babe, but it's the last outdoor game of the season. Cassie and the kids are coming, I'd hate to disappoint them by not showing up."

Ziva sighed. "So would I." She had never been 'Aunt Ziva' before, and there was no chance at all now with her siblings gone. But Alec and McKenna were as close as she was going to get and she enjoyed the children very much. "Besides, Cody needs to see Brent. It would not be fair to keep him away." She reached over and scratched the dog's stomach. "Do you think he will be wanting his dog back?"

Tony heard the quaver in her voice and knew she still needed whatever solace Cody was providing, even if his presence had not deterred her nightmares in the slightest. "I'll talk to him honey, I don't think Swish'll mind a few more days."

She tilted her head. "Why do you call him Swish?"

He chuckled. "Because when we all play together, that's the only sound you hear on Brent's shots. The man's got talent and no matter how he sends that ball up, in the end it's nothing but net."

Ziva leaned her head on his shoulder. "I am glad you have such good friends ahava. It must be very nice to be known that way."

Tony kissed her forehead. "You know me better," he whispered, breathing in the scent of her hair. "You know me in a way no one else ever will, and that's something I don't want to take for granted." He set his empty mug down and wrapped her in his arms. "I know it doesn't help the hurt Zi, but I love you, so much."

She placed her palm over his heart, tilting her head to kiss his neck. "Oh my love, it helps far more than you will ever know." He was the only one who had ever stayed no matter how hard she pushed him away. And one way or another, they were going to get through this. She just had to wait for the hope that was still so long in coming.

**NCIS**

Several hours later, looking tired and a little worse for wear, Tony and Ziva stepped out of their car at the park, with Tony opening the back door and setting Cody loose. The golden retriever sniffed the air and immediately took off towards the man kneeling on the ground and tying his shoes. Brent got bowled over by his dog's enthusiastic greeting but he was up in a moment and hugging his pet. "Hey buddy, how's it going? Oh man, I've missed you. My runs just aren't the same without you tagging along and barking at squirrels."

He stood up and looked at his friends, stopping mid-question when he could tell just by their appearance. "How are-" Brent shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed. "That good, huh?"

Cody, whose affections were always torn when the women and kids were around, returned to Ziva's side and she fingered his silky ears. "Thank you for loaning him to us. Cody has been a comfort to me."

"I wish I believed you," he frowned. "But you're welcome."

She gave him a faint smile. "I am fine Brent, please do not worry."

That was a lie, but Brent decided not to push. Then Alec and McKenna spotted her then from the playground and further serious conversation was shelved as they ran over in jeans and fall coats, grinning for all they were worth. "Come push me on the swings Aunt Ziva, please!" McKenna begged, grabbing her hand. Alec made a face because his sister got to her first and turned the same expression on Tony.

"Can you push me Uncle Tony? Dad's busy being all cuddly with Mom."

Tony laughed at the tone in the boy's voice which clearly displayed how icky that activity was, and both he and Ziva let themselves be towed over to the swingset. At first he was worried about Ziva hurting herself, but she was very careful where she put her hands and how hard she pushed and McKenna was too glad to have her attention to complain about wanting to go higher.

After only a few minutes, however, she stopped and jumped off. "Want to go on the slide with me?"

Ziva smiled. "I am too big for the slide motek. But I will wait for you at the bottom."

That was close enough and McKenna clambered up the stairs to the highest slide, sat down, and pushed off. She met Ziva at the bottom with an expression of glee and Ziva scooped her up in a hug. From the swings where Alec was waiting for his next underdoggie, Tony watched the scene, tenderness filling his heart. If they couldn't have their own kids, at least they got to see what they were missing with these two. And by the look on his wife's face, Tony knew she would've been a great mom.

Just then Darien, the last person they were waiting for, showed up and Mark left his wife, grabbed the ball from Brent and Adrian who were arguing about the last basket, and called the rest of the group over. "Last outdoor game guys, let's make it count."

Tony jogged to the court while Ziva and the kids followed behind, Brent sent Cody back to Ziva, and Cassie kissed her kids, then suggested they play tag with Cody so she could talk to Ziva. The Israeli woman sat down and leaned against the tree, worn out with the day barely half over. "Your children are lovely Cassie. You are very lucky."

She beamed. "Thank you. I wasn't always so sure, especially when both of them were in diapers, but I can't believe how fast they grew up." Cassie wrapped a long blonde curl around her finger. "I'm sure this is the wrong time to ask, but do you and Tony want kids someday?"

Ziva's eyes were immediately shuttered. "We...cannot," she said simply, hoping to avoid the full explanation.

"Oh." Cassie's eyebrows rose at the unexpected news. "I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "As are we. It is not my favourite subject."

Cassie took the hint and handed her friend's wife a mug of hot chocolate from the large thermos at her side. "Mark hasn't heard from Tony all week and he's getting kind of concerned. Has work been busy?"

Ziva wished it was possible to curl up in a ball and disappear. "There was a...difficult case that brought up some...bad memories between Tony and I. We are still dealing with them."

Cassie could hear how careful she was being not to give specifics. She chewed on her lip. "Are you guys okay?"

Ziva twisted her fingers together. "I suppose we are getting there. But it has also been a bad week for dreams and that is not helping."

Cassie put the pieces together faster than Ziva had expected her to. "That's why Brent gave you Cody."

"Yes," she admitted. "It was a lovely gesture."

"You have no idea Ziva. Brent loves that dog. He's had Cody for three years and takes him everywhere. They're best friends. For him to part with Cody...that's a real sacrifice for him. Brent doesn't really have anyone else except us and his dog. Please don't take that gift for granted."

Ziva's eyes strayed between Cody chasing the kids around trees and benches, to her husband covering Adrian on the court, to Brent making a slam dunk. "I will not," she promised. Then the topic changed entirely. "Do you like to read Cassie?" She knew she'd asked the right question when the other woman's face lit up, and for the next hour the two chatted about favourite literature until Alec and Mckenna ran out of steam and collapsed on the ground in front of them.

Cassie and Ziva's focus switched then and Ziva settled back with Cody to listen to a full rundown of the childrens' week which began as soon as she inquired if they had anything new to share. After twenty minutes of sitting the siblings' batteries were all charged and ready to go again. At that point Mom and Aunt Ziva got roped into pushing them on the swings - with everyone continually reminding Cody to move or he'd get hit, because the dog wanted to be right in the center of the action. Judging a swing race to see who could get highest fastest came next, followed by a demonstration of monkey bar and trapeze bar and ring skills.

Though her bright smile belied it, Ziva was exhausted. Tony happened to glance over and saw her fading, so he darted off the court and was right at her back, resting his hands on her hips, when she fell back to lean against the swingset. Although play momentarily halted with Tony's abrupt departure, Mark quickly called it to order again, not wanting Ziva to feel conspicuous, even if they were all keeping one eye on her and one on the ball after that.

Feeling her husband's solid presence behind her, Ziva turned her head slightly and smiled faintly. He kissed her neck. "You okay?"

She forced herself to blink normally. "I should sit down," Ziva answered quietly, not wanting to draw the attention of Alec and McKenna. With an arm firmly around her back, Tony guided her to a nearby bench and for a few minutes the couple watched, then she squeezed his fingers and withdrew her hand. "Go play."

His brow furrowed. "You sure? I don't mind."

Ziva shook her head. "You see me all the time, but your friends only once a week." She snapped her fingers and Cody trotted over to sit beside her. "I have lots of company."

"Okay," Tony sighed, standing. He propped his hands on the back and arm of the bench, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "But for the record Ziva DiNozzo, I will always want to spent every minute by your side. No amount of years will make me forget six weeks of thinking you were dead. So no time together from now on will ever be taken for granted. I love you," he whispered, kissing her nose and heading over to rejoin the game. Mark shot him a heavy look but Tony gave a quick headshake and stole the ball from Adrian. He knew, however, that a talk would be forthcoming.

Eventually the energy of all wore down and they spread out on blankets around the tree, each enjoying one or several of the fresh chocolate chip cookies Cassie provided. Finishing her first and probably only, Ziva turned her attention to Jordan. "Where is Allie today?"

He was laying down and supporting his weight on one elbow. Breaking off a piece of cookie, Jordan sighed. "Her older brother is in town for the day. They don't see very much of each other, so I opted not to tag along."

To Tony's surprise Ziva reached for another cookie. "I am surprised you could be parted from her for so long."

Darien shoved Jordan's shoulder, laughingly commenting about him being whipped, and the other man grinned sheepishly, looking down at his left hand. "Yeah, it's getting harder as the wedding gets closer. I can't believe it's only a month and a half away." He chuckled. "I think my favourite part will be saying goodnight and not having to leave."

Tony turned his wedding ring around. "I remember those days." He glanced at Ziva. "I think I even made it part of my proposal, didn't I babe?" He chuckled. "At least for me it was a selling point."

"Yes," she said softly, "it was."

They shared a long look amid groans from the unattached guys and Adrian tossed a water bottle at his friend. "Knock it off. You're worse than Mark and Cassie."

Mark lifted an eyebrow. "Was that a challenge I heard?" He tugged his wife close and captured her lips for a long, sweet kiss, mindful that their children were watching. McKenna and Alec made 'eww' noises with the rest and Adrian covered his eyes.

"I am scarred for life."

Mark slid his arm around Cassie and grinned. "Just wait until it's your turn Zippy, then you'll change your tune in a hurry."

"Yeah, yeah," the youngest member of their group groused, entirely unconvinced.

About that time things started to break up and while Ziva helped Cassie fold blankets, Brent pulled Tony off to the side. "She's not fine, is she?"

Tony sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "No, she's not." He crossed his arms. "This is the worst stretch of nightmares Zi's had since being home. Even in the beginning they never came this many days in a row."

Brent stuck his hands in his pockets. "I miss my dog, but seriously man, keep him until things get better. Even if it's a whole week."

Knowing what he knew about his friend's love for and deep attachment to Cody, Tony had a hard time not breaking down and blubbering like a fool. Instead he blew out a hard breath and pinched the bridge of his hose. Finally he forced the words out. "Thanks." It was the most he could manage. Tony cleared his throat. "We'll...uh, take good care of him."

Mark came up at the tail end of the conversation and saw Tony struggling for control. Nodding at Brent, he took over from there. Tony finally opened his eyes when a heavy hand fell on his shoulder. "You shoulda called D." Tony shook his head and Mark sighed. "Or maybe I shoulda called. What gives? This is more than just Ziva's nightmares."

Tony looked around for his wife and saw her involved in an animated conversation with Alec and McKenna. He clenched his jaw and stared across the park. "While she was in Israel, after we'd pretty much broken and before everything else, Ziva...Ziva thought about having an affair."

"Whoa." Mark rocked back on his heels. "But...?"

"No, she didn't," Tony answered the unasked question. "But that she even considered it hurts so bad I don't have words to describe what I'm feeling."

"Let it go," Mark's advice came swift and firm.

"What?" Tony hadn't expected that.

"Look, guys think a lot of things we shouldn't all the time, because we're visual and even after we get married our wives are not going to be the only women who ever cross our field of vision again." He scanned the area quickly and saw Ziva getting her goodbye hugs from Cassie and the kids. Their time was almost up. "Woman are emotional Tony. If things weren't right between you two, she'd be looking for that fulfillment somewhere else, even if she didn't do it on purpose." He shook his head. "I can't imagine how hard that is D, I can't. But she didn't go through with it and you're here together with a long way to go and a lot of healing to do. Letting this fester inside isn't going to help anything." He eyed his friend seriously. "Is she sorry?"

Tony remembered the way she'd looked at him Thursday night. "Yeah, she's sorry."

"Then let it go. Please, let it go."

"I'll try," Tony said at last. "I can't promise I'll always succeed, but I'll try until I do. You're right, we've been through enough. I can't lose her over something that didn't even happen." He met Mark's eyes. "Thanks."

Mark shook his head. "You're in our prayers."

As they made their way back to their wives, Ziva looked up, smiling tentatively. It was in her expression that she knew exactly what their topic of conversation had been, but wasn't sure of the outcome. Tony joined her and folded their fingers together, locking gazes with her. Whatever Ziva saw in his green eyes let her relax a little and they waved, heading to the car.

Mark wrapped Cassie in his arms from behind and she reached up to grasp his wrist. "Are they going to be okay?"

He kissed her cheek. "Tony had something he needed to get off his chest. "It'll take work Cass, but they're going to make it."

She turned. "After thirteen years I don't know what I'd do without you."

Mark chuckled and tucked some of her hair back. "After three days I wouldn't've known what to do without you. You and the kids are God's greatest gift to me. I love you."

Cassie kissed her husband gently. "Ditto. Will you go out with me on Friday?"

Mark wanted to laugh because they'd done that almost every weekend since their kids were old enough to not be nursing every couple of hours. But every other Friday it was her turn to plan and Cassie always gave him plenty of notice. "Mrs. Reece, I'd be delighted. What time will you be picking me up?"

She rolled her eyes. "We live in the same house goofball."

He held up his hands. "Hey, guys like to feel special too."

"Fine. I'll take the kids to Dad's and pick you up at six-thirty. Deal?"

Mark kissed her hand. "Deal. But I don't know how I'll ever wait until Friday."

She smirked. "Trust me Reece, you'll have lots to look forward to." With that Cassie hopped in the car and Mark shut the door, then walked smugly around to his side. Two could play this game. Next weekend that he was responsibly for, he would make it a night his wife wouldn't soon forget. That being said, Friday couldn't come fast enough.

**NCIS**

A nap that afternoon made them feel slightly more rested, but Ziva still wasn't interested in her food come suppertime and he wasn't sure how to draw her out. What she needed was a reason to unwind. He cleared their not empty plates after he and Cody got back from their walk, and went back to his wife, holding out his hand. "How about I put some of that cream on tonight?"

Ziva shrugged listlessly, past the point of caring, and allowed herself to be led to their bedroom. At Tony's prompting she got changed, leaving her bra on and her shirt off. He retrieved the small glass jar from the bathroom and looked her over. "Lay down Zi," he suggested, "try to relax." That part took some thought, but eventually she did, holding out her fingers for Cody to sniff before curling up in his usual spot by Ziva's side of the bed.

Tony sat beside her and carefully smoothed the white cream over scars on her torso. Then he slid his hand under her back, so Ziva turned over and rested her head on her folded arms, eyes closed. Tony moved the hair off her neck and rubbed a little into the scar just under her hairline that she kept hidden whenever they were with his friends. He worked slowly down, mapping marks left on her shoulder blades and all across her back. When he finished, Tony set the jar aside and ran his hands gently over the warm skin. Ziva sighed a little but it sounded more content than exasperated.

Making a decision, he leaned over to kiss her shoulder. "Babe?" She opened one eye and he tried not to smile at how adorable his wife looked when he knew how exhausted she was. "I'd like to rub your back for awhile. Can I undo your bra?" The strap would only get in the way. Her silence wasn't encouraging, but finally she gave a tiny nod. Carefully Tony unhooked the clasp and let his eyes roam over the expanse of bare skin.

Starting with her neck, Tony pressed his fingers into the tense muscles and tried to loosen them a little. Ziva shifted when his touch became uncomfortable and he moved onto her shoulders briefly, then began gently kneading her back, always careful not to put too much force into the motion so she didn't feel held down, and endeavored to work her into sleep. He was also cautious of the muscle mass she'd lost and bones too close to the skin where his actions might cause soreness when he wanted it to be soothing. Tony wasn't sure when exactly Ziva nodded off, but at a certain point he became aware that she was fast asleep and he smiled, leaning down to press a lingering kiss to the middle of her back. Mission accomplished.

**NCIS**

**Monday November 9**

Despite how peacefully she'd drifted into dreams, the nightmares attacked at one-thirty in the morning and Ziva again turned to Cody and let him lick her tears away. Tony was almost jealous that the dog was her first choice, but he thought he understood. Animals were constant. They didn't judge. They cared when you were hurting, and they loved unconditionally. While he could claim many of those qualities himself, he knew for Ziva there was just something comforting about a warm, furry friend when she woke up, afraid of still being trapped in the desert, with no way out and not a single ray of hope.

Ziva was on edge during the day, jumping whenever someone walked by her desk or a voice spoke and she wasn't expecting it. The reactions hurt Tony to watch and he was thisclose to asking Gibbs if there was any possibility of a bring your pet to work day for one half of the MCRT. But even if the thought counted, he knew Ziva wouldn't appreciate any course of action that made her look or feel any weaker than she already thought she did. That night Ziva refused to go to bed, staying up past midnight in an attempt to wait out the nightmares. Tony couldn't go to sleep without her, so they spent time in the office, Ziva reading and Tony playing on his computer. When he finally coaxed her into their room, they got less than three hours sleep before the ghost of Somalia not quite past reared its ugly head again. Ziva practically leapt out of bed when he tried to hold her and stepped on Cody, who yelped and sat back, looking confused.

Immediately contrite, Ziva knelt and kissed his face, apologizing as she slid her arms around him. Cody nosed her cheek and wriggled closer, proclaiming all was forgiven. She avoided Tony's gaze and stood, padding out to the livingroom where she collapsed face down on the couch. Cody flopped on the floor beside her, close enough so she could bury her hand in his soft coat. A few minutes later Toy joined her, sitting on the arm and running his fingers through her wild hair.

"I'm so tired," Ziva murmured after awhile.

He sighed. "I know honey."

"No." She shook her head slightly. "I am tired of remembering. I don't want to do this anymore."

It wasn't worth saying that she didn't have a choice - neither of them did - but in that moment Tony would've given anything to be able to make this better for her.

**NCIS**

**Tuesday, November 10**

Eventually Tony covered his wife with a blanket and went back to their bed by himself, though between being apart and the fear of another night terror neither slept much for the remaining hours before dawn. Husband and wife were barely coherent at work and Gibbs gave Tony a sharp look, but the senior field agent just shook his head. He didn't want to get into the details and he was too tired to come up with an explanation that didn't involve their house, the dog, or why he couldn't sleep without Ziva beside him.

When Ziva got irritable with Abby later because the girl's cheery nature was not welcome after a night of no sleep, Gibbs tried to talk to her. But Ziva brushed him off, stalking to the ladies room because only one man would dare follow her there and this time he knew enough to leave her alone. A mug of tea sat on her desk when she returned and Ziva had to work hard not to cry at the sweet gesture she didn't deserve. After that she slipped back into the sad, silent place she'd been in the beginning and none of them knew how to get her out again.

Bedtime was dreaded following a late night at work and a dinner only picked at, both of their appetites severely affected by the last eight nights. Contrary to the distance he'd expected, Ziva curled herself into his embrace, as close as she could get. Happy to give her anything she needed, Tony held her tightly, wishing, hoping, and praying that he could be enough to keep all the bad things away tonight.

Unfortunately comfort was not to last and not quite three am found Ziva escaping their room for the bathroom, muttering something about a shower as she tried to hide her tears from him. Cody jumped up to follow her, but the door slammed shut and Tony heard Cody whine. A minute later the water turned on and he wished he wasn't left facing the wrong side of the door. He feared she'd try to scald the memories away, and he wouldn't be there to stop her.

Coming out, Tony sat down beside the dog, pet his head, and sighed heavily. Cody's brown eyes looked at him hopefully, but barging in wouldn't be appreciated. "Yeah boy, I know. I miss her too."

However, ten minutes of waiting and wondering was about all he could take, and Tony rapped on the door. "Zi? I'm coming in." Telling Cody to stay put, much to the pooch's disappointment, he let himself in. Steam filled the room, his fears confirmed, and he edged towards the shower with a great deal of trepidation. Opening the door, he saw Ziva sitting in the corner, knees pulled up and face buried in her hands.

"Oh sweetheart." Tony stuck his hand under the water and jerked it back. Hot, definitely hot. He flipped the handle to off and crouched down at the edge. "Zi?" Several moments passed before she lifted her head and the emotions flooding her eyes crashed over him like a tidal wave. Her lips trembled and parted, his name visible on them even though no sound escaped, and he could see what she wanted as clearly as if the words were written on her countenance.

_Make love to me_, her gaze screamed at him. _Make me feel alive again. Please Tony_.

The last two words formed on her lips again and he swallowed hard. He wanted that more than anything, wanted her, wanted to experience the deep bond their union always brought between hearts, bodies, and souls. But Tony knew, he just knew if he gave in right now when she was desperate for that brand of solace but not really ready, that so much of their progress would be ruined. Ziva would feel used, perhaps even violated, when simply being naked in front of him had been a huge accomplishment last week. His big issue now was how to say no and not make it seem like rejection.

Reaching for a large towel, Tony stepped inside, soaking his socks, and enveloped her in it, lifting his wife out. He sank to the floor with Ziva in his lap, kissing her temple to check her temperature and finding her skin very warm. Ziva's hands escaped the terrycloth to frame his face, but before she could make a move Tony caught her wrists and brushed his lips over the pulse point on each one. Forcing back his own desires, how he longed to comfort her even with a kiss but didn't trust himself with being able to stop there, he moved his head from side to side.

"I'm sorry babe, I can't." The sense of her withdrawing back inside was immediate, but he held on. "It's not that I don't want you Ziva, I promise. But as much as I have longed to make love to you," he blew out a breath and forced himself to meet her troubled gaze, "it's not the right time." She closed her eyes and a tear escaped that he gently wiped away. "I don't want you to regret anything about our first time together again, okay? Please don't push me away. You have to know it's killing me to deny this right now."

Ziva rested her head in the crook of his neck and was quiet for a long time. "I love you even more for saying no," she shared at last. "I don't know if it would have worked anyways, but Tony, I just want something to make me forget."

"I know sweetheart, I know." Tony had never felt more helpless than here in this moment, when nothing he possessed could fix what thirty terrorists had painstakingly broken for sixteen long weeks. It just wasn't fair.

_Replies:_

_LateNightWriter - Hi, it's very nice to hear from you :) Wow, the 5th time? I'm impressed. I'm glad you're enjoying them so much. Aww, that's so sweet. Well, the credit has to go to God for giving me the ability to write, a gift I am so, so thankful for. And it helps that the characters are in my head, their voices just come out of my pen. I really appreciate your kind words, but I promise you there are so many other authors on FF that are much better and who really know what they're doing when it comes to writing. I just do this for fun, and because writing is my heart. I can't not write. haha...I absolutely promise I don't work for CBS, I don't think they'd hire a Canadian. We're usually the bad guys on NCIS, or we're harbouring the bad guys. Not the best rep :P Oh, thank you so much. Celeste showed up out of nowhere, one night she was just in Gibbs' basement. I did not expect her at all, but I've fallen in love with her and I now have a hard time seeing Gibbs with anyone else. Well, I can pretty much guarantee I will not do a solely G&C fic, I like to work them into my other fics with the rest of the team, like in SMH. I wouldn't have the material to work with if it was just the two of them. And my McAbby as well is more in conjunction with other characters. I'm actually staring to drift away from them a bit, I'd like to imagine Tim with someone else for a change. I'm glad you think I'm good at Gibbs. He's a man of few words so he isn't too hard to capture. Thank you so much, I really loved getting this review. It made me smile. ~Aliyah_

_Sarah - you're welcome :) I think, if nothing else, CBS is definitely getting the message that we are quite unimpressed with this turn of events. Maybe we'll hear from Cote, maybe not. But at least this way she's getting the chance to see how much we love her. Thanks. Yeah, her nightmares are never fun and that was a weird perspective. haha...glad you loved T declaring war on Z's attention. Brent is a good friend to share Cody with them. Well, I don't know. The from scratch stuff my mom makes takes about 20+ minutes to put together, then an hour in the oven to bake. I can make Kraft Dinner in 10 minutes, but this is a little more complicated. Yes, that's about Z's mom. I just really like the name Rebecca, tho spelled with a 'k' instead of 2 c's. And I found out that's what Rivka means, so I figured it would work. I'm glad you liked it. I stumbled on 'beshert' quite accidentally but now I'm really glad I did. It fits T&Z well. Oh...I'm over the speculation. I won't be watching any of S11 at all, and I don't want to know what happens anyways, so I'm trying not to care. I just don't want to imagine an end for T&Z, so no matter what they do it will never make up for everything we're going to miss. I'd rather just leave it at the end of S10 when we still had hope. But I agree, the one-night stand angle would ruin everything. I always feel cheated when a couple does that, and like they're cheating themselves out of what could've been. If they kissed...if they hugged...if, if, if, but it still can't replace what should've happened. I'm still bummed about the whole thing, and I probably will be for a long time. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_


	9. 7x7 Endgame

'**Wednesday November 11**

Somehow they both managed to fall asleep on the cool bathroom floor, Ziva snugly cocooned in her husband's arms, and Tony cradling her like a precious treasure. They woke to Cody's urgent bark which faded into the whine signaling that he really needed to go. Tony opened his eyes and stretched, sitting up slowly and groaning when his back cracked. Yeah, today was going to be fun. He helped Ziva to her feet, making sure the towel stayed securely tucked around her. He hugged her, rubbing her back, and swept his lips over her forehead.

"Cody's got to go out."

She looked at him with something akin to wonder, remembering his tender, selfless act last night. "I will start breakfast."

Tony's lips quirked up in a half-grin. "Thanks."

When he got back twenty minutes later Ziva was dressed in a warm knitted, high necked sweater, her hair plaited into a thick braid, wearing jeans she must've cinched pretty tightly to ensure they stayed on, and standing in front of the stove working on an omelette. He came up behind her and stuck his nose against her neck, breathing in the scent of her skin. Ziva turned slightly and smiled at him and Tony wondered how she could look more alert and rested after spending part of the night on the bathroom floor instead of when they slept in their bed.

Perhaps it had something to do with a heart connection, a renewing of everything they stood for together, all accomplished by very few words and an awful lot of what McGee had long ago dubbed 'eye sex'. Except the term seemed crass in light of their love. Tony preferred something like...heart exchange, because that's what really happened during those long looks - her heart speaking to his without the use of words.

He got out a plate for the omelette when it was done and preceded to set the table while Ziva buttered toast and poured juice. Her pills for that morning were already gone he noted, hoping she'd taken them and not washed them down the drain like a child when Mommy and Daddy weren't watching. The couple was able to enjoy a leisurely, relaxed breakfast before going into work, which was a good thing since almost immediately they began investigating the ripples created by the appearance of Vance's nemesis in DC.

**NCIS**

Late that afternoon found Tim and Tony in Observation, daring each other to uncuff the nurse who shot at them after Gibbs declared her not guilty. McGee gave him a petulant sideways glance. "You're scared of her too."

Tony stared straight ahead, suppressing the urge to smile. _I'm married to an assassin McCoward. She sleeps with a gun, or at least, she used to. Every night could be my last. So who's really the brave one here? _He coughed to cover the thoughts and cast his gaze around the small room for something to use. "Let's draw straws."

When they got back to the squadroom Gibbs was immediately on McGee to trace the director's call, Kai was on the line. Wanting to send someone to contain the scene he tossed the keys to Tony, who locked eyes with Ziva for a brief moment and ran out. Ziva sat at her desk, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth, until Gibbs snapped at her to get back to work. They needed answers.

Evening found Tony and McGee taking the first guard shift at Vance's house. Keeping his eyes peeled, Tony pulled his phone from his pocket and tapped out a text message a few letters at a time, all the while doing his best to focus on the job at hand and not his wife spending hours without him back at NCIS. Back at the office Ziva's phone beeped and she glanced to the left, but Gibbs was gone for coffee so she felt safe to check it.

_Hey babe, how goes the hunt?_

_Slow_, she responded. _Kai is very good._

_You're better_, he replied confidently several minutes later. _Bet we'd have a harder time tracking you down_.

_There would be nothing to track_, Ziva told her husband._ I would just be gone_.

The silence lasted a much longer stretch this time, but with Gibbs back and coordinating with other agents and agencies, she was still able to open the message without notice._ Without a Trace, huh? TV show. 2002-2009. Anthony LaPaglia and Poppy Montgomery. But please don't_.

Her eyebrows drew together. _What?_

_Disappear_. The answer was immediate.

She shook her head and fixed her gaze on the emerald ring adorning her right hand._ I would not_.

The relief in his next words could almost be felt. _Good. ILY_.

Ziva smiled faintly. _AOO_.

A string of question marks was all he sent once a handful of minutes passed and she sat back, waiting for it to sink in. She was reviewing all available camera footage of the area surrounding Vance's house and neighbourhood, trying to find Kai's escape route, when her phone finally beeped again. _Minx. You could warn me when we're switching languages_, he complained.

Ziva laughed quietly to herself. _Where is the fun in that?_

Radio silence fell after that and except for the occasional texted joke or movie trivia the case reminded him of, the two agents remained focused on their separate tasks. At two am Gibbs saw Ziva nodding off and caved, finding her a sleeping bag and pillow and pointing her towards the floor behind her desk. When he came back from an unnumbered coffee run, she was curled up behind Tony's desk, his forgotten suit jacket draped over her legs. He stood and frowned at the picture, wondering how much he needed to know about their current arrangement and how much it was better for him to remain blissfully ignorant about. In the end he decided to trust their judgement, but his mind would be far more at ease when Ziva was well enough to have her own apartment again. His agents were already co-dependent enough, he didn't need it getting any worse.

**NCIS**

**Thursday, November 12**

Tony finally made it back to the office shortly after four am, yawning and trying desperately to keep his burning eyes open a little longer. He dropped his backpack beside the desk and almost stepped on Ziva before he realized she was there. Raising an eyebrow and wondering what, exactly, she was doing there, he checked for Gibbs and knelt down to kiss her forehead lightly. Then Tony took fifteen minutes to shower, change, and get a mug of very strong coffee before taking over Ziva's desk to use the phone and get up to speed on where they were in following Kai's trail.

He would've happily let Ziva sleep all morning if that was an option, but Gibbs woke her at six am and pushed a paper cup of tea into her hands. From years of forced practice Ziva was alert within minutes, but wobbled just a bit as she stood and made her way down to the locker room for a shower, a fresh outfit, and a few minutes to get her head back in the game.

It was mid-afternoon when Gibbs called them up to the conference room to meet with Special Agent Chad Dunham. The name meant nothing to Ziva, but it stopped Tony in his tracks. She thought he was right behind her, but when she got to the top of the stairs and turned, she caught a glimpse of him still standing on the first landing. Confused Ziva hurried down to him and placed her hand on his back. "Tony?" His jaw clenched and expression grim as his mind was dragged back several months to the conversation he'd walked in on Gibbs and Chad having in MTAC. Finally though the concerned voice of his wife broke through and he blinked, looking towards her. Ziva's brow wrinkled. "What is wrong?"

He gripped her hip, holding her close to him, too close to be appropriate for work. "Dunham provided the intel that helped us find you."

Her palm migrated to his chest. "Don't Tony, it is over. You brought me back."

Tony closed his eyes. "Maybe in seven months I'll be able to believe that. Seven weeks is too early to be remembering how close we came to losing you."

Ziva opened her mouth to say something, but Gibbs' voice barked at them from the catwalk. "Hey! Get your butts up here now!"

The couple sprang apart, well aware of the compromising position they'd been caught in, but now was not the time to dwell on it. A minute later Agents David and DiNozzo walked in and took seats a couple feet away from each other. Tony slid a glass of water towards his partner and poured one for himself. Letting his gaze take her in, Agent Dunham smiled. "Welcome home Agent David."

From the animosity bristling off her husband, Ziva could tell that Tony wasn't at all impressed by the kind of attention the other man was showing. She nodded. "I understand you contributed valuable information to my team's mission. Thank you for that."

He grinned. "Anything to help a lady."

At that Ziva had to bite back a smirk because in her peripheral vision Tony was getting more and more agitated, and she fought the urge to remind him that other men would have no idea she was taken, so there was no need to get worked up over it.

Gibbs brought the conversation back to Kai and Chad got down to business. He told them how she got started and Tony and looked at the picture grimly. "But she didn't crack when the others did."

"Shor," Ziva put it. "It means 'the bull' in Hebrew. That is why she is so good."

Tony eyed her seriously. "You should know."

She glanced at him in question and they shared another of the moments no one else could intrude on. After their meeting was over Ziva went to the ladies room, fully expecting to be followed by an insecure husband in need of reassurance every time a man looked at her with interest and she didn't punch him in the face. She didn't have to wait long. Tony walked in, acting all cagey as he checked the stalls to be sure they were alone.

"It's in your blood, isn't it?"

She watched him in the mirror. "What is?"

"You're thinking of how you'd get him. Maybe some intense mind games, followed by sheer force?" Ziva turned around and crossed her arms as he locked the door. "You're a dangerous woman."

_I was_, she thought, _not anymore_. But hoping to keep the mood light, she smirked. "Something you should be careful not to forget." One eyebrow arched. "Who am I getting? Agent Dunham?"

He was thrown off. "Why would you want Dunham? I thought we were talking about Pak Su Ji."

She shrugged. "What is the saying? If looks could murder?"

"Kill," he retorted. "Was it that bad?"

Ziva chuckled. "Yes."

Tony shoved his hands in his pockets. "Well, he was kinda creepy, eyeing you up like that."

Her expression took on an air of exasperation. "Do not be a fool. I have no room for another man in my life, nor do I need one. I have made my home here at NCIS, and with you."

He swallowed and edged a bit closer. "What do you need?"

The air between them crackled with tension, the good kind. Ziva laughed and so did Tony. "To answer your first question, how would I get him? Brute force is very intriguing, though not in my skillset at the moment." She brushed past him to leave but Tony grabbed her arm and spun her around, without warning covering her mouth with his. For Ziva the world dissolved away and it was only them. Her hands came up to cup his cheeks while Tony's fingers threaded into her silky curtain of hair and his arm went around her back. For unmeasurable moments husband and wife lost themselves in the sensation of each other - soft lips, warm skin, and caresses so tender they both ached from the sheer longing disguised behind every gentle touch.

When they finally parted, Tony looked at her in bewilderment. "When...was the last time I kissed you?"

Ziva tried to scroll back through a week of little sleep and healing hurts and blinked several times when the answers came to her. "Thursday night...in the shower," she reminded her husband quietly.

He leaned back against the counter. Had he really not touched her that way in a whole week? The very idea was inconceivable, to quote a classic movie, but yet his own review of the last seven days also came up empty. There had been a lot of extra touching, especially with the pseudo massage, and lots of kisses on cheeks, foreheads, noses, and hands, but no actual mouth-to-mouth contact. "Wow."

Her brow furrowed. "Yes."

Drawing her close, Tony lifted her chin and captured her lips again, drinking her in like a man deprived of water. Ziva responded to the need she felt and kissed him back, following his lead until they were both breathless. Pulling away slowly, Tony grinned. "I just had to be sure we weren't out of practice."

Ziva smiled, but her eyes remained on his shirt. "Maybe it was a good thing we took a break, even though it was not intentional."

Tony hugged her, hoping to reassure. "Gave us time to find our center, to find each other again."

"I did not know we were lost," she whispered.

"Easy to get lost in the details sometimes honey, in hurt and thinking too much, overanalyzing things we just need to let go of." He made her look at him. "I love you, that's not going to change."

"I know," Ziva affirmed. "Ani ohev atach ahava. Toda, ani tzrikhah ki hakol." _Thank you for being everything I need._

Tony sighed. "I hope I always am."

**NCIS**

While Ziva took a trip downstairs to check on the progress of their case, Tony returned to the bullpen. As soon as he walked in Gibbs cuffed him hard on the back of the head. Tony ducked and rubbed the spot, frowning. "Ow! What was that for?"

The man got in his face and glared. "Rule 12."

Tony took off his jacket and sighed. "What about it?" His boss's look said it all and Tony crossed his arms. "I'm not breaking it."

Gibbs' expression did not believe him. "Seemed pretty cozy at dinner last week. And on the stairs today."

Tony threw up his hands. "She's my best friend! We've always been comfortable in each other's space and we've always flirted. Why is that an issue now?"

Gibbs grunted. "Because she's hurt and she's fragile and she doesn't need you messing with her heart."

"Not planning on it," Tony muttered, looking down.

"Gets complicated when two people are sharing the same space for so long."

Tony shrugged. "Ziva's not ready to get her own place yet. It hasn't even been two months. I'm a complete gentleman with her, I swear." He stared at the floor. "I just want her to be okay again."

Gibbs shook his head. "You can't fix this Tony. Have to let her heal on her own time."

Tony didn't like that answer. "So did I pass?"

The team leader gave him a hard look. "For now. Least the two of you have your story straight."

His eyebrows rose. "You talked to Ziva?"

Gibbs' gaze sharpened. "That a problem?"

_No, just odd that she didn't mention it. _"We're not dating, so you can drop the protective father routine," Tony groused, getting irritated. "I've got work to do."

Gibbs watched his senior field agent go, wondering if Tony was actually telling the truth, or if he'd just gotten really good at Rule 7.

**NCIS**

That night when they got home Tony left Ziva to get changed and warm up something for supper while he took Cody out. They were gone a long time and Ziva was able to call him when the door opened and Cody ran over to greet her. "Close your eyes," her husband commanded.

Having learned not to question his surprises, Ziva did as he asked, playing with the dog's silky ears as she waited. She heard the rustling of a bag, a squeak that sounded like styrofoam, and a click-whoosh. She started to peek when Tony began softly singing, "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Huledet Same'akh dear ninja, Happy Birthday to you."

Ziva smiled at the sight of one flickering candle stuck in a piece of chocolate and vanilla cake from their favourite bakery a few blocks away. Her eyes sought the calendar hanging on the fridge. "Is it the twelfth?"

He chuckled. "Yeah. And your birthday, unless you changed it to a different day and didn't tell me." Tony shifted impatiently. "Make a wish and blow out your candle."

Ziva did and Tony had a feeling he knew exactly what she wished for. He handed her a fork and Ziva took a bite. "Mmm." She offered him the second and then Tony handed her an envelope.

"Open it."

Unfolding the flap, Ziva pulled out a gift certificate. "This entitles Ziva DiNozzo to-" Her eyes scanned the rest, jumped to Tony's, and back to the paper.

"Go on," he encouraged.

Ziva swallowed. "To a one year membership in our Equi-Share program with anytime access to Jules for riding and leisure." She flung her arms around Tony's neck. "Thank you."

Feeling like he was missing out on the excitement, Cody jumped up and barked. Ziva chuckled and kissed his muzzle. "Tony got me a horse motek. He is very sweet."

He grinned. "I got one for me too, for Jax, so we can go together. But once you can drive again I figured you might want to go by yourself sometimes."

She pressed her lips to his. "Can we go tomorrow?"

Tony laughed. "Yeah, as long as our assassin is in custody. Somehow I don't think Gibbs will understand if we cut out early with the manhunt still going on."

"Yes, of course." Ziva looked back at the gift certificate and couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face.

They started out the night with Tony holding Ziva loosely from behind. In the morning he woke up and found his wife on her own side of the bed, cuddle into the pillow her arms were wrapped around, and looking utterly peaceful for the first time in more than a week. Checking the clock, Tony saw that it was over an hour and a half until they had to get up. As stealthily as possible he slid out from under the covers, holding his breath when Ziva stirred. She settled right away and he led Cody out of the room quietly, took him for a quick walk, fed him, and left him in the entrance, happily chewing on an old bone.

Tony closed the door to their room, crawled back into bed, and went to sleep until the alarm went off. When he opened his eyes, Ziva blinked sleepily at him. "Hi."

He reached over to touch her cheek. "You slept the night Zi."

Her eyes widened. "Ohh..."

Tony gave her a half-grin and moved closer, molding his mouth to hers. "I'm glad you got your wish babe."

"Yes," Ziva wiped at an errant tear, "me too."

**NCIS**

**Friday November 13**

They got the call during breakfast that McGee had been a target and his girlfriend Amanda was really an assassin tracking Kai, who killed her to save Tim. Everything kicked into high gear then and they made it to work in fifteen minutes. Ziva immediately looked for McGee. "Where is he?"

Gibbs nodded to the top floor. "Conference room."

He gave her permission with a glance and Ziva climbed the stairs and opened the door. Tim sat dejectedly in one of the comfortable chairs, staring at a cup of coffee that hadn't been touched. She put her hand on his shoulder. "McGee?"

He sighed and she could hear tears in his voice. "I thought she was something special, y'know? But she used me. Gosh," he slammed his hands on the table, "I am so tired of being gullible! When is it going to be real, huh?"

Ziva sat in front of him. "I am sorry Tim. You are a good man. Someday someone will see that. Any girl would be lucky to have you."

"Doesn't seem like it," he snorted. "They're either using me or making fun of me, and I'm sick and tired of the game."

"Perhaps you are looking in the wrong place. Something special may be closer than you think." She squeezed his shoulder and stood to leave, but Tim's voice reached her before she got to the door.

"Could you tell DiNozzo to lay off today? I'm really not in the mood."

Ziva nodded and returned to the bullpen, shaking her head sadly at Tony's questioning expression. "Do not tease him today Tony. McGee is really hurt right now."

He opened his mouth to say something, but the elevator dinged at the upper level and Abby hurried out, on a mission for the conference room as she cradled Bert in one arm and clutched a large Caf-pow cup in the other hand. They watched her open the door, could envision the fierce Abby hug she'd be giving her best friend, and Tony smiled a little. "She may be his best medicine today."

"Maybe even more than that," Ziva added hopefully. Anyone with eyes could see that things between their goth princess and loveable geek had never really been just friends.

**NCIS**

The case wrapped up by early evening, after the team finished processing the scene at the director's house. It was still early enough for Tony and Ziva to make the drive to Maryland, but they stopped by Brent's basketball practice first to return his dog. Cody leapt out of the car and raced over to his master, and Tony carried the basket of his things to put in Brent's car. He knelt down to greet his dog, getting his face covered in sloppy kisses before he finally pushed Cody away.

"Sit you crazy mutt." Brent kissed his muzzle. "I've missed you Code. It's way too quiet at home with just me." He stood and looked hopefully at his friends, holding hands. "I guess this means good news."

Ziva smiled. "Last night was the first we have slept through in a week. Thank you very much for loaning us Cody, but we think it is time you had him back."

Brent grinned. "Thanks." He ruffled the dog's fur. "After three years he's kind of family."

Tony nodded. "We understand." He held out his hand. "Thanks."

"Want to stay for practice?" Brent offered. "We'll keep you entertained, I promise."

"Maybe some other time. We have somewhere else to be."

Ziva knelt to hug Cody. "Goodbye ha-chaver sheli. Thank you for staying with me."

Tony scratched under the dog's chin. "We'll see you around buddy. Swish."

"Okay, take care." Brent waved as they left and turned just in time to see Wes and Breanna run up.

"Cody!" Breanna squealed, falling to her knees in front of the dog. "Hi boy!"

This was not Cody's first time at the court and as Wes and Breanna had been with him last year too, they'd met Brent's dog on several occasions. In his glory with the attention as always, Cody lapped happily at her face and eagerly accepted the child-sized hands running over his coat. Jessica and Sydney arrived next, followed by Nathan, Tanner, and Seth. The bigger boys drifted onto the court to play a quick round of HORSE, leaving the girls to spoil Cody. Ryan and CJ showed up the same time as Matt, Colin, and Tori. Matt and Colin, avid collectors of basketball cards, met off to the side to compare their latest acquisitions and CJ's eyebrows rose at the sight of Cody.

"Team mascot?"

Brent grinned. "You've got it." Putting his hand on Ryan's back, he guided the young boy through the crowd of kids. "Ryan. I'd like you to meet my pal Cody. Cody, this is Ryan."

Ryan held out his hand for Cody to sniff and laughed when the dog jumped up to like his cheek. "Hi."

"Easy Code," Brent warned, then returned to CJ, watching Kiera and Hunter join the group. "I think Cody will get enough attention tonight to last him all week."

CJ laughed. "You're going to have a hard time running practice with that ball of fur around."

Brent shook his head. "Nah, the kids are mostly used to him by now. Most of them anyways. Cody often comes with me, but not so much in the last month."

"Ryan is going to be your new best friend," CJ predicted. "He loves dogs. My mom and dad have an old mutt, Sergeant, but I'm afraid he won't be around much longer."

"That's too bad," Brent acknowledged. "But hey, maybe sometime Cody and I can offer our services to play."

"Maybe," CJ nodded.

Sasha rolled in three minutes before practice started, with Alysha right behind her, and Brent got out his whistle. "Alright, Friday evening practice is officially called to order. Hands off the dog and feet on the court. Fweet!" The whistle got everyone's attention and thirty pairs of feet gathered just inside the line. Cote stood and whined at the loss of his fan club, but Brent shot him a stern look. "Sit."

He did, appearing mightily unimpressed about it. "Okay guys, we're gonna work on lay ups tonight." A groan ran through the group and Brent stifled a smile. It was one area they all had difficulty in. "Sorry gang, but only practice makes it better. Now grab a ball and line up, half on this side of the gym and half on the other."

Eventually Cody's natural enthusiasm overruled his training and he bounded up to the sidelines. Taking pity on him, Brent told him to heel and the dog faithfully followed his master back and forth along the court as he watched the kids, calling out corrections and encouragements. Cody only had to stay put when Brent went to demonstrate something again for his team, and then he was eagerly welcomed back with a wet tongue dragged over the back of his hand.

"Gross," Brent chuckled, wiping his hand on his jeans. "Thanks pal."

At the end of the night Brent gave his players a round of applause for effort, let them say goodbye to Cody, supervised Tori and Seth's clean up job, and promised he'd see them all next week. CJ came over with Ryan's bag. "Nice job Coach. I guess they like you even more than the dog."

Brent shrugged. "They respect me enough to listen, that helps."

"Because you treat them like people, like they're valued and appreciated." She eyed him seriously. "Kids don't miss stuff like that."

Uncomfortable with praise, Brent only smiled and began packing up. Ryan stopped on his way by for one last pet. "Bye Coach. Bye Cody."

Brent grinned. "See ya Ry. Nice work tonight, I'm seeing a lot of good effort from you. Keep it up."

The boy's face lit up. "I will." He hurried to catch his mom and CJ mouthed thank you over her shoulder. Brent sighed, content. It was one more step in the right direction.

**NCIS**

**Saturday November 14**

Tony and Ziva celebrated a second nightmare free night by sleeping in and together making crepes for breakfast. When they finished, Tony leaned back in his chair and took a sip of coffee. "It's our anniversary today."

Ziva frowned and turned his wrist to check the date on his watch. One eyebrow rose. "I seem to remember getting married August fourteenth, not November fourteenth."

He shrugged one shoulder. "Okay, so it's three months late. But we still have to celebrate." He stared at the dark liquid. "On the actual day I thought I was going to be a widower forever." Tony swallowed and let his gaze drift across the room. "I told Nettie I needed some time alone, went to the barn, and spent hours brushing Jax and riding him through the paths and talking about you." He flicked a crumb onto the floor. "Mourning." Ziva's fingers curled around his and she blinked back tears.

"I could not tell one day from another in the camp. It might've been weeks, months, or a thousand years they'd kept me in that room." She sighed. "But on the rare occasion I allowed myself thoughts of you, I regretted so much. I could never apologize, never say I love you again, never spend another day in your presence or night in your arms. Never see your smile or hear your laugh. Never feel your hands on my body or taste your kiss." Ziva sighed. "And never is such a long time to be without you."

Tony dragged a sleeve across his eyes and kissed the back of her hand. "So let's celebrate today babe. Because there is no more without you or without me, and we've got fifty more anniversaries to spend together."

Ziva leaned over and he felt the gentle caress of her lips on his. "I would like that."

A grin broke across his face. "Okay then." The table was cleared, dishes done, and it was nearly noon by the time they were showered and dressed for the day.

Ziva walked over to her husband and slid her arms around his waist. "So, how do you want to celebrate?"

Tony framed her face with his hands and took over her mouth, indulging in the freedom he was slowly gaining with his wife. The need to breathe was the only thing that could compel him to release her, and even then he was reluctant. He twirled some of her hair around his finger. "I'd really like to do that all day."

She chuckled and traced his lips slowly. "As would I ahava, but spending that much time making out when we cannot...satisfy each other in the end will only lead to frustration."

No matter how carefully she'd worded their dilemma, Tony's mind still went straight to their naked bodies entwined in each other and tangled in creamy sheets. He cleared his throat and looked away. "Uh...yeah, you...might have a point there."

Ziva lifted one eyebrow. "So?"

Tony reached for his wallet and handed her a credit card. "Go shopping. Buy yourself something that makes you feel special and beautiful." He kissed her again quickly. "I've got some stuff to take care of around here."

She stared at the card and sighed. "Ducky has not said I can drive yet." Ziva pondered the issue. "But...he did not say I couldn't either."

He settled his hands at her waist. "Nice try ninja, but right now you need doctor approval to do anything new." He tucked a couple bills in her pocket. "We can afford a cab babe. Just think of it as having your own private chauffeur."

Ziva rolled her eyes but smile at the way her husband could put a positive spin on almost anything. She reached up to kiss his cheek. "Saturday traffic, it might take awhile."

Tony hugged her. "Just promise me you'll come back." They were so rarely apart these days and he disliked the thought of her being somewhere without him.

"Tamid," she replied softly, going to get her shoulder bag while Tony called a cab. Before she left Tony came out of their room holding something in one hand. "Here. Take this with you."

In his palm lay the little, pink, heart shaped lock he'd brought back from Paris, which had been a constant through many difficult times in their relationship, a physical reminder of the love they shared. Just a little something in addition to the rings she wore from Friday night to Monday morning. With a smile Ziva slipped it into her pocket and wiggled her fingers at him in parting.

As soon as he watched his wife climb into the back of the light blue car, Tony went on a cleaning spree - vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, bathroom. He threw in a load of laundry, put new sheets on the bed, and dug through one rarely used cupboard to find a table cloth and candles. Once the biggest things were taken care of, Tony jumped in the car and headed for Silver Spring, having heard of an art shop there that would suit his purpose. Knowing next to nothing about the subject he spent a lot of time talking to Todd, one of the floor managers, and checked out his options. When he finally felt a bit more educated, Tony purchased a few supplies and hurried home, needing to get supper started before Ziva got back, whenever that might be.

**NCIS**

Ziva stood in a store at the mall, surrounded by clothes of all colours, shapes, and styles, and felt entirely without the ability to decide. Several minutes passed of her being glued to one spot, eyes darting across the magnitude of choices. Then a young woman approached her. "Hello, my name is Karis. Can I help you with anything?"

Startled, Ziva eyed her cautiously. Finally she shrugged. "My husband sent me out to buy something special, but" she indicated the selection helplessly, "I do not know what to get."

Karis smiled knowingly. "That's what I'm here fore. Why don't I get you set up in a changeroom and I'll bring a few things to look at?"

Ziva swallowed and nodded slowly. "Okay." She sat nervously on a padded bench in the small white room, jumping when Karis knocked. Ziva let her in and scrutinized the selection. Several of the dresses were lovely, but she shook her head. "Do you have anything with long sleeves? Perhaps knee length?"

Karis bit her lip and though through the options. "I have some things that might work. Let me check." She hurried away, leaving Ziva to finger the short sleeve, above the knee dresses and wonder if she would ever feel comfortable in something like that again. Pulling up the leg of her cargo pants, she examined the skin. Nearly two months after her rescue the slashes cut up and down both her legs had healed to fine white lines. But until they faded more into her skin, Ziva felt self-conscious, as if everyone would be staring. She would not be at ease around people other than Tony with so many scars showing.

The young woman was back a handful of minutes later and proudly displayed the selections. The first was a stylish white knitted dress with black leggings - nice, but too casual for what Ziva assumed Tony had in mind. The second a wrap around, shirt style dress that looked more appropriate for the office than a fancy dinner. Next a very comfortable looking red, fitted, button down dress with three quarter length sleeves. She stared at that one for a long time, but ultimately decided it would be suitable for every day wear and wasn't dressy enough. A sheer blue dress with loose sleeves and a silky under layer followed the red one out of the pile, and again it was something that Ziva would not have minded owning, but it didn't strike the right tone.

She sighed disappointedly. "I'm sorry Karis. I am not trying to be difficult."

Karis shook her short curly ponytail and smiled. "Don't worry about it, this happens all the time. I'll be right back." She was gone long enough to concern Ziva, but finally returned and held up a lovely pink dress with elbow length sleeves, a modest v-neck, and a skirt that overlapped in front to form an upside down v above her knees. Ziva's eyes lip up as they took in the dress, so Karis encouraged her to try it on. Grateful for the privacy of being left alone, she took it off the hanger and checked the size. It was smaller than anything she'd ever worn, but Ziva still slipped it over her head and pulled it down, adjusting the material to get a comfortable fit. The dress didn't look right with a ponytail so she took the elastic from her hair and bent over, shaking her hair out. When she stood back up and checked the mirror, she actually liked what she saw. The style of the dress hugged her body in all the right places, making her look petite rather than emaciated. And with wavy brown hair flowing around her shoulders, she was pretty.

Anxious to know how she felt, Karis knocked on the door. "Well, what do you think?"

Ziva stepped out and turned slowly in front of the three sided mirror. "It is perfect."

Elated, Karis clapped her hands. "I'm so glad we could find something you like. Can I wrap it for you?"

Drawing her eyebrows together, Ziva shook her head. "No, actually I would like to wear it out."

Karis carefully clipped the tag with a small pair of scissors and nodded. "That's not a problem. I'll ring it in for you."

Ziva gathered her things, took care of business at the front counter, and hailed the first cab she saw outside the mall. Originally her intent had been to head straight home, especially when she saw the time, but something compelled her to make a spontaneous decision. Scrolling through the contacts in her phone, Ziva chose Abby's number and pressed send. The girl answered quickly and she could hear familiar death metal blaring in the background.

"Hello?"

"Abby? This is Ziva."

"Ziva!" Abby chirped happily, turning her music down to a dull roar. "What can I do for you?"

"Well..." the other woman hesitated, "I am having dinner with an old friend tonight, and I was wondering if you could do something with my hair. What you did for Christmas last year looked lovely and I would just...like to feel special this evening."

"Of course! I'd love to!" Abby gushed. "Come on over. McGee will be here soon, I've been keeping pretty close tabs on him since yesterday. I'm going to drown him in lots of yummy Southern comfort food and feel-good movies. At least he won't be alone."

"You are a good friend," Ziva commented.

"Yeah," Abby sighed. For a moment it seemed like she had something to add, but she shook it away and was her normal perky self with the next words. "I'm going to dig through my accessories drawers until you get here, we'll definitely find something that works. See you soon!"

"Bye," Ziva replied, though it was too late because the girl was already gone.

Less than ten minutes later she was standing in the entry of her friend's building and pushing the button that connected her to Abby. She was buzzed in immediately and took the elevator to the second floor. Abby threw open the door and enveloped her in a hug. "I'm so glad you called. Come in." She dragged her through the apartment and into her bedroom, pushing her into a red velvet chair.

Refusing to let her look in the mirror, Abby set to work armed with a curling iron, bobby pins, and hairspray. She chatted the whole time about Ziva's dress - which she loved, and speculations about this old friend - that Ziva was quick to shoot down, and then rolled over into a strongly worded tirade about Amanda - something along the lines of, "How dare she hurt Timmy like that?" and "I knew she was no good for him." and "He had no business going out with a redhead, they're always trouble. Look at Gibbs!" It went on and on and Ziva thought it best not to interrupt. Finally she calmed down and regaled Ziva with a story about her latest bowling match with the nuns and Bert's unfortunate run in at Ducky's house with one of his mother's corgis.

At last she put the final clip in place and stepped back. "Gorgeous. Your friend won't be able to look away."

"I hope so," Ziva murmured nearly inaudibly, turning to see her reflection. Abby had worked some serious magic. Soft full curls framed her face and cascaded over her shoulders. Jeweled bobby pins had been tucked here and there to give an air of sophistication, and the top part of her hair was pulled back and fastened with a simple, silver, dragonfly hair clip. "Oh, Abby, it is perfect."

The girl hugged her from behind. "You're gonna knock his socks off Ziva, whoever he is."

Ziva smiled brightly. "Thank you for your help." They shared a careful embrace, not wanting to mess anything up, and she left quickly, wanting to get home to her husband. After all, it was his opinion that mattered the most.

**NCIS**

Back at the house Tony scraped his attempt at dinner into the garbage. "Where's the furball when you need him?" he muttered to himself. He'd tried so hard, wanting this to be special, but he left for one minute to check something and came back to find the food nearly in flames. Charbroiled chicken was not what he'd wanted on the menu for tonight. Sighing heavily, he thought through his dwindling options and realized he had no choice. After looking up the number, he called an upscale restaurant he and Ziva had been to before and ordered two dinners, asking to have them delivered. It was far too reminiscent of _Mrs. Doubtfire_ when he arranged everything on clean white plates and threw away the evidence of it being bought and not made just as Ziva's cab pulled up.

Glancing over everything and hoping he hadn't missed anything, Tony lit the candles and met her at the door. He kissed her first, not even taking in her appearance, but when he stepped back his mouth fell open a little. "Wow." From the fancy do-up to the soft, form fitting new dress, she looked like a whole new woman. "Now that's what I call a first impression."

Ziva tried to hide both the smile and blush that his comment elicited, and he took her hand, leading her towards the table. "Mrs. DiNozzo, welcome to your anniversary dinner." If she had any inkling that the food before her was anything other than homemade, she said nothing. Tony saw her seated, then took his place across from her and grinned. "Bon appetit."

Cutting into the tender herb and lemon chicken, Ziva took a bite and closed her eyes. "This is very good."

Tony sampled the mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables. "I'm glad you think so." He couldn't exactly take credit for it and he wouldn't lie if she asked, but there was such a thing as giving too much information.

Supper was enjoyed slowly, leisurely, with lots of long looks, gentle touches, and smiles that said so much more than words. Tony kept his left hand on the table, drawing circles and random patterns on Ziva's palm and wrist as they ate. For once she was disappointed about not being able to finish a meal, but she tried not to dwell on it. When her plate was pushed back a few inches, Tony got up and took them to the sink, then came back with a long, thick package wrapped in brown paper and tied with a dark green ribbon.

"Happy Anniversary Zi."

Ziva looked at the present in consternation. "But I do not have anything for you."

He knelt in front of her chair and took her hand, pressing his lips to the back. "You're more than enough of a gift for me."

Unable to form any response to such a declaration, Ziva slowly pulled the end of the ribbon and let it fall away. Folding back the paper she found a beautiful, high quality sketch pad and set of drawing pencils. "Ohh..." she whispered, flipping open the cover and caressing the smooth blank page. Then she looked at her husband. "Why?"

Tony laced their fingers together. "Because you used to draw Ziva, and you're really good. It was a piece of your heart you were forced to give up and I'm sure somewhere deep inside you miss that expression. I just want you to have permission to do what you love again." It was old advice from Aunt Nettie, given while he grieved his wife as dead, that he now planned on putting into action in more ways than one.

Swallowing, Ziva set the supplies aside and stood, bringing Tony to his feet. She stepped into his embrace and wanted to cry, but they'd had too much of tears lately. Instead she turned her head to kiss his neck and whispered, "Thank you," right below his ear. Tony slid his arms around her back and nuzzled her hair.

"Anything for you Zi."

They stayed like that for a long time, then Tony let go and stepped back. "Wait right here." Going over to the speakers on his movie shelves, he flicked through the playlists on his iPod and found a section of the classics. Ziva began smiling when, 'The Way You Look Tonight' started playing and he returned, holding out his hand. "May I have this dance?"

It was the first time they'd danced since she came home, other than the brief, impromptu moments when he was trying to calm her down, and Ziva let herself rest completely in her husband's arms. At first they just swayed gently back and forth, but then he moved them into the open space of the entrance and twirled her around once, then brought her close and took her hand, while the other came to rest on his shoulder and his at her hip. A couple times he spun her out and back in, always keeping eye contact, saying everything to her in his heavy green gaze that he knew she wasn't ready to hear out loud. In turn Ziva's eyes spoke to him, of her love, her commitment, and the joy and safety she found in their marriage. How he had missed these unspoken conversation. Those first few weeks he'd been afraid to never get them back, but now he found that reading his wife was no different than it had been six months ago.

Eventually the soft strains of music faded away and it was only them. Leaning up, Ziva's lips met his and Tony was overwhelmed by the familiarity. He pulled her in tighter against him, their mouths moving together in perfect sync born from years of practice. It was tender and intimate and when it ended they stood still, eyes closed and foreheads resting together, basking in the proof of their love, slightly breathless and both wanting the impossible more. At last Ziva smiled and moved away. "Thank you for a lovely evening Tony."

He sighed. "I'm not ready for it to be over yet. Will you watch a movie with me?"

Her lips curved up. "Let me get changed, then I would be happy to."

Agreeing instantly, Tony went to choose the appropriate cinematic fare to cap off their night, and Ziva came out as he put it in, dressed in lounge pants and a soft sweater. She stopped at the table to gather her sketch pad and a pencil, then got comfortable in the corner of the couch. He looked at her sitting almost a whole cushion away and frowned. "What, do I suddenly have cooties or something?"

Ziva's laughter took him by surprise and she shook her head. "No. But I want you to be the first thing I draw, and for that I must have a little perspective."

His eyebrows rose. "Oh. Okay. Are you sure?"

She looked deep into his eyes, her gaze nearly searing his soul. "I can think of nothing else I would rather capture."

Blown away by the unexpected statement, he cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. "Want me to...pose, or something?"

Ziva shook her head. "Just relax and be yourself. That is what I want to see."

Tony took her at her word and pressed play, getting comfortable against the cushions. A couple times he glanced over, her intense concentration making him a little nervous, but Ziva was lost in a world all her own, the pencil moving in long graceful strokes across the page. Occasionally she tilted the pad back, examined her work thoughtfully, and erased a detail here or added one there. She worked for almost an hour, and by then Tony had almost forgotten he was being watched. Almost. Finally Ziva blew gently over the page to clear any eraser bits and smiled.

"All done."

He craned his neck, trying to get a look. "Can I see?"

She thought about it for a moment and slowly closed the book. "No, I don't think so. This one is just for me."

Tony's hand landed on her knee. "Okay honey." He watched her carefully. "Did it help?"

Ziva leaned over to kiss his cheek. "I know you better now," she told him softly. "When I draw someone it is as if I find their soul deep under all the other layers. Tonight I saw yours ahava, and it is beautiful. I love you."

She got up to put her art materials away and Tony stared after his wife. After three years he loved that she could still completely amaze him. Never was that more evident than on those occasions when he caught a glimpse of her often guarded heart. Nothing was more precious to him than moments like this.

_Replies:_

_RD - Yeah, I know. Sorry about that. You may not be seeing the light yet, but I promise it's there, just hidden by the weight of a thousand dark memories. Z's healing will stretch through a majority of the season, but she will slowly get back to being alright. I know the kids thing hurts. And unfortunately there's more of those moments coming up. It's not an easy situation. You're a Christian? That's awesome! Me too :) I've met so many on this site, it's very cool. Thank you so much for reviewing, I really appreciate it :)_

_Kristen - Thank you :) I'm glad you think so. Ugh...don't even get me started on Ray/EJ yet. I'm so thankful that's a whole season away almost. I hate the uncomfortable bits. Context will be changing though, for both of them. And Ray's name is going to be Rob instead, because I just can't stand that name. No Tiva break up, promise. Forever means forever around here. We have so much ground to travel in regards to S7 that I'm trying not to think of what comes after. It's exhausting. Thanks for reviewing :)_

_Mary - thank you :) I'm glad to hear it. Hmm...that's a good quote. Forgiveness is always a foundational place to start, even when it's not easy. Haha...Rule 39, isn't it? There's no such thing as coincidences ;) Mark is a good guy. His faith influences his whole live, including how he's supporting his friends. I really like him. Thanks so much for reviewing! :)_

_Sarah - you're welcome :) I agree, holding onto hope is hard but right now it's all we have. Waiting is the hard part. I guess the good thing about the season premier is that it will always be available online somewhere if you decided not to watch it but change your mind later. I know, it seems too abrupt to give her one episode and that's it, you're cut, so all I can say is they better have shot the most amazing episode out of the history of the series to deal with that. But they're never going to make it okay, no matter how they did it, unless she comes back. I'm glad too that she won't be killed, that gives us something to work with :) Thanks. A lot of TZ stuff will be painful for awhile and that healing journey always going backward and forward and never just in a straight line is frustrating, but they're still hanging in. Me too. Cody worked out great, and the frat bros and company are coming in very handy as a support group right about now. Me too. I'm glad T could read what was behind Z's desperation to feel something other than terror and regret and guilt and shame etc., it just shows how much he loves her. And that Z could recognize what he was trying to do alway helped hugely. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_


	10. 7x9 Child's Play Part 1

_A/N: Please note that any references to DC geography are entirely fictional. I've never actually been there, unfortunately._

**Friday November 20**

The closer it came to the end of practice, the more tense Brent got. For his team though he forced a smile and did the progress reports - what was going great and what needed work. He made sure Ryan got picked for the tidy up crew along with Colin and turned to where he knew CJ would be waiting. Brent waved goodbye to clusters of kids and parents and finally met her eyes. "Can I talk to you?"

CJ's forehead creased. "Is something wrong?"

He sighed. "No. It's just...well you see, Cody and I, we go to the park on Saturday afternoons and he's been...I mean I..." Brent dragged a hand over his face. "I'm making a mess of this."

Not wanting to read anything into it but hoping to ease his nerves, CJ bit her lip. "Try again. Short sentences. Words of two syllables or less."

Brent thought a bit and started counting on his fingers. "Cody and me. Park tomorrow. Want to come? With Ryan, of course," he added. "I think one had three syllables, but it was close."

CJ stuck her hands in the pocket of her sweatshirt. "Um...yeah. Sure." She shook her head and smiled. "We'd love to. But you bring the hot drinks."

Brent grinned. "Deal. Should we ask Ryan?"

"No way. He'd probably explode with excitement before tomorrow. I'll let it be a surprise."

"Great." But the relief he felt at her yes wasn't enough to totally smooth over his anxiety about the next day. "Two pm okay?"

CJ nodded. "Fine. We usually sleep in and have pancakes for breakfast on Saturday, then go see my parents. Ryan never gets enough of Gram and Grandpa."

Brent's eyebrows drew together. "I don't want to get in the way of family plans."

She lay a hand on his arm. "You're not. That's our default. If we ever have plans, they understand."

"Okay. I'll uh...see you there." CJ raised her eyebrows in question and Brent wanted to smack his forehead. "The park. On F Street, near 16th. It's huge, you can't miss it."

She smiled. "Thanks. Okay monkey, let's get out of here," CJ called and Ryan ran over. "It's _Tom and Jerry_ tonight, right?"

"Yup," he grinned. "Bye Coach."

Brent waved and watched them go. So far, so good.

**NCIS**

Ziva was gone when Tony came back upstairs from getting Ducky's report, his last Gibbs' assigned task of the day. He dropped it on the boss's desk and looked at McGee. "Hey, where's Ziva?" McGee continued whatever he was doing, pretending he hadn't heard. "Probie!" Tony snapped. "Where is she?"

Tim met his friend's eyes. "She, uh...left."

Tony drew in an annoyed breath. "Wanna point me in the right direction? I'm her ride home."

McGee swallowed. "I don't know for sure. She was...not happy when I wouldn't let her borrow my gun."

"Oh boy." Tony rubbed the back of his neck. Ziva unarmed and dangerous might even be worse than the armed version.

He turned on his heel and hurried out, clattering down eight flights of stairs to Basement Level 4, knowing he wouldn't have enough patience to stand and wait on the elevator. The floor was fairly quiet, though only because the shooting range was very well insulated. Peering in the window, he saw Ziva set up at Station 2 and briefly wondered who on earth gave her a gun, but all she would've had to do was flash her credentials. He watched for a moment as she loaded the clip, adjusted eye and ear protection, and took her stance.

Instead of barging in Tony waited, seeing the brief hesitation before she lifted and fired the weapon. He entered the room after her final shot and Ziva pressed the button to bring her target in. She took one look at the scattered shots, muttered something derogatory in Hebrew, and tore the paper in half. At that point he stepped into her line of vision. "Didn't know you'd been cleared for weapon use."

Ziva glared darkly at him. "I need no one's permission to practice." She spat it out like a dirty word. "And this did not even qualify."

Tony threw on an easy grin. "I could help you with your stance."

Her eyes flashed and he read the warning there. Ziva balled up the target and threw it on the floor. "I missed! It is worse than a ten year old!"

His eyebrows rose. "First of all, no ten year old should be using guns. Second, you haven't even held a weapon in almost six months. Cut yourself some slack."

She spun around and gripped the counter. "I do not need to be placated Tony. I need to be good."

"Okay," he said slowly, handing her a fresh target, "have at it. We've got all weekend."

Shock showed in her expression, she'd clearly expected him to fight her on this. "You will...not make fun?" Ziva asked hesitantly.

Tony chuckled. "I think I've learned my lesson after three years. All teasing will be done when you do not have a weapon within arms' reach."

So, while he watched, Ziva clipped up a new target and tried again. They stayed an hour at the range and gradually Ziva's aim got steadier and her groupings became closer together. Finally she set the gun down and sighed. "I'm done."

He hugged her carefully. "You did great."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "It was awful."

Tony tugged her hair. "This is only day one."

**NCIS**

**Saturday November 21**

The moment Brent opened his car door Cody took off, making a beeline for Ryan who was sitting on a nearby bench with his mom. "Hey!" he yelled at the dog. "Heel!" Cody stopped mid-stride and looked back at his master, trying to discern if he really meant it. Brent gave him a stern look and snapped his fingers. Cody huffed and turned around, plodding his way back to Brent's side. He sat dejectedly beside the man while Brent leaned over and got the tray of three cups off the center console.

Closing the door, he made his way over to the woman and child, smiling at both. "Hi guys!"

"Hi Coach!" Ryan chirped. "Can I pet Cody?"

Brent suppressed a smile and nodded. "Sure." He took Ryan's spot on the bench and handed CJ a cup. "Hot apple cider for the lady. And white hot chocolate for my buddy Ry, right?"

The little boy looked up. "Really?"

He held out the small paper cup. "All yours."

Ryan's eyes lit up. "Thanks!"

Brent sipped his own drink. "Your mom's told me some of the important stuff."

CJ tried the cider. "It's good."

"Only the best."

"You too?"

He chuckled. "This time of year it really hits the spot." They watched Cody chasing Ryan around trees and Brent called him over. "You know how to throw a frisbee Ry?" The boy nodded. "There's one in the back of my car. Cody loves those things." He glanced at CJ. "If it's okay with your mom, of course."

Ryan's face took on a pleading expression and CJ laughed. "Enough with the puppy eyes kid. Go ahead."

"Yeah!" Ryan cheered, racing Cody to the car.

CJ looked after him, a wistfulness in her gaze. Brent nudged her arm. "You've got a great kid there."

"Yeah," she said softly. "I know. Not sure how I got so lucky, but I wouldn't trade him for anything." She shook herself and turned to Brent. "So what's your story Coach? Brothers, sisters, parents? Kids? Single?" CJ wrinkled her nose. "I doubt you would've asked us here if you weren't."

Out of habit Brent kept an eye on Cody and Ryan, watching the boy fling the bright blue disk in one direction only to have it take a sudden turn. Then Cody would leap after it, grab the frisbee and shake it until he was sure it was dead, and trot proudly back over to Ryan to have the process repeated. He was beginning to wish he kept a video camera around. He could probably make a killing on Funniest Home Videos.

Remembering that she was waiting for an answer, Brent nodded. "Single, yes. For a long time actually. Haven't been serious with anyone in years." The one time he'd tried had been the reason that he left his second school. He was much more cautious now. "No siblings. No parents. I was adopted when I eleven, but the Pierce's have been gone a long time. I wanted to keep my own last name, my last connection to people I never let myself remember." He blew on the cider. "I have fifteen kids for an hour on Fridays, another twenty-two every day for gym class, but that's as close as I've ever gotten."

Her eyebrows rose. "Wow. I bet there's a history behind a few of those details."

He shrugged. "I'm like you in a way CJ. When we know each other better it'll be time enough to hear the stories." Brent tilted his head and examined her carefully. "Only child, right?"

She chuckled. "How'd you guess?"

"Ah, I've picked up things in my line of work. Though your personality almost borders on middle child."

"Huh." CJ chewed thoughtfully on the rim of her cup. "You're perceptive Brent, I'll give you that."

In the blink of an eye, things suddenly got serious. "Why'd you come today CJ?"

She took her time answering. "Because Ryan adores you. And it's been...a long time since I've met a good guy Brent, but I get the feeling you're one of them."

He leaned forward. "I'd like to think so, but I'll leave that up to you to decide for sure."

Several feet away Cody knocked Ryan to the ground and the two wrestled playfully as Cody tried to catch any skin he could reach with a slobbery tongue. Brent jumped up and jogged over, grabbing Cody by the collar. "Lay off furball. He's never going to play with you again if you drool all over him."

Ryan laughed and wiped his face with a coat sleeve. "It's okay Coach, he didn't hurt me. We were just having fun."

Brent knelt beside him. "You know what Cody really loves?"

Ryan shook his head. "What?"

"Playing hide and seek." Brent laughed at the boy's wide eyes. "Here, I'll show you. Go hide over near those trees, I'll cover Cody's eyes. Then I'll count to ten and send him to find you, okay?"

Shifting his gaze to his mom, Ryan sought permission. CJ joined them and smiled. "Just stay close enough that I can see you monkey."

Turning, Ryan ran towards a clump of trees while Brent put both hands over Cody's eyes. "Okay pal, hide and seek. You ready?" Cody's whole body wriggled in anticipation. "Okay. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10!" At ten Cody shot off like a rocket across the grass and nearly tackled Ryan, who was crouched behind a bush. The boy's laughter pealed out and CJ shook her head.

"Okay, you're hired."

Brent's eyebrows drew together. "As what?"

She locked eyes with him. "Our new best friend. Thank you Brent. I've never seen my son have this much fun before."

He whistled his dog back and pointed Ryan towards the climbing wall on the playground as his next hiding spot. "CJ, he's not the only one having fun."

The redhead smiled but said nothing, just watched a man she barely knew treat her son like the most important person in the world. And she knew right then that Brent MacKay was going to be one special guy in both of their lives.

**NCIS**

He took her back again on Saturday and this time Tony got a station beside her and worked on his own aim. An hour was the most Ziva could handle, finding the position fatiguing, but practice made her feel like she was actually doing something instead of just waiting to get better. Other than the gun range they had a completely normal afternoon, and when Ziva did dishes after supper, Tony went into the office and got on his computer. Something came up that he wanted to jot down and while rifling through the top drawer of his desk for a pen, Tony came across one of Ziva's datebooks.

It was for the current year and he flipped through the early pages, remembering some of what they'd done before May. Then, on one of the full calendar pages, he saw a little notation in the corner of one box and squinted. Suddenly it hit him like a lightning bolt and Tony frantically searched the other months, finding the same mark in relatively the same place each time. With a growing sense of dread building in his stomach, he looked through September, October, and finally November, seeing that they were already a week and a half past where the mark should've been.

He closed his eyes and bent forward, hoping and praying that he was wrong. Several minutes passed before he gathered the courage to go face his wife, now drying the clean dishes and stacking them neatly. Ziva smiled at him. "Did you come to help?" Saying nothing, Tony swallowed and held out the book to her. She looked at the familiar cover and shrugged. "I almost forgot about that. Where did you find it?"

He set it on the counter and sighed. "It's the twenty-first."

Her brow furrowed, then relaxed. "Hard to believe it's been two months already."

Tony shook his head. "No Zi, it's the twenty-first." She didn't understand, so he opened the book to January, February, March, April, and May, pointing out the little dot that appeared over and over. Then he turned back to the fall months. "You keep track of your period every month, you always have. But since you've been home you haven't...I mean I don't think-" He closed his eyes and forced the words out. "You've missed two months Ziva, do you think you might be-"

"Pregnant?" she spat out as his meaning sank in, eyes blazing. Ziva smashed the plate she was drying on the floor. "I cannot get pregnant Tony, get that through your head!" She flung the towel at his feet and brushed past him, heading for the bedroom. "Maybe you should have married someone who was not broken!" she screamed, slamming the door hard enough to make the pictures rattle.

Tony looked at the shards of glass surrounding him and sighed. _Way to go DiNozzo. Aren't you glad you asked? _Rubbing his forehead, he went to the closet and got a broom. This was definitely his mess to clean up.When all remnants of the shattered plate had been swept away, Tony pushed his fingers through his hair and approached the closed bedroom door. A tap on the wood received no response, so he turned the handle and pushed it open slowly. Ziva lay on her side of the bed staring out the window, one hand under her head and Moses against her chest. Tony thought he could see tear tracks on her cheek and his heart ached. _Me and my big mouth._

He took a step into the room. "Zi?" She didn't look at him, didn't move. Tony swallowed and got a bit closer. "Honey?"

"I don't want to talk to you," she said shortly, and Tony's shoulders sagged. Yeah, he'd blown it this time.

Respecting her wishes instead of pushing, he went back to the office, flopped in the corner chair, and closed his eyes. Thinking about nothing and everything could take up a lot of time and an hour passed before he even noticed. What really surprised Tony was when Ziva showed up in the doorway, tucking some hair behind her ear. Tony immediately stood. "I'm sorry-" but her held up hand cut him off.

"No, it is my turn to apologize." She sighed. "I should not have reacted that way."

He risked getting into her space and threading his fingers into her smooth hair. "Why did you?"

Ziva's hand slid up to rest on his chest. "Because there is still a hole in my heart when I think of never having children with you. The subject has come up too much recently and it hurts."

Tony put his hand over hers. "We haven't been to a specialist or anything, maybe-"

Her finger landed on his lips. "Please Tony, no. There is no room for hope. And I could not bear for hopes to be raised only to have them disappear. Please."

He brushed his lips over her temple, shelving the conversation for now even though she wasn't the only one hurt about that. "Okay babe."

Ziva touched his wedding ring. "You asked a fair question. But I cannot be pregnant and after this summer I have never been more thankful for that. There are other reasons to not have a menstrual cycle and one of those is suffering periods of prolonged starvation." She shrugged one shoulder. "It can take as long as six months to come back. My system still has a lot of recovering to do."

"I hate it that you know what you're talking about, and I'm sorry for not being more sensitive. I just saw the dates and freaked." Tony cupped her cheek. "Will you please go see the doctor Zi? Your visits with Ducky are only a couple times a month now and I would just...feel better if you made an appointment with Dr. Grant."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Tony, I am-"

"Don't say fine. Because you're not. Please Zi, if not for you, do it for me. Please."

She could see the worry in his eyes and relented. "Alright. I will call her on Monday."

He leaned his forehead on hers. "Thank you."

Seeking to comfort them both, Ziva lifted her face and slid her lips over his. Tony responded instantly and they shared a sweet moment before she pulled away and touched his cheek. "I love you."

Tony slid his arms around her. "Me too. And I married exactly who I wanted to. I love you so much."

That night when they were laying in bed and she thought he was asleep, Ziva moved her husband's hand to rest on her lower abdomen. "I am sorry ahava," she whispered. "I have never wished more to be able to change that choice than now, with you. I will miss what it would have been like for your child...our child to grow inside me. To for once be responsible for creating life instead of causing death." Ziva sighed. "I don't know if I could have been a good mother Tony, but to never know hurts a place in my soul where I did not even know there was a piece missing. I'm sorry."

Her quiet words barely reached his ears, but through the haze of sleep crowding his brain some of her confession was heard. Again faced with a pain too deep for words, Tony tightened his arm around his wife and just held on. If that was all they ever did, cling to each other even in the darkness, then they would get through all the storms that still threatened along the path they'd chosen to walk.

**NCIS**

**Sunday November 22**

Mark and Tony both groaned as Brent sank another three point shot, sealing the victory for his team. Now that it was past mid-November basketball games had moved inside, to a court at the community center that they all chipped in to rent once a week. Mark headed towards the bench and grabbed a towel. "What is with you man? You've been walking on air the whole game."

Brent shrugged and spun the ball on one finger. His lack of a response had Tony narrowing his eyes. Then it hit him and he grinned. "No way, you met someone!"

Cassie's ears perked up at the exclamation and she was in front of Brent a second later. "Did you really?" The man continued ignoring both of them and Allie joined forces with her friend.

"You know there's no point in hiding it from us. We will get an answer eventually."

Jordan chuckled. "I'd cave if I were you Swish. Those two are a dangerous combination."

Brent kept up the act until Cassie snatched his basketball away and then he sighed. "Okay, so there's this girl."

Cassie jumped up and down, clapping her hands. "I knew it! Who is she? Where's she from? What's her name? How did you meet? Wait, why are we only finding this out now?"

Taken aback by her intensity, Brent retreated a step, holding up his hands. "Uh, guys, a little help here?"

Mark crossed his arms. "You're on your own dude. I'd answer her questions if you know what's good for you."

Brent let out a breath. "Her name's CJ. I met her a month ago. But that's all the information you're getting Cass, so stop looking at me like that."

Tony clapped him on the shoulder. "Nice going Swish. I knew it wouldn't take long." He lowered his voice. "So, just between us, any details you want to share?"

Brent pushed him away, rolling his eyes. "No. Now lay off."

"But you are going to bring her out sometime so we can meet her, right?" Darien wanted to know.

"Yeah," Brent chuckled, "I want to overwhelm her before we've even started something. Nice try guys, but for now that's all you need to know."

Tony made a face and finished his water. "Well if you don't take all the fun out of life," he grumbled, drying sweat and pulling on a fresh t-shirt.

Thwarted on their little fact finding tour, the women gravitated back to the bench with Tony as their next target. "You never did tell us why Ziva didn't come," Cassie began, exchanging glances with her husband. This was the first Sunday afternoon Ziva had missed in a month and she was automatically concerned.

Doing his best to look like he wasn't hiding anything, Tony shrugged. "It's no big deal, really. She's been collecting study materials for her citizenship test all week. Since Sunday is the only time I have plans outside of work, Zi's kicking me out to hang with you guys so she can study." He tugged at the laces on his running shoes. "Her concentration isn't back up to par yet and she says she can't focus unless the house is absolutely quiet."

"And we all know how well Anthony DiNozzo Jr. does quiet," Adrian piped up.

"Speak for yourself Zip. At least I don't talk in my sleep."

Adrian chuckled nervously. "Well now, we don't need to get into details or anything."

Allie leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand. "No please, do tell. Roommate stories have got to be good for something."

"Maybe later Pollyanna," Tony grinned. "You should ask Darien sometime about the dirt he's got on your fiancé. It could come in handy during an argument."

The couple laughed as Jordan pulled Allie away and everyone else finished packing up. Before he left, Mark caught Tony off to the side. "Ziva's okay?"

Tony only glanced at him, not keeping eye contact long enough for Mark to read anything there. "Just studying Papa Smurf. She'll still be at the group dinner next weekend."

Mark was skeptical. "If you're sure."

He forced a smile. "I'm sure. See you around."

Cassie came up beside him as Tony strode out, putting a hand on his arm. "Anything?"

Mark sighed. "It's not good. D hasn't lied to me in a long time, but that was pretty close. There's something else going on here."

"I'll try to talk to her after dinner. I'm sure I can steal Ziva away for a few minutes without anyone noticing."

"Except the kids," Mark smiled. "I can't get over how fast McKenna warmed up to her. Ever since Halloween it's like she's chosen Ziva to be her new hero. I really enjoyed watching them at the park that last Sunday. She's good with them."

"Yes," Cassie said slowly, "the kids." Something Ziva had said that day niggled at the back of her mind, and Cassie pondered the implications. If she was right, then she and Ziva really needed to have a heart to heart.

**NCIS**

Tony got home from the game and dropped his things on a kitchen chair. He went into the office where Ziva was poring over a pile of loose pages, a green highlighter drooping between her fingers. He dropped a kiss on her hair. "The girls were asking about you. Everyone wanted to know where you were."

She shrugged, never moving her eyes from the printed lines. "I need to study."

"Yeah," he sighed, "that's what I told them, because that's what you told me. But there's something you're not saying Zi."

Ziva made a frustrated noise in her throat. "I have gone every Sunday for a month! They are your friends Tony, I do not have to be there."

He grabbed the arm of her chair and turned her to face him. "Hey, they're your friends too. At least, they're trying to be."

She rubbed her forehead, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry. I just...have a headache."

That sounded like an excuse if he'd ever heard one, but now was not the time to call her on it. "I'll get you some aspirin."

Ziva shook her head once, then winced. "No, I think I will just lay down for awhile." She stood, skimming her hand over his chest as she walked by. "I will come back in time for supper."

Tony reached for her, but he was a second too late and got the feeling she didn't want to be caught. "I can handle supper honey. Don't worry about it."

She stopped at the doorway to their bedroom, murmuring, "Thank you," before closing herself inside.

He leaned against the wall and rubbed his face. Despite the confession he was sure he'd heard from her last night, she'd been slowly slipping away from him since they got up this morning. Maybe she was still angry about the way he'd handled the question about her period, or maybe she was burying herself in guilt over the children issue that kept cropping up like a nasty weed and wouldn't leave them alone. Whatever it was, the distance left his heart aching and Tony could only hope Ziva would let him hold her tonight, because he couldn't let her go again.

**NCIS**

**Wednesday November 25**

A body in a cornfield was an interesting way to start their day, but at least it got them out into the fresh air. Glad as he was that Ziva was allowed to come with them to the scene, inside Tony was confused. Monday and Tuesday had been much the same as Sunday in that Ziva hardly spoke and spent her free time at the shooting range, firing a gun over and over and slowly forcing her aim to improve. He'd caught her with her sketch pad out a few times, almost teary at whatever she was drawing. But he never got a good look at the pictures and decided that, like her journal, they should remain private until she chose to share them with him. But still, he missed her.

Today, however, had been different altogether and he could almost sense the gargantuan effort she was making to act like everything was fine. He jumped a foot when she tickled him with a feather while he was imitating the crows, but that was the first time he'd seen her smile in days, so it was worth it. Then Gibbs did something unexpected in his quest for perspective. "Ziva, get on DiNozzo's shoulders."

Tony's mouth fell open. "Boss?"

"I would...rather not," Ziva added. The last thing they needed was the others watching them while they were that close and touching. The look Gibbs gave them strongly suggested that he didn't care whether they liked it or not, so she removed the camera strap from around her neck and handed it to Tim. "Bend over Tony."

"Boss?" Tony pleaded again, still hoping for an out. How was he not going to give anything away holding her that way? Gibbs crossed his arms and Tony sighed, squatting down and offering Ziva his hand. She took it and climbed on his shoulders, then he grunted and groaned as he stood and tried to make the position comfortable for both of them. It wasn't really as hard as it should've been, though more of a challenge than just sweeping her into his arms. Ziva was only just over a hundred and ten pounds now and the difference still bothered him.

"West," Gibbs ordered.

Ziva put her hands on Tony's head, sliding graceful fingers through his short hair and managing to do it so subtly that no one even noticed. "Turn this way." Her eyes scanned the area. "Uh, police cars."

"North."

She tugged on his hair this time to move him. "A farmer on a tractor."

"East."

Tony glanced up at his wife and pointed himself in the right direction without her prompting. "Barn." She narrowed her gaze, gauging the space between them. "Two hundred yards away."

"Ugh," Tony winced, "cramp. I've got a cramp in my neck." Ziva didn't hesitate but put her hands on either side of his neck and slowly massaged the area. Gibbs didn't tell him to put her down while they tossed around theories, and once they weren't the center of attention Tony stopped making a fuss about something that didn't bother him at all and just rubbed little circles into Ziva's calf, grateful for the contact. There hadn't been much for the last few days. He'd definitely had worse assignments.

The day flew by quickly as they split their time between Lance Corporal Lozada's house, the juvenile think-tank, and NCIS. Ziva was focused and eager to do a good job with the parts of the case she was responsible for, but otherwise she remained rather quiet and withdrawn, though Tony wondered if he was the only one who noticed. She took herself back down to Basement Level 4 after they were dismissed for the night and this time he let her go alone. Tony stayed up in the dark squadroom, sitting at his desk and thinking. They couldn't play this game forever. Eventually Ziva would have to talk. He just wished he didn't have to be the one to make her do it.

**NCIS**

**Thursday November 26**

Their talk didn't happen that night. Ziva was exhausted between her self-imposed weapon training and the case, but she still shut herself in the office when they got home and met him in bed an hour later, very much lost in her own mind. Thursday, besides being Thanksgiving, was also the last day Tony planned to put up with his wife's silence and the way she moved around their house like a shadow, One way or another, this ended tonight.

Ziva left the building on their lunch break and took a fifteen minute cab ride to the medical building where her doctor's office was. She sat in the waiting room for a few minutes, flipping listlessly through a magazine until her name was called. The nurse led her down the hall and around a corner to a small exam room where Dr. Grant was waiting. Ziva smiled at the tanned woman who was also her friend.

"Hola Elin, como estas?" _Hello/how are you?_

"Bueno Ziva," she answered automatically, looking up from a file. Her eyes widened. "Que ha pasado?" _What happened?_

Ziva glanced to the side. "Es una larga historia." _It's a long story._

Elin crossed her arms. "Estoy esperando." _I'm waiting._

The Israeli sighed. "Mi verano ha sido..." _My summer was..._

The doctor switched to English. "You've lost twenty pounds, I can see that by looking. Please Ziva."

Ziva pushed her hair over one shoulder. "I returned to Mossad before the summer. The mission ended badly. I spent four months in a terror camp. Starvation is merely one form of torture." She hesitantly met her friend's eyes. "I have been back since the end of September and I am twenty pounds more now than I was then."

"Que asco," Elin whispered. "Oh Ziva, lo siento mucho." _How awful/I'm so sorry_.

She shrugged. "So is everyone. But it cannot be undone. My condition has been monitored by our medical examiner at NCIS. I was not...ready to see anyone else. I am only here now because Tony is worried."

"About what?" Elin asked, still reeling from the shock.

"I have not had my period in months. My eating is...less than what is normal." Ziva leaned back against the bed. "I think he just wants to know I am okay."

"I don't see how you can be," Elin stated, clucking her tongue and pulling supplies out of drawers. "But we'll start with drawing blood for testing and a physical exam.

Ziva stiffened. "I have had both."

Elin's expression was stern. "I want them for my records. And I will be calling Dr. Mallard for those files. It will take more than just your word to assure me you are as fine as you want the world to believe." She'd known her patient long enough to recognize her aversion to admitting weakness. "Pull up your sleeve."

It was not a request, but a demand. Rolling her eyes, Ziva pushed her sleeve up past her elbow and tried to prepare herself for the invasive examination she knew was coming.

**NCIS**

Ziva was late getting back and walked in just as Gibbs declared that holiday plans were now cancelled. "DiNozzo, get Krista Dalton in here. McGee and Ziva, protection detail. Take Angela to Ducky's." Ziva balked at the order and Gibbs reached into his desk, handing over his back up. "McGee is on perimeter, you say with the girl." She looked down at the small weapon and blinked. Gibbs leaned close. "Seen your targets downstairs Ziver, you'll do fine."

Her gaze strayed to Tony, who'd hesitated outside of the bullpen when he heard Gibbs' plan. The team leader barked at him and he hurried away, but in the back of his mind wondering if she was really ready to be pointing the business end of the gun at a real person only two months home.

McGee and Ziva quickly gathered their things and Ziva kept her hand on Angela's shoulder as they escorted her from the building, pushing aside her own feelings on spending forced time with a child in favour of doing her job and keeping the girl safe. Once at Mallard Manor, McGee left to take a tour of the property while Ziva got Angela settled upstairs in one of the many guest rooms. Soon after that she was roped into helping Ducky with supper preparations, as he still believed the evening would progress the way he hoped.

Angela assisted for awhile - setting the table, peeling potatoes, and mixing spices for the stuffing - but she quickly grew bored. "Do you have a TV?" she asked.

"Ah," Ducky wiped his hands, "the TV is on the blink I'm afraid."

"Computer?"

He shook his head. "Only at work."

"Books?" she pressed.

That one he could do something about. "Down the hall on your right is the library. I'm sure you'll find something there to occupy your mind."

Ziva made as if to put down what she was holding and go with her, but Ducky interrupted. "I'm afraid this is a two person job Ziva. She'll be fine."

Only a minute passed before Ziva got the sense that something was really wrong. As soon as Ducky finished, she dried her hands and headed out to the hall. "Angela?" There was no answer and a quick check showed the library to be empty. "No," Ziva murmured, rushing to the entry where the door stood wide open.

McGee was just getting off a call and saw her here. "Ziva? What's wrong?"

Turning panicked eyes to her teammate, Ziva shook her head. "Angela's gone."

**NCIS**

In the car on the way back to NCIS, Ziva wouldn't even look at Tony. She felt sick. Not only had she botched her first assignment, but now a twelve year old girl was missing, her life in danger. She leaned forward, covering her face with her hands, and shrugging off Tony's touch when he tried to help. Gibbs showing up after she'd spent a quarter hour frantically searching the house and grounds, hoping she was wrong, and telling her and McGee that it was both of their faults - him for wandering through the backyard and listening when Abby called with an update, and her for not following her instincts - did not help the situation.

Tony led her to the elevator and predictably shut it down between floors. He reached for her. "Zi..."

She pushed away, keeping her hands out. "No, I do not deserve comfort. I lost her Tony. And if I have put that child's life in danger..."

"Hey," he put a hand on her face, "it was an accident babe. You didn't-"

"If I had been doing my job properly I would not have left her side!" Ziva sagged into the corner. "Maybe they should not have let me come back."

"Stop it!" Tony snapped, frustrated. "You're good at this Ziva, you're my partner. And partners don't quit."

She flicked the switch to on and stalked out of the elevator ahead of him. Tracing Ducky's credit card was the easy part, then all four of them rushed to the car and took off after her. The showdown happened in Angela's front yard - one guy with a gun and a hostage against three agents holding sighted weapons and one former assassin in the shadows, praying her aim would stay steady long enough to do what needed to be done.

Gibbs warned him, Angela gave the probabilities, but the crazed art teacher wouldn't give up, so Ziva pulled the trigger and held her breath, watching as he fell to the ground and Angela ran into her mother's arms. Gibbs was immediately in front of her, easing the gun from her trembling hands and slipping an arm around her back. Ziva held her stomach, afraid she might actually be sick. "I did not...I do not want to be her again. I wish it had not been a killshot."

"You did good," Gibbs informed her gruffly. "You protected Angela. That man wasn't going to give up Ziver. I'm proud of you."

She turned away. "Now I know why Ducky is not willing to give my gun back." She sat numbly in the backseat of the car while they quarantined the scene, and didn't say a word the whole way back. Gibbs watched over her while she methodically filled out the paperwork, and for the first time in a week did not head for the basement shooting range.

Tony took her home so they could change before going to Thanksgiving dinner at Ducky's and came up behind her while she was putting in earrings. "Are you okay?"

She bristled. "Any person who threatens a child deserves whatever they get."

He turned her to face him. "That's not what I asked."

Ziva drew in a breath. "He...made me take a life. I did not...I cannot be a killer again Tony." She rested her face against his chest and Tony held her carefully.

"I'm sorry babe. I wish it wasn't necessary."

She moved away. "There is always a choice."

He brushed his thumb over her cheek. "Some are just harder to live with than others." Taking a chance, he leaned in and covered her mouth with his. Ziva resisted at first, but finally gave into the caress and the solace he was trying to give. She breathed in his familiar cologne, felt the thudding of his heart as it beat in time with hers, and was glad to be engulfed in his arms, held like she was valued, wanted, important. She would've pushed it further tonight, aching to have his hands on her bare skin, to share hot, urgent kisses, but again Tony could sense the need was more a balm for her grief than actual desire, so he slowed things down and finally, reluctantly, parted from her.

Breathing took a little more effort, as did focusing his eyes, and Tony wished for once that he didn't have to be the grown up, because he could kiss her forever and never get tired of it. Clearing his throat, he tried to get the words out. When they came, they weren't as firm as he'd planned ."We're going to be late."

Ziva recognized the husky tone, his desire for her barely disguised. "I would like to be late," she whispered, her fingers playing over his freshly shaven jaw. "Do you remember how we used to be late for work and come in separately?" Maybe she could do it, for him. How she longed to feel him all around her, his weight and strength protecting and comforting instead of forcing. Never mind that they'd hardly talked all week, she missed the way it felt to be with him so much.

Needing to get some distance but physically unable to let go, deprived as he'd been of her attention this week, Tony cupped her face and put their foreheads together. "We can't, not now, not when I'm not sure you're ready. Not with Israel and Somalia still between us. I love you honey, more than anything, and I want you so badly it hurts, but we can't."

Ziva tensed and pulled back, letting cold air fall between them. "You said you forgave me."

He started to reach for her but thought better of it and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I do. But we still need to talk."

She crossed her arms and wouldn't look at him. "Talking is the last thing I want to do."

"That's why it's so important." Tony was thinking of their first honest conversation after she came home. They were due for another.

Ziva returned to the dresser and chose a necklace to go with her outfit. "We should go. They are expecting us."

He sighed heavily and left to warm up the car. He was losing her again and Tony really hated the feeling. This had to stop.

_Reply:_

_Sarah - You're welcome :) Oh...don't even get me started on the replacement thing. That word doesn't even belong in the same sentence with Z/Cote. And I just watched on YouTube most of the cast on The Talk in May. Gosh the way Cote and Michael looked at each other, how happy she was...there is no way she just up and decided she wanted to quit her job. No way. I heard from another fan about the photo shoot video. We're just getting more and more proof that CBS is not being as up front as they wanted us to think. But that also means we still have a fighting chance to get her back. Thanks, I'm glad you liked the chapter. As I've told many other people, soak up the sweetness while you can, things get a little bumpy ahead. This anniversary was a bit different but I think it fit where they are now. I look forward to Z getting to put her birthday present to good use. Gibbs may be suspicious, but he's going to have to give it up because A) They're not lying and B) They're not saying anything that will incriminate themselves. Poor McG indeed, but that's when you need a pigtailed best friend who comes armed with Caf-pow, Bert, and a hug guaranteed to make almost every just a little bit better. I hope they do something with Palmer next season, even if I'm not watching. I want to know more about him and Breena and adopting. Not that I'm gonna watch. But I'm sure I'll hear some news over the grapevine. I'm glad you liked the end, I really enjoyed her drawing Tony. That sketch pad is really going to come in handy later on. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_


	11. 7x9 Child's Play Part 2

**Friday November 27**

Thanksgiving at Ducky's was warm and inviting and it was so nice to be together when it didn't involve a case. But Gibbs could tell, even if Abby was too happy to notice and McGee too unobservant, that a dangerous tension boiled under the surface between Tony and Ziva. They sat across from each other and normally he'd have to break up those darn eye conversations that shut out the rest of the world, but tonight that never happened because Ziva spent half the time steadfastly avoiding Tony's heavy, sad gaze and the other half doing her best to pretend that nothing was wrong. Whatever they were fighting about he hoped they got over it, because a whole day of the silent treatment was more than Gibbs could take.

Unfortunately they didn't get over it. Friday was a paperwork day and Tony found himself with a lot of time to think. Ziva kept busy doing photocopying and filing, admitting evidence, running errands back and forth to the lab and Autopsy and the squadroom - anything so she didn't have to sit at her desk for eight hours and feel her husband's eyes watching and waiting for the right time to strike. The game lasted all day and when they arrived home Ziva moved towards the bathroom, but Tony caught her arm.

"Sit down."

She twisted away. "Tony, I-"

"Ziva," he said loudly, over her objection, "sit down."

Taken aback she sank onto the couch. Tony went into the kitchen and took several minutes to make coffee for himself and tea for her. Bringing the mugs back he handed one to Ziva and took the opposite cushion. After a single swallow he wiped his mouth and leveled a serious gaze at her. "It's time to tell me what's going on."

She fidgeted and looked away, but he waited her out. Finally Ziva leaned back and pulled one knee up. "I don't know what to say."

Tony shook his head. "Not good enough. Try starting with why you've been shutting me out since Sunday, the real reason you didn't come to our basketball game, why you won't let me see what you're drawing or look into my eyes long enough for me to guess what's wrong." He blew out a breath. "And why you get frustrated with me when I won't let us have sex even though you're not ready to go that far and we both know it." He paused and shrugged. "That's the important stuff."

Ziva took a tentative sip of tea and sighed. "I suppose I am...mourning a loss, and it seems as if the world is conspiring to remind me of everything I cannot have." She ran slender fingers through her straightened hair. "And you remind me of it too, because whenever I look at you I see what we have lost. Then there is the children. My heart aches when we are with them, it is proof of what we are missing, and I...do not want to feel the hurt anymore."

Tony closed his eyes. "Oh Ziva."

She got up and walked away, coming back with the sketchpad and tossing it in the space between them. "Look."

He was slow in extending his hand for the book and purposely did not open to the first page, but the second, remembering what she'd said a week ago about wanting his portrait to herself. The following pages were full of fractured images - baby fingers curled around an adult one, tiny crocheted booties, a handful of children's toys scattered in a corner, lips pressed to a sleeping infant's forehead. Tony could easily imagine what she hadn't shown - that it was her finger a baby grasped or her arms that cradled the child.

Then came a family drawn from the back, walking down a familiar street as the sun slowly set in the sky, mother and father each holding a small hand as a toddler took uncertain steps between them. The detail was amazing, it was undeniably them even if features were shaded out, and he'd be astounded at her skill if he couldn't also feel the despair and heartbreak that leapt out of the picture. He stopped there and closed the cover, unable to look any more. He cleared his throat. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

She shrugged. "I do not plan what to draw. This last week it has been pouring out of my soul and I cannot stop it."

His eyebrows rose. "Are you going to try to avoid kids forever so it doesn't hurt?" That would put a damper on things.

"No," Ziva answered quietly, "not forever. But I just need some space and time away." She traced the rim of her mug. "I know we cannot have sex right now Tony, but that does not stop the longing in my heart to be surrounded in your love that way." Her eyebrows drew together and she looked up. "It hurt, what you said last night about Israel and Somalia, that we cannot be intimate until they are discussed. Did you mean it?"

Tony set the drawing pad on the coffeetable and scooted close enough to hold her hand. "Yes. You never talk about it Zi. You dream about it, you flash back to it, you react to it, but you've barely told me anything." He rubbed his thumb over the spot where her wedding ring belonged. "This has been on my mind all day honey and I think..." he hesitated "...I think we should see someone."

Her eyes widened. "You want to go to a...professional?"

He rolled his shoulders. "Want might be too strong of a word." Tony put his mug on the floor and took her hand in both of his. "But you won't talk to me about what happened and you need to talk to someone. We both do."

The suggestion was a blow to Ziva and shook her confidence in their relationship. He thought this was something they couldn't handle on their own, which was terrifying. Before the summer they had only ever needed each other and now... She swallowed reflexively. "What will happen if I say no?" But she was really asking if he would leave her should she refuse to get help.

He invaded her space and touched her cheek. "I keep my promises Zi. I love you and I never want to hurt you, but as difficult as the subject is, no isn't an option this time." Tony lifted her hand and pressed his lips to her palm. "It's not a failure to admit we're in over our heads, okay? I just want us to be the best we can be, and for that we need to wade through the tough stuff first."

The weight on Ziva's soul pressed down heavier and she shifted to fit her body against his. Tony's arms came around her, holding her close. With this decision everything was about to change and Ziva had never dreaded anything more. She didn't want to go back. But more than that she wanted to protect Tony. There were so many things a husband should never have to hear.

**NCIS**

Hours later Tony woke to Ziva's restless movements and sighed. He reached over and touched her shoulder, intending to shake her awake. But the instant his skin made contact with hers Ziva rolled on top of him, straddling his body with her knees, one hand holding his arm down on the bed and the other at his throat. Her expression was fierce, full of hatred and anger, and she pressed down with enough force to constrict his airway.

In the split second he had to think, Tony's mind was racing for a way out. He was strong enough to overpower her, but she'd reacted this way because she already felt threatened and he didn't want to make it worse. He wrapped his fingers around her wrist and eased her grip a bit, but Ziva's eyes flashed and she spat something at him in what Tony guessed was Arabic, her jaw clenched and wild hair framing her face in a way he would've thought attractive is she wasn't currently a threat.

Finally he made a decision and flipped them over as gently as he possibly could. Ziva panicked at being trapped and flailed blindly, trying to fight him off, so he called her name. "Zi. Zi come on, it's me, it's Tony. Wake up," he pleaded, "please wake up."

She blinked and slowly he saw clarity return to her gaze. Immediately he moved away, watching her carefully. Ziva seemed confused and ran her eyes over him. Seeing the red mark on his neck, her mouth fell open and she retreated to the end of the bed. "What did I do?"

Tony wanted to go to her but couldn't tell if she would accept his close proximity. He forced a chuckle and a half-grin. "Your reflexes are pretty good ninja, one touch and you were ready to take me out."

Her hand came up to cover her mouth and tears filled her eyes. "Oh no."

He got a little closer but she nearly fell off the bed and scrambled up, her back against the wall. "Hey, it's okay sweetheart, it was a joke."

Trembling fingers reached towards his neck. "I tried to hurt you."

Tony caught her hand and wouldn't let her take it back. "Not your fault honey, you didn't know who I was."

Ziva pushed shaking hands into her hair, clearly distraught. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

He pulled her into his chest. "It's okay. I'm okay honey. Shh." He rubbed her back gently and finally let go enough to look into her eyes. "I've never seen a reaction that violent. What was the dream about?"

She returned to her place at the wall, staring down at her hands, debating on what she could tell. "I got free once, when they were torturing me. There were only two of them and I thought maybe...but then the other one hit me with his gun. And I paid for my defiance." Ziva rubbed her wrists, lost in a memory he could too clearly see. "That was the last time they used the handcuffs."

Tony brushed back her hair, surprised she'd shared so easily. "I'm sorry."

Ziva swallowed but said nothing. He didn't want to hear that she should never have let herself be taken alive. That she wished she'd died before he ever had to see her this way. And that nothing could be worse than never being able to forget.

They stood apart for a long time before he took her hand and gently tugged her back to bed. Ziva's instinct was to sleep as far from him as possible, maybe even the couch if that would keep her husband safe from the nightmares, but Tony wasn't giving up so easily. He spooned up behind her the moment they lay down, his arms encircling her in a protective gesture. She didn't want him so close, didn't want to worry that he'd suffer for what she might see when she closed her eyes. After the way she'd reacted tonight, Ziva now knew he wasn't safe even when she hid the truth of the summer from him. And that in itself gave the idea of seeing a counselor more credibility, though the dread building in her heart made her wish there could be another option.

But despite all the thoughts and fears swirling around in her head, Ziva felt she owed Tony something for her behaviour this week and slid her hand under her cheek, trying to relax in his embrace. Soon his low voice could be heard over the things crowding her mind and she recognized the song from one of his movies. Gradually the peaceful melody drowned out her fears and before she knew it sleep was edging in again. Ziva could only hope that this time there would be no dreams.

**NCIS**

**Saturday November 28**

Brent sent the frisbee towards Ryan in a nice easy curve and just before he reached out for it, Cody jumped up and snatched the blue disc out of the air, wagging his tail proudly. Ryan propped his hands on his hips. "Cody!" he scolded. "That was my turn." The dog sat and did his best to smile with the frisbee in his teeth and Ryan rubbed his head, giving up on being bothered. "Good catch boy."

Walking over, Brent took the frisbee from his dog. "This isn't always about you pal." Cody barked and dragged a paw down his master's jeans. Brent rolled his eyes. "You think you're so lovable."

Ryan scratched behind the dog's ears. "Cody's my second favourite pet," he announced.

"Oh yeah?" Brent asked, eyebrows rising. "Who's the first?"

"Gram and Grampa's dog Sergeant." Ryan shrugged. "But he's old and he doesn't play like Cody. He just wants to lay and be petted."

"Well, Cody loves all the extra attention, trust me."

Ryan found a stick on the ground and waved it to see if Cody was interested. The dog was on his feet in an instant and ready to go. Pulling his arm back, the boy flung the stick and watched his furry friend race after it. "Do all the kids get to come on Saturdays?" he asked when Cody came back and dropped the stick at his feet.

Brent stuck his hands in his pockets. "Nope."

Ryan looked at him in surprise. "Really?"

He ruffled Ryan's sandy blond hair. "Really. You and your mom are pretty special buddy."

His eyes lit up. "Wow."

Brent touched his shoulder. "But we should probably keep Saturdays just between us. I wouldn't want the others to feel left out."

Ryan nodded solemnly. "Okay. When's Cody coming to practice again?"

Brent smiled. "Maybe next week. We'll have to see."

They headed back to the bench and CJ looked up from her book. "Having fun boys?" For reasons she wasn't ready to explore, she was glad to give Ryan and Brent the chance to bond.

Ryan dropped beside her. "Coach said we're the only ones who get to come to the park. Isn't that cool?"

She smiled indulgently. "Very cool monkey." Glancing down, she saw Cody sitting by her feet. "Don't look at me furball, I can't throw." CJ nudged her son. "I think your buddy still wants to play."

The little boy jumped up. "Come on Cody, I'll race you." The word 'race' was all the golden retriever needed to hear and they took off towards the treeline fifty feet away.

Brent sank into his spot on the other side of the bench. "Maybe they'll wear each other out."

CJ chuckled. "Not likely. Kids and dogs somehow have unlimited energy that does not extend to the adults responsible for them."

He leaned back. "Well, at least they're having fun." He glanced down at the novel on her lap. "Good book?"

A smile claimed her lips. "Yes. She's one of my favourite authors." She tilted her head. "Do you read? For fun I mean."

Brent rested his ankle over his knee. "Usually I'm reading school papers or sports and health stuff for my class. But I've been known to enjoy a good mystery now and then."

"Ryan loves books," CJ shared. "I've been reading to him since he was born. It's nice to see him in social situations now. I'm all for reading, but kids need friends too."

"The basketball group is great for that. Often the kids stay for a couple years. I've seen friendships form there that last them into high school. It's pretty neat to watch."

She fiddled with her ponytail. "I'm glad it's not only the kids making new friends."

Brent stretched his arm out on the back of the bench, not quite close enough to touch her. "Yeah," he shared quietly, watching boy and dog tear back and forth across the grass, "me too."

**NCIS**

The commotion of a full house and a crowded dinner table Saturday night was a good distraction for Ziva's restless thoughts. "Pass the mashed potatoes please." "Hey Swish, you're hogging the dressing." "Mom, do I have to have turnip?" "Ew, Alec! You got cranberry drips on my peas!" and many other exchanges marked the beginning of the meal.

Then Adrian made an announcement. "I'm not having salad."

Cassie, having just gotten her kids settled, sighed. "Adrian, the salad is mandatory. I don't care if the only time you ever see it is when you're here, but you will eat healthy in my house."

"But-but," he spluttered, "it's green." She cut her eyes to Alec and McKenna, now paying too much attention to the adult conversation. Tony kicked his old roommate under the table and he coughed. "Oh, uh, right. I mean, green food, yay. Love it." But the face he made when Mark deposited a small pile of salad on his plate made a liar out of his words.

"More gravy down here when you have a minute," Darien requested from the other end near Cassie.

Jordan eyed his plate skeptically. "Your poor turkey is already drowning. Where are you going to put more?"

Darien dug a hole in the pile of mashed potatoes and grinned. "Need lava for my volcano."

Mark laughed out loud. "What are you, six?"

He shrugged and across the table Allie smiled. "Thank you so much for having all of us Cassie." It was the first year the whole group had been present for the Thanksgiving get-together.

"It's my pleasure. Honestly, we love having you guys here." She chuckled. "And it's a lot less work for me when everyone brings part of the meal."

Brent glanced over at Ziva. "These rolls are amazing. How did you make them so light?"

The corners of her lips curved up. "It is an old family recipe." She arched one eyebrow. "I am impressed by your cranberry sauce."

"What?" he joked. "You don't think guys can cook?"

Ziva shrugged and Tony threw on a grin. "What she means is that my cooking has often left her with the impression that guys can't be trusted in the kitchen." He tugged her hair. "I'm only allowed in there with supervision." His attempt at lightheartedness was bought by the rest of them, but the shadow in his wife's eyes suggested he wasn't making anything better as far as they were concerned. He knew bringing up counseling would be a challenge and he was paying for it today. Sitting beside him at the table was as close as they'd been all day. If she kept it up, Mark would get wind that something was wrong. And Cassie had already sent Ziva a couple of looks that hinted at a conversation she wanted to have. They'd picked a really bad day to not be getting along.

"I have to say Allie, I was never a huge fan of turnip," Adrian commented. "But yours makes me think twice about it."

The blonde coloured a bit and leaned into her fiancé. "Jordan did all the hard work."

He rolled his eyes. "We shared turnip duty, but the way it tastes is all her."

"Compliments on the turkey Cass," Tony put in. "I'm not sure I've ever had it so moist before."

"Yes, you did great," Mark grinned at his wife.

She accepted the praise with only a smile and pointed her fork around the group. "Now for the homework assignment. At the end of the meal everyone gets to say one thing they're thankful for and why, so keep that in mind because we will be asking."

Brent looked at the people lining both sides of the table. "That shouldn't be hard. I can think of ten reasons right here in this room."

Cassie's eyes softened. "Just for that, you get an extra piece of pie."

"Strawberry-rhubarb, right?" he asked hopefully. Pumpkin had never been one of his favourites.

Conversation drifted after that as everyone enjoyed the meal and the company. As soon as Alec and McKenna had nothing on their plates they got antsy, so the 'I'm Thankful For...' list was started early. Answers ranged from friends and jobs, to significant others and a place to call home. The kids, of course, added things like favourite dolls and baseball cards, before they were dismissed to go hang out with Cody, who'd been exiled to the basement with his own treats so he wouldn't beg at the table. Slowly the group finished up and clearing the table, washing and drying dishes, and packing away leftovers in their respective containers became a combined effort. Then they all retired to the family room and got comfortable on couches and chairs and the floor, when there was no room left anywhere else.

Somewhere along the line Ziva had sensed Cassie's desire to speak with her privately, so she made a point to avoid being alone with her and giving the other woman an opening to ask. Instead she looked around the room and took a seat by Brent. "There is a rumour floating around that you met someone. Is this true?"

Brent seemed to be trying hard not to grin. "Uh...yeah, it's true."

She gathered her hair to one side. "When?"

"About a month and a half ago. Her son is-" He cut himself off and his gaze darted away. "I mean..."

Ziva ducked her head, attempting to catch his eyes. "Is something wrong?"

Brent sighed. "I haven't really given details yet."

Her eyes widened hopefully. "I am very good at secrets."

He groaned at the expression she was wearing. "You're just as bad as my dog." Giving up, he crossed his arms. "Her name's CJ. Her son comes to my basketball practice."

"She is a single mom?" Funny that was what Tony had suggested many weeks ago now.

He shrugged. "That's the impression I get. We don't know each other well enough yet to get into all the details, but...I'm hoping."

Ziva lay her hand on his arm. "You are a kind and generous man Brent. A woman would be very lucky to be chosen by you."

"Thanks." Ready for the focus to be off him, he turned the tables on her.

Ziva managed to side step any direct questions about she and Tony by sharing a recent anecdote at work and then suddenly having to move on when Darien was free. Dropping gracefully into the free chair next to him, she leaned over. "I have heard many things about my husband and his friends in college. But tell me, what is your favourite story?"

Pleased to have been singled out, since being a quieter sort he usually faded more into the background, Darien grinned and enthusiastically recounted an incident from their first year when he and Tony, of course, had snuck into each room at the end of the hall and plastic wrapped the other guys to their beds. They were ready when alarms went off with polaroid cameras and gleeful grins. He laughed. "That set off the great prank war of '92. It lasted for almost a month, until the RA put a stop to it because he was afraid someone was going to get hurt." Darien shook his head. "I think that was one of the things that really bonded us. Revenge was fun, but the friendships cemented because of the war were worth so much more."

After that Ziva drifted over to talk to Adrian, who was regaling a few of them with a story about doing a photoshoot at a senior citizen's center. He laughed when it was over. "I think I now have like, fifty new grandmas. They all thought I was 'so cute' and I must've heard, 'isn't he an adorable boy?' about twenty times." Adrian rolled his eyes. "It was fun though."

Tony hooked an arm around his neck and rubbed his knuckles over Adrian's head. "They were right about one thing Zip, you are adorable." That spawned an impromptu wrestling match until Cassie threatened to hand out chores as punishment for fighting, and they all calmed down a bit. Ziva found a cozy couch corner beside the lovebirds and asked as many questions as she could think of about their wedding and how the plans were coming. But even as she managed to integrate herself everywhere else, she was careful not to spend time close to her husband, or in a place she could be cornered by Cassie or Mark, who'd begun to watch her a little more carefully when she joined her third group without so much as a glance at the husband who was fruitlessly saving a place for her at his side.

Once supper settled, Alec and McKenna had enough of being indoors and came running upstairs with Cody, begging to be allowed to go outside. Cassie supervised the donning of enough layers to combat the cold, including scarves, hats, and mitts, and then let her kids loose in their large backyard. Since the windows in the family room looked out on the yard, she could easily keep an eye on them and still spend time with her friends. More than once a member of the group drifted over to the windows to watch Alec toss a ball for Cody or see McKenna being exuberantly licked after he'd found her during a round of hide and seek. Over an hour passed before they dragged back in, worn out but smiling like they'd had the best day ever.

A tradition on Thanksgiving was to watch a heartwarming, family friendly movie, and this year the guys had voted on _A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving_, mostly because the kids would probably enjoy it more than anything else they had in mind. Couples all began gravitating together when the opening music played, the three bachelors stretched out on the floor with bean bag chairs and body pillows and Alec in the middle, and though Ziva had successfully kept her contact with the children at a minimum all afternoon, McKenna climbed up on the couch and cuddled against her.

At a loss for what to do, Ziva didn't move for several seconds and Tony looked over her shoulder, wondering how she'd handle this development. Then the girl looked up and whispered, "I love you Aunt Ziva. I'm so glad we're all here together," and she had no choice. She put an arm around McKenna's shoulders and rested the other on her knee, surrounding the girl in a warm, comforting embrace.

Across the room on the loveseat Cassie watched the moment and hesitated, wondering if she should bring McKenna over to sit with them. Aware of what she thought was going on, Mark pulled her close and put his mouth by her ear. "Ziva's got to work this out for herself Cass, don't give her an easy out." Still unsure, Cassie settled back to rest on her husband's broad chest and tried to enjoy the movie, but her attention was split the entire time.

After McKenna claimed the spot beside her, Ziva's ability to focus on the movie evaporated. She spent the entire time watching the little girl more than anything else, smiling when she laughed, breathing in the scent of fresh air that clung to her hair and clothes, holding her and allowing herself to imagine just for an hour what it would be like to love and be loved this way. Near the end she gently brushed back a few flyaway curls and rested her cheek on McKenna's hair, feeling as if her heart was breaking when the child curled up and leaned into her chest, the same way any little one would do with their mother. For Cassie that moment stuck and it told her everything she needed to know about the change in Ziva's behaviour since Halloween, and gave a glimpse into what was going on in her head.

The evening ended with a lot of hugs and promises of meeting at the community center at two the following afternoon, since that was the earliest spot they'd been able to reserve. Mark and Cassie stood at the door watching everyone leave and couldn't help but notice the space between Tony and Ziva as they walked to the car. Mark closed the door and looked back at her. "Did things seemed strained with them tonight?"

Cassie nodded. "Ziva couldn't seem to settle. She wouldn't let me get close enough to ask, and Tony watched her the whole time like he was missing his favourite person. You need to talk to him tomorrow."

"I will." Mark took any signs of things being wrong with his friends very seriously, knowing what they were facing. "And Ziva?"

Cassie stared out the window. "No matter how it goes down, tomorrow I'm getting to the bottom of this."

**NCIS**

**Sunday November 29**

Tony strolled into the gym at five minutes to two and Cassie pounced on him. "Where's Ziva?"

He immediately looked guarded. "At home. Studying."

Cassie crossed her arms. "So she's avoiding us now?"

Tony snorted. "You just saw her last night."

Her eyes narrowed. "What I saw was her doing her best to stay away anyone who might confront her about why she was so Adrian-like and unable to hold still, or why she barely looked at her husband the entire night. Care to share?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "This is usually Mark's job Cass."

"For you," she corrected. "It's my turn to be the same for Ziva."

Tony hesitated. "She's really private. That might not be a good idea."

"You and I both know someone's got to do it, and you've been shouldering most of the load since all this started. Please Dante, let me help."

He winced. "Who told you my middle name?"

She chuckled and lifted an eyebrow. "Married to your best friend from college. We have no secrets."

Tony huffed. "That was...he swore he wouldn't tell!"

Cassie frowned. "Why is it so embarrassing?"

He scuffed his shoe on the ground. "It just is."

"Mark tried up and down to convince me that the 'D' really stood for Dynamo, because that's what you were on the court, but I wouldn't buy it. Do you know what it means?"

Tony shook his head. "Used to have this card from my mom that explained it, but that got lost a long time ago."

Cassie put her hand on his chest. "Firm, resolute. It tells of a man who will endure and persevere. I think you got exactly the name you needed Anthony DiNozzo."

He took in the information and nodded slowly. "Maybe." Sighing, Tony gave in. "Go if you want to Cass, but don't expect a warm welcome. She won't appreciate being interrogated."

"I've learned a lot about her in the last couple months. Trust me."

"Yeah, well...I'd rather it be you than anyone else." Without another word he joined the guys and Cassie only stopped long enough to leave Allie in charge of her children, who were busy reading and colouring respectively while they waited for the game to start. She caught Mark's eyes on the way out and he nodded, aware of her plans.

During the fifteen minute drive to Tony and Ziva's house with her Mark-dictated directions taped to the dashboard, Cassie carefully planned what she wanted to say, and prayed that Ziva would be able to hear her instead of just shutting her out. She parked in the driveway, made her way up the walk, and knocked on the door. A puzzled looking Ziva answered the door a couple minutes later and Cassie wondered vaguely how long she'd stood there before deciding to let her in. "Cassie? Is something wrong?"

She nodded slowly. "May I come in?"

Ziva stood aside and indicated that she could enter, then stood rather awkwardly, as if unsure where to go from here. After awhile she bit her lip. "Can I get you something to drink? We have coffee, tea, and hot chocolate."

Relief filled Cassie, it was a start. "I'd love a cup of tea, thank you Ziva."

The other woman filled the kettle and turned it on, then got out mugs, spoons, tea bags, sugar, and milk. Cassie took the time to look around carefully. This was her first time to their house and she wished it was under different circumstances. She heard the click of the kettle shutting off and then water being poured and turned. "You have a lovely place Ziva."

She glanced over. "Thank you. We have...worked very hard to make it home."

Something about the word seemed significant and Cassie looked a little closer. "Is this the first one you've had?"

Ziva hadn't expected the insight. She stirred her tea slowly. "I had a home until my mother died, then it was never the same. As an adult, yes, this is the first."

"And the only I hope," Cassie put in.

"Yes." There was wistfulness in Ziva's tone, something she hoped to address.

Ziva pushed the purple mug towards her and Cassie added milk and sugar until it was just right. "Can we sit?"

The couch was gestured to and both women got comfortable. Ziva stared hard into her mug and finally met Cassie's eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Because I saw the way you held my daughter last night, and I need to know if that has anything to do with why you're not with Tony at the gym today, and why you didn't come last week either."

Ziva set her mug down with a bang on the coffee table, causing hot liquid to slosh onto the newspaper underneath. "I have to study. The test is very important."

Cassie watched her. "This is important too Ziva, or you wouldn't be angry that I'm asking. Please, if I can help in any way...even just listening-"

Ziva stood up abruptly and moved away. "You cannot. And I do not want to talk."

"Maybe you need to."

Shock briefly entered the other woman's eyes, as if she'd never expected someone to have the audacity to confront her. "Why does everyone always want me to talk? You, Ducky, Tony, my aunt. It will not fix anything!"

Cassie sighed. "No, but when you share a burden with someone who cares, you no longer have to carry it all alone." She sipped her tea to give them both a moment of time. "Is this related to what you told me a few weeks ago, about you and Tony?"

Ziva remembered a shattering plate and an hour alone with Moses absorbing her tears. She turned to face the wall, her back to Cassie. "I do not...want to talk about it." The next thing she knew Cassie's hand was on her back and she grew rigid, working so hard to keep it all in.

"Ziva, locking yourself away will not make it hurt any less. I've seen you with my children, the way you look at them and interact with them, and I can imagine what it is like to-"

She whirled around. "No! You cannot!" came her vehement retort. "You have two beautiful children Cassie. You cannot possibly imagine what it is like to long for something so bad that you cannot have! My husband would be a wonderful father. Have you watched him with your children? I know what he wants, and nothing hurts more than not being able to give that to him."

"Oh Ziva." Cassie closed her eyes and took a breath, focusing. "Have you never seen the way Tony looks at you? You're his whole world. He loves you in a tender, beautiful way. You're his heart, his home, his best friend. His whole world is wrapped up in you and his joy is in being with you. Even if he wants something neither of you can have, that doesn't change the way he feels about you."

Tears leaked down Ziva's cheeks and she scrubbed them away. "But it was my choice. And it cannot be undone."

Cassie put her arms around Ziva even though she knew the woman would find no comfort in the gesture. "What do you mean it was your choice?"

Ziva shook her head and weighed how much to share. She did not want them to know her past. "I grew up in a war zone. I served in the army. I was not expected to live this long, never supposed to grow old enough to want a family. So that option was taken away. I never foresaw a day when I would regret that decision, but now I would give anything to change it."

Sensing that there was more to the story, Cassie nonetheless accepted the explanation. "You were fine with the kids before. What changed?"

Tired of standing, Ziva returned to the couch and wiped her mug with a kleenex before drinking some tea. "A woman can lose her period because of starvation, but Tony did not know that. He brought it up last week when he realized it had not come since I have been home." She passed a hand over her eyes, knowing how much she was about to give away. "He was afraid...that my captors might have-"

That was enough and Cassie covered her mouth. "Oh no. Ziva-"

The other woman held up one hand. "Please do not." She swallowed. "I got very angry, because we do our best to never bring up the topic. It hurts too much. That was Saturday night, and I could not bear to be around the children with everything so close. Then this week there was a case at work involving a young girl..." She lifted her hands and let them drop. "I cannot get away from it no matter what I do."

"You're right," Cassie said finally, "I can't imagine what that hurt is like. But kids aren't going to go away and you can't just avoid them because the subject it too painful. I am sorry for what you and Tony are missing out on, but Ziva, Alec and McKenna love you. In such a short time they've added you to the people they consider family without reservation. Please don't take away from them the aunt they're only just getting to know."

Sorrow etched itself onto Ziva's features. "I am not...I did not mean..." She shook her head. "Everything is a mess."

"You and Tony?" she asked gently.

One shoulder lifted and dropped. "We are in a disagreement."

That wasn't enough information to explain the change in both of them. "May I ask what it's about?"

She curled her body into the corner of the couch. "Tony wants to go to see a therapist together. I would rather not."

"Maybe it would help," Cassie suggested.

Ziva sat straight up, eyes flashing. "It would only bring up bad memories that need to stay buried."

"From when you were away?"

Her posture slumped. "Did Tony tell you that I was going to leave him?"

Cassie's mouth fell open. "No. What happened?"

She looked away, focusing on a picture on the wall. "May was very bad for us last year and I wanted to get away, wanted space from him and everything I thought was going on. I thought Tony had betrayed me, but I was wrong. By the time I realized that it was too late, I was captured and I thought I was going to die without ever telling him I was sorry, or saying 'I love you' one more time." She rubbed her forehead. "I said some very hurtful things when I was angry Cassie, Tony did not deserve them. So you see, there is more than just my captivity keeping us apart."

"Do you want it to get better?" Her soft voice caught Ziva's attention and sad brown eyes met caring blue ones.

"Yes," she whispered, "more than anything."

"Then you know what you need to do."

"I can't!" Ziva pleaded with her to understand. "I did not have to say very much and you already know some of what they did. But it is much, much worse. Tony has guessed that part already, I want to protect him from the rest. He should not have to hear what I suffered. He already blames himself, thinking that if I had come home with him I would have been safe. He believes it is his fault, and I do not want to make the guilt worse."

Cassie leaned forward and rested her palm on Ziva's knee. "Husbands are built to protect, to rescue, to solve problems. Shutting him out is not going to let him do any of that." She searched for the right words. "You are keeping so many secrets Ziva, weighing yourself down with all these burdens, but you're not just you anymore, it's two become one and you're in this together. The things you are hiding are dark and painful and I'm sure some of it makes you feel ashamed, but the only way for any of it to ease it to share it. Share it with Tony, share it with someone who can help you work through everything that's piling up because you don't talk about it. But please Ziva, don't lose him over this. You know what you need to do, even if it's the hardest thing you've ever done. Say yes," she whispered, "take the first step and say yes."

She'd heard the same advice a hundred different ways in the last two months, but something about this particular time finally got through, and the walls she'd been desperately building high enough to protect all her secrets slowly began crumbling away. When Tony got home two hours later, she looked straight into his eyes and told him she was willing to try.

_Replies:_

_RD - Thanks :) Me too, but they will work through it just like they have everything else. The doctor's visit was a formality to make T feel better, Ducky's been keeping close enough tabs on Z to know what her state of health is. haha...the last line of your review made me laugh. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Sarah - you're welcome :) Yeah, me neither. haha...I know, right? How does that make sense? Get us hooked and then complain about the fuss we're making when they mess with everything they spent years building our loyalty to. Tactless is a good word. I just really hope what we're doing makes a difference. Thanks :) I'm glad you enjoyed it. More of B&CJ to come, they feature quite heavily into Ch 12. Well, I forgot until I started writing the episode that Z would have to shoot a gun and she hadn't even held one in months. So hence the practice. But it does make her feel better for herself. Really? You know how to shoot? I've always wanted to try but my aim with a bow and arrow isn't all that accurate, so probably no one should be giving me a gun :P At the moment the kids thing is festering but when it's had time to settle and they've worked through some of their more serious issues, the subject will come up again. At this point we're a couple months away from them more seriously talking about what their other options are. Thanks for reviewing Sarah!_


	12. 7x8 Power Down Part 1

_A/N: This may be the first chapter for which part one has no relation to the episode. We will see the case play a role in part two. PS. Beware, the OCs have__taken over._

**Wednesday December 2**

Adrian stood in the smaller room of his studio, adjusting lights and checking his camera as he waited for his next appointment. Then a woman with chestnut brown hair twisted up in a clip came in holding a tiny baby and carrying an empty carseat. He smiled and walked over. "Welcome to Flash." Getting a closer look at the infant, he met the woman's eyes. "Wow, you have a beautiful little girl there."

She smiled. "Thank you, but she's not mine. I'm just here to help my sister. She's wrestling the diaper bag and a basket of props out of the trunk." She caressed the baby's cheek. "I got the fun part."

Adrian stuck out his hand. "Adrian Platz."

"Emma Myan. Nice to meet you. And this is my adorable niece Hope." She rolled her eyes. "Well, actually it's her middle name, but that's what I'm going to call her. Beth has given up on me ever doing things the normal way."

A frazzled woman lugging a small white basket with a purple Precious Moments diaper bag slung over once shoulder rushed in. Her blonde hair was slipping out of the knot at the back of her head and he could see the weariness in her eyes. "Are we late? I'm so sorry. Getting out of the house with Sophia took longer than I expected."

Adrian shook his head. "You're not late, don't worry. I was just getting introduced to your daughter. She's a sweetheart. Did you say she's two weeks old?"

Beth nodded. "Today actually. Which means we're still figuring things out. My husband Chris is in the military and he's away at the moment, so Emma's been filling in."

He grinned. "Siblings have got to be good for something, right?" The sisters exchanged glances hinting at a childhood where perhaps they hadn't gotten along as well as they did at present. "Okay, now that we're all here, let's get started."

Thankfully baby Sophia was asleep and that made Adrian's job much easier. He had a routine for newborn shots that included some in just their skin, some in cute little outfits with toys and props, and some with their parents. He would position the baby, snap a few pictures, then rearrange a thing or two and do it again. After about four such changes, Emma leaned over on the counter and propped her chin on her hand. "How long have you been taking pictures?"

He sent a grin over one shoulder, checking the image in his viewfinder. "Since I was seven and Dad gave me one of those disposable cameras for my birthday. It only had about a dozen pictures, but I carried that thing around for weeks as if I was the next Ansel Adams." The memory was a fond one. "That's what got me started. My parents encouraged the hobby with a real camera at Christmas that year and the rest is history."

"Wow, that's really neat," Emma commented. "Not everyone is lucky enough to know what they want to do from such an early age."

Adrian shrugged modestly. "I always like to say that photography found me. Nothing is more rewarding than getting to capture moments like this for people to hold onto forever." He glanced back at her. "From the way you never take your eyes off your niece, I'd have to guess that you do something with kids."

Surprise widened her eyes. "Not bad Mr. Snapshot. I'm impressed."

She didn't go into any more detail as he'd hoped, so Adrian turned his focus back to his work. When he'd gone through all his usual set ups, he asked Beth if there was anything else she wanted to see. She gently touched her daughter's wispy hair. "None that I can think of. I can't wait to see how they turn out."

Emma edged a bit closer. "Would you mind taking a couple with me? I'd love to have a professional photo for my desk at work."

Adrian gestured to the infant. "Sure. Absolutely. How do you want to pose?"

Emma lifted the little girl carefully and held her upright on her chest. "Like this?"

He looked into the camera and smiled, staring a bit longer than necessary before pushing the button. "Stunning. That'll be a great one." They tried a handful of other shots before Sophia stirred and started to fuss. Reluctantly Emma gave the baby back to her sister and Beth hushed her, deftly buckling her into the carseat.

"Thank you," Emma said softly. "I just can't get enough of her, you know? I've never seen anything so perfect."

Adrian nodded. "I do this all the time, and I still never get over how tiny they are. Babies are pretty amazing." He glanced over at the unhappy infant. "Well, when they're not crying. I'm really no good at that part."

Emma chuckled. "You get used to it, but it's never fun."

Beth came up. "Sorry, we have to go. She's hungry and I need to get her home. Thank you so much for today Mr. Platz, I'll be looking forward to the outcome."

"It's Adrian, and you're welcome. Take care ladies." He watched the little family walk out and leaned on his tripod. Before today he hadn't believed in attraction at first sight, but now he really wished he'd been able to get to know Emma Myan a little better. After only an hour he was intrigued enough to hope that this wasn't the last time they'd meet.

**NCIS**

CJ and Ryan lingered after practice as they'd made a habit of doing over the last couple weeks, and once everyone had left Ryan looked at Brent hopefully. "Can we come play with Cody tomorrow Coach?"

His mom chuckled. "Saturday has fast become his favourite day of the week."

Brent took a seat on the bench. "Well, here's the thing Ry. I have this group of friends and they all want to go skating tomorrow afternoon." Ryan's face fell and he hurried to get to the good part. "So I was wondering if you and your mom wanted to come. There's even a couple kids your age."

The little boy spun around, begging face at the ready. "Please Mom?"

CJ knelt in front of him. "Monkey, you don't even know how to skate."

"Do too!" he protested. "Remember when Grampa took me?"

"That was a couple years ago honey. I'm not sure..."

"But I really want to Mom! And Coach asked us! Please?"

Brent put his hand on Ryan's back. "You need to listen to your mom buddy. If she says no, we need to respect that." He bit his lip. "Maybe we can work something else out."

CJ looked between them and sighed. "No, it's okay. He's a fast learner, he'll be fine. And there's probably an old pair of skates at home that will fit him. But...I don't skate."

Brent's eyebrows rose. "Really? Even though you grew up here?"

She made a face. "Long story. I haven't put on a pair of skates in more than ten years."

"It's like riding a bike. You'd be surprised how fast the balance comes back." He really wanted her to say yes. "I'll hold your hand the whole time, promise."

CJ's mouth opened like she wasn't sure what to say to that and Ryan jumped up and down beside her. "Me too Mom, promise. Me and Coach won't let you fall."

Her hesitation was still evident and she handed Ryan his bag. "Why don't you go wait for me in the car, okay?"

His hope vanished. "But Mom-"

"Ryan," CJ said firmly, "please go wait in the car."

The boy's shoulders sagged and he turned sadly to Brent. "Bye Coach." He slung the strap across his chest and shuffled slowly towards the car. CJ watched him go and sat down beside Brent.

His expression was apologetic. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I guess I should've asked you without Ryan first, huh?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "I appreciate you supporting me." Her eyes flitted around the room. "It's not the skating that's a big deal really, I can get over myself for that. But, um, your friends?"

"They're really great CJ, honest. The guys are my frat brothers from college, now we've added significant others and kids. It's a group of eleven altogether. They'd love you guys."

CJ swallowed. "Are they going to think there's something going on with us?"

He frowned. "Would that be a problem?" Did she find the idea so offensive?

"It's a problem because it's not true."

Brent held her eyes. "I like you CJ, a lot. And Ryan is an easy kid to love. I think it would be fun to go together."

"We hardly know each other!" she protested. "I just..." CJ stood up and paced away. "I'm concerned Brent. You're a great guy and Ryan thinks the world of you. But I don't want my son getting attached to someone who's only going to be in his life for a season. And mine too."

He took that in and nodded slowly. "I understand CJ. I know it hasn't even been two months since we met and in total I'd guess we've spent than half a day together. But I want to get to know both you and Ryan better. I'd like to be your friend. And you should know I do want this to go somewhere beyond friendship, when the time is right. Will you give me a chance? It's not just your heart on the line here."

She stepped back. "Wow. That was really honest."

Brent spread his hands. "I've got nothing to hide."

CJ regarded him carefully for long enough that Brent began to wonder if he'd ruined everything by saying too much. Finally she managed a small smile. "Okay. We'll come." She started to walk away and he felt a bit deflated after pouring his heart out to only get a few words in response. Then she turned back. "And about the rest...I'm hoping this will go somewhere too."

The sparkle in her eyes gave him hope and Brent yelled after her. "Two o'clock. Fort Dupont arena."

"See you there!" Then CJ was gone and he dropped back onto the bench. Tonight had been extremely unexpected.

**NCIS**

Late Friday night Tony and Ziva sat on the couch facing each other - not talking, not watching TV, but just spending a lot of time lost in each others eyes as soft music flowed out of the speakers on the movie shelves. It was quiet and peaceful and downright inviting to be there together with no pressure and no conflict and nothing but a husband and wife enjoying the company of the one they loved most. It had been almost an hour since they first took their places and now Ziva was slowly losing the battle to stay awake, slouched in the corner of the couch with her feet in Tony's lap. That he was rubbing them slowly, occasionally slipping his fingers into her socks and gently caressing the sensitive soles of her feet, did not help in any way her mediocre resolve to stay somewhat alert.

She sighed contentedly and although it pleased Tony immensely to be able to elicit that sound from her with nothing but a simple touch, he knew now was the time to bring up what had been on his mind for the last couple weeks, before he lost her entirely to a, hopefully, blessed darkness of dreamless sleep. "Hey babe?"

Ziva cracked open one eye and smiled faintly. How she loved her husband. They'd spent the last week on a slow journey back to each other after days of anger and sadness and uncertainty, and had finally found a comfortable place where both hoped they could stay even after their first appointment to see the new psychiatrist on Monday. "Mmm?"

Tony loved seeing her so relaxed and wished he could crawl over right now and lay with his arms around her, but this was important. "What would you think about us getting a pet? Her eyebrows shot up and he winced. _Way to just blurt it out there DiNozzo_, he chided himself. Some of the sleepiness dissipated from his wife's expression and she waited for him to continue. He shrugged one shoulder. "Having Cody was really good for you. He brought you the same kid of comfort Jules does. Now, I know we don't have room for a horse, but I think a dog would be a good fit. You're so good with animals Zi and I've heard...that they're good for healing."

Ziva pushed herself up a bit and twisted some hair around one finger. "What about work?"

Tony blinked in surprise. That had been easier than he thought. "Uh, well, Mark and Cassie keep Cody for Brent sometimes, so I'm sure they wouldn't mind doing the same for us if we had an overnight case. Or maybe Brent could stop by to feed and water our dog one night if that was needed."

"What about you? Do you want a dog?" Her brow furrowed. "This cannot be just for me."

Leaning back, Tony crossed his arms. "Yeah, I wouldn't mind having a dog. We were never in one place long enough when I was a kid. And there's something about a pet that would make us feel like a family. Plus, having Brent's furball for a trial run didn't hurt. He was pretty easy to get attached to."

She chuckled, then tilted her head. "Inside or outside?"

He wished he'd thought further ahead than just getting her answer. Tony laced his fingers at the back of his neck. "I don't know. A little of both maybe. A dog door to let themselves in and out when we're here, but that can be locked if we're at work. And a doghouse in the backyard where it can stay during the day. Then we can always measure the annoyance of vacuuming pet hair vs. how much we like having the dog in the house with us."

Ziva's expression was thoughtful as she slowly absorbed his answer and finally nodded. "Yes."

Tony looked at her in question. "Yes what?"

She sighed. "Yes I would like a dog. I have always wanted one, but that was never an option before. Now it is. So, yes."

A grin spread across his face. "Great. Why don't we go to the shelter next weekend and take a look?"

Ziva smiled. "I would like that."

Mission accomplished, Tony abandoned his end of the couch for where his wife was. He nudged her back down into her previous position and leaned in to take possession of her lips. Ziva's palm came up to rest on his cheek and she smiled against his skin, surprising him by opening her mouth slightly and catching his bottom lip between hers. She pulled away slowly, quiet joy in her eyes as she snuggled against his chest.

Tony swallowed and slid his arm around her back, burying his nose in her neck both to tickle and breathe in her unique scent. His lips brushed over her earlobe and he felt Ziva shiver. "I love you because I never know what to expect next."

She fingered the buttons on his shirt. "What number is that?"

"Six hundred and forty-eight. And many more to come." At roughly two hundred reasons a year, Tony figured they'd get to ten thousand by their fiftieth anniversary.

Ziva's hand settled on his neck. "I love you," she whispered. And in the peace of their house and the reassurance of their love, husband and wife slipped into sleep.

**NCIS**

**Saturday December 5**

Brent paced back and forth in front of the arena doors, checking his watch and looking out the window every few seconds. Jordan walked by on his way to the dressing rooms and stopped. "Okay, what gives?"

He glanced at the parking lot again, looking for a familiar white car. "I'm, uh, waiting for a friend."

Jordan studied him and grinned, shoving his shoudler. "Get out! You're bringing the girl?"

Brent stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I invited her, yeah. And her son."

The redhead's eyebrows jumped up. "Her son? You're actually taking D's advice?"

Brent shrugged. "It gave me a reason to keep my eyes open."

Just then CJ blew in with Ryan in tow. "Sorry Brent, we-" She stopped short on seeing Jordan. "Oh, hello."

Brent's expression begged him to make a good first impression, so the man held out his hand and smiled. "Hi, I'm Jordan."

She glanced at Brent first, then accepted the handshake. "CJ. And my son, Ryan."

Jordan nodded. "Nice to meet you both." He bent down, propping his hands on his knees. "Hi dude. Boy, are Alec and McKenna going to be excited to see you."

Ryan looked up at Brent. "Are they the kids?"

Brent ruffled his hair. "Yup. Now come on, dressing rooms are this way."

Jordan walked a little ahead of them, eager to get back to Allie. "Yeah, we better hurry. Half the group is already on the ice."

As they made their way down the corridor, CJ tried to look braver than she felt. "He seems nice."

Brent grinned. "He is. I can't wait for you to meet the rest. They're my best friends. But I didn't tell anyone you were coming, so it'll be a surprise. They're going to love you." He chuckled. "Be prepared for questions as soon as the girls get ahold of you. Cassie especially has been trying to drag information out of me for the last couple weeks."

She hesitated. "What do I say we are?"

Brent stopped and met her eyes. "Friends." His lips quirked up. "And if you like me, you can tell them that too."

"I like you Coach," Ryan piped up. "I think you're the best."

"Right back at you buddy." They entered the half-full room and found a spot in the corner to sit. He knelt on the floor and waited for Ryan to dig his skates out of the bag. "Let's get those on so we can have some fun."

"They're old," CJ commented apologetically.

Brent shook his head. "Skates are skates. As long as they're sharp."

"Dad took care of that last night," she confirmed.

"These are Uncle Dave's," Ryan proclaimed proudly.

"Uncle?" Brent asked CJ, knowing she was an only child.

"My cousin," she explained, understanding his confusion. "We were thick as thieves when we were younger. Grew up next door to each other, practically brother and sister." She shrugged. "Some of his stuff was still laying around in the basement."

Brent got Ryan's first skate laced up and started on the other one. "Almost there buddy," he assured the boy when he started wiggling impatiently. He finished quickly, carefully fitting on the black guards, then turned his attention to CJ. "Want a hand?"

CJ bit her lip. "Um...sure." She shrugged self-consciously. "Dad's used to be the one to make sure I had them tight enough."

Brent tugged all the slack from her laces and tied them in a neat bow at the top. CJ and Ryan waited patiently while he took care of his own skates and finally they were ready. He held out a hand to Ryan and smiled reassuringly at CJ. "Don't look so nervous. My friends are really nice."

One eyebrow rose. "How would you feel if I was taking you over to Mom and Dad's for supper?"

His mouth opened slightly and Brent snapped it shut, swallowing. "Point taken." He led the way into the arena and scanned the ice for familiar faces. Seeing Jordan huddled nearby with Allie and Cassie, he hoped the word had been spread about his guests and that they wouldn't all swarm CJ and overwhelm her totally. Brent stepped onto the frozen surface and braced himself to support both CJ and Ryan. Ryan joined him with all the confidence of a kid who wasn't afraid to fall, but his mom approached the situation with a bit more trepidation.

"Okay, so I probably haven't mentioned this yet, but I'm really only graceful with both my feet flat on the floor. Strap them to blades or wheels or anything other than socks and shoes or sandals and we've got a problem."

Brent let Ryan take hold of his sweatshirt and used both hands to steady CJ. "I'll take my chances."

She looked up at him, a bit of awe in her expression, but before either got the chance to say something really profound, Mark skated over with Alec and McKenna at his side. "Hey guys." He gave CJ a once over and welcomed her with a grin. "I'm Mark and these are my kids, Alec and McKenna." He nodded several feet away. "My wife Cassie is over there in the red."

Alec and Ryan exchanged fleeting 'hi's', but McKenna took her time scrutinizing the new kid. Her face scrunched up and she crossed her arms. "I know you."

Ryan glanced at the adults and shook his head. "No."

"Yes," she insisted, staring hard at him. "I've seen you before." Then McKenna's face lit up. "You're on Uncle Swish's basketball team."

CJ looked at Brent and he shrugged. "I like to take a picture of the group at the start of every year. When Ryan showed up I did another so no one was left out." He smiled fondly at the little boy. "I keep it in my wallet. Good memory Ken."

She beamed and tugged on Ryan's arm. "Come skate with us."

He checked with CJ. "Can I Mom?"

"Be careful," she cautioned. "And go easy on him guys, he hasn't been out for awhile."

"That's okay," Alec assured the smaller boy. "It's not hard."

The kids moved away slowly and all adult eyes in the group followed them, sharing responsibility for watching them. Mark took his leave then too, going over to steal Cassie's attention back, which freed Brent up to focus on CJ. His expression was questioning. "So?"

There was still a little tension in her stance. "Two down, six to go."

He chuckled. "Okay, let's try this." Brent started sliding slowly backwards holding CJ's hands as she took small, jerky, unsure strides. Halfway around the rink Brent shook his head. "Relax Christa-Jean," he teased. "You're never going to learn to skate like that."

Her eyes narrowed and she let go long enough to jab him in the ribs. "I warned you about calling me that MacKay."

Brent grinned. "Bring it on Taylor. But you might want to be nice to the guy standing in as your balance beam."

CJ made a face at him. "Just you wait buster, no one gets off the hook that easily." He dropped his hands and she wobbled dangerously. "Brent!"

He grabbed her again, wrapping his fingers firmly around her forearms. "Don't worry CJ, I'd never let you fall."

Something about his tone made her look up and she saw something there like a promise buried deep in his dark blue eyes. CJ nodded slowly. "I'll remember that," she replied softly, her gaze seeking out her son briefly before returning to his with a teasing glint. "Okay Coach, show me what you've got."

Brent spun to be by her side and his arm slipped around her waist, the lesson letting him touch her and be really close for the first time since they met. "Just follow my lead CJ, and we'll figure this out, I promise."

**NCIS**

At the other end of the ice Tony and Ziva skated in tandem, her hand tucked around his elbow for support. "Looks like Swish has got a winner," he commented, watching his friend ease his red-haired companion into the rhythm of skating.

"He looks happy." Ziva's eyes drifted to the three children messing around in the center of the rink with half a dozen adults always keeping them in sight. "Her little boy looks sweet."

Tony switched to be in front of her and sought her eyes anxiously. "Are you okay being here today Zi? With the kids?"

She touched his chest. "Yes. As both you and Cassie told me, I cannot avoid them forever." She surveyed the children wistfully. "Perhaps in time they will be a balm for the hurt in my soul. And yours."

Tony sighed but had no other words for her. They caught up to Brent and CJ on the next lap and slowed down. He gave her the patented DiNozzo grin. "Tony DiNozzo. And my wife Ziva."

CJ blushed at being observed in such close proximity to Brent. "CJ, but I'm guessing you already knew that."

Ziva smiled in understanding. "Word does have a way of getting around this group fairly quickly. Are you having a good time?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'll get back to you on that. He's trying, but I may be his most challenging student yet."

Brent shook his head. "Not likely. Have you ever tried to teach fifteen kids under ten to dribble...at the same time?"

CJ laughed. "Okay, I'll give you that one." She turned back to the couple. "Ziva? That's a lovely name. I've never heard it before. Does it have a special meaning?"

"I was born in Israel," Ziva explained. "It means brilliance."

Tony kissed her cheek. "So when I say she's the light of my life, it's true."

Ziva shook her head as if she'd heard all his lines before, and they resumed their circuit of the large oval rink, smiling at the not quite couple who, standing with Ryan earlier, already looked like a family.

Several paces away Mark watched Cassie glide around him in a circle. There were too many people right now for her to practice the jumps she'd learned over several years of lessons. He looped an arm around her waist and pulled her close, kissing her deeply, their chilled skin adding to the intensity of the caress. She pulled back. "Wow, what was that for?"

Mark grinned. "Just because I love you."

Cassie leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'll take it." They moved together with the grace of two people who'd learned long ago to dance to the same music. "What did you think of CJ?"

He shrugged. "Hard to tell with a five second interaction. Sweet, a little shy, definitely intimidated by meeting all of us. But look," Their eyes followed Brent and CJ, now sliding with more fluidity across the ice, "they fit, don't they?"

Cassie sighed happily. "I could get used to seeing them together."

"Ryan too. I could see right away that Brent is pretty much his hero. He'd make an amazing dad."

She nodded. "We'll just have to pray he gets that chance."

Somewhere in between the couples and other groups, three kids wove around slow moving people as they raced to the wall. "I win!" Alec proclaimed happily, touching the boards first.

McKenna huffed and rolled her eyes. "You cheated! The rules were to stay away from the blue line, you skated right over it."

"Shortcut," Alec explained, still grinning.

Ryan caught his breath, relishing in his newfound freedom as he searched for his mom. A question came to mind and he turned to stare at McKenna. "Coach is your uncle?"

She bobbed her head. "Yup."

His forehead wrinkled. "So your dad's his brother?"

"Sort of," Alec jumped in. "They met at school and made a promise to be brothers forever. So we get lots of extra uncles."

"Oh," Ryan said, though he didn't fully understand.

At that point Brent and CJ found him and she put her hand on his shoulder. "How is it going monkey?"

"Great!" he beamed. "We're having lots of fun."

CJ dropped a kiss on his head. "I'm glad."

"Did Coach teach you to skate?" Ryan wanted to know.

Brent chuckled. "I'm working on it buddy. Hey, do you want to skate with your mom for a bit while I take Hugs and Tugs for a spin? We'll be back in a couple minutes."

Ryan shrugged. "Sure." He shot a curious glance at Alec and McKenna. "Hugs and Tugs?"

"Everyone gets a nickname," Alec told him in passing. "We'll have to think of one for you."

Seeing Brent with the kids, Tony left Ziva to be company for Jordan and Allie and took off to join them. Behaving like children themselves, the guys rocked and danced around the rink for a few laps, finally returning two gigglebugs back to their friend. Then Tony kept Brent busy while Darien and Adrian took up places alongside CJ and Ryan. They stayed at her slow pace for introductions and exchanging pleasantries, switching off with Jordan and Allie and slipping their arms around Ziva to accompany her for one round. Out of the corner of his eye Tony glimpsed what happened and took of after them, plowing to a stop in front of the threesome and pulling Ziva away.

"Sorry boys, cutting in."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "You cannot be jealous of them Tony."

"Nah," he scoffed. "But I want you all to myself as much as possible Mrs. DiNozzo."

Abandoned by Tony, Brent came to take Ryan for his turn and left Allie and CJ chatting like old friends. He saw Cassie peel herself away from Mark and nodded at Jordan, who understood and went to hang out with Adrian and Darien, leaving CJ for her trial by fire. He threw her an encouraging grin and raced away with her son, wondering if he'd be in trouble for ditching her. Though in his defense, she had been fairly warned that this moment was coming.

Cassie joined the group and reached over to shake CJ's hand. "Hi, I'm Cassie. Mark is my husband and I also claim the two rugrats playing with Ryan." She spread her arm around the room, gesturing to everyone CJ had met. "So, what do you think?"

CJ fingered her ponytail. "To tell you the truth, you're a bit intimidating altogether, though Brent said you'd be the one with the questions."

Her eyebrows rose in interest. "Did he? Well, at least you knew what you were getting into."

"Not really," CJ admitted, "but I've survived so far."

"So," Cassie got right to the point, "what is Brent to you?"

The inquiry had been bound to come up sooner or later, though everyone had politely avoided the subject until now. "We're friend," she shared, just as she'd practiced.

"How good of friends?" Allie interjected.

CJ shrugged. "We've only known each other a couple months."

"Do you like him?" Cassie wanted to know.

Her gaze drifted to Brent laughing with her son, scooping him up and spinning him around, receiving a hug for his efforts. "Yeah," she almost whispered, "I like him."

Beside her Allie sighed. "That's how it starts." CJ didn't want to think that far ahead. They skated together for a few minutes before the questions continued. "So CJ, what do you do?"

She focused on taking long, slow strides, keeping her arms out to the side for balance. "I just finished a two year program in fitness instructing over the summer and I work at a gym near Ryan's school. The owner was kind enough to let me work my schedule out so I'm done in time to walk him home from school." She smiled, thinking of those precious fifteen minutes she got to spend talking to her son about his day. "And in a couple weeks I'm going to start teaching dance for middle school girls with my friend Lindsay on Monday and Friday nights. I've done ballet since I was three and I'm excited to get back into it."

"Wow," Cassie blinked, "talk about talent."

CJ shrugged. "I don't know about that. Are you a stay at home mom Cassie?"

"I am," the other woman responded proudly. "But I'm also a music teacher, so I get the best of both worlds."

"And you Allie?"

"Legal assistant," she answered. "Some people would think it's tedious, but I love it. And my fiancé is a political speech writer."

"Mark's a personal trainer," Cassie put in.

"What about the others?" CJ tried to remember their names. "Adrian and Damien?"

"Darien," Allie corrected. "He plays football professionally."

"Adrian's tagline is 'Adrian Platz, Photos and Ads'. He does a lot of newborn and pregnancy photoshoots, but also the normal family portraits, special events, and occasionally weddings. He uses his own pictures for ads, usually something environmental."

CJ's eyes widened. "That sounds so glamorous."

"He thinks so," Allie giggled. "Jordan and I really wanted him to do our wedding, but because he's in the wedding party we had to hire a competitor instead."

She glanced around and her gaze lighted on Tony and Ziva skating face to face, their eyes locked on each other. The intensity was almost inappropriate for a public place. "And them?"

Cassie followed her stare and rolled her eyes. "Don't mind the lovebirds, they do that a lot - get lost in their own world and leave everyone else out."

"They're federal agents for NCIS, partners in every sense of the word," Allie finally got to CJ's question when they were done being amused at the couple's actions.

CJ frowned. "Ziva doesn't look tough enough for that type of work."

Cassie and Allie exchanged loaded glances, trying to decide how much to share. "She's coming back from some injuries and she lost weight, but we hope she'll be back to normal by the new year."

Allie dipped her head slightly, signaling that Cassie had done a good job, and Brent skated up in front of them. "Okay ladies, interrogation is over. I'm stealing CJ back." He didn't wait for an answer and pulled her away, getting out of earshot before asking, "Did the rescue come too late?"

Surprised by her feelings, she shook her head. "No actually. They're very nice. Lots of questions, especially Cassie, but I like them."

Relief filled his expression at the unexpected confession. "Really? Wow. I mean, that's great." He looked into her eyes. "These people are a close as I've gotten to family since I was nineteen. I want you to be comfortable around them."

She understood, but it was too soon to get more involved so CJ changed the subject. "How's my monkey?"

Brent pointed her towards the group of kids playing follow the leader with Mark and Tony. "Having a blast. I believe I heard an announcement of 'best day ever' a little while ago."

CJ chuckled. "He's going to be so spoiled after this. I will seem extremely boring compared to a whole gang of people keeping him entertained."

Brent disagreed. "That little boy loves you. You're his whole world CJ. I can't count the number of times I've seen him stop and look for you, or ask how Mom is doing." He slipped his hand around hers. "You've done a great job raising him by yourself."

"It hasn't been easy," CJ admitted. "There were and still are days when I want to tear my hair out or wish there was another person around so I could get a break. But at the end of the day it's still the Ryan and Mom show and when he cuddles with me for his story before bed, I know I've never loved anyone as much as I love my son."

Brent absorbed that information and watched the ice fly by under their skates. "Maybe someday you won't have to do it alone."

She slowed to a stop. "Don't do that Brent. Don't get my hopes up. I can't...I can't start depending on someone when there's no guarantees. I've been alone and lonely for so long...please," she begged.

"Hey." He met her eyes, the picture of sincerity. "Don't write me off yet CJ. I'm a guy it's safe to depend on. I keep my promises. And I know it's really soon, but when I talk about wanting to be part of your future, it's not something I do on a whim. I've thought about this a lot CJ. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I want you to know I mean it."

That was more than CJ could handle. She let got and moved away, looking everywhere but him. "I need to...sit down. I can't-I can't do this right now. Maybe we should go."

Brent sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "Okay look, take a break if you need to CJ, but please don't run away, I don't want to leave things like this. I'll find you a place to hang out, but stay, please? Let me play with Ryan a bit more and then we'll get hot chocolate after and talk. Please?"

She swallowed and nodded shakily. "I can find my own seat." CJ pushed off and Brent's shoulders slumped. More than one person saw the exchange and Jordan was elected to go over and check out the situation. He put a hand on Brent's back.

"Everything okay?"

"I think I blew it," Brent muttered. "Too much, too fast. I'm freaking her out, I'm freaking myself out. But there's something about them that makes me want to do serious, really, really forever serious for the first time since Charlotte."

Jordan watched CJ make her way out and find a spot on the cement bleachers. "Don't give up man, I've seen the way you guys look at each other, and how she was watching you with Ryan. There's something there."

Brent rubbed his face. "I need to go find my buddy." He took off and Jordan didn't move, waiting for the next round to catch Mark.

The leader of the group felt his concern. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "You might want to pray Mark." Hie eyes found the clock. "CJ's got twenty minutes to decide if Brent it worth the risk."

**NCIS**

Sitting alone on the cold bleachers, CJ alternated between staring at her hands and searching out a little blonde head and a tall brown one, trailing them back and forth across the ice. She had no idea what had just happened. They'd been having a good day, a really good day, but then everything got so serious and real that she didn't know what to do. She was glad for the distance from Brent and his friends, it gave her the ability to think a little more clearly.

Never had she been chosen before. Well, once, for a brief shining moment with Ryan's father, but that turned out to be a lie. But Brent was something else entirely. Before CJ even asked herself the question 'could she trust him?', she already knew the answer in her heart. Observing him with her son now, CJ knew that in only the two months they'd known him, Brent was the closest thing to a father that Ryan had ever had. And that scared her, perhaps because Brent had no hesitation. He played with Ryan, valued him, treated him like part of his life and she'd never seen that before. Guys usually shied away from her once they knew about Ryan, but Brent didn't. In fact, he'd paid more attention to her son first, then looked at her. What did she do with a man like that?"

The thoughts swirled around in her head for what seemed like hours, but suddenly a small hand touched her leg and Ryan was looking at her in concern. "Mom?"

CJ found a smile for him. "All done monkey?"

"Yeah." He was still holding Brent's hand. "Are you okay?"

She pushed herself up. "I'm fine honey, just needed a break. You did way better than me."

He heaved a sigh. "I fell."

"Anything broken? Do we need to call 9-1-1?"

Ryan giggled. "No!" He tilted his head. "Can we get hot chocolate?"

CJ smoothed his hair. "I think we can manage that." They started heading down to the dressing room and Ryan looked back.

"Mom, you didn't fall."

"No," she agreed. "I guess I didn't." Then again, maybe she was falling too fast. "I might be going crazy though, want to come?"

He eyed her in confusion. "No."

"Gee thanks kid," she returned sarcastically. "Come on, let's get those skates off. Your poor toes are probably turned to ice."

Ryan wiggled his toes. "I can't really feel them."

"Then it's definitely time for hot chocolate," Brent spoke at last. He lifted Ryan down from the last step but tried not to look at CJ and she sighed. So she had hurt him.

In the dressing room Brent got his skates off first, then carefully unlaced Ryan's and went to the bathroom for paper towel to wipe their blades. CJ took care of herself, feeling a bit ignored, but she got why he was being distant. Snowpants came off, boots went back on, and Brent saw them to the car. "So," he began, holding her door, "want to come to my place? Ryan can play with Cody."

She wasn't ready yet for a glimpse of what it would look like if they were a family. "I'll drop him off at my parents. Drinks are on me."

He opened his wallet and slipped her a card with his address on it, then Brent went back to Ryan's side. "Did you have fun today buddy?"

"Yeah," he grinned. "It was awesome!"

"I'm glad. Alec and McKenna are okay?"

"Better than okay," Ryan was quick to say.

"Good. So I'll see you at practice next week then."

"And at school."

"Right." Brent's smile took effort. "Take care Ry." Shutting the door, he watched them drive away and sagged against the hood of his car. Today was supposed to be fun. When did everything get so complicated?

**NCIS**

Half an hour later CJ pulled into the driveway and parked behind Brent's dark blue four-door. She took in his house, a different style than the others on his street with a large tree in the front yard that would cast a shadow over the porch in summer, and walked up to the door with the drinks in one hand and the other free to knock. He answered in seconds and stood aside to let her in. For a single guy the place was nicely decorated and CJ wondered if Allie and Cassie were responsible. She handed over the coffee and wrapped her fingers around her tea. "Where's Cody?"

"Relegated to the backyard, much to his disappointment. He knows we've got company." Brent led her to the couch and CJ sat, folding her legs under herself.

"I'm sorry about earlier," she offered right away. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Brent knocked back some coffee before saying anything. "Between yesterday and today things suddenly started moving pretty fast. I could picture us as a family, you know? It was so easy to pretend at the rink, but then I saw the look on your face..." He sighed. "I'm not going to find it easy looking at you as a friend after today CJ."

"It scares me how much my son cares about you," she confided. "And it's time I told you about Ryan's father, then maybe you'll understand my hesitation." CJ looked towards the double back doors leading out to the yard. "I was a cheerleader in my last two years of college. Athletic. Able to fake gracefulness enough to get by. Fearless until I wasn't wearing the outfit. Then I was quiet and focused on my studies. But one day the captain of the football team caught me between classes and invited me to a party on Friday night. I couldn't believe he knew my name, let alone wanted to spend time with me." She rolled her eyes at herself.

"Talk about starstruck. So I went and I wore...something I thought would help me fit in." She sighed. "I'd never had much to drink before and whatever they put in the punch had the room spinning in a hurry. I wanted to lay down, so Jason acted the gentleman and led me to a dark, quiet room at the back of the house. I didn't even know what was going on until he got most of my clothes off and I don't remember much of what happened. But he was the popular guy and I wanted him to like me, so I didn't say no." Thinking back now, she was ashamed. "For a month he was the sweetest, most amazing guy, and I thought life was going to be perfect. He got what he wanted, because I was too afraid of losing him to say no any time he wanted to do more than kiss, and I got my fairytale."

CJ picked at a thread on her jeans. "Until reality crashed in when I missed my-" She stopped, embarrassed. Too much information. "I took a test, then three more, as scared as I've ever been in my life. Positive, all of them. And I told Jason, foolishly thinking that he'd carry me away on a white horse, and we'd get married and live happily ever after. But he laughed in my face, said hurtful things about it being my mistake and how could I be so careless, then he walked away and never looked at me again. Nothing had ever hurt so bad."

"I graduated a couple months later and got a part-time job, staying with my roommate's aunt until Ryan was born. Aunt Kate was great, she helped look after Ryan as a newborn and when he was old enough I got a job and put him in daycare. We eventually got our own place and I worked my butt off to save money so I could go back to school when he started Kindergarten." She stared into her tea. "I was too ashamed to tell my parents, so they didn't know about Ryan until he was three. They came out to visit a couple times and when I finished my course I knew it was time to come home." CJ shrugged. "So that's it, that's the story."

Brent put his hand on her knee. "I'm sorry CJ. I wish he hadn't set such a sorry example for guys in your life." She smiled her thanks and he decided to make confession time mutual. "I was really serious with a fellow teacher at my second school. Her name was Charlotte and we fell in love. But I guess I fell harder than her, because after a year she uh...left me for someone else. The new principal actually." He chuckled mirthlessly. "And I left the school at the end of the semester. I was always afraid of not being good enough, so I never tried again."

"I got Cody a few years ago and he gave me a purpose, but I've been starting to feel the lack of someone in my life the last year. Then you showed up, just as I was trying to work up the courage to give relationships another shot. And I'm not one to believe in signs or anything, but I can't help the connection I feel to you CJ, like we could have something great - you me and Ry. I want to give this a chance, if you do."

She ran her thumbnail under the rim of the paper cup. "I was watching you with my son today. You do everything with him that a father should - you have fun, you play together, you encourage him, and you want him to respect me. For the first time in seven years Ryan knows what it's like to have that hole in his life filled." CJ sighed and looked up. "We both have some trust issues Brent, so yes I want to give this a chance, but we need to take it slow. Really, really slow. Can we just be friends for awhile before jumping into anything new?"

Brent folded his fingers between hers. "I can handle friends if I know that's not all we'll ever be. And we can do slow CJ. Just please don't ask me not to be a part of your lives. Let's be friends, but more involved than just fifteen minutes after practice and a couple hours on Saturdays."

Her brow furrowed. "How do you mean?" It was hard to concentrate with the heat of his skin soaking into hers.

He leaned his head back. "I don't know. Umm...dinner once a week switching off between your place and mine. The park on Saturdays until it gets too cold, then switching to movie or game nights. Maybe letting me take Ryan for an afternoon to go swimming or skating." Brent shrugged. "Stuff like that."

CJ rolled his suggestion around in her mind and gave a tentative smile. "That...sounds like fun."

"Good." His gaze studied her almost tenderly and she ducked her head.

"Please stop looking at me like you want to kiss me."

Brent cleared his throat and shifted his eyes to the soft tan leather of the couch. "Can't make any promises there." He waited until she looked up again. "But I won't even try unless you tell me it's okay."

CJ blushed and strove not to let it show how much she looked forward to that moment. "Thank you."

"You deserve to be respected, that I'll spend our friendship proving."

She drew her hand carefully out of his grasp and linked her fingers around her now cooled tea. "Well, since we're friends, I'd like to run something by you."

Interest lit Brent's eyes. "Sure."

"Lindsay and I got approval for the beginners dance class I told you about. It's going to run Monday and Friday nights starting next week."

He grinned. "That's great CJ. I know how much you wanted to do that."

CJ's expression mirrored his. "I'm really looking forward to meeting the girls. Linds is in charge of getting the word out, and social butterfly that she is we're liable to get about fifty kids." She laughed. "But here's the thing, it starts at four in the afternoon. I was going to ask my parents to pick Ryan up from school, except they do so much for us already." She blew out a breath, working up the nerve she needed, and met his eyes. "What would you think about taking Ryan home after school and doing supper and homework with him? I'll be back by five-thirty, six at the latest, so it would only be a couple hours. I just...I've never really trusted anyone else with my son, so this is kind of a big deal."

"I know," Brent nodded. "I can't even imagine what it took to offer that. Are you sure?"

CJ licked her lips. "I wouldn't've asked if I wasn't."

"In that case, I'd love to. And on Fridays I can take him with me to practice. Do you want us at your place or here?"

She shook her head. "Doesn't matter." Then a thought hit her. "Maybe here would be better." Giving him a key to their apartment seemed like too much too soon, even if she was letting him be responsible for her child.

"That's fine by me." He chuckled. "Cody will be so excited he won't know what to do. We don't often have extra people over."

CJ's eyebrows drew together. "Your friends?"

"We do a group dinner once a month. It's been at Mark and Cassie's lately, but we've had it here before too. Tony and Ziva don't have enough space for all of us, and the others only have apartments." He finished his lukewarm coffee. "Not right now, but maybe when you get comfortable with the idea of more than friends, you and Ryan should come. I guarantee it's a lot of fun."

"You have great friends," she conceded, checking her watch. Her eyebrows rose at the time. "Wow, I didn't realize how long I'd been here. I should go."

Brent caught her hand as she stood. "Not running, right?"

CJ shook her head. "I'm not. But I like to help my mom and Ryan with dinner and I told him I'd be back soon."

"Okay." He got up and walked her to the door. "Thanks for coming CJ. I'm glad we could be honest today."

Her hand brushed his arm. "Me too. Thanks for being patient while I figure things out."

Brent wanted so badly to touch her, to leave her with something more meaningful than goodbye. "Can I give my friend a hug?"

His request caught her off guard, but CJ nodded a bit hesitantly. "Sure."

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, then let go seconds later, not wanting to push his luck. Colour rose to CJ's cheeks as she stepped backwards out the door and waved. Someday he wanted the chance to get used to holding her, but for now he'd take what he could get. At least now they were on the same page and hopefully, heading in the right direction.

**NCIS**

That night when CJ lay on her son's bed, playing with his hair after their story was over, the little boy looked up. "Was it a good day Mom?"

She smiled fondly. "Yeah monkey, it was."

He sighed and held his favourite toy, a sock monkey named Mr. Boo that helped earn his nickname. "Alec and McKenna were a lot of fun."

"I'm glad to hear it. You need more kids to hang out with, there's too many grown ups in your life."

"Not too many!" he protested. "Just you and Gram and Grampa and Aunt Kate and Coach."

"That's still a lot."

"But no dad." Her heart stuttered and Ryan continued. "Mom, remember when you told me my dad didn't know how to be a daddy, so he couldn't stay with us?"

CJ nodded. "I remember honey." It was the best explanation she could come up with that didn't make her say straight out that Jason hadn't wanted either of them.

"Well," he said thoughtfully, "that's okay." Ryan closed his eyes and snuggled into her arms. "But you know what I wish?"

"No Ry, what?"

He smiled and turned on his side. "I wish Coach could be my dad."

CJ couldn't breathe for a minute, then she leaned down and kissed his forehead. Maybe, someday, both their dreams would come true. But right now she had to hold onto one word, one word that would be her touchstone until she could be sure - slow. Just go slow.

_Reply:_

_Sarah - You're welcome. I hadn't until you said something, then I had to go watch it. What a lovely moment! Really glad we get the chance to see it now. Did you see the one for 9x24? They totally set it up for Z to leave! Not okay with that at all! I wonder where it would have fallen in the ep?_

_I'm glad you liked the chapter. Yeah, some of those images were kind of heartwrenching. I think T&Z have come as far as they can go on their own, now they just need a little help. I was proud of Cassie for how she handled the convo, not that she's the type to sit on the sidelines when her friends need her. It's yet to be decided which is worse - imagining a thousand terrible things or finding out those thousand terrible things are true, plus more that he never even thought of. But I guess we'll find out soon enough. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_


	13. 7x8 Power Down Part 2

_A/N: Due to my inability to keep up with writing and posting, I'm going to have to take a break from updating MIT. This will be the last chapter added until Sept 9, and even then I may have to cut down to one chapter per week so I can try to play catch up. I'm sorry, but I want to make this a good story for you guys and for that I need time I don't really have right now. I hope everyone enjoys and survives the last week of summer (depending on your location) and the first week of school (again depending on location). Until then I remain yours always ~Aliyah_

**Saturday December 5 continued**

Saturday afternoon Adrian decided he'd waited long enough and flipped through his appointment book to find Beth Denley's phone number. A tired sounding voice answered after three rings and he winced, wondering if he'd inadvertently interrupted a nap. "Hello?"

Adrian took a breath. "Hello, Beth?"

"Yes," she replied, and he could hear her shift positions. "Who is this?"

"Adrian Platz."

A smile was reflected in her next words. "Oh yes, Adrian. How are you?"

"I'm good thanks. But I'm afraid I woke you up."

She shook her head. "Don't worry about me. I drifted off on the couch after Sophia went down for her nap. What can I do for you?"

"Well," he hesitated, "actually, it's about your sister."

"Emma?" Beth questioned. "What about her?"

He chuckled. "This is going to sound kind of odd, but I was really intrigued by our first meeting. I'd like to take her out for coffee tomorrow afternoon, get to know her a little better. But I didn't have any way to contact her."

An eyebrow rose. "She's listed. And Myan isn't exactly a common last name. What's the real reason?"

Adrian was impressed. "Okay, okay, you got me. I was hoping you'd put in a good word for me when you ask if she's interested."

The woman chuckled. "There now, nothing wrong with the truth. And my answer is yes. I'd be delighted to play matchmaker. I've been waiting a long time for the opportunity to set my little sister up with a good guy. I liked what I saw on Wednesday. What time and where?"

"Three o'clock? The Starbucks on the corner near my studio. Will you call me back to confirm?"

Beth scribbled the information on a scrap of paper. "How about I only call if that doesn't work for Emma? Don't worry though, I'll put all my persuasive abilities to use for this. Anything else?"

He shrugged. "No, I guess that's it. Thanks Beth, I really appreciate it."

"My pleasure. Goodbye Adrian."

"Bye." The phone clicked and he looked at it, hoping it didn't ring again.

**NCIS**

**Sunday December 6**

And that's how he found himself in Starbucks at two forty-five pm Sunday afternoon, newly showered and changed from the group basketball game, sipping a large café mocha and jiggling his knee nervously under the table. Ten minutes later his drink was half gone and he was doodling trees on a napkin, looking up every time the bell above the door jingled. This time, finally, it was for him. He stood up in such a hurry his chair almost fell over, but Adrian caught it just in time.

Emma scanned the coffee shop, smiling when she saw him. "Adrian, hi." She checked her watch. "You're early."

"So are you." He held the second chair for her and Emma draped her bag over the corner, then sat.

Indicating his cup, she quirked an eyebrow. "You started without me."

Adrian shrugged. "Needed something to calm my nerves."

Emma took in the way he seemed in motion even when he was seated and chuckled. "I don't think it's working."

He ran a hand through his short blonde curls. "That's normal actually. One of my friend's wives called me Energizer Adrian in college. I have a low tolerance for holding still."

Emma checked out the display case behind her. "Think a piece of strawberry cheesecake would help? I'll share it with you."

"Yeah, sure." Adrian immediately started to stand but she waved him off.

"Sit, relax. If and when meeting for coffee ever becomes a date, then you can pay. I'll be right back." Emma grabbed her wallet and joined the line at the front counter while Adrian stared after her in consternation.

If? When? So she'd come here already thinking further ahead than today? Wow. And he'd thought calling four days after meeting her might be considered rushing things.

While he pondered this new development and continued the forest growing on his napkin, Emma got her order and returned to the table, set a small, square, white plate between them and handed him a fork. "Dig in."

Adrian pointed the utensil at her white paper cup. "What's your pleasure?"

"Chai latte. A friend got me hooked on them. Want to try?"

That was a surprise as well. "Um, no thanks. Maybe next time."

"Next time it might be white hot chocolate or tea," Emma warned, leaning her head on one hand and savouring the first bite of cheesecake. "So I didn't scare you off with 'if' and 'when'?"

He shook his head. "No. Though I wasn't expecting that."

Emma took a moment to think. "I don't do one time things. I'm not looking for a casual fling or a 'nice to meet you, but I probably won't see you around'. When a guy catches my attention like you did, I like to be ready for something to happen."

Adrian sat back. "Wow. So...what are you looking for?"

She pushed the plate in his direction, encouraging the sharing. "Honestly? A guy I can share my life with." Emma shrugged. "I'm thirty-four. I'm not a kid anymore and I'd really like to settle down."

"You're interviewing for a potential husband position?" His disbelief was clear.

She laughed quietly. "Not quite that blatantly, but yes, I guess I am. Only," Emma swirled her fork through the whipped cream, "I don't want kids."

"Really? I thought all girls did."

"Not me. I run a daycare, so on any given day fifteen children under five are in my care. I don't have anything left to give when I get home, and I need an hour to myself before I can go over and help Beth with Hope." She met his eyes. "I love my job and I can't see ever wanting to give it up, so something else had to be sacrificed."

Adrian swallowed a mouthful of cheesecake. "I'd have to say that between the kids I see through Flash and my niece and nephew, I've got my fill of the younger generation. So that's not a deal breaker for me."

"Huh." Emma blew on her latte and tried a sip. "What is then?"

He chuckled. "Someone who can put up with my inability to sit still for more than two minutes at a time. Someone who can be willingly dragged on my regular day and weekend trips while I chase sunsets and rainbows and mountains and waves. Someone who wants to become part of the family I have - my frat brothers and their wives and kids, because they're all I've had for a long time and nothing is more important in my life." Adrian shaded in a cloud or two over the forest, already seeing a lake that needed to be added. "What I really want Emma, is someone who looks at me and sees past the first impression, to hopefully find a guy worth loving."

She stared at him, frozen in place by the passionate, heartfelt longing he'd just poured out. It spoke of too many times he'd been rejected for those very qualities. Then the corner of her lips curved up. "I can start with a guy who is definitely worth my time in getting to know. And I happen to love day trips."

He clearly hadn't seen that answer coming. "Really?"

Emma took another bite of cheesecake. "And you thought this would only be coffee."

Adrian's mouth fell open a bit before he forced it closed and grinned. Just coffee? Not anymore. From the way it looked right now, this might be the first day of the rest of his life.

**NCIS**

**Monday December 7**

Lunch hour found Tony and Ziva seated on a long, dark leather couch, hands clasped, extremely ill at ease for what they were about to do. A minute later the door opened and a woman with dark hair pulled back in a knot, wearing stylish glasses and carrying a leather bound folder walked in. She sat in a comfortable chair to their right and smiled. "Hello. I'm Dr. Honora Maitland and," she eyed their tense body language, "I don't bite." Tony chuckled nervously, but Ziva's expression remained blank, so the doctor opened her folder and continued.

"I see here from the questionnaires you filled out that both of you are concerned about the damage past events have done to your trust." Tony and Ziva exchanged fleeting glances, neither had expected their answers to be brought up right away. "For Tony a big concern seems to be an incident that took place in Israel, as well as everything that transpired during the summer you spent apart. And Ziva," Honora adjusted her glasses, "your answers were sparse and very concise, but that summer does seem to be causing significant tension between you two. Is there anything I missed?"

Aware that Ziva would likely say as little as possible, Tony bobbed his head. "That'll do for now."

Since Tony had been the most open, now and on the questionnaire, Dr. Maitland turned her attention to his wife. She studied the woman for nearly thirty seconds, then spoke quietly. "Ziva? I can only help if you give me something to work with." She tapped the papers on her lap. "These are nothing. Just one dimensional, superficial tools, but they don't really tell me anything about you as a person or help me get to know the two of you as a couple So for today that's where I want to start. Tell me about your husband - how did you two meet? Tell me about your marriage - what is it like to belong together? Tell me about you - what has made you the woman you are today? Before we go any further, those are the things I need to know."

Relief unfolded like rays of sunshine in Ziva's eyes and her whole posture relaxed. She didn't have to talk about Somalia today, with Tony sitting right there, and that fact alone loosened her tongue and allowed an almost friendly expression to grace her features. Sharing a special smile with her husband, Ziva walked them back three and a half years to the first time she laid eyes on Anthony DiNozzo Jr. in person. "This story is fun to tell," she confided, "it is always hilarious the reactions we get where we tell them it all began with phone sex."

The session rolled on as their history spilled out in Ziva's memories and at the end, for the telling took nearly all their time, Honora made a note and closed her book. "Thank you Ziva, that was very helpful for me. We'll come back to the other questions next time. Let's meet twice a week, as long as your schedule allows. How does Thursday sound?"

Feeling that she'd done quite enough sharing for one day, Ziva stayed silent and Tony cleared his throat. "That's fine, as long as we're not out at a crime scene."

The doctor nodded. "If something comes up let me know and we'll reschedule." She stood and offered her hand to both, then watched the couple walk away. Dr. Maitland had a feeling that they were going to be a very challenging case.

At the elevator Tony and Ziva slowed and he turned to her, trying to get a read on her emotional state. "That wasn't so bad, right?"

She hugged her arms around herself. "Not today. But I will dread every moment until we get to the real reason we are here."

Tony settled a hand on her shoulder, rubbing his thumb along her collarbone. "We came for more than just one reason Zi."

She shrugged him off. "And they are all my fault."

He wanted to shake her, instead Tony clenched his jaw. "Takes two people to make a marriage and two to mess it up. We both have a lot to answer for, not just you." The way Ziva looked at him made him wonder if she'd ever believe that.

The doors slid open and she stepped inside. "We should get back."

No way was she going to let her pull away. Once inside Tony flipped the switch, backed his wife into the corner, and took possession of her lips. The kiss started a bit roughly, frustration bleeding into his action. For a moment Ziva held perfectly still and let him be in complete control, then she grabbed his collar and fought back, her mouth attacking his with equal force, allowing her own confused emotions an outlet. They battled for the upper hand, nipping at bottom lips forcing tongues into each other's mouths. Then, as sudden as it began, the mood changed and the meeting of lips became slow and gentle, caresses to sooth the agitation in their souls. Parting was a test of willpower, and Tony's forehead touched hers.

"I'm not letting you go that easy Ziva," he vowed between breaths. "This isn't going to push us apart. What we share in that room will only bind our hearts more fully, and bring us even closer to being one."

She closed her eyes. "It is so hard Tony, so hard when I want to protect you from all this, but I can't unless I keep you at arm's reach and that is too far away."

His large hands cupped her face, waiting for her to look at him again. "Don't try to protect me honey, fight. Fight through the fear, the pain, the shame. Fight for me, for you, for us. Because I swear on my life Ziva, we are going to make it through this together."

A tear slipped down her cheek and it only made Ziva want to cry more when Tony leaned in and kissed it away. She tilted her head slightly and his lips drifted down her neck to her shoulder, then he nestled his head in the space and they held each other tightly, making a silent promise to never ever let go.

A good ten minutes past the end of their lunch break Tony and Ziva strolled off the elevator, bickering about parking styles and armed with a story about long lines and horrible traffic, in an attempt to placate their boss. If there was any part of it he didn't buy, Gibbs never said and just like that life went on.

**NCIS**

**Tuesday December 8**

Tony packed up his things slowly, still not entirely happy with the arrangement. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay? I can be really good company."

Ziva shook her head, not looking up from her report. "No thank you. I plan to spend some time at the range when I am done." She glanced across the bullpen where a desk light was still on. "Besides, McGee is here as well." Then she looked questioningly at her partner. "I cannot remember the last time you finished before us."

"Hey!" he defended. "I'll have you know that I am a very hard worker."

"Yes," Ziva smirked. "And I'm sure it had nothing to do with Gibbs having McGee wipe the games from your computer or confiscating your phone?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Guess that didn't hurt," he muttered, grabbing his backpack. "I'll see you at-" Her expression warned him before he could say 'home' and give everything away. He cleared his throat. "You cabbing to my place?"

She pretended to consider her options. "McGee could give me a lift. Or I could walk." His eyes narrowed and Ziva chuckled. "Yes, I will call a cab."

"Got money?"

Nodding, Ziva let her eyes say 'goodbye' and 'I love you' before getting back to work. Resigned to leave without her, Tony skimmed his fingers over her anniversary ring. "Don't be too late," he whispered, heading out.

For the next half hour Ziva concentrated very hard and finally cleared the last two reports from her desk. She spent the same amount of time downstairs practicing her aim, then returned to collect her coat and bag. McGee was just turning off his computer when she re-entered the bullpen. "Heading out?" she nodded, pulling her ponytail free. "Want a ride?"

Ziva looked up. "No thank you. I can take a cab. Besides, it is out of your way."

Tim fell into step beside her. "You're never an imposition Ziva."

She arched an eyebrow. "Is this not your night to watch movies with Abby? I do not think she will want you to be late."

He conceded the fact. Abby had been pulling out all the stops of best friend-dom ever since the Amanda incident. McGee didn't think he'd ever gotten so many hugs before, and even though she was hovering more than normal, he had a hard time minding it. No one was better at making people feel loved than their pigtailed goth princess.

Tim and Ziva entered the elevator and he pushed the button for ground floor. The door had just closed when the whole car shuddered and everything went dark. Very, very dark.

**NCIS**

Tony was in the middle of a Bond film when the lights went out and the house was suddenly deathly quiet. He set the remote down and reached for his cell phone, only to remember Gibbs never gave it back. Groaning, he realized the cordless wouldn't work either, so he had no way to contact Ziva. Pushing the indiglo button on his watch, Tony saw it was just after ten. He'd left his wife at NCIS an hour ago, so she should be on her way home now.

For about fifteen minutes he stared into the darkness, then gave up trying to wait it out and stood, picking his way carefully to the bathroom to take a shower while they still had hot water. It was weird, standing in the pitch black and washing under a stream of water he couldn't see. Even when he put his hands right in front of his eyes he was unable to make anything out. It was a taste of what blind people go through and Tony didn't like it.

Drying off, he moved by feel to the bedroom and put on a t-shirt and pyjama pants. Laying stretched out on the bed alone was no fun, and another check of his watch showed that he'd barely killed half an hour. Tony sat up again and folded his fingers together. Almost eleven and Ziva wasn't home yet. That was unusual. It didn't help that this was the first time he'd left without her, so he already felt a bit anxious.

Maybe McGee had given her a ride after all and then she had to wait for a cab from his old building to their house. Maybe she'd been stuck at the range and couldn't leave because some areas shut down and locked automatically in the event of a power outage. Maybe she really had tried to walk home, in which case he might not see her until midnight. Bored and antsy, Tony eventually went to grab an apple out of the fridge, blinking painfully at the burst of light into his dark adjusted eyes. He crunched the fruit and paced slowly, learning to pay more attention to his location after walking into the armchair, then stubbing his foot on a table leg on the way back. The minutes ticked by and stretched out into an hour, winding his nerves tighter as more time passed without the lights coming back on or any word from his wife.

Once twelve o'clock had come and gone Tony was seriously considering getting in the car and going to look for her. At twelve thirty he did just that and spent an hour navigating the quiet streets between their place and the Navy Yard. But no trace of Ziva was to be found and he could only hope she'd taken refuge in the building to wait out the dark. Unhappy with the entire situation, Tony returned home and managed to fall into a fitful sleep somewhere in the middle of the night.

**NCIS**

When dark fell Ziva felt her heartrate spike as memories crowded in of being tied to a chair and left in a room without windows or light, feeling like she was suffocating in the black, empty space. Fighting desperately to keep from being dragged back, Ziva held her breath and counted. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... Then the emergency strips on the floor lit up and she nearly sagged to her knees in thankfulness. She could breathe and suddenly the desert was back across the ocean where it belonged instead of inside her head.

McGee fruitlessly jabbed at the buttons. "Huh. Maybe they blew a breaker." His cell chirped and he opened a panicked text from Abby.

_TIMMY! The power is out. MY BABIES! MMS was running a test and I left Matilda working a search. HELP!_

He sighed and tapped out a response. _I know Abbs. We'll check them out first thing tomorrow, together._

That seemed to calm her and perky Abby was back in the next message. _Still coming? Ooh...we could have a sleepover with candles and popcorn and ghost stories. Please?!_

Tim chuckled and shook his head. Popcorn would be kind of hard without a microwave. But knowing Abby she'd find someway to build a fire in the decorative fireplace in her livingroom. _Wish I could. Stuck in the elevator. Really bad timing on my part._

_All Gibbs' fault_, she grumbled._ That report could've waited until tomorrow_.

_Not by his standards_.

_I'll keep you company_, Abby offered. _PB is on. It's a classic._

_Sounds good. Sorry about movie night._

_There's always next week_, came her glass half full reply.

Shutting his phone, McGee turned to Ziva, who'd gone strangely silent. "Hey, you okay?"

She blinked and shook herself like she was coming out of something. "Yes. I am fine. Do you think it will be fixed soon?"

Tim shrugged. "The power is out at Abby's too. Given the distance that probably means a whole grid went down. Could be awhile."

"Oh." Ziva swallowed. "I should...text Tony. He will be expecting me." She leaned against the wall and started composing a message. It was very brief, hoping he could read between the lines. Ten minutes passed with no answer and she frowned. It would be very unlike her husband to go to bed without her. Another text was sent, and one more after that, leaving Ziva perplexed when they all went unreplied to.

Half an hour passed and McGee and Ziva began to acknowledge the fact that they were not getting out anytime soon. Both got comfortable on the floor and passed time talking about mundane things while Ziva watched her phone for a response and McGee relayed amusing texts from Abby to his teammate. Once more than an hour went by, Ziva pulled her knees up and looped her arms around them.

"Tim." He looked up from Abby's latest message about how Buttercup and Westley had just entered the Fire Swamp and she didn't like R.O.U.S's. "How are you doing, really?" It had been almost a month since the Amanda incident and she knew the quiet computer geek kept his hurt buried inside.

He caught her meaning and sighed. "Ever had someone die in your arms Ziva?"

Too many instances floated through her mind. "Yes," she said softly.

"It's not an easy thing to get over." McGee flipped his phone open and closed. "Even though I know who she was, that she was only pretending to care, I still can't wrap my head around the truth. We had, what, three days together?" Ziva nodded. "And I was so happy. She wanted to spend time with me, to get to know me. Amanda was...sweet and understanding and I really liked her." He dragged a hand across his eyes. "That hour I went home and Tony thought...?" Ziva's eyes held only curiosity and a hint of sympathy, because they both knew how the senior field agent's mind worked. Tim shook his head. "We didn't. But she came over with coffee and this great smile. I was so tired, so we sat down and she leaned over and kissed me. Just like that. I was stunned, but I kissed her back, afraid it was a dream and I'd wake up before I got to enjoy the way it felt." He stared at his watch. "That's all we did. Sit on my couch and spend that time together. And honestly Ziva, I haven't felt that good in a long time."

She put her hand on his knee. "I am sorry for your loss Tim."

His eyes locked on hers and they looked suspiciously misty. "Thanks," he managed hoarsely. McGee cleared his throat. "That's the first time anyone said that. They just expect me to get over her, because she was a spy, but everyone's forgetting that's not how I knew her."

Ziva tilted her head thoughtfully. "It is important to grieve when you have lost something or someone important."

"Have you?" At her questioning look, McGee elaborated. "I'm sure they stole a lot from you in that camp Ziva. How are you handling Somalia, really?"

She hadn't expected to have the inquiry tossed back at her. Ziva's mouth opened and closed and she rested her head back against the wall. "I do not know," she shared at last. "I am trying not to think of it, but too often I see what they did in my dreams."

That made him sad. "You and Tony talked about it?"

Ziva shook her head. "No. And he is hurt because I will not. He is my best friend McGee, I do not know how I would have survived these past three months without him. But I have no wish to burden Tony further with the whole story."

Tim gaped at her. "How do you live in the same apartment with him this long and not talk about the most significant thing to ever happen to either of you?"

"McGee..." she began in a pleading tone, but he wasn't done.

"Do you know what you being gone did him Ziva? Tony shut down. He didn't come to work for two weeks. We didn't know if he was-" he swallowed, not ready to share what they'd feared. "He hardly talked to anyone. He hardly talked period. Tony was like...a shadow. He wouldn't even let Abby in. The only time he even acted alive was when we started planning the mission to get Saleem. I think..." Tim hesitated, "if we hadn't found you, that Tony would've died in the desert. It was like he couldn't even function without you. And we knew without asking that he blamed himself because of what happened with Michael. You can't keep him out Ziva, he needs you. You need each other." She stared at him, still trying to process his speech. Her eyebrow drew together and McGee sighed. "Too much? I'm sor-"

Ziva shook her head. "No. Do not apologize." She took a breath. "You are a good friend Tim."

"Does that mean you'll think about it?"

He wasn't usually this persistent. Ziva lifted her fingers to twine her necklace around them but only bare skin met her touch and she covered by adjusting her collar. "Yes," she answered finally. "I am sure I will think of little else."

It was after midnight now and they began to feel the lateness of the hour. Coats that had been shed early on were now bundled into makeshift pillows. Always the gentleman, McGee offered his suit jacket to cover Ziva, but she was well prepared for the weather with a turtleneck under one of her cozy winter sweaters, and politely declined. The elevator was warm enough with their combined body heat and Ziva curled up in the corner, her back to the wall, praying that this of all nights she would not dream.

**NCIS**

**Wednesday December 9**

Even without an alarm clock to wake him, the senior agent was up and ready to go before six thirty the next morning, relieved at least to see the light of day. He arrived at work and tore up the stairs, only after standing in front of the elevator a whole minute because he forgot it wouldn't work, and into the squadroom, digging through Gibbs' top desk drawer in a frantic search for his phone. The object of his desire was buried at the back under some old papers and Tony flipped it open, not caring at all about the wrath of Gibbs should he realize the sanctity of his desk had been violated.

The screen showed six missed texts and he eagerly selected the first._ Power is out. McGee and I are stuck in the elevator_. Startled, Tony's eyes sought the familiar silver doors. No wonder she didn't come home. Then he winced. Although Ziva was fine in the elevator for short periods, he worried that being trapped might trigger a flashback she would not want McGee to see.

Next - _It looks like we will be here for awhile. Do not worry_.

The third had a more questioning tone to it and he could almost see her frown. _Are you in bed? I am sorry you have to be there alone._

Another with just his name and a question mark followed, and after that nothing until almost two hours later._ We are trying to sleep. Goodnight yakiri_.

Less than a minute later she added _ILY_ and that was it.

Breathing a sigh of relief because at least he knew she was safe, Tony dropped into his desk chair and opened a game on his phone. There was nothing to do now but wait.

**NCIS**

Ziva opened her eyes before six in next morning and if it hadn't been for her watch, she'd never know that time had passed. McGee lay on his side as stretched out as he could get in the cramped space, still breathing evenly. For a long time she just stayed still and tried to rest, but it had been hours and she felt the agitation creeping in again. Checking her cellphone for new messages, Ziva was disappointed to see none from Tony. Nonetheless, she tried again.

_Boker tov ahava._

The response came within seconds. _You have no idea how relieved I am right now._

Her brow furrowed. _Did you not get my texts last night?_

_I was grounded from my phone, remember?_

Ziva closed her eyes. Of course she remembered now, and she felt silly for being put out with him when he didn't answer. _That explains a lot_.

_You didn't think I'd actually ignore you, right? I was going out of my mind last night wondering where you were_.

_I am sorry you were worried._

_How did you sleep?_

She shrugged even though he couldn't see it. _As well as can be expected without my partner._

The smiley face he sent told Ziva he appreciated the distinction. _No nightmares?_

_No, thankfully. McGee did not need to know how bad they can be._

He sighed. _Are you okay?_

Ziva rolled her shoulders. _I do not like being stuck._

_I know honey. ILY._

She smiled faintly. _AOO._

That was the end of their conversation for the moment and it wasn't long before McGee stirred and stretched, groaning at the soreness in his body from sleeping on the floor. He yawned and turned to Ziva. "Morning."

She sat up, brushing the wrinkles from her clothes and fixing her hair. "Good morning McGee."

Tim checked his phone, chuckling at a dozen new messages from Abby, some after he'd told her goodnight and several time stamped for the current day, probably when she got to her lab and began worrying incessantly about the state of her machines. A glance at his watch showed the timer he'd started last night. "Wow. We've been in here over nine hours."

Ziva rubbed her forehead. "Has it been that long?"

He touched her shoulder, notong the way she tensed. "They're going to get us out."

She nodded. "I know. And we could be in a worse situation."

McGee lifted an eyebrow. "How's that?"

Ziva's gaze shifted around the small room. "There could be no light at all, no air or ventilation. Or one of us could have been trapped all alone." At the thought she suppressed a shiver. That would not have gone over well.

"Good point."

They sat in relative silence for several minutes until Tony's voice came through the doors with the aid of an orange pylon to announce that emergency workers had arrived. His offer to entertain them musically was brushed off in favour of an update and then finally, mercifully, the doors opened. Gibbs walked by, took one look at his formerly trapped agents, declared them late, handed over their gear, and announced they had a crime scene.

"Without coffee?" McGee asked plaintively, even knowing resistance was futile. Glumly he followed their boss, leaving Tony and Ziva to trail behind him.

For just a moment Ziva allowed herself to get lost in her husband's clear green eyes and see what he'd suffered over their ten hour separation. But there was no time to linger and she turned towards the stairs, fighting against her desire to be enveloped in his arms for even a moment. Tony caught and squeezed her hand, promising a debrief later, and they did their best to focus on work.

**NCIS**

**Wednesday December 9/beginning of Thursday December 10**

At Swift Cast Tony snuck into the breakroom and helped himself to surprisingly hot coffee and thanked whoever invented battery back-ups. Ziva found him only a minute later and sidled up beside him, resting her chin on his shoulder. Coffee was abandoned on the table and he wrapped her in a tight embrace. "Gosh I missed you last night babe."

Ziva nestled her head into his neck. "And I you." She breathed in and smiled. "Nothing is more comforting to me than your scent."

He pulled back, eyebrows drawn together. "Really?"

She nodded. "Why do you think I wear your t-shirts and sweatshirt?"

Tony shrugged. "I don't know. I thought it was a married thing."

Reluctantly Ziva stepped away from her husband. "We need to get back. Gibbs will expect a report."

He sighed and retrieved his coffee. "If we have to." Before he could even blink the cup was in Ziva's hands and she swallowed most of the liquid before Tony wrestled it away from her. "What was that?"

She kissed him, letting him taste the coffee on her lips and smirked, walking away. "You are supposed to share when you are married."

Tony followed her through another door to where their team was and took up their typical banter. "Hey, if I don't offer it, we don't share it."

Ziva nodded. "I understand. Thank you for offering."

"It's not sharing when you snatch it out of my hands," he grumbled.

Hearing the power might be out for days was not the news any of the team hoped for, but at least the daylight would last until suppertime. Later, once Tony pulled one over on McGee to get out of sifting through paperwork, the couple quickly escaped through the stairwell door. They made their way to the blindspot behind the bottom flight and Tony cradled Ziva's face in his hands captured her lips for a kiss born of relief and longing. She smiled and let her fingers trail down his neck, giving herself to one of their favourite expressions of love.

Pulling apart much sooner than either wanted, Tony brushed his thumb over her cheek. "You're okay?"

Ziva nodded once. "It is not an experience I want to repeat, but McGee was good company and we got to talk very honestly. Sometimes I forget how much he means to me."

Tony sighed. "Yeah, we owe McProbie a lot. Especially for..." he trailed off because they tried so hard not to mention the desert, but Ziva knew what he meant.

They finally left to interview Lieutenant Emma Paxton's CO and spent a good part of the day walking down leads, only to be denied rest in the evening because Abby was determined to find a fingerprint match the old fashioned way. Tony was sincerely surprised that they were all able to continue functioning by the time morning rolled around. Thursday was a long day as they learned the real history behind their dead woman and slowly began putting the pieces together. It was Abby who finally figured out that she was one of the good guys and a group effort to discover the true reason for the power outage. Rarely had any of Team Gibbs been so glad to see a case get closed.

**NCIS**

When Tony and Ziva finally returned home later that night, they'd been up for close to forty hours and wanted nothing more than to fall into bed, even if both could've done with a shower. As exhausted as they were, Tony hoped beyond hope that Ziva's sleep would be a peaceful one, but that wasn't to be. She woke up in the middle of the night groping for the lamp on the bedside table to combat what she'd seen in her dreams.

Panic set in when it wouldn't turn on and her frantic movements disturbed Tony. He blinked bleary eyes and tried to put his arms around her only to have Ziva try desperately to fight him off. "No, no, no, no" she begged, in danger of injuring both of them with her struggle.

Hating that he was about to make it worse, Tony closed her in a firm embrace, tucking her against his body. "It's me Ziva, it's Tony. Please wake up." He jostled her a bit, hoping to get her out of wherever her mind was taking her.

Ziva started crying when she opened her eyes again and saw only darkness, mumbling about being left alone while the shadows closed in, to languish in her own bodily fluids, wishing to die, afraid to live, tormented by every wrong thing she ever did. He rocked her slowly, whispering that he loved her over and over, but Ziva started shaking and he was afraid of losing her.

She trembled and tears streamed down her cheeks. "Tony please, please turn on the light. Please. It's so dark. Please."

Her plea tore at Tony's heart. "Oh babe, I wish I could. I'm sorry." He couldn't remember if they had a flashlight, the batteries in their cell phones had finally run down, there was just no source of light that he could think of. So for a long time Tony sang to her, then moved onto telling stupid stories, but none of it worked and Ziva was still freaking out. Finally he peeled his shirt off and cradled her close, holding her hand over his heart, hoping the warmth of his skin and steady beat would calm her down. She whimpered and held on tight, pressing into him, unable to get close enough. Tony wished that tonight of all nights he could make love to her, offering the most tangible sense of love and connection possible, but in this state of mind he was afraid even to kiss her. He'd never seen her like this, not even after a week of nightmares.

Tony scrambled through his collection of Hebrew and began murmuring right in her ear. "Ze be'seder."_ It's okay_. "At batu'ach." _You're safe_. "Yi'heye beseder." _It will be okay_. "Ani ohev atach." _I love you_. "Ani kan."_ I'm here_. "Ani lo azav."_ I won't leave_. The quiet phrases were repeated over and over while his hand kept a slow caress up and down her back in time with the words.

Ziva tried so hard to stay in this reality, to focus on her husband's voice, but no matter what she did she kept slipping back into the past. Images began to play out on her closed eyelids - the explosion that killed Tali, her mother's body in the casket, Ari crumpling to the floor with her bullet in his forehead, faux Mossad operatives on a bike as they led her right to the scene of the crime. Jenny. Israel. Issac. Michael. Daniel. Saleem - dead faces floating in front of her. Then she was lost entirely to the one time she wished more than anything to be able to forget.

Tony shook her when he realized she wasn't responding, but the memories had a hold on her and he couldn't get her out. His agitation grew as she slipped further away and finally Moses came to mind. Letting go of Ziva so he could get her bear was hard, but he did it quickly, slipping the furry toy beneath her crossed wrists. Another idea suddenly popped into his head and Tony stumbled into the kitchen, stubbing his toe on the leg of the table before making it to the cupboard at the end of the counter. He tore everything out to find the tall white candles in silver holders that he'd used for their anniversary at the back. Thankfully the box of matches was tucked in behind and he struck one. It fizzled out and Tony tossed it to the floor, muttering a curse. The second match lit and he held it to the wick, praying for light.

Nothing had ever looked so beautiful. Cupping his hand around the fragile flame, he walked back to their room and carried it to Ziva's side of the bed, going back for the second when it was safely on her nightstand. The gentle glow of the candlesticks illuminated his wife's pinched expression and Tony crawled back into bed, holding her carefully in his arms. "Look at the light honey, open your eyes and look at the light. See? It's right there. It's only a little but it's not so dark in here anymore." He smoothed a hand over her hair. "Just look Zi, please."

Gradually her eyes fluttered open and she focused on the flickering flames with an intensity that made him doubt whether she was really back or not. Then she closed her eyes and began mumbling through Hebrew prayers. The muddled words stretched on into forever until finally she let out a breath and pulled his arm tighter around her body. "Thank you," Ziva whispered in a barely audible voice. "I don't like the dark."

He chuckled into her neck. "Yeah, I think I got that." Kissing the damp skin, Tony nuzzled her hair. "Are you okay?"

She fingered Moses' worn ears. "No," she admitted softly. "But I will be. One day."

Tony nodded and rested his forehead on her shoulder. "I'll be here when that happens honey. I'll always be here. I promise."

They slowly watched the candles burn down as the hours of the night bled away, and when Tony looked again Ziva was mercifully, peacefully asleep. The words 'I love you' fell from his tongue as he laid his head on the pillow and finally let himself relax. The worst was over and everything would look so much better once the sun came up.

**NCIS**

**Friday December 11**

The couple suffered through a shared cold shower the next morning because getting clean and smelling nice was now a priority, and Tony complained the entire time until Ziva kissed him quite thoroughly just to shut him up. At work they'd only just finished musing about being unplugged and how it wasn't as bad as they thought when the power came back on. Only minutes later Tony got a call from the psychiatrist's office rescheduling his and Ziva's completely forgotten therapy session from yesterday to today. Knowing it was necessary but wishing it hadn't come on the heels of a rough night for Ziva, Tony sent his wife a text and she confirmed with a barely there nod. In all the confusion of getting the office back up and running, the partners were able to slip away on lunch hour and again made the trek down two floors to see Dr. Maitland.

She inquired as to how they survived the two days without power, but kept the small talk to a minium, having Ziva pick up where she left off in talking about their relationship and the significant events that had shaped her life. Tony was made to answer similar questions when she finished, which took up the rest of their time. In the last few minutes Honora set her notes aside and folded her hands. "Thank you for trusting me with all of that. It really helps me to understand you both a little better. And now for your homework assignment."

Tony's eyebrows rose. "Homework?"

Dr. Maitland smiled. "I'm here to assist the two of you towards healing. I can give you the tools, but I can't do the work for you. What I want you to do before our next session on Monday is to sit down together and talk about what happened between the two of you in Israel. I'm sure it won't be easy, judging from your expressions, but this is important to both of you and you need to work it out. However long it takes, make sure you've settled the matter between you, and be prepared to give me the details when you come back. Any questions?"

Tony and Ziva exchanged a brief glance and he cleared his throat. "No."

"Alright." Honora stood. "Thank you for coming today. I'll see you next week."

They walked out slowly, fingers linked out of habit, and made their way to the elevator. While waiting for it to come, Tony sighed. "Think we should have told her about last night?"

Ziva shook her head. "That would be putting the horse before the car."

He choked on a laugh. "Cart before the horse ninja."

Her nose wrinkled. "It does not make sense either way."

Tony slid his arm around her waist. "No, I guess not." They stepped into the car and watched the doors slide closed. "So, first night of Hanukkah tonight. What are we doing?"

Ziva's expression showed surprise. "Oh...is it? I have not been paying attention." As they waited for her body and mind to heal, all the days and weeks and months seemed to blend together, as if time never stopped or changed hands. Her brow furrowed. "How did you know?"

He gave her a half-grin. "I wrote it down. I know we've never celebrated it before, but I thought this year...maybe..."

She squeezed his hand. "Thank you. I would like to."

"Great." Tony kissed her temple. "Now here's hoping Gibbs lets us out before sundown."

Ziva sighed. "Yes, Shabbat begins tonight."

Because of their time restrictions, Tony and Ziva both kept a close eye on the clock. To their surprise, however, at four pm Gibbs looked over. "Hannukah tonight. Get out of here Ziver." Her eyes widened and she exchanged glances with Tony. Gibbs sighed. "Yeah, DiNozzo too. Scram. Can't wait until you can drive your car again," he grumbled.

Knowing they had to hurry, Ziva still stopped to kiss her boss's cheek before running out with Tony, who grabbed her hand as they entered the elevator. The couple made it home with only ten minutes to spare and then Ziva's expression crumpled in dismay. "Tony, we do not have a menorah."

Her husband grinned and reached into the closet, pulling out the traditional candle holder in shiny gold with a flourish. "I had to ask Nettie what to get." A handful of slim candles came from a box on the shelf and Ziva walked over to her husband, placing both hands on his cheeks and kissing him impulsively. Her thumb rubbed over his bottom lip. "Thank you ahava."

She took both with great reverence and set everything on the kitchen table. A book of matches from the catch-all drawer lit the shamash candle and she pulled the taper free of its raised holder, mounted on a six point Star of David, and used it to ignite the first candle on the right. Ziva then began to recite the blessings she'd learned as a child and repeated each one in English for Tony's benefit.

"_Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha'olam, asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu l'hadlik ner shel Hanukkah._ Blessed are You, O Lord Our God, Ruler of the Universe, Who has sanctified us with Your commandments and commanded us to kindle the lights of Hanukkah. _Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha'olam, she'asah nisim l'avoteinu, b'yamim haheim bazman hazeh_. Blessed are You, O Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, Who made miracles for our forefathers in those days at this time. _Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha'olam, shehekheyanu, v'kiyamanu vehegianu lazman hazeh._ Blessed are You, O Lord Our God, Ruler of the Universe, Who has kept us alive, sustained us and brought us to this season."

When she finished Ziva smiled and stepped back beside her husband, leaning her head on his shoulder and watching the candles burn. "Hanukkah is not a very important Jewish holiday, but I have always liked celebrating it. To be able to light the candles as a child was a special honour."

Tony moved behind his wife and wrapped her in his arms. "I want you to be happy Zi, whatever it takes."

She turned and joined their lips and the couple let the moment sweep over them - no rush, no hurry, no anything except the sound of their hearts beating and the smooth glide of mouths meeting and melding that took over all their senses. Tony's hands came up to cradle her cheek and the back of her head and Ziva's palms stayed still against his neck, the thrum of his pulse an erratic rhythm under her touch. Parting came only because of the necessary evil that was breathing, but they didn't move an inch, sharing the same space and trying to cherish the moment.

Finally Tony reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out a small box. "A present, Mrs. DiNozzo."

Ziva tugged at the ribbon and lifted the lid, laughing when she saw the small wooden top. "A dreidel. Thank you."

He chuckled self-consciously and slid his fingers through her hair. "I was kinda hoping you'd teach me how to play."

"Of course." She set the top on the table. "Would you like to help me make latkes Tony? Fried foods are tradition on Hanukkah."

Tony grinned. "Lead on Madame Chef. I'm at your disposal."

After dinner the table was cleared and Ziva scrounged up half a bag of M&Ms. Tony eyed the candy with interest. "This looks like fun already."

She shook her head and showed him the four sides dreidel. "The Hebrew letters Nun, Gimel, Hei, and Shin stand for the phrase 'A great miracle happened there', but they also correspond to the Yiddish words nit, gantz, halb, and shtell." At his 'huh?' expression, Ziva explained. "They are the rules of the game. It begins when we each put in a candy and one of us spins the dreidel. If it lands on Nun, nothing happens. On Gimmel, you get all the candies. Hei gives you half, and with Shin you put one in. If we run out, we add one candy each. The game ends when one person has all of them."

"Ah, a gambling game. Right up my alley." Tony placed a green M&M between them. "Bring it on David."

Dreidel really was more fun with large groups, but Tony and Ziva still laughed and snacked their way through several rounds. In the end Tony won and triumphantly grabbed the final red M&M and popped it in his month. "Victory!"

Ziva's eyes narrowed. "I like the red ones."

He grinned and stuck his tongue out. "Come and get it."

Taking up the challenge, Ziva straddled his lap and kissed him deeply, her tongue searching for the prize in his mouth. Tony, enjoying himself immensely, settled his hands on her hips and angled his head, taking the chance to taste her as well. Ziva ended up with a hint of chocolate and the need to wipe her face, as french kissing wasn't without the risk of a bit of drool. Tony used the position to his advantage and placed several short, soft kisses on her lips, finally cutting them off before his body did something to betray his desire of her.

Now, nearly three months home, one hundred seventeen pounds - only twelve from her pre-Somalia weight - and eating small but much more normal meals on a regular basis, with her injuries almost one hundred percent healed and only some lingering soreness and aches, Tony was no longer scared of sex hurting her physically. Only the risk of emotional damage remained, and he was really hopeful Dr. Maitland could help them work through that, soon. They were both ready for more than kissing.

**NCIS**

**Saturday December 12**

Tony was up, showered, dressed, and ready to go by ten am Saturday morning and he flopped gleefully on the bed, disturbing his sleeping wife. She groaned and rolled over. "Go back to sleep Tony."

He chuckled. "First of all, I can't believe you're still in bed. Second, that's impossible because I'm too excited."

Ziva's forehead furrowed and she reluctantly opened her eyes. "Excited about what?"

His mouth fell open. "Are you kidding me?" She shook her head and Tony sighed heavily. "Zi," he whined, "we're supposed to get a dog today."

Remembrance lit her face and she pushed herself up. "Go look you mean. I do not know if we will find one on the first try."

"I do," he replied confidently. "Now come on and get ready. I want to be first in line."

She rolled her eyes, but followed instructions and half an hour later was fresh from the shower and wearing warm, comfortable winter clothes. They sat down to a hot breakfast and then got in the car for a trip to a pet store not too far away to purchase a nice leather collar and braided nylon leash in different colours of green. Then came the longer drive to Silver Spring and the beginning of their pet adoption adventure.

Tony and Ziva stepped into the dog room at the shelter amid barks and whines and yelps as many of the animals pressed against the doors of their kennels, eager for attention from the newcomers. Tony stayed near the wall, watching as Ziva slowly went around, offering a pet and kind word to each dog. Finally she came to a cage where a tan and black dog lay with her head on her paws, observing the world with tired sad eyes. Ziva knelt down in front of her and looked up at the attendant.

"Is this one sick?"

Denise got closer. "No, but I think she's awfully confused. She was found down by the docks a week ago, freezing and half-starved. Someone brought her here and we've been doing our best, but she's barely made a peep. We don't even know her name."

Something in the lost dog's eyes connected with the parts of Ziva still so damaged from her experience in the camp and her heart melted. "Can you open the door?"

Denise did as asked and Ziva slowly offered the dog her fingers to sniff. She was basically ignored, so Ziva moved onto petting her soft head. "Shalom," she said quietly, stroking the dog's fur. At Ziva's gentle word the dog's ears perked up and she turned to the other woman.

Denise smiled. "Keep talking. That's the first sign of animation I've seen yet."

Encouraged, Ziva began murmuring in her native tongue. "_You are lovely_," she commented, "_such a warm coat. And there is a beautiful soul in your eyes. I think we could be friends_."

The dog pushed her nose into Ziva's hand and delight claimed her face. She leant down to whisper to the dog and Tony started forward. "Careful honey, she doesn't know you."

Denise went to him. "Not to worry Mr. DiNozzo, she's quite gentle. Your wife is the first person she's responded to. It's remarkable to see such an instant bond."

Ziva was in her own little world, focused only on the dog, almost unaware anyone else was in the room. _"Your ears are so silky_," she confided, "_do you like to have them touched?_" She dropped a brief kiss on the dog's muzzle. "_I like you_."

While she was close, the dog lifted her head and a pink tongue flicked out to taste Ziva's chek. The woman giggled. "_There, I found you_." When she sat back up, the dog slowly did the same, shaking herself. Ziva rubbed the animal's chest and let her hand slide down the dog's leg. Obligingly she offered her paw and Ziva's smile blossomed. "_It is nice to meet you too_." She put the paw down. "_Would you like to come home with me? I think you are just who we are looking for. You are a rescue dog, I am a rescue person. Perhaps we can be good for each other_."

She glanced back. "Tony come and meet my friend."

He hadn't quite caught everything she said, but enough to get the drift. This was the one. And maybe one damaged creature could help another. Tony knelt by his wife, waiting, and the dog looked him over solemnly. He did the same as Ziva had, extending his hand, and after a moment's thought she licked him tentatively. Tony smiled. "Hey girl." She edged closer to him and he ran his hand over her head. "What do you think? Are you coming home with us?"

Her tail thumped on the blanket and Denise laughed. "Sounds like a yes to me."

Tony slid his fingers between Ziva's. "So, what're you going to call her?"

Ziva fingered one of the dog's ears. "Meira," she told him quietly.

"What's it mean?"

She blinked back tears and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Light," she whispered. "Because she will be one of the lights to help guide me out of the darkness."

Tony kissed her temple. "Good choice."

Meira pushed between them, her wet pink tongue showering them with enthusiastic kisses. The couple laughed and Tony held up the brown leather collar they'd brought. He buckled it carefully around the dog's neck and ruffled her fur. "Welcome to the family Meira. I think you're going to fit in just fine. And wait until you meet Cody and the kids. Everyone will be thrilled to have you around." He chuckled. "I'm really glad we found you girl."

"Me too," Ziva concurred.

Now that the choice was made, Tony and Ziva spent a couple hours filling out paperwork, sitting through an interview, and getting a tutorial on the care of their new pet before they were actually allowed to leave with her. Although, as the three of them walked out of the shelter, Meira trotting happily by Ziva's side, he couldn't help but think the word 'their' might be pushing it a bit. From the first touch Meira had been Ziva's dog and he had no doubt that the two of them needed each other.

Leading the way to the car, Tony opened the back door and gestured grandly to the thick tan towel covering the seat. "Here you go girl. This was done especially for you."

Meira sniffed the towel and looked at Ziva. "Ka'ness," she said, nudging the dog in.

Hopping up, Meira sat and stared out the windshield. Tony's eyebrows drew together. "What did you say?"

"I told her to go inside. She will eventually understand."

He heaved a sigh. "You're going to make me learn all the commands in another language, aren't you?"

Ziva stroked Meira's back. "She responds to Hebrew Tony. And it will help with your vocabulary."

Tony slipped his arm around her waist. "Okay."

Their next stop was a pet emporium where pets were welcomed with their owners. Taking the leash because Meira needed to know he was in charge too, Tony led their dog through the sliding doors and they began wandering up and down the aisles with a cart, looking for what they would need. "Let's start with a bed," Tony suggested, and Ziva nodded. They found the section and compared several options, pretended to offer Meira a choice, but she was more concerned with the other animals in the building and stuck close to Tony's left leg. They settled on an oversized floor pillow in soft grey, and without even asking Tony had a feeling it would end up by Ziva's side of the bed.

Next came dishes in a small raised stand - one for food, one for water, then Tony and Ziva stood and debated over dog foods, compared what they remembered of commercials, consulted their notes from the shelter, and finally picked one that looked like a good brand. Ziva added a couple bags of treats and they continued on. The toy aisle was the one Tony had been looking forward to the most. He eagerly showed Meira everything and tossed a frisbee, a tube of bright pink tennis balls, and a rawhide bone in the cart, adding a knotted rope for tug of war and a half-filled soccer ball before Ziva stopped him, laughing.

"Enough Tony, she will get spoiled."

He turned pleading eyes on her. "Come on Zi, they're welcome to the family presents. This day only happens once."

She shook her head, but smiled, and they made their way to the front to pay. Between the adoption fees and all the accessories they may have gone a bit overboard, but as Tony said, this was a special day. Finally, when the afternoon was drawing to a close and it was definitely coming up on time for supper, Tony's car pulled back into their driveway and they both sat for a moment, trying to process the change. Ziva glanced over her shoulder where Meira was laying on the backseat, worn out from all the excitement.

Getting out, Ziva opened the door and reached for her dog's leash. "I will show her where to go in the yard." They'd already designated a corner for Meira to do her business in. Tony took care of bringing all their purchases in and watched from the office as his wife began their pet's training. Obviously teaching her the commands would take time, but all that was needed was patience and practice. Ziva stood patiently while Meira explored the yard and checked out all the new smells, but when Meira squatted she took her back to the corner to go.

Eventually the two came in and Tony knelt beside Meira to show her the dishes of food and water by the laundry closet. He unhooked and hung up her leash, then held his wife while they watched her tentatively crunch a few pieces of dog food. "Well Mrs. DiNozzo," he began, "we have a dog."

Ziva smirked and leaned into his embrace. "Yes. And I am very happy. Thank you Tony."

He kissed her neck. "You're welcome babe. I love you."

She moved to face him, standing up to press her lips to his. "Ani ohevet otcha."

Tony grinned. Never in a million years would he get tired of hearing that.

_Replies:_

_Kmf - sorry about that, the OCs took over and I literally had no control :P I'm glad you enjoy Tony's friend. Trust me, lots more Tiva to come! :) Thanks for reviewing :)_

_Amanda - I'm gald to hear it, thank you. It has become much more than we started out with, that's for sure. I like the lessons you're picking up. I'm glad you're enjoying the friends and pleased to hear they all feel real. That is my goal. Thank you so much for reviewing, you're very sweet :) ~Aliyah_

_IttyBitty - thank you :) I'm glad you're enjoying CJ. She'll be around now and then but she and B are taking things nice and slow. I'm so pleased you like how this is turning out. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Sarah - you're welcome. haha...good plan. Well, maybe not, but I still didn't like how it sounded given what it currently happening. I wonder what they would've done with the premier originally, before things got to be a mess. A few moments' peace is sometimes all that can be hoped for. T's pretty excited about the dog thing. He really just loves doing stuff for his wife. I know, right? T puts a lot of work into those reasons, I'm pretty impressed. I'm glad you enjoyed the skating, made me want to go skating now even though it's 25 degrees out. It was a rink at an arena and there were lots of other people around (at least in my head) but I spent more time focusing on the group than anything. I think B&CJ both have reasons to be cautious, but at least B knows what he wants and it working towards that. I'm glad you like CJ. My OCs appreciate the fans :) Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_

_MJ - I'm glad you're enjoying the story but I'm sorry it's not keeping your interest any more. There will be, and have been times, where it's all T&Z and nothing else, and times we need to step back and focus on other people to get some perspective. This story really has little to do with NCIS and is more about T&Z and their life together, but anyhow, thanks for coming this far. And for reviewing :) ~Aliyah_


	14. 7x10 Faith Part 1

_A/N: I do apologize for the frequent appearances of OCs in the next couple chapters, but I promise Ch 16 will be mostly Tiva and very little of the background people. Thank you all for your patience. I hope you enjoy. ~Aliyah_

**Saturday December 12 continued**

Adrian and Emma met for coffee and dessert again a week later, but this time it was evening and he opened the door for her, pulled out her chair, and took their order up to the counter. When he returned balancing a tray of goodies, Emma accepted her drink with a smile. "You paid."

He grinned. "That's because this is a date. Last time was just a practice run."

She sipped her white hot chocolate cautiously, but decided to let it cool in favour of sharing the warmed up brownie with whipped cream that they'd agreed on. "It's so easy to be with you," Emma confided. "I don't feel like I have to pretend or put on a show, because you've already decided you like me."

Adrian swallowed a delicious mouthful of chocolately goodness. "Same here. It's been a long time since I've spent extra time with anyone outside the gang." Her eyebrows lifted and he shrugged. "They've all been my safe place since college. Loved, accepted, liked. It makes a difference."

"I'm sure it does," Emma agreed. "I suppose my problem has always been a lot of friends but very few who got any closer." The corner of her mouth curved up. "Beth was beginning to despair of me ever meeting someone, and then...you showed up."

"Like a knight in shining armour?" he asked hopefully.

She laughed. "Something like that, I guess, although your sword is a pencil, your shield a canvas, and your helmet the lense through which you view life." Emma's hand fell to his arm and she leaned forward. "But I like unique."

Adrian grinned. "Good to know. So, any daycare stories for me today?"

Emma shook her head and threw up her hands. "Where do I start? Brock and Cal, our twins, built their foam block fort on Friday as usual, convinced the rain was coming to get them, and one of my ECE students was kept busy trying to find them a suitable roof. Daniel, our youngest charge, 'read' a book to Nole, a little boy with special needs, even though he's only two and a half and can't read. The girls were dressed up as fine ladies for tea in the drama corner, and we had a glue and glitter disaster at the craft table." She drank some of the steaming white liquid and rested her chin on one hand. "Just a typical afternoon at the Eden Center."

"Sounds like a riot."

"They drive me crazy somedays, the teachers too with the moods they get in, and the students who have so much to learn, but I love what I do."

"That's important. Then you're never really working." Adrian pushed the last two bites of brownie her way. "How are Beth and Hope?"

Emma's face lit up. "Beth just got the call - Chris should be home in time for the holidays!" She closed her eyes. "I can't wait to see him meet his daughter for the first time. It'll be priceless."

"Want a picture?" Adrian offered, and she stared at him.

"What?"

"Let me go with you to the airport. I've done reunion shots before Emma. It would make a great Christmas present for your brother in law."

"Do you mean that?" Emma demanded.

His brow furrowed. "Of course. I told you, that's why I love what I do. Nothing beats capturing those moments for people to hold onto."

Emma's eyes filled with tears. "Thank you Adrian. Yes, please. That would mean the world to them." She sighed. "Chris has been gone eight months. Beth only just told him she was pregnant when the orders came through. He's missed everything and he's been beating himself up over duty to family vs. country in the letters we've exchanged. It's so important to make sure that first moment of being home doesn't get forgotten."

Adrian brushed his fingers over the back of her hand. "My pleasure." And he almost wished they'd known each other long enough for little intimacies like holding hands and kisses on the cheek, because this would've been the perfect opportunity for one or both. But Adrian knew he would remember the joy on Emma's face for a long time.

**NCIS**

**Sunday December 13**

Mark's phone beeped shortly after lunch and he found it on the kitchen windowsill. _Ziva and I aren't coming today. Don't worry._

He frowned and sent back a quick message. _Too late. What's going on?_

There was a long pause and finally, _We have some stuff to talk about and work through. Be there next week._

That was too far away. _Wednesday_, Mark replied._ Cassie wants to do something for Brent's BD. 7 pm?_

A few minutes passed before Tony got back to him. _Okay. Presents?_

_Cassie's got a surprise. Just bring you two._

_Later_, came the last text and Mark sighed.

Cassie emerged from the basement in time to hear. "What's wrong?"

He held up his phone. "Tony and Ziva aren't coming. Tony says they're working through some stuff."

She put her hand on his chest. "That's what we wanted, right?"

Mark hugged her, grateful that Cassie had always been his touchstone. "What I want for them is to be happy, to be at peace, to laugh. It's been too serious since she got hurt."

Cassie touched his cheek. "They'll make it Mark. Look how far they've come already."

"Yeah, but okay still seems so far away."

She didn't like the defeatist tone in his voice. "Listen to me Mark Reece. Tony and Ziva love each other. Love has moved mountains in the past, it can do that again. Now stop worrying and pray for them. Right now that's the best thing we can do."

He drew a breath and nodded. "Right. Pray with me Cass?"

She smiled and kissed him gently. "Always."

Mark held her hand and closed his eyes. He would forever be thankful to have her for his wife.

**NCIS**

Tony shut his phone off and watched Ziva do the same. It was breaking Rule 3, but this was more important. "Want some tea?"

Ziva shook her head. "Let's just get this over with."

He sighed. "Okay Zi. Tell me what happened in Israel. Why did you stay?"

She closed her eyes and fought back the tears already starting. "You all did what I expected you to. Gibbs gave me time, you gave me space, my father gave me an ultimatum. And I told myself that if you were all willing just to let me go, then I really did not mean very much to you at all." Her shoulders sagged and Ziva let her hand drop to pet Meira's soft head. "I pushed you away to see how far you would go, and then I knew."

Tony gaped at her, disbelief written all over his face. "What would've happened if I dragged you on the plane with us?" After what he'd just heard, he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

"I would've hated you," she said right away. "Or at least," Ziva amended, "I would have acted like I did. I would have found somewhere else to stay. I might've transferred teams. And I would have wasted all our time being hurt and angry and defensive." She fondled the dog's left ear. "At least the desert took care of that part for us."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Don't-don't say that. I would rather have had you here with any amount of negative emotions than halfway across the world wishing you were dead."

"I am sorry," Ziva managed quietly, not really looking at him.

Tony sighed. "Yeah, me too." He leaned his head back on the couch. "I told you about Wendy Zi, I told you what she did. She walked out on me after she'd made a promise. I didn't need you breaking that promise too."

The anguish drenching his words brought Ziva's tears fully to the surface and she wiped them away with one dark sleeve, her heart aching. "Tony I...was not myself. I was so confused. I had been hearing one thing from Michael, one thing from you, one thing from Gibbs, one thing from Eli and I-I did not know what was true." She swallowed. "I know I hurt you when I walked away. I would give anything to be able to change my answer on the roof. To go back to that night I lay in the office, desperately wanting to let you in but unable to take that step. But I cannot go back and I cannot change what I have already done into what I should have done. I am so sorry for the hurt I caused ahava. I am so sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fix it Ziva." Tony shook his head and his fingers curled into fists. "I'm your husband. You should trust me more than anyone else in your life. Why couldn't you believe me? Why couldn't you see that I was trying to protect you? Gosh Ziva, I would never hurt you on purpose, so how could you believe that I would kill Michael out of spite? If I had any other choice...but he was going to kill me. And I did what I had to do."

She nodded. "I know. I could not see it then, but I do now." Ziva pulled her knees up tight to her chest. "I suppose I could not believe you for the same reason you had doubts, however brief, about my loyalty. Sometimes when something happens, you see all the wrong things. You think all the wrong things. You do not do it on purpose, but it happens just the same. We cannot answer for it, we cannot explain it, all there is to do is forgive each other and move on. And learn a lesson from the pain, to never ever make the same mistakes again."

Tony was silent as he processed the wisdom behind what she'd said. "That sounds like a good idea," he forced the words out. "I'm sorry Ziva, for doubting you. I agonized over that later, I knew that was one of the reasons you couldn't be around me. I don't know what I was thinking, but it won't happen again. I'm sorry."

"And I am sorry for not believing the truth when you told me what happened. I have had so long to repent of those sins ahava, I do not want to carry them anymore. Please forgive me."

"I will if you will."

A tiny smile ghosted over her lips. "You love me," she quoted softly. "Because of that, I will forgive you for anything."

**NCIS**

The hush between them remained undisturbed for a long time as both halves of the couple worked to process the things they'd just learned and shared. Finally Ziva sighed and raised her eyes to meet her husband's heavy gaze. "I owe you an apology."

He rubbed his face. "Thought we just did apologies."

"No," she shook her head, "not for Israel." Her knees came up, pulled tight to her chest. "I have been very selfish these past few weeks."

Tony's brow furrowed. "How so?"

Ziva swallowed. "I have made the pain of being denied children all about me. I became so consumed with it - my misery, my guilt, my longing - that I forgot how much you must also be hurting. I gave myself the time to mourn that loss, but I never asked if you did the same. For that I am sorry."

He spun his wedding ring around and around, not saying anything. Finally Tony closed his eyes and drew a breath. "I get where you're coming from Zi, I'm sure for a woman that ache is more concentrated, since it's your body a child would have grown in. But yeah, my heart's pretty bruised from all this as well." He leaned his head back. "I'm fine as long as we don't talk about it, but last week..." he trailed off. "I love Alec and McKenna, they've been my favourite kids since they were born. And never once, not until the last couple months, did I ever equate them with having my own children. But when I play with them I get to see the kind of dad I would've wanted to be, and in a way that doesn't make any sense, I miss something I've never had."

She wiped her eyes. "We never talked about wanting children. When we said our vows it was not even in my farthest away thoughts of our life together. I thought we would be happy to be just you and I forever. Why now?"

Tony shrugged. "I don't know babe. Maybe because it's been three years and we've adjusted to being married, we've had a good amount of time to spend alone together and enjoy each other. Maybe because we're both a little older, and even at only twenty-eight I'm sure women start to imagine there being more to their future." He extended his hand and tugged her closer, positioning them so she was sitting between his legs, her back against his chest. "I love you honey," Tony whispered. "And I will always be happy for it to be you and me, here together."

Ziva pulled his arms around her more firmly, wanting to feel secure and protected from the harsh reality surrounding them. "Yes," she replied very faintly. "But some part of you will always miss what we should have had."

He kissed her neck and held on tight. The pang in his heart proved her words to be right, but Tony had to hope that their love would be enough to cover all wounds. When everything else fell away, that was all they had.

**NCIS**

After basketball practice Adrian, unable to sit down with the rest of them, stood off to the side rolling the ball around in his hands. "It's a shame D didn't make it today. I have an announcement, and he missed the last one too."

Cassie's interest was instantly sparked. "What kind of announcement?"

A grin stretched across his face. "I met someone."

Mouths fell open, eyes widened, and a couple people jumped to their feet. "No way? Really?" Jordan asked.

"When?" Allie asked.

"How?" Cassie demanded in the next breath.

"Who is she?" Darien wanted to know.

"Copy cat," Brent teased from the bleachers.

Adrian tossed the ball at his friend and it bounced off Brent's shoulder. "Killjoy. There's no rule that says I can't meet someone until you're done with your time in the spotlight because of your lady friend."

Brent held up his hands. "Kidding, of course." He grinned and folded his arms. "So, what's her name?"

"Emma." Adrian still loved the way it sounded. "We've gone out twice."

Mark's eyebrows rose. "And that's told you enough to bring her up here?" He whistled. "Impressive."

"You have no idea." Adrian shook his head in wonder. "One date told me enough. She...she moves fast Papa Smurf, but she knows what she wants and for some crazy reason, she's decided she wants to get to know me." He pondered that fact. "It's pretty wonderful to find out you're suddenly worth someone's time."

"Ahem," Cassie cleared her throat, glancing at Allie. "There's a story here and we want to know what it is."

Adrian chuckled and finally perched on the red cooler holding their drinks. "Okay. I met her a couple weeks ago at Flash. She was there to help her sister with a newborn photoshoot. She was...intriguing."

"You met her two weekends ago and I didn't hear about it until now?!" Cassie blurted.

He rolled his eyes. "Calm down Smurfette. I didn't actually go out with her until Sunday afternoon. At that point there wasn't anything to tell."

She sighed. "Fine."

"So," Allie took up the questioning, "why tell us now? It's still pretty early." Adrian didn't usually do serious this quickly, though he was inclined to move faster and less cautiously than Brent.

Adrian shrugged one shoulder. "Well, I'm hoping she'll come next week and meet all of you guys. But since I don't want Cassie mauling her, I figured I'd at least give you the head's up, so you can be on your best behaviour."

Cassie affected an air of innocence. "Why is everyone looking at me?"

Mark tugged a lock of hair. "You do get a bit intense sometimes sweetheart. It can be intimidating for newbies."

She huffed. "I'm not going to have her for breakfast, I just want to make sure she's good enough for you."

Adrian studied his hands. "Oh yeah," he swallowed. "Emma is almost too good to be true. I feel like I'm living in a dreamworld."

Brent came over and dropped his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Trust me man, you don't ever want to wake up."

Mark rubbed his wife's shoulders. "I second that."

Allie leaned into Jordan and he nodded. "I'll speak for Tony and I and make it unanimous. If she's the one, you're never going to want to lose that feeling. It's the best thing ever."

"Yeah," Adrian mused quietly, "she just might be."

**NCIS**

**Monday December 14**

Sunday night Tony had taken care of buying a medium-sized, well insulated dog house that would either keep the cold in or out depending on the season, with a little flap on the front to protect the inside from the elements. He'd directed the deliverymen set it up on the back porch and he and Ziva had shown Meira where she'd be staying while they were at work. Monday morning Ziva placed a couple of her toys in the doghouse, along with some treats, and Tony moved her food and water dishes out back. They said goodbye, promised they'd be back, and hoped that somehow she'd understand. They decided to leave the installing of a dog door for springtime and headed to work.

Today's therapy session was a little easier given that one of the topics of concern was out in the open, but it made Ziva even more nervous because of what was yet to come. This time they only got as far as explaining Israel to their counselor, and beginning to talk about her nightmares and reactions post-Somalia before the hour was up. Dr. Maitland studied them thoughtfully. "Tony, I'd like you to come Friday so I can continue getting a better picture of how this is affecting both of you, but then I think it would be best if Ziva and I met alone for a couple weeks so she can have the freedom to tell me everything that happened over the summer." Seeing the protest in Tony's expression, she held up a hand. "Don't worry. Once we've discussed it in detail and Ziva has as much encouragement as I can give her, I will be making it homework for the two of you to have that discussion together. Does that work?"

Ziva rubbed her forehead. "I would rather not." She glanced at her husband. "Tony, I would do anything to protect you from what was done to me in that camp, but I also promised to do whatever was necessary to fight for our marriage, so I will tell you about Somalia when the time comes. There are no other options." He laced their fingers together but said nothing, because words had no effect on her experience that summer.

"I realize I don't know everything yet Ziva, but I do believe that is the right choice." She stood, signaling the end of the session. "Have a productive week and I'll see you both on Friday."

They nodded and left. "Thank you."

At the elevator, as had become their custom, Tony and Ziva held hands and he turned to look at her. "You have to know that nothing you tell me can make me love you less."

She aimed a sad smile in his direction. "I know. But after I tell you, you will...never look at me the same way." She sighed. "I will never be the strong, invincible warrior to you again. I will only be a broken, beaten, hopeless woman. And I will miss who I used to be in your eyes."

They got on the elevator and Tony tried so hard to think of something to say. But what could be said in the face of her declaration? She was so sure, and that worried him. Ziva was a smart woman, she had great instincts, and if that was truly what she thought, then he wondered if the relief he'd imagined in finally knowing the truth would really be present. Imagining a thousand terrible things and knowing those thousand terrible things had actually happened were two very different things indeed.

**NCIS**

Ryan was waiting exactly where Brent had asked him to sit after school. He came up the hall with his bag and grinned at the small boy. "Well, I guess it's just you and me tonight, huh?"

He jumped off the too-tall bench. "And Cody, right Coach?"

Brent chuckled. "Absolutely. And Cody. He's going to be so excited to see you."

"I miss him," Ryan confided, "because he didn't come to practice last week and we didn't go to the park." His face lit hopefully. "Are we going this week?"

Ruffling his hair, Brent led his charge out to the teacher's parking lot. "That's something to talk to your mom about later buddy. But we should probably ask her how dance class went first."

Ryan nodded. "Good idea. She's excited."

"I bet. If I could dance, I'd be excited too."

Infectious giggles escaped from Ryan's smiling mouth and he shook his head. "You can't dance silly, you're a boy."

Brent opened the back door of his car and watched the child get buckled in. "Actually, there are men who do ballet like what your mom teaches. It's a very challenging art and you have to train hard to be part of it. But," he leaned down, "I'll tell you a secret."

"What?" Ryan whispered, eyes wide.

"It's always a good idea for guys like us to learn how to dance. Not ballet, but regular dancing like men and women do in the movies, or on a fancy date."

His face scrunched up. "Why?"

Brent grinned and shrugged. "Girls love to dance Ry. It makes them feel special. So keep that in mind for when you're older."

"Are you going to dance with my mom?" Ryan wanted to know.

Brent coughed. "Not anytime soon buddy. But maybe, someday. Maybe we can all learn together."

"Like ice skating?" Ryan asked and his coach grinned.

"Yeah, just like ice skating."

Ryan settled into his seat. "Oh good. I like when we're all together."

Brent shut the back door and opened his. "Me too Ry. Me too."

**NCIS**

At six-thirty, just as Brent and Ryan were going over his spelling words for tomorrow, CJ knocked on the door and breezed in, earning a running tackle from Cody, who'd gotten excited at the sound of a car. She pet the affectionate animal and smiled at Ryan. "Hi monkey, sorry I'm late. Class ran a little longer than I thought. Some of the girls had questions."

Ryan went to hug her and shrugged like it was no big deal. "That's okay. Coach was helping me with spelling."

CJ's eyebrows rose. "Was he? Is he any good?"

Ryan made a face. "Well...he spelled 'tomorrow' with only one 'r', but I think he was just fooling me."

"I wanted to see how much attention you were paying," Brent corrected, getting up and debating about whether to greet CJ with a hug in front of her son. She read the hesitation in his eyes and squeezed his hand instead. Brent nudged Ryan and looked at CJ and his eyes got real big.

"Oh yeah, we're supposed to ask how dance class was."

CJ chuckled. "It was long. We had twenty girls at the beginning of orientation, but only eighteen made it to the end of the class. I think we're probably going to be down to fifteen regulars. There was a lot of talking and explaining, kinda boring stuff tonight. But Friday we get into the actual dancing, which is much more interesting." She kissed Ryan's head. "How was school?"

He shrugged. "Fine. But after school was better. Coach made grilled cheese for supper."

"Really? I wonder if he knew that's your favourite."

Ryan looked at Brent. "Did you?"

Brent shook his head. "Nope. But I'll remember that. I made it because grilled cheese is one of my favourite foods. But you're such a pro buddy, you almost didn't need my help."

Ryan shrugged. "Mom and me have done it lots of times."

"Mom and I," CJ and Brent corrected at the same time, laughing when Ryan rolled his eyes.

Smiling, and happier than she'd been in a long time, CJ touched Ryan's back. "Get your things monkey, we better give Brent his house back."

"Did you want coffee or anything before you go?" Brent would've preferred to keep them around longer.

CJ shook her head. "Sorry, on a school night we both have early bedtimes. Ryan's in bed by seven-thirty and we still have to finish homework and maybe have a bath."

"A bath," Ryan sighed, shoving papers in his backpack. "Do we have Spiderman soap?"

"If you didn't use it all up on Saturday then yes, we have Spiderman soap."

"Good," Ryan nodded. "It makes the best bubbles."

"Well, if you have to have a bath, bubbles are definitely the way to go," Brent put in. He saw them to the door and smiled at Ryan. "Thanks for keeping me company tonight buddy. I'll see you after school on Friday."

Ryan frowned. "Probably before that."

"Probably," Brent agreed. "But I don't want you to forget."

CJ chuckled. "Forget? The week is going to seem a million years long. That's all he'll be talking about."

Before he got in the car, Ryan called back, "Is Cody coming to practice on Friday?"

"Yeah, sure, he can come."

"Yeah!" Ryan cheered, hopping inside.

CJ smiled. "You're so good with him. Thank you."

His eyebrows rose. "Are you kidding me CJ? You're trusting me with your son, the most important thing in your life. So no, thank you."

She slipped her fingers in her jacket pockets. "You looked like you wanted to hug me earlier."

"I did," Brent confirmed. "Is that a possibility now?"

CJ glanced back at her car and finally shook her head. "Not with Ryan watching. He's...very attached to you Brent. I don't want him to get the wrong idea, or get his hopes up before we've really gotten good at being friends first. Do you understand?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, I do. But for the record, I'd really love to be able to hug you when you come in, or kiss your cheek as a greeting."

Colour rose to her face and she pressed her lips together. "If you kiss my cheek Ryan will pretty much have us married, I guarantee that. Let's leave it for awhile longer, okay?" CJ saw his disappointment and sighed. "I'm not saying never, just not yet. Friends, right? You promised."

Brent ran his fingers through his hair. "I know. But I hug Cassie and Allie when I see them."

"They've known you for years," she pointed out, "and they don't have impressionable kids without dads to worry about. Cassie's married, Allie's engaged, I'm neither. For the sake of Ryan's heart, and mine, just go slow, please Brent?"

He leaned against the doorframe. "Slow," he agreed. "But you might have to remind me now and then."

"I will." She reached out and touched his arm briefly. "Good night."

He watched her get in and drive away, and felt the warmth and light leave his home. "Yeah, good night." Boy, this waiting thing sure wasn't going to be easy, but he could tell even now that it would be so worth whatever time it took.

**NCIS**

**Wednesday December 16**

Mark was waiting outside the gym when CJ got off work. She'd mentioned to one of the girls that it was near Ryan's school and since that was where Brent worked too, the choices were pretty easy to narrow down. Using his connections, Mark found out what time she'd be done class and planted himself against a lightpost near the entrance. CJ came out shuffling her shoes and water bottle around to fit in her bag, not looking up until she almost bumped into him.

"Oh I'm sorry." Then her eyes widened and she pushed a piece of damp hair back. "Mark? What are you doing here?" She shook her head. "Oh no, Brent?"

He touched her arm and smiled. "Take it easy CJ, I come with good news." An eyebrow arched and he continued. "Cassie's spent the last few days planning a birthday party for Brent."

"It's his birthday?" CJ frowned. "I just saw him on Monday. He didn't say anything."

Mark shrugged. "Swish is like that. He won't ever bring up his birthday or special events, but it makes him feel special when people remember."

CJ chuckled. "I get the feeling Cassie is the heart of your group. She keeps tabs on everyone, doesn't she?"

He nodded. "That's my wife. And we love her for it. I'm not sure we ever would've become family without her. Even when we didn't all live in the same city she made sure we all got together on occasion and knew what was going on in each other's lives." Mark slipped his hands in his pockets. "Her mother died the year we got married, so I think Cass wants to make sure none of us lose the closest thing we have to family, and that we cherish our time together while we have the chance."

"That's not such a bad idea," CJ agreed. "Oh, but I don't know what to get him for a present. Do you have any ideas?"

"Don't worry about it. Once he gets to our place Brent will expect to see the rest of the group, but you and Ryan will be his surprises. Are you picking him up now?"

"I was going to, yes."

"Okay. Well, Adrian and Darien are kidnapping Brent from his house around seven, so if you guys come by six-thirty that'll be lots of time. It's just cake and punch, nothing fancy. Except that the girls are over there right now turning the kitchen into a party room." Mark slipped her a card. "Our address is on the back. Call if you get lost. See you then?"

CJ smiled. "Yes. I look forward to it. Thanks for tracking me down."

Mark chuckled. "Cassie's going to want to add your information to her family notebook, so be prepared when you show up."

"I'll keep that in mind. Later Mark."

He watched her walk away, red hair flowing around her head like a burnished halo. "I think we're going to call you Flame."

Three hours later Alec and McKenna dragged CJ and Ryan into the kitchen to see what they'd done. "Look!" McKenna squealed. "Isn't it beautiful?"

CJ took in the streamers hung from the ceiling, the bunches of balloons in the corners, the cake and punch on the table surrounded by plates and glasses and party hats, the joy on all faces. "You guys did a great job, I'm impressed."

Cassie touched her shoulder on the way by, carrying a sharp knife in a protective cardboard sleeve. "We're so glad you could make it CJ. Brent is going to be very surprised."

"Thanks."

Alec waited patiently by her elbow to be noticed. "Can Ryan come see my room?"

"Mine too!" McKenna put in.

Ryan looked at her questioningly and CJ smiled. "Of course. Just don't be late coming down."

Mark nodded. "I'll give you guys a five minute warning as soon as Uncle Zip and Uncle Red call." He saw CJ's confusion and chuckled. "Nicknames. If you haven't already noticed, you will soon enough that Adrian can't sit still. He's always jumping around from one thing to the next, hence Zip or Zippy. Darien is amazing at sports and we used to call him Red Hot on the court. The kids picked up on the first part and that's been his title ever since. You'll get to know the others the longer you're around. Actually," he turned his eyes to the stairs, "Alec and McKenna have spent the last several days arguing about what Ryan's is going to be. We'll see if he's christened by the time they get back down."

Her offer to help denied, Cassie urged her to mingle and CJ got a glass of punch and sidled up shyly beside Allie, who was giving the latest wedding update to Ziva. They shifted places to include her in their circle and the conversation continued on, allowing CJ's thoughts to drift. There was something special about this group, she could tell this time for sure. And nicknames. Nicknames were great because they gave one a feeling of being included, of being liked well enough that the formality of a given name was too much and had to be altered. They signified belonging, which was special no matter how it happened. Keeping one ear open for sounds from upstairs, CJ forced her attention back to the women and thought about how nice it was to have been so quickly accepted by the people her friend considered his family.

Fifteen minutes later the phone rang and Mark relayed a cryptic message that roughly translated to the three guys being in transit. Five minutes later he called the kids down and found them all sporting parts of costumes, so assumed there'd been some play acting going on. Ryan adjusted his soft green brimless cap and tugged on CJ's sleeve. She bent to his level and he whispered in her ear. "They're going to call me Peter Pan." He shook his head. "McKenna says my hair reminds her of the boy from the movie."

She slid her arm around her. "That's great monkey. It means they like you."

His eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Really," she confirmed, then they were all asked to hush and the lights were turned out when a car drove in the lane. Cassie quietly counted down as shuffling noises were heard in the entry and then Tony flipped the lights on and they all shouted, "SURPRISE!" as Brent stumbled into their midst.

He ran a hand through hair made messy by the bag Adrian had pulled over his head and felt his cheeks heat. "Thanks guys." The candles were already lit and Darien nudged him forward to follow the tradition. Closing his eyes, he made a wish as the kids expected and blew the flames out in one breath. Everyone clapped and cheered and Brent had the chance to look around. He grinned when his eyes lit on CJ and Ryan, sandwiched in between Allie and Ziva. He went over immediately and CJ offered a hug and whispered happy birthday. Ryan flung himself at Brent and he hefted the boy into his arms, swinging him around once. "Thanks for coming buddy. What a great surprise!"

Ryan frowned. "We didn't get you any presents. There's supposed to be presents at a party."

Brent smoothed back his hair. "No worries. You guys are all the presents I need." He glanced at CJ and looked towards the table and she nodded. "Come on Ry, let's go get some cake for you and your mom. You like marble, right?"

CJ's expression was thoughtful. "I'm not sure he's ever had it to be honest. Gram always makes sprinkle cake for his birthday."

"You'll love it," Brent predicted. "It's chocolate and white cake swirled together. There's nothing better." He walked Ryan over to where Cassie was cutting generous pieces, and kissed her cheek. "Nice job Smurfette. Thanks."

She hugged him. "Can't let a day like this go by without recognition. You know that hoops man. Birthdays are very special."

He looked around at all his friends, his family, and those he hoped would someday be included in that title. "Yeah," he grinned. "They definitely are."

**NCIS**

**Friday December 18**

Brent and Ryan stepped in the house, stamping their boots on the mat and shaking off flakes of snow from the thick shower falling outside while Cody wove around their legs, elated to have people back, and jumped up to lick them in greeting. Brent took Ryan's backpack so he could get his coat hung up, and set his boots on the mat. "What's on the homework list tonight?"

Ryan sighed heavily and rose from where he was kneeling to pet Cody. "Math. And I hate fractions."

Brent nodded solemnly. "They're not easy to figure out, but maybe I can help."

The boy's eyebrows lifted hopefully. "Really?"

"Yup. Take your stuff to the table, I'll be right back." Jogging up the stairs, he grabbed a handful of change from the jar in his room and returned to the kitchen. "Need a drink or anything before we get started?"

Ryan tipped his head thoughtfully. "Do you have any more juice?"

Once CJ asked him to have Ryan two nights a week, Brent went shopping and stocked his kitchen with several kid-related necessities. As it turned out, Ryan loved grape juice, so they got along well last time. He chuckled. "Sure do buddy. I'll get some for both of us."

"Thank you," Ryan offered when a glass was set in front of him. CJ had done a good job teaching her son manners. The kid was always so polite and grateful. He soaked up attention like a sponge and it made Brent want to have him around all the time. Nothing was better than the way that little boy looked at him.

He sat down and Ryan pushed the worksheets towards Brent. "See? 1/4, 1/3, 1/2." He rolled his eyes. "It doesn't make any sense."

Brent dug the change from his pocket and put it on the table. "Maybe not like that, but let's try it another way. Do you know how many quarters make a dollar?"

Ryan's expression was quizzical. "Sure, four."

"Pull them out." So he did, lining the coins up neatly. "Okay, four quarters, right?" Ryan nodded. "What happens if I take one away?" Brent slid one from the line.

Understanding wasn't quite there yet. "You have three."

"Three what?" he prompted.

"Three quarters," Ryan said slowly.

Brent looked at the first problem. "What is a whole minus a 1/4? There's your answer." Ryan's brow furrowed, clearly still having trouble with the concept, so Brent kept trying. "Four quarters make up a whole dollar. If you take one away you get...?"

"Three quarters," the boy repeated, working it out in his mind. "And half is...two quarters?"

Brent took another coin. "That's right, because two quarters make up half a dollar. Does that help?"

"Sort of. But is three quarters a 1/3 then?"

Brent scanned his kitchen, looking for an example. Getting up, he found a banana and a paper towel. Bringing it back to the table, he peeled the fruit held it up. "This is a whole banana, right?" Ryan nodded, then he pulled it apart. "Okay, so now it's in three pieces. What happens when I take away one?"

The game was familiar now and Ryan started to smile. "Two left. Two...thirds?"

Brent held up his hand for a high five. "Exactly. What's next?"

Together they worked through the first sheet, then Brent left Ryan to do the second sheet himself while he started supper. Half an hour later they were carefully nibbling on hot chicken nuggets while Cody lay hopefully behind Brent's chair, ready to make a dash for any crumbs that fell.

"So tell me about school," Brent began, swallowing his first bite. "You go sledding at recess with the others?" Their school was small and blessed with a decent hill down to where the track was, making sledding a favourite winter activity.

Ryan gobbled up a dinosaur shaped nugget and shrugged. "I don't have a crazy carpet or saucer, but Breanna let me use hers a couple times. Me and Daniel tried to build a snowman, but it's not packing snow."

"Daniel and I," Brent corrected, something Ryan was used to with his mom. "You always put the other person first. And you're right, it'll have to get a bit warmer or rain first before snowmen are an option."

Ryan took another bite and got ketchup on his chin, Brent chuckled handed him a napkin. He glanced at the dog. "Does Cody like snowmen?"

Brent laughed. "That's a good question. I don't think we've ever made one."

"Never?" came Ryan's shocked reply.

Brent shrugged. "We didn't have anyone to play with before."

"Oh." Ryan seemed to take that to heart. "Well, I'll help you build a snowman sometime, if you want."

"You would?" Brent asked. The boy nodded eagerly and he tousled his blonde hair. "Thanks buddy, that sounds like fun."

They continued with their meal and after all the nuggets were gone, Ryan stood up and took his plate to the sink. "Are we washing dishes?" he asked, eyeing the small accumulation from Brent's dinner last night and cereal this morning. "Mom says it's never a good idea to leave them. If you do, it takes forever to get them all done."

The way he dragged out 'forever' made Brent think that had happened a few times. He joined Ryan in the kitchen. "That's a good idea. Your mom is a smart lady. So, I wash you dry?"

Ryan nodded once. "Okay. We can take turns."

"Works for me." He ran half a sink of hot soapy water and they worked through all the dishes, with Ryan drying them so carefully that Brent gathered CJ was rather meticulous about how things were done. Once everything was put away, it was time to change for practice and hurry out the door with an energetic pet dogging their every step. Arriving first made it easy to avoid any questions about why one of his students was coming with him, and Brent called practice to order with Cody at his side, acting like it was any other night.

CJ showed up right at the end and Ryan ran into her arms. She scooped him up in a hug and kissed his cheek. "Hi monkey, how was your day? I missed you."

"Me too," he shared. In his three years of school they had rarely ever spent the evening apart. "It was good. Coach made fractions a lot easier."

Her eyebrows rose and she sought out Brent, who was hovering close enough to eavesdrop without actually looking like he was listening. "Really? That's great. Anything that helps you understand math is awesome. What did you have for supper?"

"Chicken nuggets, dinosaur ones," Ryan told her, eyes lighting up. "There were even a couple stegosauruses."

She grinned. "Perfect. You'll have to show Coach your dinosaur collection sometime."

Wonder filled his expression. "Does that mean Coach can come to our house?"

Again CJ's eyes met Brent's and she smiled at her son. "Yes, I think so. Someday."

Wes called his name and the boy jogged over to talk to his friend, giving Brent and CJ a few moments alone. "How was he?"

Brent's easy grin appeared. "He was great. Did his homework, helped me with the dishes, polite. I love having him around. And Cody is beside himself to have an extra playmate in the evenings. I'm really glad you asked me to do this."

"Yeah," she swallowed. "Me too. It's still a little strange, sharing him with somebody, but Ryan's thriving off this new arrangement."

He reached out and squeezed her hand briefly, smiling. Sticking his hands back in his pockets where they couldn't get him into any trouble, Brent looked at her. "Did class go okay? How are the girls doing?"

Excitement bloomed on her face and CJ had to stop herself from spinning around like a little kid. "Tonight was so much fun! This is just the beginning and Linds and I are concentrating a lot on the basics, but I can tell already that some of them are going to be really talented. Hopefully by the summer the ones who really take to it will be ready to move into one of the next level dance programs in the city. Then we'll get another group to start with in September."

"You love it, huh?" It was an unnecessary question, given the way she talked and acted. It was great to see her so happy.

"I do," she told him sincerely.

He chuckled. "Someday I want to see the pictures from your ballerina days."

CJ snorted. "Don't push it buster. We'd have to be practically marr-" She caught herself and cleared her throat nervously. "Uh...really serious before I'd let my mom pull out all the old photo albums."

Brent wisely left her slip alone and nodded slowly. "Huh. I'll keep that in mind." Because as soon as she was ready, serious was exactly where he wanted to be.

_Replies:_

_Kmf - I'm glad you think so. Aw, really? I love when people share stories, thank you. I'm glad you've both been enjoying them. Yeah, sorry about the break but I'm dealing with conflicting muses and conspicuously absent inspiration due to lack of creative writing time at the moment. I hope to work on that in the next couple weeks. I love when people have fav chaps. Thanks so much for reviewing! :)_

_Sarah - you're welcome :) I miss Cote. I was working my way through the dialogue in S9 this weekend and found a line from Nature of the Bease (9x01) that just made my heart ache. G said "We function as a team. If you remove one, everything changes." Too true in light of recent events, I'm afraid. That sucks about the commercial. I wish they'd stop trying to erase her as if she's not one of the reasons people have loved NCIS for the last 8 years. I feel like they're trying to get rid of her and are hoping we'll forget after the premier, but with all the love for Ziva/Cote floating around, I highly doubt that will be the case. Glad you liked the chapter. I was glad for the chance to let Z&M talk honestly together. I think M was very much in shock over Amanda and no one ever really let him grieve for her. I think it's good too for Z to have others' perspectives on T during their summer apart, she needs to not forget how he suffered in her absence. Yeah, that scene with the power out kind of jumped out at me and I hated how scared she was, but I'm glad T found the candles too. I love the way Hebrew prayers looks, I just wish I knew how they were supposed to sound. I think they just talk about God with such awe and respect and that's very cool. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_


	15. 7x10 Faith Part 2

**Saturday December 19**

Brent heaved the tennis ball across the park and watched Ryan and Cody chase after it. Ryan insisted he was only there for moral support, to encourage Cody in his quest, but Brent knew the boy got as much enjoyment out of searching for the ball as his golden retriever did. He walked back across snow dusted grass to where CJ was sitting, bundled up in several layers with a blanket over her lap while she read her book and sipped hot tea from a travel mug. He sat down and leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees.

"Got a question for you CJ, and it's kind of pushing the boundaries of friends."

She marked her place and looked up, wariness and interest mingled in her blue eyes. "Okay."

Brent flexed his shoulders and sighed. "So you know Jordan and Allie's wedding is coming up next week, right?" She nodded and he pushed on. "I'd really like you to come with me. Will you come? I mean, I'm in the wedding party so I wouldn't be sitting with you, but I'd really like you to be there. And all there's no reception afterwards, just finger foods and drinks for the dance. Please?"

CJ laughed at his bumbling explanation and touched his arm. "You're so cute when you're nervous. I'd love to come. I think your friends are great and I'm honoured to be asked." Her eyebrows drew together. "What about Ryan? Is he invited too?"

"Well," Brent hesitated, "it's an evening wedding actually, and they figured it'd be too late for the kids. So Mark and Cassie are leaving Alec and McKenna with their grandfather for the night. I could ask if it'd be okay for Ryan to join them. I'm sure they'd love a sleepover with him."

She chewed on her lip. "I haven't met Cassie's dad, so I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. It makes more sense to leave him with my parents, because we'll be there for Christmas morning anyways. But thanks for offering. Sometime we'll have to do a playdate with all three. He's having a lot of fun with those two. Did you know they tagged him with Peter Pan?"

Brent chuckled. "Yeah, that made it through the grapevine. I think it's kind of cute, normally we pick the nicknames. It'll probably get shortened to Pan at some point, but I like it."

"Me too." CJ watched her son play with Cody and shivered. "I think it's almost time to move Saturday afternoons indoors. I don't run enough to stay warm when we're here."

Brent blew on his hands and shoved them in his coat pockets. "I know what you mean. Those two are having all the fun. Are you able to come next week? Or is there family stuff going on the twenty-sixth as well?"

"Nope," CJ shook her head, "we're free. What did you have in mind?"

Brent grinned. "My place, two o'clock. The rest is a surprise. But it'll be fun, I promise."

She shook her head. "I don't doubt it. We never get bored around you."

He squeezed her hand briefly. "I hope you never do."

Knowing that her heart was drawn to him more with every day they spent together, CJ was quite sure that would never happen. In fact, she was beginning to hope for a lifetime of looking forward to what was coming next.

**NCIS**

Due to the craziness of the Christmas season and Cassie's insistence that they not skip a month, the final group dinner of the year commenced with comfort food and close friends. Tonight macaroni and cheese was on the menu, along with green beans and turnip for colour brought by Adrian and Allie, fresh baked bread courtesy of Ziva, a salad by Brent, and homemade cinnamon buns for dessert from Darien. It never ceased to amaze the group how good of a cook their big, quiet, football player was, but after having sampled his delights many times over the years, they never turned down his offer to bring something.

The biggest surprise of the night, of course, was the tan dog with black patches laying quietly by Ziva's chair, watching Cody, who was currently tied to the railing of the staircase, a little warily. Their friends had been warned through Mark and Cassie before the DiNozzos arrived not to make any sudden movements around Meira, or approach her in a manner that might be perceived as threatening. Cody, however, was not aware of how timid she was and had been thrilled to see another animal of the canine variety walking into the house. Before Brent could grab him he'd run up and stuck his nose in Meira's face, causing her to cower between her owners, a growl low in the back of her throat. Tony and Ziva exchanged startled glances. It was the first time they'd heard her make any kind of threatening noise.

Irritated and apologetic even though it wasn't entirely his dog's fault, Brent took hold of Cody's collar and hauled him around the corner to the stairs, looping his leash around the base of the banister and declaring him to be in time out. The group was quiet after that, until Mark and Cassie nudged McKenna and Alec forward, figuring smaller humans would look less dangerous. Tony knelt down beside Meira, keeping his fingers curled around her collar, and encouraged the kids closer. Ziva too, crouched down, and reached for McKenna's hand.

"She is very gentle motek, do not be afraid."

The little girl eyed Meira critically. "Cody never growls unless we're playing."

Ziva slid an arm around her niece's waist. "I know. But she is not used to seeing people other than Uncle Tony and I, and she has not played with any animals since we brought her to live with us. Meira was only frightened." She tucked a dark curl behind McKenna's ear. "It is similar to how you feel when something startles you. You are afraid until you realize there is nothing to worry about."

Compassion entered the child's eyes and she held out one hand for the dog to sniff. "We don't want her to be scared here. This is all family." Meira accepted McKenna's offering with a tentative lick and she began petting to top of Meira's head. "Good girl. It's okay. That's just Cody. He likes to play and he's very bouncy, but he's not scary."

On the other side Alec crouched and ran his hand down the dog's side. "Why's she scared?"

Tony shook his head. "We're not sure. She was lost and taken to a shelter before we found her." He looked over Meira's back at Ziva. "We think the people who had her before us maybe weren't very nice to her."

Alec frowned. "That's not good. Why would you get a pet unless you were going to be nice? They don't understand when people are mean."

"You are right Alec," Ziva commented. "Animals know only to love, and are loyal even to those who hurt them. Some dogs can be mean if they are not treated right, but some only get shy and easily scared like Meira."

McKenna put her arms around Meira's neck. "It's okay girl. We're all nice, I promise."

"Yeah," Alec added. "And you'll probably like Cody once you're used to him. He's lots of fun to play with."

After that the others came one by one to introduce themselves and then head into the kitchen, so the number of people around the timid animal only got smaller. Finally only Mark and Cassie were left. Tony stood up and slipped his hands in his pockets. "We were going to ask if you'd be okay keeping her sometimes when we have an overnight or away case, like you do with Cody. But that wasn't the greatest first impression."

Cassie, who quite easily fell in love with anything furry on four legs, got down in front of Meira and fondled her ears. "Nonsense. If new people are intimidated to meet this group all at once, new animals should be allowed the same courtesy. And it's hard to prepare anyone for Cody's level of enthusiasm."

Mark laid his big hand on Meira's back and patted her gently. "She's okay. And it'll only get better the more time she spends with us. What do you think Cass? Another part time pet to keep the kids company?"

Cassie laughed. "It works for me." She linked arms with Ziva, leading her towards the table. "This is why we've never had to get a dog. Between Cody and now Meira, our kids get plenty of furball loving."

"Thank you," Ziva said quietly. "We are glad to have her, but because our team does not know, we cannot ask for special permission to bring her to work with us."

"Although I'm quite certain that Abby will be willing to have her in the lab, once it all comes out," Tony added.

"Is that anytime in the near future?" Mark inquired.

The couple's eyes met and he saw that his wife's trepidation towards change of any kind still lingered. "Not until after we get the citizenship stuff settled. Then we'll probably re-visit the subject and see." Tony linked fingers with Ziva to reassure her that he was fine with waiting. They knew the truth, that was what really mattered.

So that led them to all being gathered around the table with heaping plates and lots of news to catch up on. "I'm glad we did this now," Jordan commented partway through the meal. "Allie and I would've hated to miss out on the last gathering before our wedding."

"Well, we didn't think you'd come back from your honeymoon early just to join us for New Year's Eve," Mark said, winking at the couple.

"Yeah, you might be so caught up in all the newlywed fun that you won't even want to come back!" Tony teased, and Allie ducked her head, a blush colouring her cheeks. Jordan merely cleared his throat and averted his eyes. Less than a week left meant they were both a little anxious for time to speed up and get them to the moment of saying 'I do'. They'd waited a long time for their wedding day and it was proving to be a challenge to make it through the final few days of separation.

"Boys," Cassie scolded from the other end of the table. "Be nice."

Rather than being chastised, Mark caught his wife's gaze, remembering what it was like before their own walk down the aisle. And Tony clasped Ziva's hand, thinking of the honeymoon they'd missed. Someday, he hoped, they'd actually get it.

Offering a reprieve, Brent began to tell a story from last night's final basketball practice before the Christmas holidays, then Cassie chimed in with a new anecdote about the children. Eventually things wound down and they all sat back to let dinner settle. Alec and McKenna, never able to hold still for long, turned pleading eyes to Brent. "Is Cody done being in trouble now?"

Brent chuckled. "Yeah, he's done. But keep him on the leash so he doesn't scare Meira again, okay?"

Alec looked hopefully at his mom. "Can we be excused?"

"May we," Cassie corrected.

Stifling a roll of the eyes that wouldn't win him any points, the boy sighed. "May we be excused?"

She nodded. "Take your dishes to the sink, then go upstairs with Cody. We'll give Meira a little more time to settle in before getting them any closer."

Once the children left, Allie and Ziva pushed their chairs back and began gathering plates and utensils, which was the signal for the rest of get up and help too. With nine of them altogether the table was cleared, leftovers repacked in containers or stored in the fridge, the table wiped, and dishes done in very short order. Then Cassie turned to Ziva with a smile. "We know it's not exactly tradition to give adults presents during Hanukkah, but we're big on gifts around here for special occasions, so I hope it's okay that we couldn't let this holiday pass by without recognizing it."

Confused, Ziva looked to Tony, who shrugged. Small bags and wrapped items began appearing and were placed on the table in front of the Israeli. Awe entered her expression. "These are...for me?"

"Hanukkah gifts Zi," Tony whispered. "Open them."

Overwhelmed, Ziva blinked back the emotion gathering behind her eyes and reached for the first bag, pulling out a thick orange, rust, and burgundy coloured scarf. Jordan pointed to it. "Tony's mentioned before that you get cold pretty easily in the winter, so when Allie and I saw that we couldn't resist." The scarf was soft and Ziva draped it around her neck, warmed as much by the gesture as by the yarn.

Next came a small white box from a jewellery store holding a pair of gold vine earrings with tiny white leaves. "Oh," Ziva said softly, touching them. "Thank you Allie. They are lovely."

The blonde woman smiled. "I'm glad you like them. I saw them and thought of you."

In an envelope was a gift certificate from Darien for she and Tony to go out to dinner. "It's a great restaurant," he explained. "And it's always nice to enjoy a meal on someone else's dime."

Ziva kissed his cheek, to the big man's surprise. "That is very thoughtful."

A heavier, flat item came from Mark. "What Cassie found said that cookbooks are good gifts to give on Hanukkah, and Tony has always complimented your skills in the kitchen." She tore the wrapping off and paged through the book. "Maybe you'll find some new things to try."

"Toda," Ziva murmured, glancing at her husband. "I am sure Tony will appreciate this as well. He is always my hamster for new dishes."

Confusing flowed around the group and Tony choked on his laughter. "Guinea pig Ninja."

She flapped her hand. "They are both small animals, are they not? And I do not know why we are testing things on them."

A few chuckles escaped but most managed to hide their amusement of Ziva's faux pas while she moved onto the light, rectangle package Adrian held out. Her lips parted and eyes widened as she freed the frame from its silver paper and a wrinkle creased her brow. "How did you...?"

He shrugged. "I'm never without my camera. Sometimes it's only a small digital one tucked in my pocket, like at the rink. There's always some moment for me to capture."

The picture in the frame was of Tony and Ziva, one of the times they'd been skating face to face, her moving forward and Tony backwards, eyes locked on each other, the love and energy between them blatantly evident. "Thank you," she whispered, throwing her arms around his neck. Tony rescued the photo and stared at it. So that was what others saw when he and Ziva got lost in each other's gazes. Glancing back at his wife, he hoped that he would always look at her like that, his whole world and everything his heart was wrapped up in.

From Cassie came a tiny box only three inches high, with a light purple butterfly gracing the words. "When I asked Tony for ideas, he told me that your favourite perfume was something your brother had brought you when you were younger. It took some research, but if you look in the right places it's still available."

"Butterfly," Ziva intoned softly, opening the box and taking out the vial to spritz it on her wrist. She breathed in the subtle scent and clutched her present tightly. "I have not smelled that in years. You are so sweet to find it for me Cassie."

"My pleasure," the other woman assured her, seeing Tony's mouthed 'thank you' over his wife's head. "And last but not least..." She produced a large pink bag covered in small colourful bear shapes and handed it to Ziva. "Alec and McKenna were determined not to be left out of gift giving, and Ken remembered your favourite candy. Happy Hanukkah Ziva."

The sentiment was echoed from all present and Ziva gave them her brightest smile. "Thank you all. This was a lovely surprise." Then Tony helped her pack each gift into a bag Cassie provided, and Mark asked who wanted something hot to drink.

The kids were brought back down for dessert and hugged tightly by Ziva for their part, then Brent took Cody's leash and led him into the livingroom where Meira sat at Tony's feet waiting for Ziva. The two animals surveyed each other cautiously, Cody's natural enthusiasm hampered by Brent's strict command for him to heel. Given the opportunity to meet him without feeling intimidated, as Ziva's reappearance soothed her even more, Meira took a hesitant couple of steps forward and sniffed Cody. He returned the favour and ever so slowly tails started to wag. When they were confident that Cody would behave himself and that Meira wasn't frightened, Brent and Tony let them off their leashes and watched as the dogs circled each other and got acquainted. By the time the evening ended Cody and Meira were laying side by side on the carpet, each with a small arm around them as the kids watched a movie on TV and the adults talked. All in all, it was a peaceful time and Ziva was more relaxed leaving the house than she'd felt in days.

"It is nice to have friends," she told her husband, leaning into him as the cold wind wafted around them on the way to the car.

Tony saw his wife inside, then opened the back door for Meira. "You're telling me. These guys have been my family for a long time Zi. I'm glad you're starting to feel like part of it."

Ziva rested her head back against the seat. "Speaking of family," she continued, "it has been too long since we talked to Aunt Nettie."

Taking her hand as he always did in the car, Tony nodded slowly. "Yeah, wow, you're right. It feels like forever. I think the last time was over a month ago when we were borrowing Cody."

Part of her bottom lip got caught between her teeth. "We need to keep in touch with her Tony. I hate to think of losing her and regretting all the times we should have talked."

"Feisty lady like Nettie?" Tony chuckled. "Death won't stand a chance. She'll just stand there with crossed arms and tell it to go find someone else."

Ziva's eyebrows drew together. "Please do not joke Tony. She is all the true family I have left and I-" she stopped.

He looked over at her, trying to gauge the emotions playing over her face, and sighed. "You want to go see her."

She tensed under his touch and swiftly shook her head once. "I am no longer welcome in Israel. And it is such a long way to ask her to come. I do not know, I just wish...we were not so far away."

Tony lifted her hand to kiss the back. "We'll Skype honey, we'll talk on the phone, we'll send pictures and letters if that's what it takes. Please don't look so sad." He thought about their bank account and the money they both had coming from overtime worked this month. "Maybe...maybe we should try to bring her here."

Hope lit Ziva's eyes only as long as it took for the idea to filter through her logic, then died abruptly. "It is a lovely thought Tony, and I thank you for making the offer. But I cannot...ask Doda to leave everything she has known, a country she loves, the life she has made for herself, just for me."

"She'd do anything for you, you know that," he reminded his wife softly.

A sad smile touched her lips. "And that is why I cannot ask. Because she might say yes, and maybe she would stay, but I do not want her to spend her last years for me. She needs to live her own life, not be here trying to mend mine." A sigh escaped and she stared towards the windows. "Talking will be enough. It will have to be enough."

Ziva might've said the words out loud, but Tony knew for darn certain that she didn't believe them herself. And in the back of his mind he began to make a promise to himself and his wife that somehow, someday, he'd find a way to bring the last of her family here. They were the only David women left in this life and they took joy and comfort in each other - Nettie taking Ziva as the daughter she never had, and Ziva letting Nettie occupy the place where her mother should have stood. Even though it would sacrifice some of their privacy and their time together, Tony knew that it was only right for these women he loved to be together. Someday it was a promise he'd keep.

**NCIS**

Once home and divested of their heavy winter outerwear, Tony and Ziva let Meira out to do her business in the yard, then sat down together in the office waiting for a familiar face to appear on the computer screen. "Chag Urim Sameach," Ziva greeted her aunt. _Happy Festival of Lights._

"Chanuka Sameach," Nettie responded, joy filling her tone. "How good it is to see you both! I thought about calling on the first night, but I did not want to interrupt your first Chanukah together." _Happy Hanukkah._

"You're never a bother Doda," Tony put in.

The old woman smiled. "And even if I was you would not tell me, hm? So, how did it go? Did you find a menorah achyan?"

It made Tony's chest tighten a bit to be called nephew again, and hear her familiar accented voice. He'd missed her too. "Yes, and it was a very nice one if I do say so myself. And I learned to play dreidel."

Nettie's expression softened. "You should play it with children next year, perhaps those two who belong to your friends. It was always such fun to watch Ziva and Michael and Ari and Tali and Anna play together. Do you remember little one?"

Memories shrouded Ziva, her eyes taking on a far away look that spoke of other times and places. "Ani zocheret," she replied softly. _I remember._ A moment of silence remembered the dead, and then she returned to the present. "How are you Doda? I am sorry it has been so long."

"I have been well my darling, thank you. I have begun volunteering at the center for children with learning disabilities again, which I quite enjoy, and Tirzah and I still often go to the elderly home and play games with them in the evenings." She smiled. "I am reminded both of the hope of our future in Israel, and the wisdom that will soon pass away. It makes me very thankful for my own health and independence."

"You are so generous with your time Doda," Ziva told her. "Someday I would like to do something that matters as well."

Nettie frowned. "You think what you are doing now, protecting the innocent and finding justice for victims, is not important motek? Every day you are doing something that matters. Tell her Anthony!"

Tony rubbed his wife's shoulders. "I would Doda, but she'll listen to you better." Ziva made a noise in the back of her throat indicating her dislike for being talked about as if she wasn't there, and he kissed her temple. "Sorry sweetheart. But we both love you and we want you to see yourself through our eyes."

That reminded Ziva of what she'd said to him in the elevator last week and a shadow flashed across her dark irises, but she forced the dread away and focused back on her aunt. "Tony and I started seeing someone, a counselor."

Compassion and interest warred in Nettie's gaze. "I think that is wise Zivaleh. There are some things you cannot keep inside forever." She looked between them. "Is it helping?"

Tony swallowed. "It's tough, to hear some of what she's feeling and talk about stuff we normally avoid. But we've been able to get through some things. I think this next week will be a challenge."

"Why is that?"

Ziva's breath rushed out and she leaned her head on one hand. "I am to go alone, to talk about the camp with Dr. Maitland before..."

Nettie could read all she needed to know in her niece's unspoken words. "Before you share it with your husband."

She squeezed Tony's hand hard, her grip almost painful as she forced the answer out. "Yes."

"Oh my Ziva, I promise you the outcome will be worth all your bravery," Nettie said with great conviction. "Trust me as you always have little one. This conversation has been needed for a long time."

Ziva sniffed and nodded, while Tony did his best to keep her close. "We miss you around here Doda."

"And my heart aches for both of you as well. It is hard to have my family so far away."

"You're welcome back anytime," he began, laying the foundation for his plan. "I wish we could come to you, but..."

Nettie nodded sadly. "I believe it will be many years before Ziva feels safe enough to visit her homeland again. Though with you at her side I think it will not be as hard as it seems. Do not worry about me achyan, I will come again. Maybe when the weather is warm." She chuckled. "That is one thing I have in common with my niece. We do not like being cold."

Tony tugged one of Ziva's curls. "I've noticed. There's been hot water bottles and heating pads appearing in our bed lately. And did you know she owns fuzzy pyjamas with polar bears on them?" Ziva shot him a dirty look but he gleefully ignored her. "It's adorable."

Nettie did her best to stifle the smile that appeared at her nephew's teasing. "It is so good to see you happy."

For one very long moment Tony and Ziva got lost in each other's eyes, before he cleared his throat and looked back at the screen. "We're working on it Doda, every day."

"It is not easy," Ziva added, her hand migrating to his cheek. "But the way he loves me is worth fighting for."

"You have always won the fights Zivi. I have no doubt the outcome will be the same with this one."

"Toda," she whispered. "Ani ohevet otach. Ani mitga'aga'at eleicha." _I love you/I miss you._

A sheen appeared in the old woman's grey eyes. "My love will always be with you Ziva, tamid. I miss you both. We will talk again soon, yes?"

Tony cleared his throat. "Absolutely. We need a good dose of Aunt Nettie love at least once a month, but probably more."

"You are such a blessing to me," Nettie whispered. "Take care of her Anthony, and take care of yourself. Ani ohevet otcha."

"We love you too. Shalom Doda." The screen went blank and Tony turned to his wife. "Are you okay?"

Ziva wiped her watery eyes. "I miss her. But I am fine." Fine, where had he heard that before? Sighing, he leaned in for a kiss but she moved her head and his lips only grazed her cheek. "I think I will take a shower to warm up."

She used his shoulder to push herself up and left before he'd formulated a response. Leaning forward, Tony propped his elbows on his knees and thought about the last week. For the past eight days he'd been doing his best to subtly spoil Ziva. Starting with the first gift at the beginning of Hanukkah, he'd added to that number every day - beautiful new candles, a book she'd mentioned being interested in, a blouse he wanted to see her wear, chocolate covered strawberries one night after work, a journal much like her old one which was getting very near the beginning pages (since she wrote in it from front to back), and yesterday a new knife for her collection of easily hideable weaponry. But tonight, tonight was the big one. The last night of Hanukkah, on which it was appropriate to give a bigger gift than on all the other days. And how he'd hoped and planned on this one in particular. But Ziva's homesickness for family was putting a damper on his excitement, and Tony was beginning to wonder if it was such a good idea to give her another reminder.

Still, he couldn't allow this night to pass without notice and he was waiting in their room when Ziva came out of the bathroom in a thin, white cotton robe, her damp hair twisted up in a clip. As she went through a drawer looking for more of the weather appropriate sleepwear he'd teased her about earlier, Tony took a deep breath and came up behind her, lowering a shiny gold chain in front of her eyes. He managed to work the clasp and let it lay on her smooth tan skin. Sweeping aside an escaped piece of hair, he kissed her neck and slid his arms around her. "Happy Hanukkah Zi."

Blinking back tears because somehow she already knew what he'd done, Ziva looked down and lifted the tiny Star of David. It wasn't anything like the hammered gold of her first one, but she knew that wasn't what he was trying to do. Tony couldn't replace what she'd lost, but he could remind her of the memories it held - memories of faith and family and heritage - so no matter what her passport said, she'd remember who she was.

Tony held her carefully. "I know it can't take the place of the one you had and I'm not trying to make you sad with something else from home, but you looked so wrong without it honey. Three years and this is the first time I've ever seen you without that chain around your neck. And you keep reaching for it when you think I'm not paying attention, so I wanted to do something. I-"

Her lips cut off his speech and Ziva's hand came up to his face, caressing the stubble on his jaw lightly as her mouth moved with his, both a thank you and an apology for her earlier distance and distraction. Tony took full advantage of the moment and gathered her tightly against him, supporting her neck with both hands first but gradually letting one drift down her body to where the robe overlapped in front. Knowing it was a risk, he still eased his hand through the fabric and settled his palm on her ribcage just below her breast.

Ziva went absolutely still at his touch on her bare skin, but seemed to be okay with it and renewed her assault on his lips. Tony took everything she was willing to give and only pushed a little bit further, his thumb brushing the base of her breast. When they pulled apart Ziva was quick to fix her robe, but she smiled in a way that made him think she didn't really mind at all, and went to change into pyjamas. She curled up in his arms to sleep only minutes later, a whispered thank you falling from her lips onto his collarbone as she clutched her new necklace. Tony merely pressed a kiss to her hair and said nothing, but the smile he sported never faded even as he drifted into dreams.

**NCIS**

**Sunday December 20**

Adrian took a deep breath before opening the gym door and guiding his guest in. Brent and Darien were already on the court and it looked like a fierce competition. Mark watched from the sidelines with Tony, arms crossed, giving the air of a serious conversation between the two. In the corner Alec and McKenna were playing catch while Cassie, Ziva, and Allie sat in a circle on the bleachers, keeping a careful eye on the two. Stopping by the edge of the court, Adrian put two fingers in his mouth and whistled shrilly. Every other noise and conversation stopped and he grinned at the group.

"Guys, I'd like to introduce Emma Myan. Emma, this is everyone."

She smiled and waved. "Hi there." Adrian had showed her pictures from Thanksgiving so she recognized the faces, but putting names to them would take a little more time.

The men all nodded and said hello, and Adrian took her over to the women. "Ladies."

Both Cassie and Allie jumped up to give him a hug, Ziva just offered a warm smile and he wondered if it had been a rough week. She usually couldn't handle close contact if her nightmares were bad or memories were getting in the way. While holding Cassie Adrian whispered in her ear, "Be nice. I really like her." A slight nod was all the confirmation he got and he squeezed Emma's hand, mouthed 'good luck', then joined the guys as they separated into teams.

Sitting down, Emma waited. They just looked at her a moment and she rolled her eyes. "Is there a test I have to pass or something?"

The women giggled and Cassie shook her head. "No, not really. But Adrian's special to us, so survive the interrogation and we'll call it even."

"Cassie, right?" Emma lifted one eyebrow. "I've been told that you're in charge."

Cassie laughed. "I'm not sure about that. I guess I'm just the nosiest one here. But I've known all these guys since college, so forgive me up front for being protective."

Emma shrugged. "Adrian's special to me too, so I don't mind." She turned to the Israeli woman. "Ziva. Adrian told me your name and I just love the way it sounds. It's so exotic."

Ziva tilted her head. "It is funny that Americans like my name so much. In Israel is it the name of older women. I was called Ziva after my grandmother and teased as a child because of that."

"Naming kids after relatives must be popular everywhere," Emma commented. "I have the same name as my grandmother as well, Emma Rose."

"That is lovely though, like a flower. There is actually a breed of rose from the United Kingdom called Emma."

The dark haired woman looked interested. "Really? I've never heard that before."

"I like flowers," Ziva confided. "My mother had a beautiful garden." She drifted off into a memory they couldn't see and Allie held out her hand.

"It's nice to meet you. Adrian's told us a little. We're actually...quite surprised at how quickly you've been introduced. This is kind of like...meet the parents, but with a twist."

Emma laughed. "So I've heard. Apparently it's quite the feat to snag a place in this group, but that is my goal."

Cassie studied her. "Why?"

And the questions began. "I like Adrian. We've been out a few times in the last couple weeks and we've talked about so much. He's a good man and I enjoy his company."

"That's not enough," Cassie declared firmly. "Adrian...he's a goofball, but he's sensitive at heart. More than one woman has spent time with him only to realize they can't handle his quirks or personality for long periods. What makes you different?"

"Wow. Getting out the big guns now, huh?" Emma thought about it. "I'm old enough to know what I want Cassie, so is he. I'm not going to say I'm ready to marry him after three dates, but so far I haven't seen anything I can't live with long term. This relationship isn't something I'm walking into looking for a reason to quit, but to find out if we could share a life. So far, so good."

Allie looked impressed. "Okay, I'm sold." Her lips quirked up. "Maybe Jordan and I will just be the first in the next string of marriages."

Emma said nothing to that, but smiled at Adrian across the court and gave him the thumbs up. They weren't going to scare her away. In fact, the way they cared for him only made her more determined to be accepted. After spending less than twelve hours in Adrian's company, she already knew she wanted to give this a shot. Guys like him didn't come around every day.

After the game Adrian was quick to towel off his hair and body and throw on some fresh clothes in the changeroom before coming out to claim Emma. She waved goodbye to the group and Adrian ignored the smirks he was getting from Mark and Tony as he tugged her away. Outside the gym he stopped and blew out a breath. "So?"

She smiled at his insecurity. "Did you think they were going to run me off?"

He made a face. "Well, Cassie can be...umm..."

"Nosy," Emma put in. "And a bit pushy. But I know it's only because she cares about you."

Adrian bit his lip. "Do you like them?"

She nodded. "Yes. Granted it might take us a little time to get used to each other, but from what I gathered this CJ that Brent is seeing sort of broke the ice for newcomers." Emma nudged him with her shoulder as they turned to walk out to the car. "I guess you'll have to bring me around now and then, give me a chance to win their hearts."

He grinned. "That won't take long. Not when they see what I did."

One eyebrow arched. "Making a move on me already picture man?"

Adrian swallowed, then saw that she was teasing. "That's a secret, but you'll know when it happens." He raked his fingers through his hair. "Did they tell you about the wedding?"

Emma smiled when he held the door for her. Gentlemen like that were few and far between, but this group seemed to have all of them. "A Christmas Eve wedding, it sounds wonderful. I can tell Allie is nervous."

"In a good way, I hope. They've been together so long this has got to be a bit of an adjustment in thinking." He shook his head. "I don't know why they didn't get married years ago. When it's right, you just have to go for it."

"Is that the attitude you plan to take?" A little inside information into how his mind worked never hurt.

Adrian leaned on the car door after she'd gotten in. "I guess what I think is that once you know you want to marry someone, once you can see them as part of your life, once you get to a point where you don't know how you'd do this without them, then it's time to jump in feet first. There's no point in waiting once you've found the one."

Her lips quirked up. "There's something to be said for matter-of-fact logic."

He got in and shifted to face her. "Would you consider coming with me?"

"To the wedding?"

"Yeah." Adrian shrugged. "These are my best friends Emma, and they're getting married. I think it would be great if you could be there." A frown creased his brow. "I'm part of the ceremony, so we wouldn't be sitting together. But there's a casual reception and dance after, for which you could have my undivided attention."

"I'm surprised you not going to be behind a camera," Emma commented.

He sighed. "I wish. But I couldn't be in the wedding and taking photos at the same time. Not to say my camera won't come, just that I'm not in charge of the official ones."

"Sometimes being a friend is more important," she reminded him. "So I think my answer is yes."

Adrian's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Really. Our fourth date might be a bit early to be going to a wedding, but I think I can handle it."

His lips pursed. "Are you available for dinner on Wednesday?"

Emma's calender flashed in her head. "I should be."

"Good. That'll be our fourth date then. How's a wedding our fifth?"

She laughed and touched his arm. "Perfect."

Adrian started the car and pulled out of the space. "Good." Because he wanted a lot more than five dates with Emma Myan. In fact, every day that he spent with her just confirmed what he'd begun to suspect right away - that she was looking more and more like part of his future, and Adrian couldn't wait for it to come.

**NCIS**

Tony, Ziva, and Meira arrived at the Christmas tree lot later that afternoon and Tony took a deep breath of pine scented air. "Okay ladies, which one should we take home?"

They wandered through the rows of bushy trees in all shapes and sizes on makeshift wooden stands, proudly showing their prickly green glory to the world. All the new smells fascinated Meira and she followed slowly, stopping here and there to sniff and nose the branches. Ziva took off her glove and let her fingers slide over the needles, testing for something not too sharp and not too droopy - the branches needed to be strong enough to hold their collection of ornaments. Finally they were down to three and Tony circled his favourite.

"Too tall," he lamented at last.

Ziva's eyes sparkled. "Shall we play eenie-meenie-tiny-toe to decide?" Tony groaned but didn't even touch that one, letting her have her fun if indeed it was on purpose, and if not, preferring to leave it the way she thought. She looked between the last two. "This one, I think," Ziva pointed. "The branches on the other are smushed on one side."

Tony examined it. "Oh yeah. I didn't notice that before."

"So, what do you think?"

He grinned. "That's the one."

At the front he paid a man in a Christmas t-shirt over a dark hoodie and was assisted to lash the tree to the roof of his car. Then they all piled back in and headed home. Between Tony and Ziva, with Meira safely out of the way in the backyard for the moment, they wrestled the tree through the front door and into the stand set up in the entry. Ziva stood back and helped her husband get it straight before he screwed it in place, then retrieved their boxes of carefully wrapped ornaments from the closet.

Meira was let back in and she checked everything out with great interest. Ziva unfolded a piece of tissue paper and pulled out a little pair of glass skates, starting to put them near the bottom. Tony snapped his fingers. "Ooh, lights first Zi, remember last year?" They'd finished the whole tree before finding tangled strings of lights in the last box. It wasn't nearly as much fun if they couldn't light it up at night. He walked over to his iPod speakers and found a playlist of exclusively Christmas music to keep them company.

"Yes, and the garland," she added. Rolls of sheer, wire laced, snowflake patterned ribbon were drawn from one box, and after the lights were in place she and Tony worked around the tree to get it evenly spaced. Watching their dog closely, Ziva eyed Meira's wagging tail and shook her head. "I do not think the very bottom branches will be safe Tony."

He saw what she did and chuckled. "Good point. Wouldn't want to lose any of these decorations when we've spent three years building up the collection."

So, working from the top down, the couple began nestling their treasures safely in the green expanse. There was first of all the red and gold balls etched with silver accents to be placed just right, then Tony's handful of Precious Moments ornaments that his mom had given him each year and saved in a special box. Reindeer, snowmen, and candy canes began to appear, along with stars and doves and icicles and little bells that tinkled when they were touched. A drum and a Santa hat and a wreath, Ziva's ice skates, Tony's gingerbread man, and two little teddy bears holding gifts that read 'Our First Christmas'. A couple of angels, a Magen David and miniature menorah that Tony insisted they needed, plus several sparkly snowflakes.

The new ones this year were matching horses in brown and black, like Jax and Jules, and a ballerina Ziva hadn't seen before. She held it in her hand, admiring the faceless girl's form, her graceful poise and perfect position, then smiled faintly at Tony and found a place for it. He smiled to himself, able to tell from her expression that she missed it, dancing. Which made the surprise he was guarding for Christmas all the more exciting. He couldn't wait to see her face when he told her what he'd found. They hung a couple of penguins and a flag that belonged to each country, and for Meira a small bone with a ribbon wrapped around it.

Eventually they came to the last thing in the box, a small Santa's sleigh, and moved a few feet away to admire their work. "Well, what do you think?"

Ziva leaned into him. "Beautiful."

He slid his hand into her hair, staring into his wife's eyes. "Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking." Glancing up at the mistletoe he'd hung earlier, Tony winked and brought his lips to hers in a sweet kiss to commemorate another successful ending to Christmas tree decorating. Only a few days more and it would be time to open presents. He'd been waiting to give his for a long time. Anything was worth bringing the joy back into Ziva's heart.

_Replies:_

_Guest - thank you, it's nice to be missed. Yeah, yours and mine both. I'm looking forward to moving away from the Tiva angst, once a few more key pieces move into place. I know. The OCs were rather unplanned and I certainly never saw them getting this involved in the story, but it's also nice for me to be able to focus on something other than T&Z's struggles sometimes. No offense taken, just know that they'll be around for the foreseeable future, but not always featuring as heavily into the chapters as they have recently. They are all connected right now, just the glimpse of life and the lives the surround it. Ch 16 will be almost all Tiva, hopefully that helps. Thanks for reviewing :)_

_ncis - I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Yes, I know. I'm writing this series about T&Z. The cast can't, for many reasons, be too involved with the story except for brief glimpses when they get mentioned as part of the cases. And they won't be a focus until Part 7. Right now the focus is on the frat group as a break from the challenges T&Z are facing, and because they've worked themselves into the story. But we will be shifting back and forth between them and T&Z for the rest of this part of the story. Thanks for reviewing :)_

_Sarah - you're welcome :) Oh, thanks, I'll have to check that out sometime. I'm really wishing I was fluent in Hebrew, it's just such a neat language. The more I learn about it, the more I like it. I'm glad you like the OCs, they're kind of here for better or worse now. Some heavy stuff coming up for T&Z, so they'll get the spotlight again, but we'll keep tabs on the frat gang too. They've fun to have around :) Me too. Somalia is the last elephant left on the table, and although Z&I are both dreading that, once it's out of the way real healing will have the chance to begin. This won't be the last time the kids topic comes up, but hopefully by next time Z will be ready to listen to what their other options might be. I know, what Z said to T about the Somalia conversation changing how he sees her...that just made me sad. But I get the feeling that won't quite be T's reaction. Thanks for reviewing Sarah, always great to hear from you :)_


	16. 7x10 Faith Part 3

**Tuesday December 22**

A nasty murder case did put a bit of a damper on their holiday spirit and being cold made Tony grumpy, but Ziva at least was prepared for the weather with many, many layers. She was from the desert and did not appreciate being chilled even the slightest bit. Body heat was of course the best way to warm up, but since that was neither appropriate for work nor in the realm of possibility at the moment, she did the next best thing.

What started in the woods led them to a redneck bar to pick up a suspect, who immediately started eyeing Ziva up in a sleazy fashion and flirting suggestively. She ignored him, hoping he would take them seriously, but she knew without looking that the man was starting to get Tony's back up. Then Tibbens touched her and Ziva has his wrist twisted in a second and his arm pinned behind his back before she even thought about it. Tony tensed, already foreseeing a scene like the one at the top secret facility during the Domino case, but knowing Ziva was not yet in the shape to be tossing people over her shoulder.

Running him into a wall, handcuffing him, and pushing their suspect to the floor set off a chain reaction. Tony called out a warning, aware that there was no avoiding the retaliation that was coming. He hit one guy with a barstool, punched another, and ducked to avoid a pool cue aimed at his head. He reached for and slammed a tray into the next person that came at him, but then was picked up from behind. Using that to his advantage, he kicked a nearby man who fell back into the bar, which got him tossed onto one of the green felt covered pool tables. Turning swiftly, Ziva assessed the room and delivered a swift kick between the legs to another man who seemed ready to take his turn with Tony. She used a pressure point on the next one who got close enough and fell into a fighting position, but the men seemed to have realized what they were up against and everyone froze. Tony was at her side in a moment, hand on his gun, but she straightened her coat and declared the threat neutralized. Even so, he didn't breathe easily until they were back at NCIS.

Ziva found him in the locker room after they'd delivered Tibbens to Interrogation, inspecting the damage. Apparently in the commotion he'd taken a punch to the jaw, and there was a nice looking scrape above his right eyebrow that he couldn't account for. She waited until he noticed her in the mirror and swept her eyes over his face. "Do you need me to kiss it better?" she asked solemnly.

A corner of his lips lifted and he shrugged. "Couldn't hurt."

She took his face in her hands and pulled him down gently so she could press her lips to his forehead, then his jaw. Ziva paused there, then dropped a kiss on the side of his mouth as well and looked at him hopefully. "All better?"

Tony wrapped her in a hug. "Getting there." He breathed in her hair, now tainted with the scent of cigarettes and alcohol. "I was scared things were going to get out of control. And you haven't done a lot of hand to hand combat lately."

She caressed his cheek. "You had my back."

"Yeah," he snorted. "But if one of them had knocked me out I don't like to think of you being left on your own to face a bar full of angry men."

Ziva thought about it. "I could have just shot one of them. That would have calmed things down in a hurry."

"Or cranked them up," he chuckled. "You have any ideas how many guns are in a place like that?"

She fingered the weapon at her hip. A month of careful practice had begun to restore both her accuracy and confidence. "I am faster."

Tony kissed her. "I hope you always are."

Ziva touched his chest. "Me too." She took his hand and noticed the swelling and dark bruises, brushing her lips over the skin there as well. "You need an ice pack. Thank you for defending me."

He followed her out. "If Tibbens kept looking at you like that, I was going to take care of him."

She turned her anniversary ring around on her finger. "At work, only we know I am taken ahava."

"Yeah," Tony sighed, "I know. But one of these days that's going to change." Right now he was counting down the months to her citizenship test, to when Israel no longer owned her and they'd have a chance for this life to truly be their own. Until then they had to wait.

**NCIS**

**Thursday December 24**

The eve of Christmas found Ziva standing behind Tony at the door of Delores Bromstead's office. He raised his hand to knock with the big box in his arms, but turned away. "I can't. I can't."

She shook her head. "Of course you can. Just knock Tony and get it over with."

He tried to push past her. "Please, I don't..."

Ziva blocked his escape. "No. Go back, go back."

"I don't want to! I really don't want to. Zi..."

She huffed. "You are such a child. Come on Tony."

"No," he stated firmly. "You can't make me."

Ziva glared and crossed her arms. "It is just a door Tony, and a Christmas present. Go back."

"I can't. I don't want to. I'll just leave it on the floor and run. I-"

His last ditch plan was cut off by Delores opening her door on the scene and Tony froze. With Ziva's silent support and encouragement he turned to face her, swallowing hard. In as few words as possible and while trying to avoid some sort of charge for accessing personal files, he explained what he'd gotten and why. Delores pulled the lid off the box and looked inside, genuine joy lighting her smile as tears filled her eyes. Tony grinned, relieved beyond belief, and looked over his shoulder to see Ziva smiling proudly at him.

Another few moments and they were back at their desks, packing their things, saying goodnight, and wishing 'Merry Christmas' to all who crossed their path on the way out. It was a whirlwind of getting ready once they were home, and a rush to make it to the elegant, old fashioned church on time. Tony and Ziva found a row halfway to the front where Emma and CJ were already getting acquainted. They slipped in and got comfortable, chatting quietly and admiring the magical feel of the room. The main lights were off and hundreds upon hundreds of small twinkling Christmas lights were strung around the room, wrapped around white pillars with flowers and gauzy white fabric, and coiled over the backs of the pews. It was beautiful.

The music started, Carol of the Bells, and first Cassie, then Allie's cousin and sister floated down the white runner strewn with flower petals. They all stood and watched Allie take slow steps along the aisle, holding her father's arm, and her eyes seeing nothing but the man waiting for her at the end. Mark stood at Jordan's side, then Brent and Allie's brother, while Adrian and Darien remained proudly at the back as ushers. When Jordan began to struggle for composure on seeing his bride for the first time in all her finery, Mark squeezed his shoulder and whispered something to him. Still, Jordan had to wipe away a couple tears before he could take Allie's hands in his. She was blinking back the moisture in her eyes as well, and leaned in to kiss a missed tear from his cheek as soon as he lifted the veil to drape down her back.

It was as if no one else in the world existed while husband and wife to be gazed at each other, and Tony and Ziva got a taste of what it was like to be on the outside of such a moment. He rubbed his thumb over her wedding band, firmly in place for their three days off, and smiled before turning his attention back to their friends. The minister began by asking who gave Allie to be married to Jordan, and her parents stood to say they did. Then came a short lesson on love and commitment, their traditional vows, and the exchanging of rings. The words Jordan had been waiting for followed as the minister declared that he could now kiss his bride, and he cupped Allie's face in his hands, whispered what looked like 'I love you' and joined their lips to seal the promises they'd just made.

A cheer went up as they pulled apart and the couple laughed, but had expected nothing less. After years of dating and six months of planning a wedding, this night had been greatly, greatly anticipated. Closing his book, the minister ended the ceremony by introducing for the first time Mr. and Mrs. Jordan and Allie Lewis. Flower petals were tossed by the handful and rained on the happy pair as they rushed down the aisle, eager for a few minutes alone together before they were needed back to have pictures taken, while everyone moved to the community room where the reception was to be held. Tony, Ziva, Emma, and CJ hung back to talk to their friends in the wedding party, then drifted along with the crowd after the guys and Cassie promised to find them later.

The guests milled around in the reception area, snacking on the buffet of finger foods and drinking punch. Less than an hour later the bride and groom and their attendants entered the room. Jordan waved his hand for silence. "Thank you all so much for coming tonight. Allie and I couldn't be happier that you were here to help us celebrate the beginning of our marriage." He slid his arm around her waist, unable to stop touching her, to believe that she was really his from now until forever. "Obviously you've found the food. Cake will be served later. So eat, drink, enjoy, and the music will begin shortly."

The bridal couple then began to make their round of the room, with Cassie and Mark in charge of making sure they actually got a little something to eat and drink, though they were full on love and drunk on joy, so it was hard to get them to focus on anything else. Then the music began and Jordan led his wife to the center of the dance floor, sweeping her into his arms and moving in slow, elegant circles just like they'd practiced. The father-daughter dance came next, and Jordan's dance with his sister since their mom was not around. Then it was open for everyone and couples all over the room gravitated together to share in the love.

Tony took Ziva's hand, twirled her around, and let his hand settle at her waist while the other held hers and they floated across the floor like a hundred times before. Cassie and Mark joined the mix, and Brent turned to CJ. "May I have this dance?"

She nodded and took his hand, allowing him to lead her to an open spot. Bypassing the traditional way of dancing, Brent slid his arms around her waist and pulled her close. CJ hesitated but finally settled for resting her hands on his chest as they swayed slowly to the music. He bent his head close to hers. "You look beautiful." The deep purple silk was an interesting combination with her red hair, pulled up and held to the side with a white flower, but he'd never seen anything better. She blushed and whispered thank you, unable to keep eye contact. Content just to hold her, Brent talked about the wedding, got CJ's insights, and was relieved when she finally relaxed enough to link her fingers behind his neck and smile more easily despite the colour in her cheeks.

Not too far away Adrian and Emma were also sharing a dance. She was pleased to find that his artistic skills were not limited only to photographs and sketches, and followed his lead easily as they spun around the floor. "You're very good," she commented after awhile.

Adrian chuckled. "Cassie taught me. She taught all of us, actually." His eyes searched out his friends, lost in each other and the moment. "Before she and Mark were dating all seven of us were good friends. I mean, we knew Mark had a claim on her even if he didn't say a word for more than a year, but she was fun to be around. We got cooking lessons, dating tips and eventually, dancing instruction. So you have her to thank for me not stepping on your toes."

"I don't know," Emma commented, moving out and back into his arms, "I think you have to have a natural talent to move like this."

"You're not so bad yourself."

"Dance lessons," Emma groaned. "For years and years at our parents' insistence Beth and I suffered through them. I thought I would die of boredom."

Adrian looked into her eyes. "And now?"

She smiled. "Now I think they're finally beginning to pay off."

It was a wonderful, magical evening that finally drew to a close near midnight, as many of the guest were parents with children at home dreaming of Santa Claus and stockings, and they didn't want to miss those middle of the night checks to see if the milk and cookies were gone. Everyone in the group offered Jordan and Allie their congratulations, along with a good amount of teasing about the honeymoon fun to come, before drifting to the entrance to gather wraps and coats with which to brave the crisp evening outside. At the bottom of the stairs Tony pulled his wife close and captured her lips, the action as much to warm them up as to ring in Christmas when the hands of the clock slipped past twelve o'clock. Indulging in the kiss, Ziva couldn't help but think this might be her favourite Christmas Eve yet.

**NCIS**

**Friday December 25**

On the morning of December twenty-fifth, Tony woke to find himself spooned up behind Ziva, his head resting beside hers on the pillow and one arm tucked around her waist. Not quite sure how that happened when they'd fallen asleep separately - he on his back and Ziva on her side facing him, their only connection her hand over his heart. Nevertheless, Tony nuzzled his head into her neck, drew his lips across her shoulder and, sliding his hand into her hair, slowly kissed his wife awake.

Ziva smiled against his skin before responding to his touch, then rolled onto her back to make the position more comfortable. He pulled away and brushed some hair from her face. "Hi."

"Merry Christmas Tony."

Tony leaned part of his weight on her, testing for a reaction. But none came and he grinned. "I have a surprise for you."

Her lips curved up. "Do you?"

He nodded. "Yup. I found this great little ballet studio in an older section of DC. The owner is this tiny french lady and she was really accommodating when I asked about you using one of the rooms after hours. Madame Jous wants to meet you." Tony reached for something in his nightstand drawer and handed Ziva her old ballet shoes. "Nettie brought them with all the rest when she came the first time. I wanted them close, where I could look at them and remember there were times in your life when you were happy." He cleared his throat. "Now you get that chance again."

Ziva pushed herself up and leaned back against the headboard, running her hand down the length of the satin ties. Her eyes grew misty as hazy memories drifted through her mind, then she shook them away and shoved the shoes back into his hands. "No. Thank you Tony, but I...cannot." Ziva averted her gaze. "Dancing is no longer a part of my life."

He frowned and shifted closer. "But it could be honey. And I know it was something you loved. Don't you even want to try?"

She shook her head. "No. It is over." Ziva sighed. "Dancing is very hard and I am too long out of shape. I do not want to push my body, not when I am finally feeling almost normal. No," she repeated, "I do not think I will ever dance again."

Sad silence fell between them and Tony felt incredibly disheartened. He'd been so sure the studio would bring some joy back into her heart, but she'd shut down any possibility for that.

At last Ziva touched his cheek gently. "Come Tony, I will make you breakfast."

He gave his best imitation of a smile and followed her out of bed. Meira, who'd spent her night in front of the tree, fascinated by the lights, was up in a second to greet them, tail wagging as Tony pet her on his way to fill her dish. "Morning pretty girl." He took the other bowl to the sink for fresh water and joined Ziva in the kitchen, standing behind her with his hands on her hips while she sliced broccoli and minced onions for quiche, but he didn't know what to say.

Sensing his uncertainty, Ziva turned and tapped his cheek. "I am fine, you do not need to hover. Go take Meira for a walk, coffee will be ready when you get back." Realizing how that sounded, she backpedaled. "I did not mean to be bossy. I can take her, if you want to stay and keep an eye on breakfast."

Tony rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip. "I don't mind taking Meira out honey, she's my dog too." He leaned in, rubbing her nose lightly with his before kissing her softly. "I love you."

Ziva sighed. "I know. I am sorry for ruining your surprise." Her palms slid up to rest on his chest. "I love you very much Tony. Thank you for paying attention to what has mattered in my life."

He swallowed. "Always babe." Returning to their room, he dressed in several layers and whistled for Meira once his outside clothes were all in place. "Come on girl, time for some fresh air." The temperature had dropped overnight and a thick layer of snow crunched beneath his boots.

As they slowly circled the block, Tony began venting his inner thoughts to the dog. "She's lying you know, about not wanting to push herself. I know Ziva, and the minute Ducky declares her fit for duty she'll be back at the gym, throwing herself into training like there's a prize at the end." He huffed, his breath fogging the crisp air. "I don't get it Meira, I really don't. Ziva loves to dance. I could hear it in all the stories Nettie told, see it in every picture her mom saved for that scrapbook. I remember a case her first year when she confessed that her father had broken so many promises by not attending her recitals." He shook his head. "Even then I could tell she missed it, but now she won't even consider trying again."

Tony bent down to rub Meira's sides and receive a tentative kiss on the cheek. Two weeks after she'd become part of the family their dog was still settling in. Shy and easily spooked, it was taking hard work on both their parts to earn her trust, but slowly Meira was warming to them. "I hate Eli for everything he stole. Even her dreams weren't safe from that jerk and he shattered every one in his wake." He sighed. "I just wish I could give more than a couple back to her." Standing, man and dog continued on their way. "I love her Meira, I want her to be happy. But that's so much easier said than done."

Another round of the block and Meira was done. Tony felt grateful that she wasn't a difficult dog when it came to picking a place to relieve herself, and less than half an hour after they left Tony and Meira were welcomed back into the warm house, the smell of quiche and coffee already permeating the room. Drying her paws with a towel by the front door, he let Meira off the leash to search for Ziva. She investigated the whole house, then sat by the closed bathroom door, waiting patiently.

Ziva came out a few minutes before the food was ready and knelt to pet Meira. "Shalom ha-chavera sheli." She kissed the dog's muzzle and looked for her husband, finding him stretched out on the couch, _Enemy of the State_ playing on the TV screen. It was a Christmas tradition going back to the few and far between Christmases he'd spent with the guys between graduation and them all ending up in DC.

Leaning her arms on the back, she looked down at him. "Are you going to share?" It was quite rare for them to be occupying separate seats.

He took his time answering. "Well, it wouldn't do to have you all the way over in the chair. Too hard to cuddle during the scary parts."

Smiling, Ziva went and poured him a mug of coffee, handing it over the couch, thus forcing him to sit up to drink it. The timer beeped a warning and she got out oven mitts and a potholder. Steaming quiche in a glass pie dish came out of the oven moments later and Ziva quickly sliced and put the food on plates, carrying over forks as well. Tony took his with a 'thank you' and they spent the next couple hours eating and relaxing together, warm and comfortable in each other's arms.

When the movie finished Tony yawned and stretched and announced that it was time to go outside. Ziva eyed him skeptically. "It's cold."

Tony shrugged. "So what? Come on, there's enough white stuff for a showman this year." His wife still appeared unconvinced, so he resorted to bribery. "I'll make you hot chocolate afterwards."

She considered this. "With marshmallows?"

He pretended offense. "As if I would dare to make my ninja hot chocolate without those sugary white pillows! I know better than that!"

Ziva giggled. "Then yes, I will come and play in the snow." So saying she bundled up to what Tony would consider a ridiculous degree except for the fact that his desert-bred Israeli beauty had a low tolerance for traditional DC winter temperatures, and followed him out the back door, Meira frolicking happily in their footsteps.

Tony insisted they start with the biggest ball of snow first, and in the end the two of them rolled the circular lump into place. The second ball had to be lifted atop the first, then a small and relatively well shaped head. Standing back, Tony took in their creation and shook his head, walking over to paw through what had been their garden in search of arms. Two puny looking twigs eventually surfaced, making Ziva laugh out loud when he jammed them in. He trudged back into the house for additional accessories and came back with one of Ziva's hats - which she promptly reclaimed and refused to relinquish for their snowman's use - and old scarf, and a carrot out of the fridge.

The couple eyed the faceless white man and Tony sighed. "We have to give him something for eyes Zi, you can't have a snowman without eyes and a mouth and buttons for his coat."

Ziva's eyebrows arched. "He gets a coat?"

He stared at her, aghast. "Haven't you ever seen Frosty?"

"Is that not a kind of milkshake?"

Tony groaned. "Oh Zi, you and I have some serious catching up to do with classic Christmas kid cartoons. No he doesn't get a real coat, but he needs buttons just the same. Usually pebbles are used, but our driveway is paved."

Not entirely seeing the importance but recognizing the significance for her husband, Ziva put some serious thought into the predicament. Finally she smiled and told him to wait. A few minutes later she came back with three baby potatoes to use as buttons, two red lids from small juice containers for eyes, and a handful of macaroni with which to fashion a smile. Tony whooped excitedly when he saw the supplies, declared her a genius, and kissed her soundly before helping her finish decorating their snowman. Then they stood back and grinned at the finished product, and Ziva produced a handful of brown yarn for hair, since she was rather fond of her hat. Meira, who'd watched the entire process with wary eyes, sniffed the inanimate sculpture curiously and sneezed when a few snowflakes got lodged in her nose.

Seeing that Ziva was starting to shiver, Tony took his wife back inside. She undressed down to her sweatpants and shirt, then stood on one of the floor vents, trying to absorb the warm air. Feeling a bit bad about dragging her outside in the winter, he went over and engulfed Ziva in his arms, vigorously rubbing her arms and back and trying to coax heat into her chilled body. Then he got a wicked smile on his face and lifted her chin, capturing her lips with clear intent. If Ziva didn't know any better she would have thought he was angling to have his way with her, but she trusted him more than that. Even still, the way Tony kissed her sent heat racing through her veins and she couldn't help but lean into him for more. His big warm hands slid under her shirt, caressing the scarred skin tenderly. His mouth sought hers again and again, leaving Ziva helpless to resist, and her hands snaked up to rest on either side of his neck where she could feel his pulse drumming under her fingers.

When he pulled away she blinked, half in a daze from the passion, half aching to go further than just kissing and almost innocent touching. Tony stepped back, knowing if he didn't he would have difficulty remaining a gentleman. After a minute he cleared his throat and threw on his signature half-grin. "Are you warm yet?"

Ziva swallowed and touched her lips, almost expecting them to feel differently after the claim Tony had seared onto her skin. Pride welled up in him, to know he could elicit that kind of reaction, where his self-assured wife couldn't even form a complete sentence because he'd literally kissed her senseless. "Well," she whispered, finally meeting his eyes. "That was much better than hot chocolate."

Tony's grin doubled and he coughed, trying to quell the reaction. "I'll keep that in mind."

She had no respect at the moment for the boundary between them and moved closer, pressing her body into his. "And for that I think you deserve your present."

He clutched his chest. "And here I'd thought you'd forgotten about me."

Her eyes darkened and she went up on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear, her lips brushing the skin and causing a shiver to run through him. "Never ahava."

While Tony got out the necessary ingredients to make hot chocolate from scratch, Ziva went hunting in their closet for where she'd hidden his gifts in an old purse. Given men's apparent fear of such items, she determined that it was a safe place to conceal things she didn't want him to find. She came out bearing two presents - one bigger and flat, the other just a small envelope with a bow stuck on it. Ziva waited until he scraped the chopped pieces of chocolate into the saucepan before clearing her throat. He turned around and his eyes lit on the wrapped package, the eagerness adorning his face reminding her of a child.

She started with the bigger one and handed it to him with an explanation. "This is a belated anniversary gift. I'm sorry that I was not thinking straight when we celebrated last month. It took awhile to find and is more suitable for summer, but I hope you like it."

Tearing off the paper, Tony held up his gift and gaped at her. "This is...it's...how did you?...no way!"

Ziva bit her lip to disguise the smile that came with his spluttering. "Yes Tony. An authentic Magnum PI Hawaiian shirt."

He picked up where she left off, staring at it like a great treasure. "Jungle bird design. One hundred percent cotton. Bamboo buttons. Made in Hawaii label!" His arms came around her in a sudden, fierce hug that made her laugh. "Thank you Zi! This is...amazing!" Tony tore off the shirt he was wearing and she took a moment to enjoy the sight of his bare chest before he slipped into the Hawaiian shirt and pushed buttons through their holes. He strode over to the shelf by the door and grabbed his aviator shades, throwing them on and striking a pose. "Well, what do you think?"

She chuckled. "It is very you Tony." He came back to kiss her as a proper thank you and Ziva sighed, fluttering the small envelope. "I'm afraid this one will pale in comparison."

Always thrilled to receive presents, Tony plucked the bow off and stuck it to his head, enjoying the amusement dancing in his wife's eyes, then slid his finger under the flap. Tipping it upside down onto his palm, he looked at the tickets, then back at her, his grin growing wider with every word. "Wizard tickets, floor seats? Zi...this is awesome!"

Ziva shrugged. "I though you might want to take Mark."

He frowned and took off the sunglasses. "Why would I want to go with anyone but you?"

She glanced to the side. "I did not want to assume..."

Tony grabbed her face and molded his mouth to hers. "Assume Ziva," he murmured. "It's always you."

Returning the kiss, she threw her arms around him and held on tight. Tony lifted her off the floor and swung her around once, laughing. Ziva nuzzled his neck. "Now you owe me some hot chocolate."

He set her down, sliding his fingers into her hair while he stared into her beautiful eyes. "M'lady," he bowed, "your wish is my command."

**NCIS**

**Saturday December 26**

Brent had been up since the sun rose. After he and Cody had gone for a run, nerves had him cleaning his entire house within an inch of its life. He scoured the kitchen, scrubbing the floor for the first time in weeks and ordering Cody to his bed with threats of no treats if he dared step a paw on the glistening surface. Then the poor dog was banished to the hall while Brent vacuumed both furniture and floor, removing all telltale signs of the golden retriever who sometimes got the mistaken impression that he was allowed to jump up anywhere and get comfortable.

The dining area came next, though it mostly only required a good sweep and washing the table surface. The little downstairs bathroom off the kitchen got a thorough going over and a spritz of air freshener to neutralize any lingering odours. Then onto the hall and stairs, again vacuuming and even dusting the banister and the couple of bookshelves. Cody sat outside the full upstairs bathroom looking on with confusion while Brent put some muscle into the soap scum on the tub and mopped that floor as well after the counter and sinks were wiped down. He hadn't seen this much cleaning done since the last time the group dinner had been held here.

His bedroom required more work than the two empty spare rooms. A week's worth of clothes littered the floor and chair, laundry needed to be put out of sight, the bed made properly, and dog hair again sucked off of everything. When he could finally call the place presentable, he collapsed on the couch, worn out but pleased with the job he'd done. His rest only lasted a few minutes before he was back out and rushing around to set out games and get supplies for their special snack. He checked on the lasagna he'd put together the night before and left in the fridge, and was thinking about salad ingredients when Cody jumped up and ran to the door, barking at the sound of a car pulling into the drive.

Blowing out a breath, Brent ran a hand over his hair, smoothed his shirt, and walked over to welcome his company. CJ stood poised with her hand to knock when he opened the door, and Ryan was nearly bouncing up and down in excitement. "Hi Coach! Hi Cody! Happy Day After Christmas!"

Brent grinned and swept the boy up in a hug. "Happy Day After Christmas buddy. Did you have a good yesterday?" He caught CJ's eyes and jerked his head for her to come in while he took Ryan's coat and hung it up in the closet.

"I sure did! Mom and I stayed up all night waiting for Santa, but he didn't come until I fell asleep." Ryan shook his head. "He sure must be busy keeping an eye on all the kids and knowing exactly when to bring a present."

Brent chuckled and ruffled the boys hair. "I'm sure he gets the elves to help. You and Mom stayed up all night, huh?" He raised an eyebrow at CJ.

"Only 'til about one-thirty," she amended. "Poor kid couldn't keep his eyes open any longer."

"So what happens for Christmas at your house?" He returned his attention to Ryan, who'd shed the rest of this outerwear and was lounging on the floor with Cody looking quite at home.

Ryan rubbed the dog's ears. "We're not at our house for Christmas, we go over to keep Gram and Grampa company."

"Oh I see. And do they do anything special?"

He nodded. "Gram makes waffles and Grampa reads the Christmas story from the Bible, then we all go into the family room to open presents."

"That sounds like fun," Brent commented, loving that conversations with Ryan helped him get to know CJ's family a little better. "What was your favourite gift?"

Ryan's eyes grew wide. "Grampa got me real little tools so I can help him in the woodshop. They came in this cool box that has my name on it and everything!"

Brent looked at CJ. "Wow, your dad is a multi-talented guy."

She smiled. "You have no idea."

Ryan continued, certain Coach would be interested. "And Gram got me a Magic Trick kit. Santa brought K'nex, which is sort of like Lego only it's flatter and there's more pieces and different shapes."

Santa probably translated to Mom, but Brent wasn't about to spoil his favourite kid's fun. "That's awesome buddy. You'll have to show me some of that stuff on Monday, since we don't have any homework to do."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Mom still wants me to practice some stuff, so I don't forget it all before school comes back." That was said as if it was the most ridiculous idea ever conceived, but he shied away from using those exact words.

"Well, moms know best." He turned to CJ, hoping she didn't feel too left out. "Did you get spoiled too Miss Taylor?"

CJ took a seat on the couch behind her son. "I have very generous parents. They know how to make the holidays special."

"Good." Brent propped his hands on his hips. "Okay, what do you guys want to do first - games or a snack?"

Ryan's brow furrowed and he blinked up at his friend. "What about your Christmas Coach?"

He hunkered down and touched the boy's shoulder. "Thanks for asking Ry. I don't get much of a Christmas anymore, at least not on Christmas Day. My parents died a long time ago and I didn't have any brothers or sisters. So I have dinner with my best friends a week before Christmas, and the on the day of Cody and I spend our time watching Christmas movies and eating cookies." A glance at CJ showed she took that information almost as hard as Ryan.

"But...you can't be alone for Christmas!" he insisted. "Even before we came here Mom and I had Christmas with Aunt Kate. It's no fun being alone. You don't even have a tree!" Ryan turned to his mom. "Can Coach spend Christmas with us next year? He would like Gram's waffles."

Caught speechless for a moment, CJ smiled and rested her hand on the back of his neck. "We'll have to see monkey. It's not polite to invite someone to their house without asking Gram and Grampa first."

He sighed. "I know. But I'll ask and I know Gram will say yes. Please?"

CJ's eyes drifted to Brent's and she could see in them his hope for them to be so much more than friends by this time next year. "Later Ry," she said softly and though the boy clearly wanted to protest, she was glad he didn't. "You forgot to answer Coach's question," she prompted.

It took a few moments for Ryan to switch gears and some of the joy had definitely seeped out of his body language. "Mom and I are pretty good at games."

Brent also found it challenging to concentrate when his mind was filled with premature images of them as a family on this special holiday - waking up next to CJ, brand new gold bands on their fingers. Making room for Ryan to jump up between them with Cody and announce that Christmas had come. Going downstairs and opening presents in their pyjamas, laughing as Cody chased down colourful wrapping paper. Going over to CJ's parent's house for the traditional breakfast and Christmas story and time together, then heading outside in snowsuits to play. A special candlelight dinner for just the three of them later, and a heartwarming movie before bed. It was enough to make him ache with the longing.

Realize Ryan was looking at him, he cleared his throat. "That's great, because I've got all the good ones." He plucked the top box off a stack on the coffee table. "Either of you ever played the Memory Game?" CJ and Ryan exchanged glances and shook their heads and Brent grinned. "Well, then this is going to be fun." He set up the small square cards picture side down in seven rows that were each six long. He demonstrated how the matching game worked and they began taking turns. Ryan, with his younger memory, proved to be a champ at the game, while Brent, with his previous experience, came in second. CJ could only boast a few meager pairs of cards, but she'd laughed enough at her mistakes and Ryan's gleeful stealing of cards that should've been hers but that she'd missed to make it well worth their while.

Uno came next, the colourful deck of cards proving fun to play with, and then Trouble, as their green and blue and yellow pegs moved around the board. They finished it off with Perfection, trying to beat the buzzer to get all the pieces in place. When the board popped up just before Ryan dropped his star in the hole and scattered all the other shapes, he pounded a small fist on the floor. "Aw man!"

Brent just chuckled. "Luck of the draw partner, you can't win 'em all."

"But I did pretty good," he offered.

"Yeah, you did. And for that I believe we all deserve a snack."

CJ sat up and looped her arms around her knees. "Do tell. What is this mysterious snack that you've been mentioning?"

He gestured towards the fireplace and the long, two pronged forks with wooden handles propped beside it with a bag of fluffy white cylinders on the floor. "I present for your pleasure, marshmallows to be roasted. This is as close as we get to a bonfire in the middle of winter."

Ryan took in the treat and then looked longingly towards the sliding glass doors in the kitchen that led outside. "Do we have to eat them now Coach?"

Brent followed his gaze. "No, I guess not. Why, did you have something else in mind?"

"Well," the boy began, "I did say I'd help you build a snowman. And the yard looks kind of lonely without one."

"It does, does it?" Brent grinned, catching CJ's eyes. "In that case, I guess it's time to get our snowsuits on, if it's okay with your mom."

Ryan turned to her with a pleading expression. "Can I Mom?"

She smiled. "Sure kiddo. I'm positive your snowman making skills are much less rusty than Mr. Brent's."

"Hey," he said, pretending offense, "I'll have you know I was a champion snowman builder in my day."

CJ lifted an eyebrow. "Prove it."

Brent tossed the bright blue coat at her. "Bring it on Taylor. Me and Ry, we got this."

Ryan looked between the adults, a bit confused by the banter. "Um, Coach? You're supposed to say Ryan and I."

Both Brent and CJ burst out laughing to hear their frequent correction turned back on him. Brent patted Ryan's back. "You're right, it is. I guess you've been paying attention."

With that they all got bundled up and tramped out to the backyard with Cody frolicking joyously beside them, nipping at falling flakes of snow and trying to attack a gust of wind that whipped up a small flurry. His antics made Ryan laugh but the three of them eventually got down to business. Once the base was in place, CJ plopped onto a spot covered thickly in white stuff and calmly made a snow angel, her tongue stuck out to catch the occasional snowflake that drifted down. The boys worked quite well without her and only just got the head on their creation before Cody growled and lunged at it from behind. Amid shouts of, "No Cody!" "Bad dog!" and "Stop!" that were yelled at the golden retriever, Cody jumped and pounced all over the poor helpless snowman until it was reduced to clumps of snow lying on the ground. Pull a white covered nose out of the snow, the dog grinned at them and wagged his tail.

He was so proud of himself that Brent couldn't be angry at him. Rolling his eyes, he went over and vigorously rubbed his Cody's fur. "Yeah, you got him. He's dead." Brent looked back at Ryan. "And this is the reason we don't make snowmen."

Ryan sat a bit desolately in the cold white stuff until Cody came over and licked his cheek. Then he shook his head and grinned. "Well, at least we know for next year."

The adults chuckled and Brent helped CJ up. "So, is it time for that snack now?"

Ryan nodded, blowing out and watching his breath become a white cloud in the air. "Yeah. Something hot is good."

Fifteen minutes later they were all slowly warming up as they sat around the fireplace with marshmallows hovering over the coals. They laughed when CJ lit hers on fire, commiserated when one of Ryan's melted right off and dropped onto the wood, and admired Brent's skill with perfectly browning the marshmallows before he cooked a perfect one for each of them and declared the day a success. It wasn't terribly hard to convince Ryan and CJ to stay for dinner, which meant he squeezed a couple extra hours out of the visit. By the time they left to go home, Brent knew for certain that this was something he wanted for good.

**NCIS**

**Sunday December 27**

Three days after Jordan and Allie's wedding, Adrian and Emma met at an art museum. It was a love of both their hearts and a good chance for them to walk and talk and enjoy each other's company in a warm, rather uncrowded environment. They wandered leisurely through the different galleries, often stopping to admire a painting or photograph or sculpture and discuss what captured their attention. It was a nice relaxing way to spend the evening.

When they were almost back to where they started, Adrian paused in a little alcove where a light shone on a beautiful canvas of flowers. "Can I ask you something?"

Emma turned from looking at the painting to meet his eyes. "Of course."

He cleared his throat and lost his nerve for a moment, his gaze falling to the tiles on the floor. Then he forced it up again. "I really like you Emma."

She smiled like that wasn't exactly news. "I like you too. But I thought we'd decided that by our first date."

Adrian blew out a breath. "Can I see you?" Her eyebrows drew together and he shook his head. "I mean, I know I'm seeing you, but...more? Once a week has been great but..." he shrugged one shoulder. "I miss you when it's been a couple days since we've gone out and...I'd really like to go steady."

Emma laughed quietly, the amusement dancing through her pretty blue eyes. "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

He scratched his jaw. "I know. I sound like an Archie comic, right?"

She shook her head. "Not that bad. Tell me what that means."

Adrian stood up straighter. "Twice a week you and I do something together. On a regular basis. It doesn't have to be the same days, but I just really would like to spend more time with you. Is that even a possibility?"

Emma smiled genuinely and her fingers ghosted over his sleeve. "It's definitely a possibility. I told you from the start, I don't do short-term or casual. I knew from the day I met you that you were a guy worth getting to know, the last month has only confirmed that. So, where do we go from here?"

He wanted to do something crazy like kiss her, but thought that might be pushing it for less than a month. Instead he settled for squeezing her hand and letting go when he wanted to hold on. "The gang does a New Years' Eve party. Food, games, movies, good company. Interested?"

She raised one eyebrow lazily. "Cassie doesn't bite, does she?"

Adrian rolled his eyes. "No. Please ignore her for the time being. She really only acts like that because she cares about us. I'll make her promise to be nice," he offered.

"I get it, she's only being protective. I'll win her over one of these days."

"Is that a yes?" he asked hopefully.

Emma nodded. "Yes. Just don't expect a kiss at midnight. I'm saving mine."

_For me, I hope_, was the thought that flitted through Adrian's mind. Instead he let his hand hover over her lower back and led her around the corner. "Fair enough." If things went the way he hoped over the next couple of months, two dates a week would just be the beginning. There was so much more he was hoping for.

_Replies:_

_Sarah - you're welcome :) I know what you mean. Most Cote fans are desperately trying to pretend the need for moving on won't be necessary. I think CBS is just screwing themselves with all this change. Yikes, I even thought Jan would be too early to start a new person, so that's now welcome news. As much as I love the other actors, I just can't see the team without Z so I'll be done after 11x02 as well. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and I know it is nice to get a break from all the heaviness, even if it's only for a little while. When I was rewatching the seasons I noticed her new necklace appeared in Faith, which was good timing to make it a Hanukkah present from T. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_

_Guest - haha...I can't say I was trying to leave anyone dying of curiosity, but now I'm really hoping the Christmas stuff lives up to expectations. I'm glad she has the necklace again too. It's something that helps her hold onto who she is. I know right? With my head in storytime and my already present issues of remembering what day I'm on, it totally throws me off to write Christmas and then go outside and realize it's not snowing because it's only Sept! lol. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	17. 7x6 Outlaws and Inlaws Part 1

_A/N: Hello all you wonderful people! I'm sorry the last couple weeks have been so inconsistent as far as posting goes. For that reason I will no longer say a specific day on which a new chapter should appear, only that I will do my utmost to update once a week._

_You should also know that I'm having a very difficult time getting my head in the right place for continuing MIT, so I'll tell you all what I explained to someone in a PM. The premier screwed with my heart and all my happy feelings and it's a challenge to get back to this universe. Sometimes I think I'd rather just quit and not have to worry about it, but writing is so much a part of my heart and who I am and I don't think I can just give it up because CBS messed with my emotions. _

_Also, I'm finding I have less and less time for FF lately and that's a problem. I do have the rest of the story marginally planned out, I've finished all my re-watching of the seasons to get the dialogue. But knowing where I want to go with it and actually sitting down and making it go there are two very different things. I'm trying, but it's complicated. I'm glad you guys love this story and I appreciate all the time you've taken out of your lives to read each chapter and leave me your lovely, heartfelt comments. I will do my very best to come back, hopefully on a more regular basis, but I just need some time. Again, thank you for everything, ~Aliyah_

**Monday December 28**

Ziva sat anxiously on a spare stool, waiting for Ducky to finish his notes. When he finally looked up, she leaned forward. "Well?"

The doctor regarded her seriously, then smiled. "I am pleased to pronounce you healed and healthy my dear. It was a long road to get here, and I am proud of your patience.

If only he knew. She wanted to cheer in victory, but settled for closing her eyes and letting out the breath she'd been holding. "Thank you." A piercing gaze was suddenly fixed on him. "Can I drive?" After three months of relying on her husband and cabs in a pinch, Ziva was very much ready to have use of her own wheels again.

"I don't see why not," came Ducky's answer.

Ziva's eyebrows rose hopefully. "Field work?" Though Gibbs had been bending the rules a little here and there for her and even with her early reinstatement for use of a weapon, she wanted to be Tony's partner again, officially.

Here the ME hesitated. "You're still short of your previous weight Ziva, and more fragile than I'd like to declare you fit for duty." Her mouth opened and he held up a hand to stall the protest. "But if you promise me that you will begin a regular training regimen, I'll allow you back in the field on the condition that you are still a last resort when it comes to engaging suspects in any kind of struggle. Your strength has been lessened severely by the muscle loss and poor nutrition. It will take time to rebuild. I want you to start slowly, so as not to injure yourself. We'll meet back in a month so I can assess your progress. Is that understood?"

She sighed, but resolved to take what she could get. "Yes Doctor."

"Good." He signed on the line at the bottom. "I'll begin weaning you off of the iron and vitamin supplements now, as Tony tells me you are eating better and should be getting what you need from your diet. When you come back for the assessment I'll want to take blood samples for comparison, to be sure your body is handling the change alright." Ducky smiled and handed her the folder. "I'll let you take that up to Director Vance. And Ziva, congratulations."

Ziva grinned and touched his shoulder on the way out, calling a thank you over her shoulder. Ducky's findings were presented to the director, who excused her from regular duties the rest of the afternoon to take her requalification exams, all except the fitness one. By the end of the day she had passed every one and was happier than Tony had seen her in a long time. They were just packing up their things when Abby came rushing into the bullpen from the back elevator with her arms outstretched.

She pretty much tackled Ziva with a happy hug, squeezing her tightly, while the latter reciprocated with a bit of bewilderment. "Abby, what is this about?"

The black haired girl let go, practically bouncing up and down she was so excited. "Ziva! Congratulations! Ducky told me you're all better now!"

Ziva's smile returned and she nodded. "I am."

Her eyebrows rose. "Are you back for real? Really really real? As Tony's partner?"

Gazes locked between the couple and Ziva released a small sigh. "There are conditions before I return to full duty Abby. I am still not in any condition to take the fitness test. And I must be before Ducky will consent to clearing me totally. Vance will not declare us partners again until he is sure I am capable."

Hands flew to Abby's hips. "You're more than capable!" she blurted indignantly. "You're invincible! No one can even get close to you when you're in full on ninja mode."

Again Ziva's eyes drifted to her husband's. There was a time when he thought those same things. But the day was fast approaching when he would find out the real truth about how broken she had really been in that desert. She laid a hand on the forensic scientist's arm. "I am almost there."

Abby studied her in a way that made Ziva nervous. "So are you going to get your own place now?"

Her eyes widened. "What?"

She looked back and forth between Tony and Ziva. "Well, you said you were only staying with Tony until you were back to normal, and Ducky cleared you." Her eyebrows rose. "Unless something's changed."

Ziva held up her hands and shook her head. "No, nothing has changed. It has just...been a long day. I had not thought any further than passing the tests."

"Well, I'm free to go apartment hunting with you any time. Except on Fridays, that's when I bowl with the nuns."

Unease snaked its way through Ziva's soul. "Thank you Abby."

Their friend grinned. "Won't it be nice to be by yourself again? No more twenty four-seven movie trivia or microwave meals, not having to come in the same car or see each other all the time, no more being babysat?"

She did her best to interject as much fake enthusiasm as she could muster into her next words. "Yes, I am sure that will be...very different."

"Okay, well, have a great night!" She spun around and was gone in a flash of black pigtails and white lab coat and Ziva started forlornly at the desk across from hers.

"Hey," Tony called, breaking through her thoughts, "ready to go?" His grin was as strained as her words had been. "Better enjoy the drive. It might be one of our last."

Rolling her eyes took a great deal of effort and she grabbed her bag. "Yes, I cannot imagine how I will survive without your incessant rambling. Perhaps after this I will finally be able to hear myself think in the mornings."

He clutched at his chest as they walked towards the elevator. "You wound me David. And here I thought you were falling for my charm."

"Ha!" she snorted. "In your dreams DiNozzo."

The smile he flashed her barely hid his true feelings. "Always Zee-vah!" Tony dodged when she made as if to hit him and they entered the enclosed space, holding their breath until the doors closed.

Ziva sagged against the wall. "That was not an easy show."

He flipped the switch and his hand slid down her back. "Abby kinda blindsided you, huh?"

Her brow furrowed. "As if people could think I do not want to be around you, like staying with you was some kind of punishment." She crossed her arms. "After all this time they still know nothing. How much I valued your friendship even before it became more." Brown eyes were hidden behind dark lashes. "They do not give you enough credit. If they only knew what you had gone through for me...because of me..." Ziva shook her head. "I wish they valued the man that you are."

Tony moved behind her and folded his wife in his arms. "They don't really know the man you do Zi, they've never gotten the chance. They didn't see how much I changed for you, how hard I fought to show you I could be better than the guy you met that first day. They were oblivious when wariness became trust and trust became caring and caring became love. They've missed out on all of that, so it's hard to blame them for thinking what they do if all they can see is the guy I pretend to be."

She leaned her head back on his shoulder. "And it is my fault we still have to hide."

"Hey," he turned her around, brushing his thumb over her lips, "I'm not blaming you. I get it, I do. We're not just hiding from Gibbs' rules or your father's control or the consequences for us while your status is in limbo. We're protecting our marriage, which is what we should be doing." He leaned in to cover her mouth with his, the kiss reaffirming his statement. "Once you get your citizenship, we'll have a freedom we never had before, to see if it's time to stop hiding."

Ziva wished she didn't have to disappoint him. "Maybe citizenship will not be enough. Gibbs...I cannot be without my partner Tony. I cannot risk what we have in the field. There is no one else I trust to have my back, no other team I would want to be a part of. But if he could not accept us..."

Tony squeezed her hand. "We're not just a team Ziva, we're a family. And I can't see him breaking up the family just because two of his kids finally took a shot at being happy. Don't worry so much. It's going to be okay."

"Then I will let you believe it," she said wistfully. "Because right now I still cannot."

She was quiet on the way home, and antsy, looking out the window with longing as the streets of DC flew past. He saw how wound up she was, both from their conversation in the elevator and the day she'd made it through, and Tony could pretty much read her mind for what she needed to do. "Want me to drop you off at Ops?"

She turned to him, startled. "Hm? Oh, no thank you." A smile graced her lips. "I am going to drive."

As pleased as he was that she could finally start getting her independence back, Tony realized in an instant how much he was going to miss Ziva depending on him, and the necessity of always being together as her initial condition had dictated. Just as he'd expected she rushed into the house when the got home, dug her long unused gym bag out of the closet, and checked to make sure everything was there. Deciding not to fight the inevitable, Tony brought her a filled water bottle and watched her gather thick dark waves into a ponytail. She kissed his cheek and hurried out, speaking softly to Meira before lifting the keys with a mini Eiffel tower ornament from the hooks by the door and leaving.

Tony watched her go and sighed, sitting down with Meira's head on his knee. "This changes everything girl. I hope she doesn't forget about me."

**NCIS**

Ziva sat in her car, savouring the sense of freedom for only a minute before turning the ignition and backing out of the drive. Unwilling to get in any trouble her first time behind the wheel in seven months, she was cautious, paying attention to all road signs and staying well within the speed limit until she reached her destination. A parking space was free near the door and Ziva pulled into it, then grabbed her bag and went inside.

The owner, Duke Manning, a retired special forces soldier, sat at the front desk, greeting each person who walked in. His eyebrows rose when she entered his view and Duke stood, crossing his arms. "Where've you been David? If you're sent on a six month mission the least you could do is warn your trainer so he doesn't have to worry."

She smiled faintly at the man who had been her friend for several years. She'd discovered Ops almost immediately upon moving to DC, and loved the familiar atmosphere of training, focus, and hard work. Prior to any of her absences from the country, she rarely missed her thrice weekly sessions at the gym, so she could understand his feelings. "I am sorry Duke. It was...unexpected."

At her soft voice he looked a little closer, seeing the dark circles under her eyes that hadn't been there before, the heaviness hiding behind her chocolate gaze, and the air of fragility that clung to the woman he'd once considered invincible. She used to give his men quite the run for their money in the ring, then act like it was nothing more than a light workout for her. "Hey," he asked with a gentleness one didn't expect given his size and background, "can you tell me?"

Her posture stiffened. "I would rather not." A folder emerged from her bag. "My doctors, however, would prefer that you know. I will require a special program for the time being." Ziva let him to read Ducky's notes on her current physical state while she headed for the changeroom to don loose yoga pants and a long sleeved black shirt, not ready yet to bare to him the evidence the camp had left on her body. Although it took less than half the time to dress and braid her hair, she gave Duke fifteen minutes to absorb what was written before coming out.

He looked up, expression all at once burning with righteous anger and filled with a compassion so deep it nearly brought her to tears. "Ziva, I'm-"

She cut him off brusquely. "Sorry, yes. And so is the rest of the world. But sorry will not get my life back and that is what I need. Will you help me?"

Well aware of her soldier mentality, of pushing away everything and focusing only on what needed to be done, Duke left his sympathies at the desk, grabbed a clipboard and blank sheet of paper, and walked ahead of her with the bearing of a man accustomed both to giving and following orders. He led her to a small, empty studio near the back and perched on a bench. "Lost some weight, mostly muscle mass," he murmured. "So building strength and endurance are the main concerns." Duke looked up. "But first we start with stretching, because from the list your doctor provided I think you've had more than enough injuries to deal with. Then we're going to go through all the tricks of the trade so someone who weighs one hundred and fifteen pounds in her heaviest winter coat can take down guys twice her size without blinking, and using a minimum of effort. Sound good?"

Having been trained as Mossad, she knew several of those methods already, but given Duke's vast experience he likely had moves she'd never seen. Even so, Ziva made a face. "Full workouts sound better, but if I remember correctly you can be very stubborn. So I will say yes and avoid the fight."

He grinned. "Smart answer David, there's hope for you yet."

Ziva spent nearly two hours at the gym that night and arrived home exhausted. She fell against Tony for a hug, wobbled her way to the bathroom for a shower, and concerned her husband so much that he stripped to his boxers and joined her, afraid she might fall asleep standing up. It was a good thing he did too, because Ziva's depleted energy only served her as far as washing her body half-heartedly, and Tony was on his own to do her hair.

Experience enabled him to rush through a task he usually preferred to linger in, and when Ziva let him dress her after he knew the effort of working out was hitting her hard. She hadn't been this drained since walking ten miles after only being home a few weeks. Always happy to play white knight, Tony carried his wife to their bed and tucked her in, let Meira out to the yard for a bathroom break, and crawled under the covers beside Ziva, silently thanking Duke for what would hopefully be the best sleep she'd had in days.

**NCIS**

**Tuesday December 29-Thursday December 31**

Because of her current limitations in energy and endurance, Duke restricted Ziva to being at the gym for one hour three times a week. The timing for her return to Ops couldn't've been better, as that week also brought Ziva's second solo session with Dr. Maitland. She was quiet after, often avoiding eye contact, as if Tony might be able to read in a glance everything she still desperately wished to shield him from. With talking came nightmares, just as bad as the one on Monday that happened despite her exhaustion, and he could tell Ziva was making a herculean effort not to jump out of bed and run away when he reached for her once she woke, to offer what meager comfort he could.

Thursday was their New Year's Eve celebration with the frat group, a party they were late to because of Gibbs' inconsideration for any type of holiday leeway at work. It was after ten pm before they made it to Mark and Cassie's. This was an adult only event, creating too much noise and chaos for small bodies that needed to be asleep in good time. Thus Alec and McKenna were having a scaled down evening at their grandpa's house, and Ryan was enjoying a movie night with Gram and Grampa.

Brent felt New Year's Eve a safe time to have CJ around his friends, since it was less pressure than attending a group dinner where the focus would likely be on new people. They were at the moment challenging Adrian and Emma to a laughter filled round of Operation, while Mark and Darien sat facing each other in the livingroom, trying to find and sink each other's battleships. True to form Cassie was busy playing hostess. The party had been underway for three hours, with snacks set out buffet style on the island, games sprawled over the kitchen table, Dick Clark's New Year's Eve Live playing on TV, and a quieter area set up in the basement with puzzles in case anyone wanted to talk or just take a break from the craziness.

Delighted that they could make it, Cassie welcomed them in with a smile and hugs. "Don't worry, you haven't missed anything exciting yet." She cut her eyes towards her husband. "Although Mark and Adrian have been threatening to get out Twister for the last hour, so either hide or play at your own risk."

Ziva eyed Tony coyly. "I don't know. It could be fun."

Cassie caught her meaning with an arched eyebrow. "A married couples only round? Now there's an idea."

Tony stepped behind Ziva and hugged her close. "How about something harmless since we just got here? And please feed me. Supper was about a hundred hours ago."

"Your exaggerations are as bad as Alec's," Cassie scolded, leading him into the kitchen anyway. "Punch Ziva?"

The Israeli nodded, trying to look more awake than she felt. "Yes please."

Cassie filled a plastic glass with red liquid and pressed a small sticker to the side, writing a 'Z' on it. "There. Now you don't have to worry about forgetting which cup is yours." She gestured to the island. "Help yourself, please. We've got enough for a small army and only nine people to eat it in the next," she checked her watch, "two and a half hours."

Ziva's eyes sought the clock and she looked at Tony. He rubbed her neck. "Mark and Cassie always kick us out shortly after midnight." Tony shot a wink at his friend. "I think they have better things to do with the early hours of their new year."

Cassie snapped him with a towel in retaliation and Ziva moved out of the line of fire. She was filling her plate with a selection of goodies when Mark threw up his hands. "Battleship!" he cried, while Darien rolled his eyes and muttered something about peeking and cheating. Tony headed over and the three guys proceeded to set up a hand of poker in which they bet with cookies. A round of laughter from the kitchen table celebrated Brent and CJ landing on triplets, and Ziva and Cassie were left as the odd ones out.

"What's your pleasure Ziva?" the blonde asked.

She looked at her food and around at the group. "Perhaps just a place to sit and relax for awhile? It has been a long day."

"Follow me." Cassie led her guest downstairs and they each sank into a comfy chair. "That's better," she sighed. "I love them all, but it's glorified chaos up there and I was having trouble hearing my own thoughts."

"I know the feeling," Ziva commiserated. "There is so much bustle and commotion at work sometimes, it is nice to be able to catch my breath."

Cassie tried one of the breaded cheesesticks that had only just come out of the oven before their arrival and closed her eyes. "Mmm. I love these things." She finished two, then leaned her head back. "How are you Ziva? I feel like we haven't really talked in awhile."

Ziva nibbled at a tortilla chip from the nacho mixture and sighed. "Tony and I started seeing a counselor."

"Really?" Cassie's eyebrows rose. "I'm glad to hear that. Is it helping?"

One shoulder shrugged. "She is making me talk about some very difficult things, and encouraging me to share them with Tony. The hurts and emotions that come up in sessions when we are together make my heart feel bruised. But there is very little said out loud that we do not already know." Her eyes fell to the paper plate. "Partners for over four years and married for three, we have learned how to read each other very well."

"Sometimes things just need to be said and once they are out in the open they're not as awful or painful or true as they seem in the shadows." Cassie smiled. "I think you're doing the right thing."

"Yes," the other woman admitted slowly, "but it is still very hard."

"Anything worth having usually is," came Cassie's sage reply. "And your marriage is definitely that." She crunched a stick of celery. "So, what else has been going on with you two lately? Tell me something happy please."

A small smile played over Ziva's lips and she lifted her necklace to show Cassie. "Tony got me this for the last night of Hanukkah."

Cassie leaned closer and Ziva let her look at it. "He just had to show us up, huh?" She ran her thumb over the smooth gold of the pendant. "That was really sweet of him. And he had it engraved too?"

Surprise lit her brown eyes. "He did?" She held the star up and squinted at the tiny words that followed a path around the back of the shape. "Couldn't live without you." It was a different inscription than the one he'd added to her original one after their marriage, but this one held so much more significance. Ziva rubbed her thumb over the words and made a mental note to thank him later.

"I take it that means something to you?"

Ziva smiled softly and looked up. "Yes. That was one of the first things he said to me when...when I was found."

Cassie squeezed her hand in silent sympathy, then confusion drew her eyebrows together. "Did something happen to your old one? I remember seeing it a couple times. It was bigger, right? More defined? Did it break?"

Shadows gathered in Ziva's gaze and she flexed her fingers. "It was...lost...over the summer."

Reading more into that statement than she would say out loud, Cassie offered her a way out. "Have I missed anything else?"

The question pulled Ziva from a mire of remembering that she fell into all too easily and with effort she shook it off. "I have been given a clean bill of health, finally."

Cassie's expression lit up. "You're all better? Nothing hurts anymore?" She remembered how gingerly the other woman had moved in the beginning, the barely masked pain always so close to the surface. Thankfully she hadn't seen that look in awhile.

Ziva rubbed her left forearm and quietly took stock of her body. "No," she said slowly, almost in wonder. "I do not hurt." She blinked several times and tried to keep her tone light. "For so long I wondered if I would ever not be in pain, but I did not notice the day when it finally happened." The marred skin on her wrists was much better thanks to time and Ducky's cream, the marks from ropes and handcuffs and struggles to get free now faded, but still visible. "Some scars I believe I will bear forever. My arm was broken quite badly once and aches sometimes, and I have developed a tendency for headaches now when things are stressful. But if that is all I carry from what was done, I count myself very lucky indeed."

Cassie listened carefully and waded through what part of that to address. "Does that mean you're back to full duty?"

Ziva's shoulders sagged. "Not yet. I am still rather weak because starvation eats away at muscle mass. But I have been cleared to train at the gym again and that makes me feel like a real person, finally."

The blonde woman reached over and squeezed her friend's hand. "I'm happy for you Ziva. Maybe things can start getting back to normal for you and Tony now."

"Yes," Ziva replied quietly. "There is just one more thing."

At that moment Tony's amused voice carried down the stairs. "Ninja and Smurfette, front and center! We've got Twister!"

"I hope you mean the movie Tony," Ziva called back.

He came down a couple steps and flashed a grin at her. "Nice try sweetheart, but this is a game you must experience at least once." He held out his hand and beckoned her forward. "Come on, you and me against Mark and Cassie. It'll be epic."

Ziva looked at Cassie and shrugged. "How do I argue with that?"

Cassie giggled. "You don't. Let's go. This could be fun." She passed Tony on her way up and Ziva wrapped her fingers around his.

Tony tucked a piece of hair back. "Mark and I already talked about it. Any move that has him too close to you or me to Cassie will be declared invalid. We want you to have fun, not worry about accidentally being touched by someone other than me."

Ziva skimmed her lips over his cheek. "You're very sweet to think of me. But I am getting better and I will be fine. It is time to go be with our friends Tony."

He led her up the stairs. "Prepare yourself. Adrian is in charge of spinning the arrow and giving directions. This will be no ordinary game."

**NCIS**

Emma and CJ were the next ones to take advantage of the quieter basement space, after Adrian became the announcer for Twister and Brent and Darien claimed front row seats for the event. The two ladies fell onto separate chairs, laughing. "Whew!" Emma exclaimed. "It's a good thing we got outta there. I was afraid we would have to play."

CJ took a moment to conjure a mental picture. "That is a dangerous game."

Getting comfortable, Emma leaned back and pulled her knees up. "So, how long have you and Brent been married?"

Shock dropped CJ's jaw. "Excuse me?"

Emma suddenly felt out of place. "I'm sorry, did I say the wrong thing? It's just, you talked about your son and going to the park with your dog and I just assumed..."

CJ shifted in her seat and blew out a breath. "Emma, Brent and I aren't married, we're not even dating."

Emma stared at her. "You're kidding."

"No." CJ ran her fingers through her ponytail. "Brent and I met in October, he's my son's basketball coach. Cody is his dog."

Her brow furrowed. "But...he helps Ryan with his homework."

CJ sighed. "Yeah. I teach a beginner ballet class two days a week. Brent takes Ryan home from school those nights. We're friends and he and Ryan get along great. But that's all."

Emma shook her head. "I don't believe you. Did you not see how Brent looks at you? The guy's half in love with you, maybe more. You two are so great together. How can you be okay as only friends?"

"Maybe we'll be more, someday." She shrugged. "We've talked about it, but both of us have been burned before, so we're taking things slow."

"Wow."

Ready for the focus to be off her, CJ turned the question around. "How many times have you and Adrian been out?"

Emma accepted the subject change and started counting on her fingers. "I guess last weekend would be our fifth date, not including basketball games, the wedding, and tonight."

CJ's eyebrows rose. "And you only met a month ago? That's...you must really like him."

Emma leaned her head on her hand. "I know what I want CJ. Adrian's a great guy. We enjoy being together. And so far I haven't seen anything in him that I can't live with."

"You're thinking long term after five dates?" That made she and Brent look like snails in comparison.

"I'm ready to be married. Good guys don't come around all that often for me. I want to hold onto this one."

"Have you kissed him yet?" CJ inquired. She wasn't embarrassed to admit that she missed that part of being in a relationship.

Emma almost blushed. "No. That would take more than a handful of time spent together." Then her face lit up and she grabbed CJ's arm. "We should do it tonight!"

CJ stared. "Do what?"

"Kiss Adrian and Brent. On the cheek, of course," she amended. "At midnight. For New Year's. They'll be so surprised."

Surprised didn't even begin to cover it. "I don't know..." CJ hedged.

Emma tilted her head and gave the redhead a hard look. "Is there anything you know about Brent that makes you hesitate?"

She opened her mouth, then closed it again. "No," she admitted softly. "Only my own fears."

"Don't," Emma told her firmly. "Don't waste time CJ. Go for it. Take a leap of faith." Her smile grew. "If the look in his eyes is any indication, he's already waiting to catch you."

Feeling spontaneous, CJ took a breath and nodded. "Okay, let's do it."

Loud laughter from upstairs drew their attention a little while later and the women hurried up to see what they'd missed. Tony and Ziva and Mark and Cassie were collapsed in a heap on the livingroom floor, laughing so hard they had to wipe away tears. "I will never," Mark wheezed, "underestimate Ziva's flexibility again."

Ziva buried her face in Tony's shirt. "I did not know it was going to be so hard."

He chuckled and kissed her hair. "You did fine. And hey, we won."

Cassie finally pulled herself into a sitting position. "I demand a rematch. Adrian was too busy being clever to see that last position."

"Maybe some other time," Ziva managed, untangling herself from Tony. "I think I am out for tonight."

The group began to clean up and as there was still an hour until midnight, looked around for something to do. "How about pairs Dutch Blitz?" Mark suggested. Cassie glanced from him to Darien, reminding her husband that not all of them were couples. She didn't want Darien to feel like the odd one out even if being single was his choice. Mark shook his head at her concern. "Come on, Red could beat us any day with one hand tied behind his back." He checked with his friend. "What do you think?"

Darien crossed his arms and smirked. "Bring it."

Being that there were only four decks of cards in the game, Brent and CJ opted to sit out the first few rounds and trade off with one of the others later. CJ had never heard of the game, let alone played, and she wanted an idea of what she was getting into. Everyone gathered around the kitchen table and cleared the space. Cassie immediately claimed yellow as they knew she would. It was impossible to convince her to play with another colour. Tony and Ziva took green because it was her favourite, though they often used blue as well for Tony's preference. Blue went to Adrian and Emma this time and Darien got the reddish orange deck. The others let Darien explain the premise for those who hadn't played before, then set up a practice round. Emma pounced on the concept right away, naturally competitive and used to multitasking with her job. CJ, on the other hand, was quite happy just to be spectating for awhile.

After five hands of laughter and child-like exclamations such as, "Hey, my card was there first!" "Darien, put your two out, hurry! Cassie and I both have threes!" "Ha! Beat you on the draw Zippy!" and other all in fun table talk, Mark and Cassie backed out to give Brent and CJ a turn. CJ felt clumsy and slow at first but Brent, who didn't care at all about their score and just wanted her to have fun, kept whispering encouragement to her, eliciting small smiles, rolls of her eyes and occasionally, a look of appreciation that hinted at more than friends.

Time flew by and suddenly Cassie looked towards the TV and shouted, "Two minutes to midnight!"

The gang dropped everything and rushed to the livingroom, plopping on any available space. The counter in the corner of the screen showed less than a minute once they were settled, and the ball began to drop. Bodies leaned forward, eyes glued to the descent, eager to welcome in the New Year. At ten seconds they all began chanting with the crowd. "10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1. Happy New Year!"

Times Square was filled with fireworks and noisemakers and the sounds of celebration, but in the Reece household two thousand and ten was rung in simply and quietly. With no kids around and assuming the others wouldn't pay too much attention, Mark, cuddling with Cassie on the loveseat, turned to his wife and captured her lips in a deeper kiss than they usually allowed themselves in front of an audience. Similarly, sharing the same chair while the new couples each had half the couch, Tony tipped Ziva's chin up, breathed 'Happy New Year' onto her lips, and molded his mouth to hers. Ziva's eyes closed and her hand came up to his cheek, indulging in the sweet caress to commemorate the dawn of a new year. _May it have fewer troubles than the last one_, she prayed silently.

Feeling a little awkward flanked by the married couples, though it was probably worse for Darien who was sitting on the floor with Cody and had no one, Adrian and Brent exchanged uneasy glances that wondered if next year it would be them who shared a special moment like that with their girls. Then, out of nowhere, CJ and Emma looked at each other and leaned close to plant quick kisses on their unsuspecting guys' cheeks. Adrian's eyes widened and his neck flushed, but he still managed a grin before returning the gesture.

"I thought I wasn't supposed to get a kiss," he whispered.

Emma shrugged. "Sometimes I like to be unexpected."

"I'll take it," Adrian assured her, squeezing her hand. He was thrilled to find his own happiness reflected in her eyes and hoped this was only a hint of things to come.

Beside them, CJ pulled back, a bit embarrassed by her boldness and the desire to linger close to Brent, soaking in his warmth and familiar presence. But he took it in stride and lifted his hand to cup her cheek. "Nice surprise," he murmured. "Gonna let me give it back sometime?"

She forced herself to hold his gaze. "Yes," came her soft reply. And maybe it was the excitement of New Years or the comfort of the evening, but CJ allowed herself a rare weakness in her craving for a type of care she'd been so long denied, settling beside Brent and resting her head on his shoulder. His arm came around her waist just loosely, like she'd hoped it would, and a smile graced both their lips. It seemed they were getting closer and closer to the more that was never far from their minds or their hearts. All they needed now was time.

_Replies:_

_Sarah - you're welcome :) No, didn't. Not sure if I'm going to. I think it's rather unfair that we were supposed to have 2 farewell eps and now we only get one. And the more I watch the promo the more convinced I am that next week's ep is going to tear my heart out completely *sigh* I'm glad you liked the wedding, it looked really amazing in my head. I got to add some stuff to the Christmas scenes before I posted and I'm pleased with how they came out, minus Z's disappointing response to T's surprise. She seems to have closed the door pretty firmly, I'm not sure if she will think about changing her mind or not. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_

_Christie - Thank you so much for checking up on me, it makes me feel special and loved when someone does. I am okay. Very sad, extremely disappointed, watching the kiss scene over and over and over, trying to rework everything in my head so it's not as bad as it looked. Ziva/Cote and we deserved so much more. I'm glad you like my stories, I'll do my best to keep them coming :) ~Aliyah_

_zoey357 (For Her) - Hi! You didn't have PMs enabled or I would have answered you that way. I'm really glad you liked this story. It really grabbed my heart. Kind of therapeutic to write but I'm still sad. If this can be a new ending for you, I'm happy to help. Thank you for taking the time to review! :) ~Aliyah_

_Sunnyside2 - Thank you, that's very sweet of you to say. My goal is always to make people feel the emotions, so I'm glad this story succeeded. You're welcome. And thank you for reviewing :)_


	18. 7x6 Outlaws and Inlaws Part 2

_A/N: You guys are amazing. I got such lovely comments and encouragement and reviews for the last chapter so thank you all so much. I am doing my best to come back to MIT. I don't have a lot of time for writing right now which kind of stinks, but hopefully things will slow down in the next couple weeks and I'll be able to focus on it a bit more. You guys are awesome readers and friends and I just really appreciate you all more than I can say. I'm truly, truly blessed to be part of this wonderful community and I look forward to continuing this journey together. Thank you, ~Aliyah_

_PS. Happy Thanksgiving weekend to all fellow Canadians! I hope you all had a great time with your families, ate lots of turkey, and remembered to be thankful for the many blessings in your lives. It's so important never to forget what God has done for us._

_PPS. This one gets heavy folks, and dark as we revisit the camp hopefully for the last time. Prepare yourselves. The next chapter picks up where this one leaves off, not a whole lot of happy emotions for a little while. But the end is finally in sight as far as major obstacles for healing go. Everything from Ch 24 on should start getting a little more positive. Good luck!_

**Saturday January 2**

Ziva was sitting on the bed with curly hair gathered into a loose ponytail rather than the tight, straightened ones she wore to work and one leg pulled up, watching her husband when he woke. Without opening his eyes Tony slid his arm over to her side, frowning as he encountered only her teddy bear. Yawning, Tony squinted and looked around, then groaned and fell back against his pillow when he saw her. "Please tell me you didn't go for a run."

She stayed where she was and shook her head. "Not yet. Duke and Ducky will have to give their approval first."

He stretched out under the covers, nudging her knee with his toes. "Then why pray tell, on a beautiful Saturday morning, aren't you laying next to me so I can kiss you awake?"

Ziva tilted her head. "I did not want to leave without saying goodbye."

Tony's eyebrows drew together. "Leave for where?" He knew her being able to drive again would be an issue.

"I want to go riding," she stated. "I have not seen Jules in almost two months. And perhaps I can stay on longer now."

He leaned up on one elbow and surveyed her with a thoughtful expression. "Do you have to go alone?"

Ziva rested one hand on his leg. "I need to be able to do things on my own."

Tony stared at the sheets. "I feel like I'm gonna get shoved out of your life now that you don't need me." His eyes lifted to hers. "Three months Zi that I've been by your side almost every minute of the day, I don't know how not to worry about you anymore."

Crawling over to him, she waited while he sat up and cupped his face between her hands. "I will always need you ahava, every day of our lives together. Your love is my strength and my confidence, your arms a safe place when I fall, your heart the only place that has felt like home in so long." She rested her forehead on his. "I am not trying to keep you away, but it is time to be me again." Ziva caressed his cheeks. "And maybe you can be yourself again too, and do more of what you enjoy instead of always being concerned for me."

Overwhelmed, Tony pulled her against his chest and covered her mouth with his. Ziva's graceful fingers slid down his neck, across his shoulders, and over his chest and back, mapping all the familiar planes of his skin. Pouring his fear of losing her into the moment, Tony held her face, losing his fingers in the silky strands of hair from her ponytail. It was a tiring position, and Ziva tore her lips from his only long enough to straddle his lap and push him back to lean on the headboard. Tony didn't waste a second, taking possession of her mouth again and slipping his tongue between her lips. His hand on her hip dragged Ziva closer, while the other cradled her cheek.

It wasn't long before his fingers burrowed under her shirt, seeking the warm flesh of her lower back. Ziva felt his sigh of disappointment when his touch encountered only the soft cotton of the tank top that lay underneath and giggled. "It is not so easy in the winter yakiri."

Tony closed his eyes and rested his head on her shoulder, never removing his hands from her body. "This is why I like waking you up," he grumbled. "There's nothing under your pjs."

"Only me," she breathed into his ear. For a brief moment Ziva contemplated pulling the shirt over her head, getting rid of her tank top, and pressing her bare skin into his, giving her husband permission and access to all of her. But just as suddenly as the image passed through her head, another followed of her fighting him in the heat of a flashback, her movements designed to inflict pain and allow her to escape. Then the light and gentle desire vanished from Tony's green eyes and at that point she pushed the thought away, tightening her hold on him briefly.

Unaware of where her mind was, Tony responded her to previous comment. "You is more than enough for me Zi." He sat up and stared into her eyes. "I love you. Have I told you that lately?"

Ziva forced a smile. "It is never too much." Pecking his lips, she moved off of him and let her hand linger on his stubbly cheek. "Do not be afraid to let me go Tony, I will come back."

He turned his head to press a kiss to her palm. "'Kay," he managed. "Have fun."

Excitement grew on her face and she nodded. "I will."

Tony watched her walk away, listened to her soft words to Meira, her voice not loud enough for him to decipher the Hebrew, and heard the door close and lock. Heaving a sigh, he draped his arms over his knees. "Do something I enjoy," he mumbled, repeating his wife's earlier phrase. "What might that be?"

At a loss without his other half, Tony got up and pulled on a shirt, cold now that her touch wasn't warming him. He greeted their dog, who lay in front of the Christmas tree gnawing on one of her bones, and went into the kitchen to pour a bowl of cold cereal and milk. Looking between the livingroom and the office, Tony chose the latter and powered up his laptop, scrolling through the games and selecting one he hadn't played in almost a year. An hour was lost that way and after dishes were done the federal agent changed into workout clothes and drove to NCIS. It wasn't unusual for him to be in the building on a Saturday, but heading to the training gym instead of the fifth floor squadroom was.

He began by warming up on the bike, then moved onto weights, taking time to get into a routine and find his rhythm again. Several rounds with the punching bag followed and Tony ended with almost an hour on the stationary bike, marveling at how good it felt to be sweating and active. He'd feel it tomorrow at the game, but basketball should help loosen up sore and stiff muscles. A long hot shower followed his workout and Tony kept his clothes casual - jeans and a dress shirt with no tie and the top button undone. He stood in front of the mirror and fussed with his hair, wondering fleetingly if he should grow it out again and if Ziva would like it a little longer.

On his way home Tony couldn't resist stopping at Starbucks for a tall, strong, creamed and highly sugared coffee. Sitting at a corner table he picked up a folded newspaper left by the previous occupant a slowly read through it, sipping his coffee and people watching whenever his eyes strayed from the page. Several hours had gone by when he finally returned to their cozy bungalow and capped off his productivity by taking Meira for a stroll through the neighbourhood. But as they got back and went inside Tony couldn't help noticing that everything he enjoyed was so much better when done with Ziva at his side.

**NCIS**

The hour long drive was a bit tiring when she hadn't gone further than the gym since being granted her freedom, but Ziva enjoyed the silence and familiarity. When she got tired of quiet she tuned the radio to a Spanish station, one of her comfort languages after Hebrew. Pulling into the long driveway at the stables sent a thrill through her and Ziva eagerly went to the office to sign in, then hurried to the barn to see her horse.

Jax saw her first and snorted, shaking his mane. "You are feeling forgotton, yes?" The stallion's ears pricked forward and she rubbed his forehead. "Time goes so fast. I wish we could come more." Jax pushed his nose into her shirt, knocking her back a couple of steps, and Ziva laughed. "No treats today I am afraid, but I am glad to know I have not lost your favour."

Patting his neck, she moved to Jules' stall where the chestnut brown mare was resting at the back, her head lowered and eyes half closed. "Jules," Ziva said softly, watching in delight at her horse reacted to her voice, body poised for action. She held out a hand, beckoning the animal closer. Jules took a couple steps, stretching her neck out and lipping Ziva's palm. She whickered, blowing in Ziva's face, and came near enough for Ziva to ghost her fingers over the horse's soft nose. "Shalom yafi. Are we friends again?" Jules put her head over Ziva's shoulder, allowing the woman to hug her. "I think that is a yes," she whispered. "Shall we go for a ride?"

Receiving no objections she retrieved Jules' tack from the designated room, finding the saddle heavier than she remembered and looking forward to when her strength returned. She took her time outfitting Jules, deft fingers putting buckles together and knotting straps properly. Then she led the horse to an empty indoor ring, tightened the saddle a bit, and put her foot in the stirrup. To Ziva's embarrassment it took a few tries to get her leg up over Jules' back, but at last she sat astride the saddle, grinning in triumph.

Squeezing her legs, Ziva urged the mare into a walk, holding the reins loosely and letting her body adjust to the rhythm of Jules' strides. After a few rounds of that they tried a trot, but though hers was smooth unlike the bouncy gait of many horses, the posting was too hard for Ziva's diminished thigh muscles and she had to stop. Figuring Tony would kill her for trying anything faster without him, she took Jules through some basic paces and commands, finally finishing off with more walking.

At last she slid to the ground on unsteady legs and touched her forehead to Jules' neck. "Good girl," she murmured. "Good girl."

Their journey back to the stall was slow, as was removing her tack. Ziva pulled out an apple she'd hidden earlier and sat on an overturned bucket by the door to take a break while she ate half, offering the rest to her four legged friend. Refreshed, Ziva got the brush and curry comb and spent a long time making Jules' coat shine and working the tangles from her mane and tail. It was coming up on early afternoon when she kissed her horse's nose and said goodbye to Jules and Jax. Staying alert for the hour long drive was a bit challenging, but Ziva eventually made it home and pulled with relief into their driveway.

She found her husband lounging on the couch watching basketball and went to kiss him. Tony drank her in like water he'd been denied. "Hey, how'd it go?"

Her smile told the story and she backed away slowly, heading for a shower because she knew he preferred her shampoo and body wash to the smell of horse and barn that clung to her after a trip to Maryland. "Have you eaten lunch yet?"

Tony checked his watch. "No. I was waiting for you."

Ziva looked back over her shoulder. "We can make something together when I get out."

But Tony wasn't willing to wait that long and jumped into action as soon as the water started running. Putting together a couple sandwiches, he set them on the table with glasses of juice, then snuck into the bathroom and stole her towel while Ziva's back was turned. He set the dryer for five minutes and played a gentle game of tug o' war with Meira while waiting. When the appliance buzzed Tony gathered the cozy terrycloth into his arms and returned to the steam filled bathroom, standing there with a grin when Ziva opened the door and reached for her towel.

"Room service," he intoned and Ziva eyed him lazily.

"This is only an excuse to see me naked," she scolded, walking into his arms and letting him wrap the material around her body. Her damp arms came up to rest over his shoulders while her fingers played through the short hairs on his neck, enjoying the intimacy of the moment.

"Do I need an excuse?" his deep voice queried, strong arms holding her firmly.

Ziva tipped her head to the side and wet hair draped across his sleeve. "No," she answered softly. "I suppose not. But I do not want to...tease you with something you cannot yet have."

Tony stared seriously into her deep chocolate eyes. "I can handle it. I'd rather be able to see and touch you sometimes than not at all." His fingers brushed over her bare back. "Do you trust me Ziva?"

Her hand pressed over his heart. "I trust you here ahava." Slender fingers moved up to touch his temple. "And here among the scars I am trying." Ziva's gaze clouded. "But I think you are right that we must...talk about the camp first, before you can have me again."

His grip tightened at the mention of Somalia. "I'm here babe, I'm listening. You can tell me now."

Pain drenched her dark, easy to drown in eyes and her breathing sped up, the beat of her pulse visible under her jaw. "I can't, not yet. There is one session left with Dr. Maitland. Wait until after that, please Tony. I promise I'll tell you then."

Her begging nearly did him in and though he didn't see what difference a week would make when he'd spent three months wondering and she'd spent three months fighting, Tony gave in. "Okay honey, I'll wait."

Ziva's forehead fell to his collarbone. "I wish I did not have to keep asking more of you."

He lifted her chin and kissed her softly, briefly, in a way that left Ziva yearning for more. "I promised to be whatever you need. I'm keeping it now."

The smile she tried to give him failed and Ziva held the towel close as she went to get dressed. Tony followed her, waiting until a bra and underwear were in place before stepping in behind and running his fingers down her spine. Ziva didn't move, but she also didn't tense, a difference he was glad to see. He slid his arms around her waist, grateful for the curves now filling in where months ago there had only been skin and bones. Kissing her neck, he whispered an 'I love you' and let go. He was waiting in the bathroom with a brush and the blowdryer when she was clothed and Ziva couldn't remember a time that had felt more peaceful, even as everything inside her was coiled tight with stress. No matter how wonderful today was, Thursday would come eventually, and with it an opening of the floodgates she'd done her best to keep locked for three long months.

**NCIS**

**Monday January 4**

On Monday, after again watching her leave without him, Tony decided that any evening she spent at the gym, so would he. Ziva was limited to an hour at Ops, so Tony ran through his workout again, feeling a bit of the tension bleed off in each revolution of the stationary bike wheels. He made sure to get home before his wife, who'd fallen into the habit of texting him when she finished her routine, and Ziva was none the wiser about this turn of events.

When she walked in the door Tony shut the TV off, waiting until she'd properly greeted Meira before asking. "How'd it go today?" There was no need to ask what he was talking about. "You were quiet this afternoon. Hardly looked me in the eye once."

Ziva stayed where she was and hugged her arms around herself, keeping her gaze on the floor. "It is not...easy to share...or remember." Understatement of the year. She hated every second of the telling, no easier now than it had been with Aunt Nettie only a week after being home.

Knowing that his turn was coming, Tony let it go. "What do you need sweetheart?"

She bit her lip but the words came out like a sob anyways. Even an hour working with Duke had done little to combat the anguish of reliving sixteen weeks of soul numbing cruelty and horror. "A hug."

He made it to her in two strides and folded her into such a gentle embrace. "I'm sorry honey. I wish it didn't hurt so bad."

Her silent tears gathered damply on his shirt and Tony could still feel how fragile she really was. It wasn't very long before he was bending down to slip his arm behind her knees, cradling his wife against his chest. Ziva felt safer in a more curled up position and when it became too fatiguing just to hold her like that, he carried her to their bedroom and sat leaning against the headboard with Ziva cuddled in his lap. She fell asleep that way and Tony pressed his lips to her forehead, whispering an 'I love you' that got lost in her dark hair before easing her onto her side and wrapping himself around her, pulling the folded fuzzy blanket at the end of the bed up to cover them both. He was so ready for the torture to be over.

**NCIS**

**Thursday January 7**

Thursday came before Ziva was ready for it and the nerves she was fighting doubled when Honora asked to speak to Tony alone before seeing them together. Closing the door, Dr. Maitland stood soberly beside it and faced Tony. "I know what you're about to hear and I want to prepare you for the level of suffering she experienced. What people can do to one another..." she closed her eyes and blew out a breath. "It's enough to make me sick."

Tony shoved his hands in his pockets. "I know it was bad Doc. I've been in one of those rooms. I faced the same madman who did those things to her. And I've seen Somalia in her nightmares for months."

"The real story is so much worse," Honora assured him. "But as much pain, shame, and self-inflicted agony that Ziva is carrying around, I think her greatest fear is actually that sharing this story will change how you view her." Genuine empathy shone out of the counselor's eyes. "The last thing Ziva needs is one more person to see her as a victim."

"She's so much more than she thinks," Tony sighed. "Don't worry Doc, I got this."

Her skeptical expression did not agree. "I think you have no idea what you're wading into. But as long as she has your love, Ziva will get through this. And I believe the path to real healing lies just on the other side of this desert."

He almost glared. "Nothing will chance how I feel about her."

"Okay," Honora nodded. "I wish you luck."

She opened the door and brought Ziva in and Tony immediately took her hand. Dr. Maitland surveyed them both seriously. "I won't keep you long. I just want to encourage you Ziva to be as brave with Tony as you have been in trusting your story to me. And Tony, do your best to listen, to really hear your wife's heart under all the hurt. Take as much time as you need, work through the pain and memories together, and if there's anything you need my help with I'll see you on Monday."

That signaled the end of the extremely short session and once again the couple walked to the elevator, but perhaps this time there were equal parts dread and trepidation building in both their hearts. Neither Tony or Ziva could've claimed to be very productive for the rest of the day, so the fact that only paperwork required their attention was a good thing. Quitting time came far faster than they expected and both were at a loss as they packed up their things and headed for the elevator. Their change in behaviour hadn't escaped the notice of either of the bullpen's other occupants, but rather than slap their heads and bark at them to focus on work, Gibbs had a sense this was something his kids needed to work out on their own.

Barely half an hour after arriving home found Ziva sitting on the couch holding a cup of tea she had no intentions of drinking. Tony changed into comfortable clothes when he returned from taking Meira for a walk to give his wife a little space and joined her. Silence hung heavy between them for several minutes, the ticking of the clock the only thing to mark time's passing. Finally he swallowed, hoping he was ready to hear what she had to say. "Dr. Maitland said we should talk about the camp Zi."

She raised tired eyes to his, trying to mentally steel herself for everything that came next. "What do you want to know?"

_Everything._ But Tony couldn't ignore the question that had been at the forefront of his mind since the first night he helped her shower. He sighed. "How many times did they...?"

Ziva tensed. She had known they would come to this eventually, but it was the last thing she wanted to share. "A lot," came her clipped reply, though an explanation soon followed. "For the first month nothing but trying to get information and because I was still able to fight. But once I weakened there was a mixture of both and they came in groups to hold me still." She rubbed her forehead, unable to look at him. "Eventually the torture faded out and I became only a captive woman. Then the injuries I received came mostly from the force it took to subdue me. Sometimes they would beat me just for fun, but not too badly when I could serve another purpose."

Ziva glanced up briefly. "They had other things to do besides rape me. I spent hours alone remembering what had led to this, seeing all my sins paraded before my eyes, assuring me that this was the punishment I deserved for all the death and pain I had caused. It was both a blessing and a curse to be ignored." Tony winced at her blunt phrasing, but Ziva had never wanted to tell him in the first place and she wasn't going to sugarcoat her answers now. He reached for her hand but she shrank away and shook her head. "No Tony, no. You have to promise not to touch me. If you do I will fall apart and the desert will never be over." Ziva swallowed. "Just ask your questions. I want this finished."

Retreating safely to his own side, Tony blew out a breath. "When did they come to use you Ziva? At night or during the day?"

Her brow furrowed, but she answered anyways. "Night mostly, but sometimes in the daytime. I do not...remember everything." Or more accurately she didn't let herself remember all the times she was reduced to a prostitute's work. But worse than that, because she'd been a slave to them with no way of escaping and no hope that it would ever change.

His next words were soft. "Ever wonder if maybe that's why you have nightmares? Because when you lay down at night, even though the circumstances are completely different and you're safe here, your subconscious still remembers the terrible things that happened in the dark and conjures up the memories without giving you a choice?"

One shoulder shrugged. "Maybe." They would be bad tonight, of that she was certain.

Leaning into the couch cushions, Tony nodded. "Start at the beginning Ziva, after you were overpowered before reaching Saleem. Let's get this out."

So she did. For four hours Ziva shared her experience bit by bit. Sometimes the words just poured out of her, but other times she could barely manage to share halting, fragmented sentences from her captivity with her husband. Tony tried to listen, he really did, but he'd been right about knowing being worse than wondering. Knives, needles, cattle prods, hot iron searing her flesh. Electrocution, waterboarding, whips with broken glass embedded in the leather straps, endless beating with fists and boots and fingers tearing hair from her bleeding scalp.

Plastic bags that blocked every ounce of oxygen from her desperate lungs as she clawed and writhed in a fight for her life, only to watch them laugh when it was removed but knowing she would do it again because the human spirit had a fierce will to live and even Somalia hadn't fully quenched hers. Lit cigarettes pressed into sensitive skin, blades that carved lines wherever they pleased and watched crimson liquid drip on the floor. Broken bones, broken body, broken mind, and fingernails torn from their beds or pins shoved underneath. A gold necklace ripped away and tossed in the sand to be spit on and forgotten about, its gleam mocking prayers never heard or only answered no. Then there were heavy footsteps that echoed out of inky blackness, warning of the violation to come.

And always, always, the sound of moans and groans and screams that rattled around the stone walls of her prison and nearly drove her mad because they never completely faded away and she could still hear them hours after the interrogations ended. She told him everything, every detail her memory had retained, which thankfully was less as the end drew near and her starvation side effects grew more acute.

There were times he wanted to cover his ears to stop the flow of truth too terrible to hear, but he'd asked for it and he'd stick out the punishment alongside her. At times his stomach heaved and Tony didn't know if he could force the nausea to stay at bay as his vivid imagination projected scenes that were horrifyingly real before his eyes. Several times he buried his face in his hands, drove a balled up fist into the cushions, or sprang up to pace agitatedly across the room before sitting back down. He wanted to strangle Saleem and every other terrorist who laid a hand on his wife. A bullet had been too good for them, too quick compared to her suffering.

When her well of words finally ran dry and tears lay wet on both their cheeks, Ziva sagged against a pillow, tucking her body int the corner of the couch. Praying the ban was lifted now that it was over, Tony edged closer and touched her arm tentatively. She jerked away violently, as if she'd forgotten he was there, and the shattered fragments of his heart broke a little more. "It's okay Zi, it's me. Please honey."

She blinked and the last grains of desert sand were swept away in a gust of the compassion she found in his eyes. A single tiny nod gave her permission and Tony eased her into his arms, holding on so tightly he feared he might hurt her, but Ziva seemed a breath away from disappearing right in front of his eyes. He couldn't have her close enough, there was no way to melt their bodies together so he could feel a part of her instead of too far away with no space between them.

He finally nudged her to lay down, keeping her tucked between his body and the back of the couch, wrapped around her as much as possible. Oh gosh, he would give anything to be able to make love to her right now, to confirm the best way he knew that she was alive and breathing and with him, so maybe he could forget the utter desolation that plagued his fears of losing her forever. Nestling his head into her neck, Tony sighed below her ear. "I just need to hold you right now."

Though she could only move with difficulty, Ziva slid her hand up to lay on his neck while the other stayed rooted over his heart. "I know," she whispered. "It is still too easy to imagine the loss."

Time and emotional weariness slackened his grip and finally Tony conceded to give her a bit of breathing room. It seemed a challenge for Ziva to meet his eyes, so he called her name softly, waiting for her courage to resurface, and gently held her hands, brushing a lingering kiss over the soft skin on the inside of her wrists. "You told me that this day would change how I saw you, and that when you looked into my eyes you would no longer see the woman you used to be." Tears glistened in her eyes again and he hurried to get to the end before she cried. "But you're wrong honey."

Her brow furrowed in confusion. "I love you Zi. I have for so long I don't remember how not to, and I won't ever stop. I don't see a victim in the story you told. I see a woman whose strength is inside, a survivor who beat every odd, a miracle because your heart is still beating and you're still breathing, which is more than I ever thought I'd get." He placed his palm on her chest to feel the steady rhythm. "Your heart is amazing and beautiful and I'm so thankful for your unconquered spirt and will to live. Because you are my heart, Ziva DiNozzo, and there is nothing more important in my life than you."

Tears coursed down her cheeks despite his hopes and Tony felt redeemed and worthy when her lips touched his. Then it was a frenzy of mouths meeting, hands grabbing, bodies seeking to eliminate all space between them. Almost feverishly Ziva took possession of his lips, crying and kissing, her fingers fluttering everywhere as she tried to claim all of him. Tony was content to follow her lead, but gradually slowed the pace, knowing tonight would not be the right one to push past all the boundaries previously set.

In the end the sharing of breaths and mingling of touches and caresses dwindled to an occasional single kiss placed reverently on the other's lips. His ability to speak slowly returned and finally he sighed. "Are you okay?"

She dragged a tattered sleeve across her face. "I am so tired."

Tony pushed a handful of curls back. "I know. That much talking and sharing is draining. Want to go to bed?"

Ziva shook her head. "No. Because I know the nightmares will come tonight. But I cannot stay awake."

His eyes ran over her face. "Are you glad you told me?"

She swallowed. "I am relieved it is no longer hanging over our heads. But no, I'm not." He looked stung and she averted her gaze. "I didn't want to tell you for a reason Tony. Nothing could ever make me glad to share so much pain with you, to add to your own burden. I wanted it all to stay hidden in the shadows, away from the light that might expose what was done." Ziva's eyes changed, almost flashing with the gravity of her next words. "I will not speak of it again. You may not ask anything else. You know everything now and it is done. It is done."

Tony wished he hadn't asked, but tried to be sensitive to her emotional state and what dredging up all of that twice over had done to her. "I'll help you carry the burden now, whether you want me to or not. And maybe someday we won't feel it anymore."

Ziva pushed him back so she could get out. They brushed their teeth side by side but miles away, got into pjs, and slid under the covers. "What's okay tonight babe?"

Laying on her side away from him, Ziva stared vacantly towards the corner. "I need to be alone for awhile."

Disappointed, Tony flopped back on his pillow. "Yeah. Okay. Sure. Goodnight." When he'd been waiting for the day the summer was finally out in the open and losing its power, this was not the end he'd expected. Why for them did progress always seem to require so many steps back? After all this time and everything they'd fought through, it just wasn't fair.

_Replies:_

_Christie - I'll do my best. I've kept an eye on the ratings and they are slowly coming down. Not sure if that trend will continue and I hate the thought of hurting the rest of the cast because they didn't do anything wrong, but I also want CBS to see what they've let happen. You guys are a huge encouragement and it lifts my spirits to even have these short conversations with you. I'm really glad you enjoy my stories, that means a lot. Knowing you're there is important too and I will try to keep that in mind. Your comments really meant a lot to me, thank you for that. My goal is to be here for as long as it takes to finish this series, I appreciate the patience. There is so much more to come! :) ~Aliyah_

_Sunnyside2 - it has been tough, but at least we're all in this together. I'm doing my best. The ideas are there, the time is just not at the moment. I'm glad there are other authors as well who are keeping the Tiva light shining for all the fans. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, more progress to come, I hope. We're almost to the point where things settle down to an even keel for awhile and normalcy might even be within reach. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Guest - Hi. I'm doing my best. I do love writing this story and sharing it with all of you has been an amazing experience. I'm glad you're enjoying it, that means a lot. Thank you for the sweet comments, they always make me smile. And for reviewing, I appreciate it :) ~Aliyah_

_Fan of yours (SMH94) - I'm not sure if you're reading this story or not, but I wanted to try and reply here in case you were. I do still read all of my reviews for any story they come in for and it's such a pleasure to get one from a completed story. I like to know people are still reading. Wow, you've read it before? That's great. Always a huge compliment to me when someone re-reads. I'm glad you could still come here to get your dose of Tiva. You're very welcome. I hope it helped. Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a lovely comment :) ~Aliyah_

_Guest (Goodbye My Love) - Aww...well I'm sorry it made you cry but I'm glad it made you feel something, that's always my goal. When I originally came up with this idea I'd thought to do it with T&Z, but I just couldn't bear to put them through that kind of goodbye, or see their romance come to an end, so I had to use Jibbs. Thank you for leaving a review, I really appreciate it :) ~Aliyah_

_syl (SMH1) - thank you :) I'm glad you think so, that's a lovely compliment. lol...I know what you mean. I'm always terrible waiting for new chapters on the stories I'm reading, and RofS was a long series - 1 year and a half from start to finish. I'm lucky so many people stuck with me while it was a work in progress. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Sarah - you're welcome. That's good to know, thank. I only watched the parts of 11x02 that had to do with T&Z, the rest didn't mean anything to me. I was sad and disappointed by how it ended. I felt like there was a missing scene between the orchard and the airport, because how could he be fighting for her one day and leaving her the next? Didn't make sense. I wish he hadn't gotten on the plane, I wish there'd been more hope for Z coming back someday. The whole thing just makes me sad. I wrote a story to try to deal with it but that didn't really make me feel any better. I liked the kiss but it was in the dark and hard to see and...too little too late, you know? Just one big mess *sigh* I'm glad you liked teh chapter. Z's been waiting a long time for that clearance and hopefully it will help. Yes, Duke is the same one from RofS. I like to bring characters with me when they'll fit into another story. I figured both the 'new' girls should get a chance to bond. They definitely have different perspectives - CJ is so much more cautious because of Ryan and being burned before, Emma knows what she wants and she's not afraid of it happening. I figured both Brent and Adrian deserved a little something special. More about all of them as we continue on this journey. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_


	19. 7x6 Outlaws and Inlaws Part 3

**End of Thursday January 7/Beginning of Friday January 8**

Tony didn't go to sleep that night. He lay there in the dark with Somalia flashing in fractured memories on the ceiling and wondered if it would ever go away. Even half an hour later when Ziva rolled over into his arms, mumbling 'I'm sorry' and grabbing a handful of his t-shirt as she squeezed her eyes shut, he couldn't settle. He was awake at 2300 when the predicted nightmares struck with a vengeance, and again about 0330, jolting his wife from sleep into a fear so deep and powerful that she shook for thirty minutes despite all his attempts to calm her.

Finally 0400 rolled around, early morning as black and bleak as the late evening they'd gone to bed in, and Ziva pushed herself up to sit on the edge of the bed, trembling fingers weaving into her tangled curls. "It is no use. I need to do something."

Tony moved closer and rubbed her back slowly. "Like what?" His own exhaustion didn't matter because even though he'd been drowned in her story of suffering, he wasn't the one who had to live through it.

A puff of air pushed past her lips. "I don't know. Something I do not have to think about."

Meira, who'd been distressed by the nights' events, whined and rested her muzzle on Ziva's knee. A few tears trickled down her cheek and the dog lifted her head to catch them with a warm pink tongue, wriggling closer. "Bat tov," she whispered, sniffing. "Gam ani ohevet otach." _Good girl/I love you too._

Tony stretched out across the bed and ran his hand over the animal's side. "Yeah, you're a good girl Meira. We're glad you're here." He looked up at Ziva. "Wanna watch a movie? Something silly and mindless that doesn't require much concentration?"

She stood up and found a hair tie on the dresser to tame her tousled mane. "No. I think..." Ziva turned around. "Swimming is gentle exercise, yes? Maybe I will do that." Her scattered thoughts were drawn to her scarred olive skin and she hesitated, then dug through the bottom drawer for a pair of board shorts and a tight green t-shirt to wear over her swimsuit.

Forcing himself not to let burning eyes close for even a moment, Tony also got out from under the warm covers and threw on thick sweatpants and an old t-shirt and hoody. Ziva's outfit was much the same, though a turtleneck went under her NCIS sweats. Before they left the room Tony stopped and pulled his wife into a careful hug. No words were exchanged and he let go much sooner than he wanted to, feeling the agitation still coursing through her body.

Taking the keys, he drove them to a nearby hotel with twenty-four hour pool access and a pay as you go policy. Once inside, Ziva stripped off her extra layers and almost leapt off the deck, eagerly anticipating the warm, soothing embrace of heated water that rushed in to cover and envelop her, cradling her in the safe, soundless depths. Ziva stayed under, hovering somewhere between the concrete bottom below and the open air above, wrapped in a safe cocoon of thick silence. She could hold her breath for over three minutes, a tactic forcibly learned in the demanding clutches of Mossad, but Tony got nervous after one and she hadn't actually practiced in months. Waterboarding had broken her desire to view the ability as a strength when oxygen was craved by every cell in her body and yet denied.

Sitting in a chair Tony leaned forward, anxiously watching the flat, calm surface until his wife slowly floated up to take a breath. She offered him the tiniest hint of a smile and began her usual laps, moving her arms and legs and turning her head in a well rehearsed rhythm, performing a somersault each time a wall got in her way and pushing off with her legs to continue the path. He played several losing games of Tetris, flitting his attention between Ziva's moving form and the small screen.

Thirty laps was her normal cap, but only being back at the gym for two weeks after months of forced immobility and every moment of slow healing her body had required took a toll on her endurance. After ten she was pulling herself out of the pool on shaking arms, refusing the concession of using the ladder. Tony took her towel over and swung it around her shoulders, running his hands up and down her arms and back. "Good enough for now?"

She shivered. "I am disappointed. That was pathetic."

He kissed her forehead. "Gotta start somewhere. Ready to go?"

Ziva shook her head. "I need to shower first and warm up."

Tony glanced around the area, expectedly quiet for four-thirty am. "Mind if I join you?" he asked in a low voice.

This time the smile tugged the corners of her lips up and a light sparked through her eyes. "I do not suppose there will be anyone in there who might see."

They checked for witnesses one more time and hurried through the door marked with a dress wearing stick figure. Locking themselves in the cramped cubicle, clothes were shed completely and they stepped under the hot spray, naked and unashamed. Immediately Ziva's mouth sought his as she pressed her body along the length of his. Tony's arms encircled her firmly, their lips meeting and melding feverishly as all the previous night's emotions rushed out in a closeness they both desired. Touching like that it was impossible not to react with want and need of her, but after yesterday's conversation he was even more hesitant to pursue a physical connection between them. Ziva, ever attuned to him, batted the fear waging war inside her mind and body and focused instead on his strength and love surrounding her, knowing his first thought was always to protect and not to cause harm.

Appreciating her efforts more than words could say, Tony tore his mouth from hers only to let his lips drift down her neck, his tongue flicking over the dip in her throat. Ziva's head fell back as she gave him open access to kiss and lick and suckle the skin. Their exploration became mutual and slow, tenderness cloaking each caress, eyes sharing a depth of love, things that did not need to be said out loud, and gauging her reactions so it never got to be too much. That time together left both feeling satisfied rather than deprived and Tony was so grateful for the gift of holding his wife as she left a trail of soft kisses along his shoulder and collarbone.

The water was growing cool by the time Tony and Ziva actually got around to showering, and they bundled up again before tackling the cold and snow to get to their car. Ziva wasn't up to a real breakfast when they got home, so she slowly chewed her way through half of an oat and honey bagel with homemade strawberry-pineapple jam from Cassie while Tony forced himself to eat a peanut butter sandwich - for the protein if nothing else.

They found themselves at work by six am, even beating the bossman to their desks. It was as good a time as any to tackle case reports and catch up on paperwork littering the surface of each workspace. Gibbs showed up at six forty-five am after delivering a Caf-Pow to Abby's lab with a fuzzy little penguin clipped to the straw and declining Ducky's offer for a morning cup of tea. Ziva he wouldn't've been too surprised to see in early, but if Tony was going to do extra work it would be during the midnight hours and not before sunrise at his least favourite time of day. The partners barely glanced at him as he strode past and Gibbs decided their actions didn't yet warrant an interrogation but resolved to keep a close eye on both.

Tony, going on twenty-four hours of not sleeping, had a considerably more difficult time concentrating than Ziva, though the four hours of broken sleep she'd gotten were also catching up to her. Shortly after a lunch which had Ziva merely picking listlessly at a garden salad and Tony eating nothing at all, not even the chocolate bar McGee had 'retrieved' from the breakroom vending machine, entirely unsettled by five hours of almost complete silence and not one single McName, Ziva was called down to the lab because Abby needed an extra pair of hands (for what Gibbs didn't dare ask).

Once her drooping ponytail disappeared through the silver doors of the elevator, Tony shoved his chair back and shuffled over to the team leader's desk. He tried to speak, but it had been too long since he'd used his voice and he had to swallow and clear his throat before it would work. "Need to take some personal time this afternoon Boss."

Gibbs stared his agent down, the piercing gaze eventually forcing Tony to make eye contact, and the agony swimming in normally teasing green eyes gave him a pause. Gibbs wasn't sure he'd ever seen Tony look so haunted, so there could only be one explanation. He heaved a sigh. "She talked, didn't she?"

Tony's gaze sharpened. "Yeah," he replied stiffly, "she talked."

Gibbs knew it would happen sooner or later, but he'd misjudged the burden his senior field agent would carry for his dark-haired teammate. He shook his head. "Falling in love with your partner is a dangerous thing DiNozzo."

Tony jammed his hands into his pockets. "You coulda told me that when she joined the team."

One eyebrow rose. "Would it've done any good?"

"Probably not," he conceded after a long moment. Then he huffed. "Can I have the time?"

Gibbs nodded once. "Okay Tony."

Tony knew it was bad when Gibbs used his first name. "Thanks," he muttered, grabbing his things. A brief note scribbled on a scrap of paper was stashed in the top drawer of Ziva's desk, and he turned back. "Don't let her think it's her fault." He tore his eyes from the picture tacked up on her bulletin board, all of them at a bar long before Michael and Somalia came between them. "Tell her I'll see her back at my place tonight."

Without waiting for an answer Tony left and Gibbs just sat there, knowing a reaction was coming when his partner found him gone. True to his expectations, when Ziva returned from the basement twenty minutes later the first thing she did was look for Tony, alarm entering her expression when she saw his coat and backpack missing. Wide eyes searched Gibbs' for an explanation and with a jerk of his head he sent McGee to be somewhere else even though he'd just come back from the head. "He's gone Ziver. Personal time."

Her mouth opened and closed and he could've sworn tears shimmered in her coffee brown irises. Closing her eyes, Ziva dropped into her chair and put a hand to her forehead, the ache she'd been striving to ignore suddenly a marauding monster throbbing in her head. Reaching into her top drawer for the bottle of aspirin Tony insisted she keep on hand, Ziva's fingers first encountered a small piece of paper. Blinking to clear her vision, she finally made out the words. _I'm not running away, just need to clear my head. I love you so much - T_. If Gibbs had dared to snoop they would've been found out, but Tony had known he would not. She read the note twice and resorted to deep breaths to keep her composure.

Then Gibbs' voice broke through, gentle in a way she hadn't heard since returning home. "C'mere kid." Ziva rose on shaky legs and made her way behind his desk to sit facing him, the only person who never got barked at for using the space as a chair. His hand dropped heavily on her knee. "Why now Ziver?"

Her lips trembled. "Because...because he has been looking at me for months as if I will break. He does not want me out of his sight. And he is so hurt when I won't share, as if talking should make it better." She wiped away a tear before it could fall. "He is my best friend, and I did not want to hurt him. So I told him everything and now he is gone and I am so afraid he will not come back." Sleeve covered hands came up to cover her face as Ziva shook with the effort of keeping the intense emotions inside. "I think I may be in too deep," she whispered. "We have only ever hurt each other Gibbs, one day it will not be worth his while to stay."

Truth and deception mingled so closely she almost couldn't tell the difference, and Gibbs sighed. "Maybe it's time you two had some distance from each other." Startled eyes came up and he elaborated. "Sharing the same space for so long can row you into complicated waters. I can help you look for an apartment tomorrow."

Ziva swallowed and shook her head. "No thank you. I...already saw something in Alexandria."

He trusted her judgement. "Need help moving, call."

Her hand was placed on his. "Toda Abba. But I will be fine."

The closest Gibbs got to a smile came to the surface. "You always are. Take something for the headache." Ziva started to insist that she did not need anything but he cut her off. "Take something or I send you home."

While home was exactly where she wanted to be, home in bed with her husband and holding onto him for dear life, she knew he expected her to fight it. Rolling her eyes, Ziva made an exaggerated show of swallowing the pills and got back to work, all the while clutching Tony's note in her hand, a silent prayer filtering through her mind. _Please let him come back to me._

**NCIS**

Once out of the building and in his car, Tony pulled out his cell and pressed speed dial number six. Cassie picked up a moment later and he struggled to sound neutral. "Hey Cass, it's Tony. Mark working late tonight?"

"I think he was finished by two this afternoon. He likes to be out early on Fridays." Their date nights were highly anticipated.

Tony latched onto the answer. "Mind if I borrow him for awhile?"

Her voice softened. "What's wrong Dante?"

He forced a chuckled. "You always gonna call me that now Smurfette?"

"Don't try to lie to me Anthony DiNozzo. I've known you too long."

"Just need my armchair shrink for a session, that's all. Don't worry so much Cass."

"It's only because I care," she reminded him. "Call Mark Tony. And I'll be praying."

"Thanks," he managed. "Wish I believed in them as much as you do."

"It's not the prayers I believe in as much as the One to whom I'm praying, but that's a conversation for another time."

"I love you Cass," Tony choked out, so very close to losing it.

"I love you too. You're stuck with us forever. Now go."

"Yes ma'am." Another speed dial button connected him to his best guy friend and Tony put his head on the steering wheel. "Hey Mark."

"Tony, what are you doing calling me in the middle of a workday? I thought your boss didn't observe weekends."

"He doesn't," Tony affirmed. "I took the afternoon as personal time."

Mark stopped mid-stride. That almost never happened. "Uh oh, what's wrong?"

"Would you believe me if I said nothing?"

"Not a chance," Mark retorted. "You suck at lying D, always have." Silence only confirmed his suspicions. "Gonna tell me?"

"You got time for coffee Papa Smurf? I need to check in."

They hadn't kept up with their regularly scheduled counseling sessions in weeks, not since Tony and Ziva had been doing better, except for the usual conversations that came up at basketball and group events. "Name the place."

"Gotta be somewhere I won't look like a fool if I start blubbering all over the place."

Oh, this was bad. Mark tried to think but nothing public came to mind except his church, and Tony preferred to see the inside of those kind of buildings only on Christmas Eve. However, this was extenuating circumstances. "There's a few private rooms at the church left open for counseling and prayer."

Tony was pretty desperate and didn't care. "Anywhere."

"Bring your own coffee. Fifteen minutes." Mark hung up and texted his friend the address in case he forgot. The last time he'd come was probably for McKenna's dedication.

Mark got there first and let his pastor know what was going on, then waited outside for Tony. A familiar blue car pulled up behind his not too many minutes later and he led the way inside. Down one hall, up another to a quiet corner room where he let Tony in and closed the door. They both sat at the table and Mark swirled his apple cider around. It was all Brent's fault for getting him hooked on it. "So?"

Tony looked like death run over, as Ziva would say. Now coming up on thirty-two hours without sleep, he appeared haggard and worn, the weight of more than a few cares hunching his shoulders and bleeding the colour from his eyes so they appeared almost grey. "Ziva told me," he reported in monotone, "everything they did to her in that camp. And I thought it would make things better, you know? No more secrets? But it didn't. I think she resents the pressure to share what she wanted so badly to keep hidden and now I understand. I can't-I can't get it out of my head Mark. Every time they hurt her, every time they used her, every time she screamed and no one cared, every time she bled and there was no one to wipe it away." Tears gathered in his gaze. "Every time she cried and I wasn't there to hold her. Gosh," Tony surged to his feet, raking fingers through his hair so it stood up in all directions, "I think I'm losing my mind. And all I can see is her dying a hundred different ways before we got there. I'm not even sure what's real anymore."

Mark let the agitated man pace, knowing he needed to get it out. "When's the last time you slept?"

Tony whirled on him. "I can't sleep, don't you get it?! If I close my eyes for even a second all those scenes will come alive and I...can't lose her again." He fell to his knees, hands covering his face and muffling the words. "I was willing to die the first time just not to feel the pain of being without her. I wouldn't survive it again."

Mark touched Tony's shoulder, his heart heavy from the revelation. Thoughts of suicide had not been mentioned in their earlier talks. "Ziva's safe Tony, she's okay. She's not in the desert, she's not in danger, she's home and she's safe." He sighed. "This is a road I wish you didn't have to walk D, but you've made it this far and now there's nothing hidden, no more surprises. It's all out in the open and now you get to face it together. And we're here for you, every step of the way if that's what you need, okay?"

Tony's back heaved then and all the sobs that had been building since last night came tearing from his throat. The cries were heartwrenching and tears pricked Mark's eyes as he listened to Tony grieve for everything he and his wife had lost. He knelt by his friend and put his arm around him, doing his best to share the pain. While Tony's sorrow poured out in groans and tears, Mark closed his eyes and prayed.

A couple hours had passed by the time they left the church and Tony was so tired and empty he could barely stand. But Mark still took him to the gym and together they rode bikes, worked weights, and stretched until a glint of sanity returned to his friend's eyes. Then Mark drove Tony home and made him lie down in bed. For the first time in thirty-six hours the weary man closed his eyes and let the oblivion of sleep overtake him. It was only six pm, but tomorrow was Saturday and Mark expected him not to move for at least the next twelve hours. Just to be sure though, he was going to sit for awhile and wait.

**NCIS**

Ziva stalked into Ops after work, waves of tension rippling off her so forcefully Duke almost took a step back. The way her eyes flashed dared him to ask a question so he only led her back to their studio and coached her through some weight and resistence training before moving onto a little careful sparring. Tonight Ziva seemed to have no concept of her limitations and attacked with a fierceness he hadn't seen since she'd been back. Duke countered her moves easily, doing his best to avoid injuring her in the defense. When she got back to her feet after one of his quick reflexes sent her sprawling to the mats and almost growled as she fell back into position, Duke straightened and frowned.

"What's up with you tonight David?" Ziva lashed out, hoping to catch him off guard. He dodged the blow and backed up to sit on the windowsill. "I'm not playing anymore until you talk."

She put her back to him, bristling at the ultimatum, then slowly turned. "Let me work while I talk, please."

Since that word was rarely used, Duke took it seriously and joined her. They circled around each other, looking for weaknesses and the right time to strike. Ziva jabbed her fist towards him, grunting when she missed. "I told my husband."

Duke tried to take out one of her knees but she reacted quick enough he only clipped the side. "Told him what?"

She closed her eyes and drew in a breath, swatting his hand away. "About the camp. Everything you read in those files and much, much more. Awful things Duke," Ziva whispered, "things no man should ever know were done to his wife."

That gave him a pause and she took advantage, hooking her foot behind his ankle and making him stumble, not strong enough yet to take him down that way. "He'll deal," Duke said eventually. "You trusted him with the details, I'm sure that means a lot."

Her eyes grew bright with tears and she gave up the pretense of fighting. "But he is not! He did not sleep last night. He left work early because of me." Ziva swallowed. "I am so tired of hurting him."

Duke picked up a light weighted ball and tossed it to her. "I don't do pity parties David. Get over yourself. You hurt, he hurts, whether he knows everything about why or not. Stop drowning in despair and be strength for each other, a reason to hold on." He crossed his arms. "You want your life back, you have to take responsibility for it, including letting go of the past to make room for the future. Cowboy up Soldier, we have work to do."

Determination glittered in her gaze at his harsh but needed words and Ziva threw the ball back and got ready. It was time for Somalia to be over.

**NCIS**

She walked in the door an hour and a half after Tony fell asleep and stared at Mark, glancing briefly towards the closed bedroom door. "I wondered if he would call you." She set her things on the chair. "How is he?"

Mark crossed his arms. "I feel like I should be asking you the same question. Sounds like Pandora's box got opened yesterday."

Ziva slapped her hand down on the table. "I told him not to ask! I told him he did not want to know! I told him I did not want to talk about it! Now he is broken and it is my fault. He never listens!"

"He can't protect you from what he doesn't know. Those nightmares you suffer through have been tearing him apart because faceless demons are something he can't fight."

"He cannot protect me anyways!" she spit out, frustrated.

"But at least let him try Ziva," Mark countered. "That's his job as your husband."

Her posture wilted. "I did not want him to see inside them Mark. The things I had to tell him...a husband should not feel that helpless. And there is nowhere for his anger to go because they are already dead and it is over."

"It'll be over for him when it's over for you," came another nugget of wisdom from her husband's best friend.

Ziva dropped into one of the kitchen chairs, her head in her hands. "This is not what he signed up for," she muttered.

Mark knelt beside her. "Life rarely is. But that's why you're in it together, why you promised forever. No one should have to do this alone."

She touched his arm. "Cassie is lucky to have you."

He stood. "You and Tony are blessed to have each other, and I know together you can make it. Go to him Ziva."

"What should I say?"

"Nothing," Mark advised. "Just be there with him, alive. That's all he needs." He chuckled. "Besides, I've never known the two of you to need words for the important stuff."

She gave him a watery smile, kissed his cheek, and saw him out. Locking the door, Ziva let Meira in from the yard, kissed her cold nose, fed her, then slowly went to face her husband. Tony was flaked out across the bed, his face barely on one corner of her pillow, with one arm stretched out under it and the other on top of the covers. Moving quietly, she sat beside him in the little space left and began drawing her fingers slowly through his hair. With each pass over the soft strands she thought about their three yeas of marriage and began her own silent 'I love you' list.

Night had long since fallen before Tony stirred and by then Ziva was nearly drifting off herself. He moaned at the gentle caress of her fingers on his scalp and reached for her hand, pulling it down to kiss her palm. He tilted his head up but saw only the material of her jeans and rolled stiffly onto his back. "Hi."

There was no room for a smile in her serious expression. "Shalom."

He closed his eyes. It was unfair to make him think in Hebrew on less than five hours of sleep. "At beseder?" he mumbled, his tongue thick and sluggish in his mouth.

She shook her head from side to side. "No," Ziva answered, tears already falling, "no." She leaned over and placed her forehead on his, their tears blending in salty splashes on his face. "Ani mitzta'eret ahava, I did not want to hurt you. That is why I never told."

Tony brought his arms up to wrap around her. It was an odd position, their bodies forming a 'T' shape as Ziva sat bent at the waist, her hands finding a home on his face and neck, and Tony laying straight out from her and trying to hug her upside down. But they didn't have to be comfortable or do this normally for it to be intimate and beautiful. They couldn't stay like that for long though, so Ziva finally moved to recline beside him, looking intently into his eyes. Tony's arm curled around her back to cradle her close and as tired as he was, couldn't bring himself to break the contact.

When his gaze slid with longing to her lips, Ziva closed the space between them and kissed her husband tenderly. She barely lingered long enough for him to respond before drawing back, a small smile lighting her eyes and fingers playing with the collar of his shirt. "I love you," she whispered, tucking her head into his neck. "I love you."

Tony hugged her, pressing his lips to her head. "Me too honey. Always." And with that thought the last on their minds, husband and wife slipped into sleep, the elusive peace they'd so desperately needed finally stealing over their hearts.

_Replies:_

_jr - thank you :) I'm trying my best not to think about the show. It's separate from what I've created here and it has to stay that way to keep going. I'm still writing, don't worry. It's taking longer, but it's slowly happening. Happy moments...here and there but not a whole string of them until Ch 22 or so. This is a season of healing, not really for happiness, but we are working towards the end and they are on their way to normal. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Sunnyside2 - does it feel like a burden lifted? It's a relief for me (and Z) to have the telling over with, but there are still consequences to having all that out in the open. And Tony's own prediction came true - imagining a thousand terrible things and being told they're true are two very different things. I guarantee you it's never once crossed Z's mind of what she'd want if their situations were reversed, that's an interesting thought. lol...I'm looking forward to some breathing room next week, I hope, but in the meantime I'm grabbing a few minutes here and there to write. I really am excited for this story, it just takes a lot of work. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Kmf - thank you. Yeah, you and me both. It's hard to write this and not get caught up in all the heavy emotions. I agree this is a turning point, one of the last big hurdles on their road to healing. I think the closure was important too, but Z's not feeling that way yet. Aw, thanks. I'm really glad to hear you're enjoying it. Your favourite? Wow, I'm honoured. Thanks :) You're very welcome. Thanks for taking the time to review! :) ~Aliyah_

_Christie - thanks :) Yeah, it wasn't easy to write. I hate imagining all that stuff that happened to Z. Thanks for your patience, it is much appreciated. It's hard to post only once a week because I love this story and I'm having a lot of fun telling it, but I'd hate to make you guys wait any longer. I'm the turtle in this race, slow and steady :) I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this story. Season 7 is the season of healing. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to a little less seriousness with Part 5 and Season 8. Right now we're down to 4 months story time and 10 episodes before Part 4 is wrapped up. However, that's still a lot of weeks. Thanks so much for the review, always so nice to get :) ~Aliyah_

_syl (WIACCD) - thank you, that's very sweet of you to say. I'm really glad to hear something like that, when the story feels real to you, that is always my goal. I will do my best to continue sharing the inspiration from my heart. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_D - that's so nice to hear, thank you. I do my best. Doesn't always work out but I aim for once a week. These stories pretty much take over my life when I'm writing and researching and building them, I really enjoy doing this. I'm pretty excited about the next couple seasons but we have to get through this one first. Thanks for the review, I'm glad you're enjoying it :) ~Aliyah_


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